Nothing to hide, Nothing to lose, Nothing to fear

Human nature

2009-03-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

It's almost two months since my last post. Well, here's a short update on what's going on.

I've started a new career path in end of February and I have moved. I am no longer staying on an island. So far, everything seems ok but I know I have lots of things to learn at work and will be very busy real soon.

Apart from that, there's nothing much to talk about. Life seems to be pretty normal or you can say, boring.

...oh maybe just something to share...some thinking for you to do...

When one gets comfortable and feels stable with something (can be anything, your job, your house, your dog, your partner, etc.), is it normal to take things for granted? Then, you pay less attention to that something and life seems very plain (or dull!) and the importance level becomes lower and lower....sigh....human nature?

Mooo-ing into a new chapter

2009-01-27T01:26:00.003+08:00

See?? I told you time flies and it's been a month plus since I last blogged. Heh!

Oh anyway, my apologies for having MIA for so long. You know...I've been busy. But then again, I hope it's not too late to wish you a belated Merry X'mas 2008, Happy 2009 and a Happy and Prosperous Moo Year.

Another thing that I forgot to mention, I got a call the other day and I went for an interview. Just a few days before CNY, I got a call from them again. Hehehehe...I'm hired! :P

So, I hereby declare that 2009 IS going to be the starting point for my career path to change and I mean it. It's heading towards where I want it to be and it's happening already....If you don't get anything I say here, oh for goodness' sake, please go read up a book. I don't know what sort of power the book has but it does bring lots of strength ever since I finished reading the book (and applying/practising its concepts). It is The Secret to a life of abundance. Do yourself a favour and go read it up. :)

What has happened and What is going on...

2008-12-12T23:56:00.001+08:00

It's almost two months. I thought I won't be blogging anytime soon (which means that I have nothing bothering me...), but then again...lots of things are clogging my brain until I could hardly breathe, at times. Here's a short update on what has happened and what is going on.

What has happened

November - I took a week's break and went on holiday with my family. We went to HK, Macau and certain areas of Guangdong Province in China. Everything was great, especially the part when I totally forgot what day and date it was while touring around those places.

I attended two job interviews, so far. Hopefully, there's more coming. I know economy is bad but please see below for further understanding.

What is going on

Current job - it sucks. I know I am complaining again. Initially, I thought there's something wrong with me since I keep complaining about my job. I thought it could be some kinda attitude problem or phobia with the work place....but I was wrong. Everyone is complaining about it. Everything you can think of about the company is wrong. See below for the list of wrong things!

No SOP - if A is reviewing the report, follow A's style. If B is reviewing the report, follow B's style. If Bodoh is reviewing your report, follow Bodoh's style. And each report has to go through 3 rounds of reviews by 3 different reviewers, which mean that I MUST change my report for at least 3 times before a report is sent to the client. Stupid right? NO standardization at all. Next time who to follow?? I will follow my own style. -.-

No OT claims BUT they want you to do everything in a short period of time (Pao Sua Pao Hai Pao Ka Liao). Sometimes, we even need to bring work back to do, but they say... "you have no initiative. You must work harder".... HOW? Do until die?

No quarterly bonus. I understand that the current economy situation is bad...but the bonus that I'm talking about is on a quarterly basis. When they hired me and my other colleagues, they have promised us on the quarterly bonus - but there's none at all. Even for the past quarter when we actually HAD lots of business and they had promised us that there WILL BE bonus but in the end, the management just gave us a stupid excuse. "We actually don't know whether there will be bonus or not" Top management but can't give a certain answer? Mana bonus?

Punctuality. If I'm late for an hour or so, I can understand if the management were to ask for explanation. But, they will always ask at the wrong time. "I noticed that you were late for 2 minutes on 5th, please explain" TWO minutes....

Communication. To be honest, each time when I enter the office, it feels like entering a cemetery while the other zombies and robots who are glued to the screen are tombstones. They hardly move. They don't talk. We are not allowed to talk. We can only communicate via Skype. And when I really talk to my colleague, I must whisper. If the management see me walking to my colleague's place, it means that I have no tasks to do and I am very free. That has resulted in yours truly becoming very talkative once I leave office. I talk non-stop when the bf calls. I can't stop talking the moment I enter my house. I never stop talking each time I go out for lunch.

Leave system. The definition of leave is one is away from office to tend to his or her personal matters. And that obviously shows that the person is unable to complete her task on that day itself. Unfortunately, the company (or maybe just the manager) has problem in understanding the term "leave". When I was on leave for a week in November, that fcuker had allocated a case (means I will need to do a report for that case) to me. Each case normally has a turn around time of 2 weeks but the due date of the case was a day after I come back from my vacation. Isn't that stupid? How can I complete the whole big report (research, analysis and compilation) in just two days' time when I actually need at least 2 weeks to do? Now that shows you one thing. There is no relevance in applying leave. Afterall, I will still be getting work. Why still need to apply leave?

Discrimination. The company prefers people of darker skin, particularly those with something sticking out from the groin area. They don't like and will discriminate people with "holes" and also those of fairer skin. If you're a lady and you have fair skin, sorry but the management (particularly the VP) won't listen or talk to you. Move aside.

Career progression. No chance at all coz after this level, you can never go anywhere. You are stuck at where you are forever, so long as you are still attached to the company.

Turnover rate. Very high. That tells you why I am actively searching for a job elsewhere even though deep down in my heart, I knew that it's going to be difficult due to the economy crisis.

There are more things to talk about the company....but right at this moment, I could really feel my blood pressure rising. I'll keep you posted on other things about this company coz innocent fresh graduates should NOT be fooled by such company. I entered the company with job experience...but it feels like everything (my job experience, educational background, other skills, etc) is put to waste!

Job applications - My previous and current job have really given me a wake-up call to my future. I thought it over and over again and I am still thinking. Which is the right one? Choose the type of jobs in the industry you're interested in OR any type of jobs that can feed you at the end of the month (even though you may not have the interest)? Even though the question is vital, I guess I'm not given the luxury to choose also since the economy is going downwards. Previously, I got scared of the industry I was in and thought I won't be going back to it. But now, it's ironic. I actually feel and want to be back to where I actually belong. Will there be a chance? Times are bad but I am not giving up!

Thoughts of the future - I was on Facebook a moment ago. I saw a few familiar names on the People You May Know function. Again, I saw ex-schoolmates (some not so close) who are doing well in their career. Some in other countries. People have gone so far and achieved so much, what have I done to myself thus far?? I know I have mentioned this umpteen times and I know I shouldn't be comparing but I can't help thinking, why people can do it and I can't? (Of coz the comparison cannot be based on the fact that they were born with a silver spoon in the mouth and I'm just a very normal average one....but, that could be the factor...)

The New Year (2009) - This year is coming to an end. I haven't done anything much this year. But, I have lots of things set as my resolution for the new year. I am determined to achieve them. I want them to happen and will make sure things go that way! Watch this space!

Were you ever torn between your career and relationship?

2008-10-24T15:04:00.004+08:00

I still haven't really gone through that stage yet. Even though I don't wish it to happen, but I guess such a question will sooner or later pop up to anyone of us. Don't you think so?

I actually went for an interview this morning. I'm not going to reveal any details unless I really get the job. I have high confidence and feel good with the job. BUT, there's something else bugging me now. The CEO who happened to walk pass the room where I was being interviewed by the COO, had came in to ask some questions...those kind of questions that girls normally dread to answer.

I wasn't really shocked with those questions but what he said had taught me a good lesson that I will meet those kind of people who will really ask such idiotic questions if I were to get this job. Apart from those brain-teaser questions, both the bigshots of the company had asked another question. Even though I (and my other half) have never seriously talked about marriage yet or even on when it's going to happen, even blind people would know that a couple who is in a relationship will sooner or later settle down and build a family together. The interviewers had actually asked whether wedding bells would ring anytime soon. Of course I said no, but their response had actually made me somewhat...erm, shocked.

Oh well...now the title of this topic has really dominated my brain cells! Before I applied for this job, I had really hoped to get their call. And when I got it, I wanted to attend the interview as soon as possible to grab the opportunity. But now, I can't deny that I am actually a bit confused, especially after that interview session. I knew I did quite well in selling myself during the interview but then again, hmmmm....

Bad luck day - where is the parking attendant?

2008-10-19T18:09:00.002+08:00

Friday was a bad luck day for me. Here's what happened:

I woke up late that morning coz I can't sleep the night before. It's been like this for weeks. :( Then I got stuck in massive traffic jam coz of faulty traffic lights at almost every road I used -.-

Of all time, my stomach decided to start spinning like a washing machine. It felt more like I was having a sudden diarrhea and needed to go and explode the toilet IMMEDIATELY. But, I was stuck in jam, remember? I can't move or go anywhere.... Just imagine, your ass sudah mau pecah, and you were stuck in a bloody jam for almost an hour!

And when I finally arrived at office, I clocked in, left my bag and immediately disappeared -> toilet. BUT, the bloody cleaners who were supposed to clean the loo at 7.30am each day suddenly decided to clean the place at 8.30am. -.-

So, I went down to Level 2 (cannot access Level 3's toilet - only meant for employees from company M) and YES! "I'm finally at heaven!" I thought. After the explosion, I suddenly realized something. How come there's no tissue here? I checked my pocket and luckily I had one. Only one miserable piece of tissue in my pocket! And when I flushed, it felt like the whole toilet was going to collapse. Water just gushed out like a fountain! Luckily only the bottom part of my jeans got wet. I left the bloody washroom immediately.

I went back to office and started on my work. Another bad thing that happened was, the China analyst who collaborated with me on yet another (private) investigation report had sent me a pile of shit. As Friday was the due date for submission, I only managed to have lunch at 5pm after I cleared her mistakes and done almost everything!

I was supposed to go back early on that day to attend a friend/ex-colleague's farewell buffet dinner but I had to stay back until 7pm for a stupid review on my report. When I finally left office, it was again....very jam coz it was a Friday! Grrr...

As I was already late for my appointment, I drove back as though I was driving a F1 car. I reached home, got ready in 5-10 minutes and rushed out of my house again. The buffet dinner was supposed to start at 7.30pm but I only managed to reach there at about 8.30pm. I hate to be late...! Got stuck in jam again lah...grrr

I thought I was very lucky when I found a parking space exactly opposite the hotel. I parked along the road side and ran into the hotel. After the dinner, it suddenly rained heavily (with thunderstorm, lightning and strong wind, like tsunami was coming!). I couldn't go out to get my car, so I asked a friend to fetch me to where I parked.

I got all wet, and the next thing I noticed was...my green color parking ticket that was left on my windscreen was already torn. The parking attendant had left the ticket there, and it rained and the ticket sudah jadi hancur kecai! Gahhhhh!! As it felt like tsunami was coming (I parked along Gurney Drive), I quickly drove back...and everywhere was flooded! My little car had to swim through to get home.

When I finally reached home, I couldn't find any where to park. So, I parked outside at a nearby road which was poorly lit and it was still raining heavily. I got out of my car with an umbrella and tried to find the torn parking ticket (with the hope that at least a portion of it was still there?). It was that time that I heard some idiots whistling. I turned and saw a BIG group of foreign workers coming my way. Nearly went gila, I locked my car and ran back towards my house under the heavy rain. -.-

Everything just went wrong on that day. Until today, I am still unable to find back that parking attendant. -.- And I will soon be fined for not paying for the parking ticket. Grrr...memang bad luck!

A wake up call from the future

2008-10-14T22:05:00.000+08:00

A few minutes ago, I purposely entered a social network website and sent an ex-schoolmate a birthday wish. While on her profile page, I noticed her profession, her photos, other details, etc. I suddenly recalled our days when we were still schooling and very much confused on which path to go. We went on separate ways and both are graduates now, but there's difference between us....

It's not about benchmarking but I couldn't help thinking why she and many other friends (of the same age) have gone so far in their career path and yet yours truly is still struggling here, not knowing whether she had entered the wrong industry. It's not that I'm having a terrible life but it dawned on me that, if back then I had insisted to do things my way and of course if money wasn't an issue, I would be a somebody (professional job ler....not easy!) today. But then again, the "what-if" could never happen again and I could never ever turn back time to do what I was supposed to. What I can do now is to change what I have in mind today for the sake of my future. Hopefully, it's not too late for me to start on a path that would lead me to where I should be going to.

This time, I am going to be persistent on what I want, no matter how difficult the path would be. It's been a tough experience and decision to make. I had always considered the feelings of people and every other issues around me. In the end, I forgot about myself. Time is running and age is catching up, I don't want to miss any opportunities at my age! I have decided to do something for myself...just for myself this time, for the sake of my future.

Decision made

2008-10-10T23:56:00.004+08:00

It's been a week or so that I haven't had enough sleep. For the past one week or so, every morning, the moment I opened my eyes till the time I closed my eyes at night, I kept thinking. I was even thinking when I was asleep (I don't think I was really sleeping also). I thought of the whole thing even when I was driving, in the shower and at office.

I had considered so many factors before making this difficult decision. Even though I am 95% sure of the decision, the remaining 5% depends very much on the opportunities. I'm hoping for miracles to happen. I knew the path ahead is going to be very tough, but I will still proceed and continue to walk through it.

I shall keep you updated again.

It is still the same after so many years

2008-10-01T12:42:00.005+08:00

Each time you open your mouth and say the hurtful things, it is so heartbreaking that I could almost instantly dig out my heart and throw it back at you. If you hate me so much, why didn't you just kill me when I was young? WHy not leave me at the roadside and let other people feed me???

All these while, no matter what I do, I CAN'T please you at all. PLEASE tell me what else I can do to PLEASE you!! You said I don't listen to your advice, I change...and I listened BUT you said I am still not good enough for you. You complained that I never share my future plans with you, so I shared and what do I get in return? Support?? Nahhh....just a pile of bullshit from you saying that I won't survive in my plans, I will die, die and die. You already looked down on me from the very instance I tell you my things. IT IS VERY HEARTBREAKING, YOU KNOW???? So, am I really SOOOOOO stupid to keep telling you my things since you never even bother to listen??? It felt like I was talking to the wall!!!

No matter what I do, you will just complain! You said I never bothered about the family. BUT WHATEVER DECISIONS I MADE IN THE PAST AND PLAN TO MAKE IN THE FUTURE, I HAD AND STILL CONSIDER ABOUT YOU. SO please tell me, am I stupid enough?????? My money is not valuable enough for you? My money is made of shit, huh??? Oh fuck, I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY. Even if I have to slog to death in life, I don't even want a single sen! I don't understand why you old people keep saying that we are just like those in the bloody drama...that we are just waiting for you to die to get your money. Oh PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING. I am telling you, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING!!!!

The more you treat me this way, the more I will go against you. This is definitely not an adolescent rebellion but it's about how you treat people and how you want people to treat you. back. Whatever it is, you can continue to self-regard yourself as the king and think of yourself as the greatest, the best, the perfect person in life, I don't want to care anymore! I am damn fucking tired with all these. TIRED!!! It's been 20 over years and it has never change at all. Not only tired but also VERY disappointed!

This is not just disappointing but also humiliating! You always complain about others but never bother to look at yourself in the mirror. You are just the same like those you complained about. You have that kinda mentality as well! LPPL! So, since I am so much hated, I know what I need to do. Just give me some time and I will not be staying here anymore!

Birthday girl~

2008-09-18T20:54:00.002+08:00

I thought this year's birthday is going to be a plain boring one. Since you're not around, I knew that apart from reminiscing the sweet moments we had on my last birthday, there's nothing much about today this year.

...but when I suddenly receive a bouquet of flowers at office, it feels so much sweeter. Thanks, dear! My colleagues told me something funny after I received the flowers. I was seen beaming from ear to ear like a small kid. Hehe. :P

~Lovely~

Between your job and money

2008-09-14T18:11:00.003+08:00

Time flies! It's been a month since my last post...

The other day, while talking to my family members, I suddenly recalled something. Back then, I had wanted a career, the kind of job that would give me the much desired satisfaction...the oomph (I'm a workaholic, remember?)...and IF I'm really very much into the job, I actually don't mind so much about the pay. But then again, I have gone through the first job and am in my second one now. What I've learned and can say now is, we need to be realistic.

I guess in reality, having adequate source of income for a comfortable and secure life sounds much better than getting a "good" job (please define how good?). Well, that tells you why I will soon be even busier than now. I will definitely focus more on my part time financial services job from now on. And oh, in case you're curious or are interested to know further about letting your money working for you, you can always contact me. :)

Remember the difference of, you working for money and money working for you.

Ciao. Take care.

Of plans and disappointments, and the vicious cycle

2008-08-19T09:47:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I do wonder if I'm no longer bugged by problems or questions (with no answers), will I still be updating this place? I think you probably won't see me blogging ever again. But then again, life is life and here I am, feeling puzzled again. -.-

You know, sometimes I find life rather funny. When you plan for something, and are dying to do/get it, things just won't happen the way you want it to be. And at times when you never thought certain things would happen, it just happens. Isn't it ironic?

At times, I would leave the so-called plans behind me and just walk along the road to whereever it takes me to. But somehow, I would be left puzzled (again!) when I accidentally bump into or meet certain people that reminds me of myself. And it would be like, "Hey! This is what I'm supposed to go through...if I were to continue with my plans. Should I proceed?" And, the plans come back...(including the excitement of course!) and the headache comes along...and I can't find the answers and can't make the decision of whether to proceed or not. -.-

...Or maybe I should give myself another one year or so? Erm, if not mistaken, I said that back in May or June. So, it should be another 10 months or so? Hmmm...damn...got too carried away with the neverending plans again. And when the time comes, the plans won't go as planned and I will be left disappointed and will definitely naik gila again. Gahhh...it's a cursed cycle!

S.L.E.E.P.Y

2008-07-29T13:25:00.000+08:00

Help!! Damn sleepy in office....especially after coming back from lunch! >.<

ZZZzzzzzzzz...

The mood fluctuates like share market

2008-07-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

Waaa....I didn't blog for 3 weeks already? Time flies!

I was not really busy but just that, I don't have the mood to blog. Sigh. These days I have to have the mood in order to blog. Seems funny coz back then, I just seem to blog on anything, everything on almost everyday.

Anyway, just to share a bit on what I did in my past three weeks. I spent a lot of time with my other half and it still feels like it's never enough. Perhaps, we need MORE time together. Oh yea, I went to KL with him 2 weeks ago and to Genting with his family last week. Tiring but definitely had a great time there.

Oh by the way, today I'm suddenly here...updating my blog coz I just feel very weird today. I had the "Leave me alone, I don't feel like talking" mood today. I didn't talk much at work. I don't know whether it was because of the monthly visits or just purely bad mood...but there were really LOTS of things in my mind. The whole brain felt like rojak and I can't stop thinking. Well, like I once said before, when you can't seem to find the answers to the things in your brain, it gets really frustrating! Grrr...and the last thing you want is to be disturbed!

The real stalker surfaced

2008-06-30T23:06:00.003+08:00

Ohh...so, the guy I mentioned in my previous post isn't really the real stalker. Oh well, he turns out to be really extra friendly and that's all about it. Or maybe, he was really intending to be one...until I shared my excitement about my bf. Hehe.

During my initial two weeks of training, somebody told me that another person is eager to know about my status. I didn't think a person's status could be that important and all these while, I have never boasted about having a bf or whatsoever. Well, at least not until I found out that there's an idiot in the office who has been asking colleagues (those who are closer to me) about my personal things, e.g. how deep is the relationship between Tiramisu and her bf?

It's like, "WTF? Whether I'm close to my partner or not, what has that got to do with you? You found out that I have a bf and am in a STEADY relationship. So, what's your problem? Why still ask so much about my bf? Stop being a fool and respect other people! Just buzz off and leave me alone! I hate unwanted attentions and I don't need all that... -.-"

That idiot asked lots of things about my other half and he kept trying to strike a conversation or ask me out for dinner/lunch. I really hate this kind of guys. If you knew someone you like is not available anymore, then just let your hope die off. Just leave that person alone...in peace! Please respect yourself and others!

Just because of this idiot, I had to go around and spread the news, "Hey...you know...my bf this n that..." (which I normally won't do...) and even had to change my Facebook's status to "Engaged" and because of the status thingy, my bf cannot stop teasing me.... >.<

Of stalkers and the extra friendly people

2008-06-23T22:30:00.001+08:00

It's been a long time since I met any stalkers. This time, I wouldn't say this guy is into me...maybe not yet. But, the problem is...he's damn irritating. -.-

Initially, he was categorized under the extra-friendly category but somehow, I have just registered him in my potential stalkers list (A list of those to be avoided). It all started when that guy kept sending me annoying messages via Skype (we use it in the office, usually to discuss on cases within the team...but thank God, he's not in my team! Phew!). E.g. "How's Nemo?" (I've got a Nemo pillow at work), "Nemo said hello to me just now", "Wow, you're so yellow today" (I wore a bright yellow top the other day), "Are you sleepy there?", etc. Well, I can entertain all that OCCASIONALLY but I totally tak boleh tahan if people kacau me with such pointless questions daily. It's like...Hello?? Why so childish? Grow up!

To me, those questions I mentioned above sound very much like, "Ehhh...you're eating rice ahh?" or "Oh...you're going to toilet to shit?" I mean...if you knew the answer, why proceed to ask stupid questions? That will just make you look like a fool, no? Like I said, I can entertain these funny questions once in a while but not when I'm busy! I mean, if you didn't get any reply, then just tell yourself that the other person is not free and just shut up lah... It is as simple as that.

I thought I was the only one that thinks he's super irritating, but when another senior colleague told me how much the whole office hated him...I actually felt much relieved. At least, I am not the only bad person that felt annoyed with his presence. Hehe... Perhaps, I need to find some ways to ward off the idiot. I totally cannot tahan sticky-annoying guys that can never understand the meaning of busy and personal space. Mengganggukan.

Having more time for myself

2008-06-22T14:31:00.004+08:00

Ever since I changed job, I managed to find more time for myself. Hehehe.... Now, I have the time to go swimming, at least once or twice a week. I could focus on my financial services part time job. I get adequate sleep. I can do so many things. I don't have to worry about my machines and rush here and there like a mad girl anymore. Not bad eh?

Erm, the only thing I'm not comfortable about this new job is, I've to be in front of my computer the whole day. Maybe, I'm just not used to just sitting at office without moving about (like my previous job). Hmmm... maybe this is also the reason why I don't online that often anymore when I'm at home. I mean, I've been staring at my computer screen for 9 hours at work, do I still want to strain my eyes when I get home?

Ohhh, there's something worth mentioning here. In just another 4 days, my other half is finally coming back!! Can't wait to see him. :)

Higher cost of living

2008-06-13T22:59:00.000+08:00

There's something very wrong with today's rising cost of living. The other day, when the new petrol price was announced, I did not join thousands of gila people to queue up at the petrol kiosk to feed my little car. I certainly did not need to do so as I had just pumped petrol two days before the announcement. However, when I went to the petrol kiosk a few hours ago, I nearly fainted!

I used to pay only RM 50 ++ for the petrol and now, guess how much I need to pay? It's bloody expensive!! I paid RM74 just now! Idiot. RM24 may not be a huge amount but I could really feel the pinch now. *Ouch* The price of petrol is definitely going to shoot up again and with our current income, it will never be adequate!

Just imagine, the price of petrol has gone up, the price of food (at certain places) have gone up, and many other things are much more expensive than before, BUT there's one thing that remains....your salary. How come our source of income does not go up, following the trend of rising prices? Grrr.... There are so-called incentives or rebate plans being discussed and announced, but will all these really help??? Hahaha... I doubt.

Gosh! I guess, there's a need to speed up on the financial services part time job and buck up on my financial planning skills for survival's sake. *Sweats* Are you not worried??

Oh anyway, I have officially finished the 2 weeks training at my new workplace. I have even received my first two cases today, and the reports must be submitted by end of next week. I guess, more and more cases are coming in on Monday. Anyway, I didn't know there are so many companies that would pay so much to investigate on individuals and other companies' backgrounds. Heh...it feels like I'm a private investigator now, albeit for professionals and business purposes only! Haha.

As we grow older...

2008-06-04T21:15:00.003+08:00

As we grow older, do we often do weird things or act in an awkward way? Lately, I noticed that I no longer enjoy going online for hours to chat with friends and also the so-called friends. Of course I am still keeping in touch with my other half since he's currently in overseas but I just don't have the mood to waste my time to chat on MSN anymore. I don't even have the mood to "entertain" certain friends either via email, MSN or Skype and also through phone. Just wondering whether I am acting weirdly or is this just a process of growing up? Hmmm...

Apart from what I mentioned above, I tend to ignore lots of unnecessary things also. A good example would be, pointless gossips. Perhaps, I am much more comfortable to act this way, acting weirdly and ignoring unnecessary things...especially when I am in the middle of deep thoughts. Ahhh....call me the weirdo...whatever you want....I just don't care much these days. :P

Anyway, just a short update. I have started the new job...so far, not much comments yet. I'm currently still undergoing training. I'll have to take some time to determine whether I would be happy in this new industry.

Last week, I went to KL with my family. This time, we drove ourselves there, with the help of a live-GPS (me!) and Nokia maps as well as Garmin (the real GPS maps...hehee). But somehow, both Garmin and Nokia maps were kinda stupid coz we still got lost a few times around PJ area...but, it wasn't too bad. At least, we manage to find our way back to the hotel. In fact, we have visited quite a number of places and even drove all the way to Puchong to visit a family friend. Not bad indeed. We are definitely going to explore other places more often since we have a good reason to do so - GPS maps.

Come what may

2008-05-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

Ahhh....the exam is finally over today and I'm now a part time consultant on financial related products / services! Ahem! I took about a month plus to study the thick notes but I guess it's well worth it.

For the past one month or so, I spent most of my time studying and now, it feels so weird. I am so free...but not for long. :( I'll start a new job next month. Though I don't really like the job, ohhh...what the heck, I'm still in the progress of seeking a career change and this new job can temporarily help me to feed myself (while allowing me to focus on my part time job) and hopefully, I can find the kind of job I want and get myself focused on that path later on!

Hmmm...whatever comes your way, embrace it while slowly traveling / climbing towards where you prefer to go...

Walking in dreams

2008-05-18T22:10:00.000+08:00

As I was listening to some "old" songs, browsing through a folder where favourite pictures were kept, I suddenly realized one thing. Time is catching up, but there has not been any big progress since then.

The dreams remain dreams, and all that can be done at the moment is to take a stroll in those dreams as they seemed so far away to be reached. Well, it's agreeable that proper planning, determination and patience could bring one, step-by-step nearer to his/her dreams. But what a minute, didn't I just mention about timing? If it is the wrong timing, or there's no whatsoever form of financial support, the carefully laid-out plan is as good as useless.

See? Reality can be cruel. Perhaps, it's not a bad idea to continue taking short walks in the dreams...(and maybe can continue planning?). Well, at least you still have dreams and there are things to look forward to!

As the cold-blooded side greets you

2008-05-14T17:45:00.002+08:00

I always get very pissed off when strangers, idiots, unimportant people, etc. know detailed updates about my life. I mean, don't these people have better things to do than to fart around about other people's life?

It really gets on my nerves when we bump into certain people and they start to ask, "Ehhh....you're still jobless?"; "Why don't you try the graduate re-skilling scheme (GRS)?" "Why don't you accept your uni's offer to study PhD?" (FYI, I recently received a special offer to pursue PhD...not bragging but just erm, to keep you informed...) Well, thanks a lot for being oh-so-caring! But I need to stress that this is the umpteenth time I'm repeating that I am jobless by choice! I resigned from the bloody job because it was my own decision that I wanted to spend some quality time for personal reflection, to reconnect with my inner self and to further position myself, particularly on which path to tread, what to do next, the career path, some personal plans, etc.

So, you got a problem with my decision? Like I said, it's my own choice. Not that I can't find any jobs, in fact I found a few already but can't I choose suitable ones? Do I need to report every single thing to everyone around me? Oh yeah, regarding the "superb" suggestion of signing up for GRS, I think it was a rather stupid suggestion. Why do you think I need to attend GRS when it was my own choice to resign from the previous job? I'm not saying GRS is not good but it's meant for FRESH graduates, mind you! As for the PhD offer, are you nuts? After completing the PhD, where will I be? Which company is so stupid to hire a PhD holder who only has as little as a year's job experience?

Honestly, I won't be this angry if there's no support or whatsoever. I don't need all that. But, when rumors or stories started circulating, I get really VERY pissed off. If you have no intentions of extending any support or guidance, it's fine but please don't open the mouth and simply talk about me. Don't you have any other better things to do or any other better topics to yak about? I just hate to hear all sorts of third party funny stories about myself, and those stories often come from unknown people, distant/never-heard-before relatives, etc. Somehow, all those stories are negative things about me...why so?

What is the real meaning of love and care when one does not support, guide or the worst...does not believe in your ability or looks down on you (in a way or another) during your lowest point in life? I'm afraid I have to admit that it's been this way for years and this is how I push myself forward to prove to people like you that I can do it!

Cheesy pick-up line?

2008-05-12T23:15:00.002+08:00

Ever been in a situation where a guy (obviously a stranger) keeps looking at your direction, suddenly walks up to you and says "You look very familiar..."

Yesterday was Mother's Day. So, we went out for dinner at a buffet style restaurant. While selecting my meal, I noticed the chief or captain of the restaurant kept looking at me. I ignored his stares and continued to walk. He approached me, smiled and recommended some special dishes and insisted that I should give that dish a try. I thought he was just being friendly. I just smiled and went back to my table to join my family. Nothing happened yet.

When I accompanied mum to get some desserts, he was there again. This time, he reminded me that there was a photo taking session at the corner of the restaurant, which is specially organized in conjunction with Mother's Day. "Hey...remember to take a photo with your mum there. You could probably win the contest" he reminded.

Before leaving the restaurant, we decided to take a photo with mum, not to win the contest but just for the fun of it. While waiting for mum to select the photo she likes, that guy who was standing quite near to where I stood started talking to me again.

"You look very familiar, you know. Not sure whether you still recognize me?" he said.

Looking puzzled, I said no coz I really can't remember knowing a guy like him.

"Still remember the petrol station at....?" he asked.

It turned out that this guy has actually seen and talked to me before. It was about a month or two months ago at the petrol kiosk near my house. That time, his car was next to mine and I was clutching a small bag with some money and my hp inside when he saw me. He had warned me of the danger of snatch thieves at the petrol kiosk. Just a piece of friendly advice.

Somehow, it appeared funny that he could still recognize me after one or two months. I can't even remember anyone I met one or two weeks ago! I mean, how often do you recognize total strangers around you, especially after a certain period of time? Bleh...

Losing something within yourself

2008-05-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

I was listening to some "old" songs, or rather those songs that I used to listen to while in my first or second year in Uni. These songs remind me of a few things.

1) I can't believe how fast time flies. Not that I feel old but I kinda miss those times.
2) Over the years, I have sort of lost a special kind of feeling or 'power' within myself. It was more or less like a powerful internal strength that motivates and gives a positive boost for one to reach her desired goals. Am I still on board, heading towards my dreams since this feeling or internal strength has sort of deteriorated?

As the self-reflection process continues, it somehow feels as though my current self have lost contact with the old me. The current me feels like a stranger when she recollects some of her past experiences. Though the sad or heartbreaking stories/issues should be left in the past (which I successfully did...and I'm glad about it), there are still certain things that should be brought to the future. A simple example is the strong internal strength that I mentioned earlier.

Back then, nothing seems to be an obstruction. Though there were many obstacles to endure, the journey has been fruitful and the experience was all worth it. I must stress again that it was that strong self-motivation kinda feeling that brought me through it. But today, I am sad to discover the current me has actually lost what I used to have...or maybe it has gone down, and it is obviously much lesser than what I had.

"How can I find back that strong powerful feeling?" Hmmm... I have been thinking of this question the whole day as I reconnect with my inner self. Perhaps, I need to take another round to search back my old self...

Silly questions

2008-05-07T01:43:00.000+08:00

We've been 36 days apart since my other half left to go overseas for work purpose. It was initially scheduled that he will only be there for approximately 70 days...but I expect the project dateline to be extended, probably to 90 days or even more. Hmm...Oh well, life goes on, as usual...but just with a missing piece in life. Heh!

At times, it does feel weird when friends or family members ask me stupid questions about us. I mean, how would you answer if you were me?

Example 1:
Mum asked me a silly question just now. "Aren't you scared that he might have another gf there?" >.<

Some of my friends have also asked me this question upon knowing his absence. So, I gave the same answer to each of them. "If a guy could fall easily for other girls, then you should just dump him and get a new bf instead!" Don't you think so? This applies to girls too. Well, I guess it depends on whether one is trustworthy or not...

Example 2:

During a recent outing, a few friends asked, "Do you miss him? Did you cry?"

I know they care for me but somehow, I did not answer them. I mean, that question sounds a bit stupid to me. How am I supposed to answer them? "Ohhh yeah, I miss him to bits! The 6 hours difference is killing me and each day feels like a week and each week feels like a month???" -.-" I wouldn't wanna over-exaggerate. I just can't bring myself to saying that line but it does feel that way though...

Great Thai food @ Bukit Genting, Penang

2008-04-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, 11 of us became addicted to Thai food. We met up at about 6pm and headed down South of Penang island to try one of the well known yummy Thai food. Our South bound journey was somewhat exciting as none of us knew how to go there. With some directions given by a friend through the phone, we made our way there and managed to find the beautiful place.

The Thai restaurant is located at the hillside between Teluk Kumbar, Balik Pulau and Gertak Sanggul. I must stress that an experienced driver is needed to maneuver the car up the steep and narrow road. *Sweats*

Panoramic view seen from where I sat (before sunset)

The perfect moment when the sun sets

I wanted to show off the food, but unfortunately, I didn't manage to take any pics of the great Thai food. (Too hungry until cannot think! >.<) Anyway, if you intend to go there, you must not miss the Tom Yam soup. It's one of the best that I've tried!! See below for the short overall review of the Bukit Genting Thai Restaurant.

Price / budget: Quite affordable (11 of us had MANY types of dishes and it only costs approx. RM2xx ++)
Ambience: Kinda romantic, would be suitable for couples! But, like our group of friends, this restaurant can be a perfect place for unusual gatherings or dinner plans. :)
Service: Friendly waiters/waitresses.
Toilet: No worries....it is clean!
Parking space: Not a problem...but please make sure your car is in good condition and it can go up the steep and narrow road!
Disadvantage: Beware of mosquitoes! (You obviously can't expect a mosquito-free environment when you are in the middle of the jungle/hill, can you?)

A stereotypical community

2008-04-21T01:42:00.003+08:00

Lots of people around me, particularly some of my friends and extended family members could not understand why I left the job even before getting a new job. I guess most of you would also deem me as a crazy girl and could have thought that I'm too much of a daddy's little girl character who couldn't suffer, or perhaps survive in the working environment. The impression on me wasn't really that important, but I reckon there's something worthy sharing here.

I may have complained a lot lately, either about the bloody company or the stingy and ego big boss, but the final decision of leaving the company was also due to personal reasons. Well, just a simple situational question to ask before we continue on this. Have you ever felt lost...feeling like there's suddenly no sense of direction in life? It's like, you've been diligently doing your best at work, just continue working, working and working, without realizing that you are actually not happy with what you are doing....and most importantly, you don't even know whether you are on the right track of where you wanted to go (initially) and where you are heading next.

You realized that all these while, you were too busy at work...waking up early to go to office and leaving the second home late at night. You seldom have the time to think for your personal growth or improvement coz when you reach home, all you can think of is the comfort of your bed. I thought taking a few days off will improve the feeling or rather the situation but it didn't help. I have probably overworked for the past one year and have stretched myself exceeding my own limits without realizing it. So, what I needed was a short break. Thus, I decided to put a pause on this journey and stop to ponder on what I have done and what I should do next...rather than continue working blindly, just for the sake of getting some money each month to pay bills (erm, don't get me started on the issue about low salary...!)

What I am not comfortable with was the questions most people threw at me when they hear that I am currently jobless. "So, have you found any job? How are you going to survive?" I understand most of them are just being caring and I am thankful for that but what I don't understand is why most people think that you are doomed when you are not working for other people? I may still be searching for a job and also doing something beneficial at the same time (will share with you next time...) but the issue of yours truly not being hired doesn't put a full stop to my life. Duhhh! I mean, can't we think it differently? Chances are, one could also be self-employed or explore more on other opportunities, right?

If you were thinking the same way as 95% of the people I mentioned, then you probably will continue working your ass out, slogging to death at work for the company you are working for, without realizing that you have wasted most of your time to get a small return just to pay bills and debts. The return is obviously important to all of us, but will it ever be enough to you? Are you happy to just continue earning this much till the day your kids greet you? Think again...perhaps, you will manage to find other routes that would further enrich your life, whether making you a happier person or even a wealthier person, that actually complements your current path (if this is the path you want to tread that will lead you to the destination you want to reach). After all, what is life without any improvements?

For me, I wouldn't want to regret and realize at the later stage of my life (when I become an old auntie?) that I have actually wasted years on something I don't like or on something that does not benefit me on the whole. Well, I actually don't regret quitting the job....but just feeling a little guilty! :P So, that tells me one thing. I should just focus on what I am currently doing now and hopefully, the outcome will be a good one. :)

Women often think too much...?

2008-04-07T12:56:00.005+08:00

I guess the above title is kinda true, at least to me...for some reasons, and in some ways. Will your partner think of you as annoying if you show too much of care or concern, especially when he's far away from you? I know he won't think that way (I hope I'm right...hehe) but somehow, girls being girls, I don't know why I think that way.

Sometimes, when there's no reply after messages are sent, we often try to convince ourselves that he's probably busy or away from pc (Duhh! He does not need to be in front of the pc reporting everything to us right? I don't think that is the right thing to do). But, we can't deny the fact that we girls are actually worried or scared that he would get bored with the annoying messages and choose to ignore them... We are also worried that our messages would disturb them from work but then again, we still want to keep in touch, to know what's happening over there. I thought I was the only one having this kind of problem. But, when I spoke to a friend on this the other day, she was having the same nightmare too when her other half went on overseas trip previously.

Well, I guess this kind of situations does test one's patience and trust level? He was online, and he did receive my message yesterday. So, why was there no reply? I got a reply this morning when I logged in on Skype... It was his reply to my message but due to connection problem, the message was not sent. Part of the message written: ":( Message cannot be delivered".

So, it's simple. I was just thinking too much (due to PMS again?) and there's nothing to worry about. Solution: Just don't think too much! Hehe...I hope he doesn't have the time to read this... :P

Repositioning

2008-04-06T17:05:00.001+08:00

It's been months since I last met or spoken to Joyce. So, we went out last night to catch up on the latest updates in our lives. Apart from our usual family/relationships topics, I was surprised that this girl has made a super fast act to enhance her career path in just a few months' time.

Previously, we have talked about this before and we had even planned almost everything, step by step. But, little did I notice that I have spent the last one year, slogging at work till I didn't have the time to even think or plan for my own path. Now that's what I call stupid! I am so happy and proud of her when she told me she has registered for a processional certification (This is part of my personal plan too...damn, am I too late?), enrolled herself for Masters and she has even obtained a license as a part time unit trusts agent. That's amazing, isn't it?

Well, honestly speaking, I am somewhat ashamed of myself. A year ago, I had a clear plan of my career path and I knew what I wanted. When I started this job and got stuck in the rat-race (in a way lah...), I got all so confused that I lost track of my own path. I didn't know what to do (other than work, work and work! Partly my fault because I was a workaholic?), where to go, where I was heading, etc. I just know, I had to continue working this way, and there will be no end. Most of us think that our boss or even the company would take a good care of our future. Come to think again, is it really true?

Oh be realistic, please! Even if you slog to death in this company, the most you can go is...erm, department manager? That's when your boss leaves or dies....and that's still long time to go (sorry, I am not cursing my boss actually! :P) So, how to progress if there's no plans or whatsoever? I don't know why but it suddenly struck me that it's been very stupid of me to have worked until falling sick, going in and out of the hospital and clinic without getting to grow in what I was supposed to learn, without getting whatever recognition or appreciation and also just for the sake of a bit of money. I don't think what I have gained would benefit my career path, even though I did learn other things that I have never thought of.

So, perhaps the fact that yours truly who is going jobless soon (I am not kidding!) would enable me to really think, think and think carefully and focus on what I have always wanted and reposition myself back to the right track again. In the mean time, I suppose a part time job or a short course of professional certifications would be beneficial...I hope so. Ohhh...I forgot to ask you, any job vacancies? :P

70 days of independence

2008-04-02T23:32:00.003+08:00

It's been 15 hours since he left but I still can't quite figure out whether I can live the coming 70 days without him. Have I gotten too dependent on him? I wish I could deny that but I guess we have been too close to each other and since this is the first time he leaves after being together, it's really quite difficult to survive the coming days, let alone the first day itself.

All the while, I thought I could be independent (in fact, I have always been one!). But, this time is really exceptional. The first few hours or the first day of his absence have left me feeling so emotional (Yeah right...Blame it on the bloody PMS!), so blur that I really don't know what else to do. Honestly speaking, I have never expected the effect to be so huge... Could it be due to the long distance between us?

Until this moment of time, I am still trying to get myself acclimatized to his absence, to live without him, temporarily. Damn....now this line sounds so much like Le Ann Rimes' "How do I live without you?" >.< Oh yea...I have totally forgotten to upload my convo pics here. Sorry, but bro has not finished editing the pics but below are some of them. Hope I don't look too ugly in these pics. :P

Oops! I forgot to edit the size of the pics. Please don't focus and search for my pimples! :P Hehehe....only 3 pics for this round. Will upload more in my next post. :) Oh, just to revert back to the initial topic, I suddenly feel so useless ler.... It's only 15 hours ++ of separation, and I'm already missing him??? Just curious, will you feel the same way if you're in the same situation? Hmmm...

A day to remember

2008-03-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

The night before the big day, I couldn't sleep at all. Was it because of the uncomfortable bed at the hotel? Or was I too excited? Haha...Whatever lah! I woke up at 4.30am to get ready. By 5.30am, I was still busy putting on make-up. We left hotel at about 6.10am, heading up north to Uni. I was still a bit sleepy but was also very excited at the same time.

The journey there was smooth. I reached Uni at about 7am and quickly ran to a nearby restroom to wear my robe and put on the mortar board. The square academic cap was a bit loose, so I had to use as many as 6 to 8 hair pins just to prevent it from falling off! Mum was with me when I went to the restroom to get ready. I guess she did steal some limelight when we walked pass a big crowd of visitors. Well, she obviously did because she wore a gorgeous kebaya, just for my convocation ceremony.

At about 7.15-7.30am, there were more and more graduands around the Dewan TSO. Bro took a few shots of me with his DSLR before I went into the hall with my friends. There was a short briefing before we all moved to the main hall, Dewan MAS. Hundreds of us were all dressed up in the full attire. We got even more excited when we took our seats in the main hall. There were choir singers, a team of musical instruments players, lecturers, professors, VIPs, parents, visitors, etc. in the main hall.

I had earlier been invited to attend a function to receive the Deputy VC's Gold Medal but I couldn't attend as it was held on a weekday. I was informed that I must wear the medal during convo, otherwise I won't be allowed to enter the hall without wearing the full attire. I was quite worried when the thought of not being able to enter the hall jammed my brain. After sitting at my place for about half an hour or so, the officer on duty came to search for me. I felt relieved when he finally passed me the Gold Medal and a certificate. "Congratulations! Please put this medal on." He told me.

At about 11am, it was my faculty's turn. We walked to the side of the stage, one by one in a line and waited for our names to be called. My hands were so cold at that moment. It felt like I was holding ice cubes! Erm, partly nervous and partly due to the air cond in the hall?? Hehe... When it was my turn, I had the same kind of feeling like what my friends told me. Every graduand will feel it when she goes up the stage to get her scroll of honour. "I must walk carefully!, I must not fall down on this special day!, I must remember to say whatever that I am supposed to say, I should not walk too fast, I must remember to smile, etc." There were many things in my mind. When I was really on the stage, there's only one thing in my mind. "This is 5-7 seconds of fame that I've been waiting for after ~~struggling~~ studying for 3 years!"

It was over within a few seconds but everyone was still smiling. At about 12.40pm, the event officially ended. There were hundreds and thousands of people gathering outside the main hall until I had the difficulty in locating my family and bf. When I finally saw them, it was really very sweet to get a large bouquet of flowers. And before I knew it, I had spent another few hours taking photos with my friends under the hot sun! After lunch, I continued taking pics at certain hot spots within uni, accompanied by bf while my family goes home earlier after a tiring day.

About 5pm, I went back to Dewan TSO and returned the robe to get my official certificates. Within a few minutes' time, we were already out of the university's compound, on the way heading home. I would say it was truly a memorable day but time passed very fast when I was still with my group of friends. I will surely miss all of them...

P/s: Bro is still editting the photos. So, I will only share the photos with you in my next post, hopefully asap. :) Damn, it's 12.30am already! I gotta sleep now. Ciao!

Decision is final

2008-03-06T13:02:00.003+08:00

It's almost a month since I last blogged. That tells you one thing. I have been very busy!...but not for long.

After spending so much time to think, I've finally decided to start my journey on a new road. It's been too tiring, mentally and physically torturing to be where I am today. But, there's something else to worry from now onwards. When will I get phone calls to go for interviews? :P Hehe. "What? Are you leaving even before finding any new place?" I know you have that question in your mind. Well, honestly, I myself am surprised with this decision also...but I really feel so much lighter and happier after my boss accepts the letter (that's after 2-3 weeks of persuasion!).

I know I should start worrying about how to pay my bills (erm, not really that much lah...I think) but looking at things on a brighter side, the end of a road is the beginning of yet another road. Perhaps I should feel excited that I will be traveling down another different road that could possibly leave me happy and contented. Who knows?

Oh yeah, there are a few other things that are worth sharing because I am happy about them! I have received a wonderful present on V-day which left lots of people jealous! :P Hehehe... Another thing is, my convo is coming! It's next weekend and my name is even listed on my uni's website! Ohh....finally! I really can't wait for that day to come... :D

**Damn, this is my first time blogging in the office. Let's just hope that the IT dept is not tracking on what I'm doing...

Ribbons for V-day?

2008-02-10T14:45:00.000+08:00

Today is the fourth day of CNY already??? Damn it! Why does it feel like the time has had a bullet train ride? Grrr....and the next moment, I bet you know what I'm about to rant. Tomorrow is the first day at work after CNY! :(

The other day, when I saw the bloody director punya muka tebal in the newspaper, really very potong stim....really got my mood spoiled! Of all things, I saw his face on the first day of CNY, and I did feel like a pile of suey-ness falling onto myself. That tells you why I was busy printing application letters and resume yesterday! Hahaha...

Oh anyway, speaking of CNY, there's another significant day in February. Erm, honestly speaking, I don't normally celebrate V-day but I've really got a problem here. I just can't think of anything to buy at all. I am seriously struggling while thinking of any physical things to buy. Damn, if he sees this, he'll be laughing his ass out! >.<

And when you're having such a big headache thinking of gifts to buy for him, you get funny ideas from friends. E.g. Tie a ribbon around your neck and make yourself his present. -.- I might consider this idea only if I've gone crazy. Erm, it's not really a bad idea actually but it just doesn't sound practical....hmmm.

I better go out and scout for something now....or maybe to get the ribbons. :P

Wedding bells?

2008-02-03T00:30:00.000+08:00

I was busy with some work when a friend/colleague came over to my department. I was surprised to see him but it was even more shocking when he passed a red/pink colored envelope to me. I just smiled, said thank you and proceeded with whatever I was doing as I thought it was just a CNY card. But, when he continued standing there right beside my desk, I felt weird.

I turned, looked at him and decided to open the so-called CNY card. Ohh...it was a Wedding Invitation...and I saw the two surnames! As I screen through that card, gosh! Why is it so fast???? I quickly said congrats...and continued with my work, pretending as though it wasn't a big issue at all.

It was really weird, you know. Both of them got together somewhere around the time when me and the other half just got started. So, our relationships with each other's partner were actually about the same age....but out of the blue, they decided to get married??? I was like....what the hell? What's the rush? And before I knew it, there were rumours spreading around. Everyone was gossiping about the girl (I know her too), particularly about her stomach which is obviously getting bigger each day.

I'm guilty for talking about this topic among my group too but my concern is, will marriage like this one lasts? Well, it's obviously none of my problem as I am not the bride but nonetheless, I know the couple and the guy is my friend! Is he going to regret?

The story was something like this. They fell in love and half way through, there were arguments and they broke up. Unfortunately, she found out she was pregnant and they decided to get married. The problem is, they were together for just 3-4 months and now, they're going to be together for the rest of their lives? I know love is above all (for some people only!) but isn't it crazy? When you break up with someone, it obviously shows that both of you are not getting along well. So, why still proceed with the wedding just because of the baby? It sounds stupid. Put the responsibility issue aside first...

Sorry lah....I know it sounds cruel to the baby but think of this. Would you rather provide the child true happiness or just make sure the child has a father but cannot guarantee whether he/she is going to be happy? It's just 3-4 months only!!! How much do you know that person? Will you regret? Damn...I guess I have way too many friends who have gone through such situation before and I can tell you that....this guy will regret one day...and maybe the girl too.

Erm, when a couple has broken up but they still get married just because of the baby she carries, it just doesn't make any sense. Truly unacceptable, but nothing can be done anymore. Here's wishing the newly weds happiness and a smooth journey in building their family.

1 decision vs 3 options = big headache

2008-01-27T22:50:00.000+08:00

I'm back...

The other day, while waiting for the ultrasound and endoscopy, it really felt like waiting for death. Hehe. Sorry, but it really felt that way! I spent 2 days in the hospital and the result was ok.... Erm, just erosion found on the wall of my stomach, but the pain was way too much to bear, which is why I ended up in the hospital having a thin instrument called the endoscope traveling all the way from my mouth into the stomach! Eewwww... And the only reaction I got from the doctor was, "Ohhh...it's nothing serious!" and he just kept smiling! -.-

Anyway, I'm back at home now....with lots of medicine to take. :( For the time being, no spicy and sour food. Hidup sudah jadi tak bermakna! :( :(

You know, while in the hospital, I really can't help thinking about my options. Well, I had lots of time and there was nothing much that can be done...other than reading my book. While chatting with the aunty beside me at the ward, she was talking about her niece who works in XX. We chatted on a lot of topics and I even gave her my contacts when she said her niece's company wants to hire people.

See? Seems like yours truly is getting more and more desperate! I hate being desperate but the problem is, I am still so bloody confused. Should I proceed? When? Now, next week or next month? Where? Option A, B or C?

I know I've been ranting about the same damn thing for the past one month or so, but the decision still lies in my own hands. What to do now? ...and when I found that I have a total of 194 unread emails during my two days' absence, I become even more desperate and can't stop forcing myself to make the decision! I guess this is one of the drawbacks of being an adult coz I can't remember being stuck in such a situation before. *Ouch*

Blue?

2008-01-23T16:50:00.000+08:00

Ahhh...I've finally changed to the new widget template! What do you think? Looks clean and neat huh?...I hope.

The past 3 weeks were pretty bad. Other than being busy at work (as usual... *yawn*), I've been going in and out of the clinic for a few times. Tomorrow, I'll be going for a thorough checkup on my gastric and intestinal problems at the hospital. Let's just hope that it's nothing serious. Hmm...

Oh yeah, another thing. I did mention that I've made up my mind right? Well, yes...but the question now is...when? *Thinks*

The big event is coming soon!

2008-01-12T15:47:00.000+08:00

Some time ago, I blogged about the excitement and joy of other people's convocation ceremonies. Below is another similar excerpt I copied from one of my old blog entries.

"Nothing can make me happier than seeing cheerful faces around at the big hall yesterday. It was that grand event again. My Uni holds two convocation ceremonies in a year and this is the second one. As expected, thousands of happy faces could be seen. Hundreds of Masters and Degree holders (students from certain faculties including mine) received their scroll of honour and I was there to share my seniors’ happiness and pride."

Previously, I did complain about having to wait for such a long period of time before my turn comes...but now, you know what? It's my turn to wear that big "coat" to get the scroll of honour, right in front of my parents, lecturers and professors...in front of about 5000 people in that big hall! Hehehhe....watch this space. I will definitely share my joy here when the real day comes - which is some time in March.

The difference between today and yesterday

2008-01-01T23:56:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that 2007 has ended! It still feels like December but last night, within just minutes, we had to say goodbye to the previous year and greet the new year with *hopefully* a much stronger faith, with the hope that everything would turn out good. Last year was a mix of good and bad for me. And since 2008 has arrived, I have more than enough reasons to move forward, where I would push myself to progress into the next phase of my life. Well, of course it is easier said than done....but I guess I've had enough.

I was probably thinking too much today. I was physically with the other half, but mentally...I didn't know where my brain went to. It was blank at a moment, and full of deep thoughts the next minute. Of course I was still listening to the things he said but a certain percentage of me was rather too occupied with some issues. (Sorry Dear, I know you got a bit annoyed with that...)

I don't know what's wrong with me but it's been this way for the past few weeks...and the effects have since gone deeper and deeper. It seems like it is getting more and more serious. Perhaps, I already know the answer. I knew what to do already...but when will the actual actions be taken? It ain't an easy task! ...but I guess, it's been dragging for too long already. In fact, I've gotten sick of the whole situation coz I just can't seem to move from where I am and all you see is just the rants I leave here. Gahhhh!!

Oops! I forgot to wish you "Happy New Year" before I start grumbling here. Hehe! Hope this year will shower us with the best things in life.

The cycle is going to end...soon

2007-12-25T22:54:00.000+08:00

Aloha! I am back from the week-long holiday. Well, I had a great time at those places except having to endure the irritating unattended calls from idiots...gahhh, and I am back to work tomorrow. Sad case!

You know, one of the many reasons I went for the short vacation was to get answers to some of the questions I had in mind previously. I was busy exploring almost every corner of the places I went to, and at the same time, I was thinking....and thinking....and thinking.

In these 2-3 months, I knew I was actually going in circles and there was no end to the cycle. In fact, I wasn't happy at all as yours truly was not even moving anywhere from where I started. It obviously doesn't feel good when one is stagnant at a place, without any progress or improvement at all. Some people call it a comfort zone but I wouldn't even want to use that term because I am 100% sure I am not even feeling comfortable.

So, I was actually going in circles and I kept wondering when will the cycle end. After so much of deep thoughts, I guess I have a much clearer answer now. The cycle is going to end soon and the next phase shall begin thereafter. This will be what I am looking forward to this coming new year. I hope it won't take too long...

Anyway, I hope it's not too late to wish you "Merry Christmas!" :)

Pirate's attack!

2007-12-18T23:58:00.000+08:00

It was a bright day, when you woke up with full of hope. Out of nowhere, you suddenly realized what you feared most (and in fact, you've expected it to happen!) has finally occurred. And the war is about to begin....amongst the same squad of soldiers.

Initially, everything was ok and there was teamwork but somehow, there's a pirate within that squad but nobody notices it. And when that pirate becomes itchy and starts to play politics, funny questions come to mind.

1) How can you say that somebody is not helping in battlefield when he/she has actually killed so many enemies?

2) How can you say that somebody is not helping in battlefield when he/she actually shouldn't even appear there?

3) What's the point of notifying/complaining to the captain or chief about other soldier's tasks when you yourself are actually the problem one who is not doing a single thing?

There are a few more questions but what's the point of collecting all these questions? It is obvious that when the enemies are attacking and at the same time, you have idiotic soldier in the squad, your team has high possibility of losing the battle and this will definitely lower down the squad's morale. But somehow, I guess some people might be too childish and could not even think of simple things like that. Poor thing. Perhaps he/she should go and eat shit (do reverse things...) so that he/she could think back normally like all of us?

Gahhh...enough of politics! 1 more day! Countdown to a week's holiday! Yay...I just can't wait to get my ass out of this place, at least for a while to take a breather. See you in a week's time.

Early x'mas mood

2007-12-09T15:47:00.000+08:00

It's only the second week of December and I'm already in a Christmas mood. Haha. Just like a small kid, I just can't wait anymore. I have even applied for leave and should be going on a short vacation to de-stress! Ahhh...this couldn't have been better! Damn, speaking of x'mas, I still haven't bought the presents! Any idea of what to buy?

Hmmm...

Anyway, just to share with you, there will be a career expo at PISA next weekend. If you're unhappy with your current job, or looking for career advancement, or would like to change to a new job or just want to join the crowd, you should be at PISA next weekend. See you there!

A few hours to Monday....

2007-12-02T22:50:00.000+08:00

It's Sunday today, and as usual, the mood goes down the drain as time draws nearer to Monday. You know what? This is really a shitty feeling...

Well, I guess I'll just stop here today. No point grumbling about the same thing over and over again. I'll just do something, which is much more practical at this moment - Update my resume!

Take care. Ciao...

Yet another cycle....

2007-11-25T15:01:00.000+08:00

It's been 2 weeks since the last time I blogged. Damn! See how fast time flies!

Ever since handling this current project, life hasn't been that good. Each day, it feels like going into a battlefield all by myself (or maybe with just one or two backup members), where I'm trying my very best to put out fire in front and you get idiots starting the fire from the back. So, when can this action of putting out the fire end??? I really don't know. What I know is, I'm really, really very tired, mentally and physically.

I wish I could stop complaining, but what can be done? How long can I continue this sucky work condition? How long do I need to tolerate the trend of having to work till 8~9 or 10 pm almost everyday? *Sigh* I still can't find answers to these questions. It is definitely not as easy as I've thought. I don't know why but I've been feeling a bit weird too lately. I get scared when Sunday arrives, coz I know the cycle will start again as Monday comes. I'm also afraid of phone calls now! No matter what I do or say, it still comes back to the same question, "I'm going in circles, when will the cycle end?"

Having to endure such political situations in the office is already bad enough, but knowing that the other half is also going through similar situations (or worse) hurts me even more. We were relaxing at the beach last night, enjoying the sea breeze under the moon when we suddenly touched on this topic. I was thinking, perhaps we should consider giving ourselves another chance to continue with the current on-going projects, try to be more patient and tolerate the whole situation for the time being. If the whole situation worsens, maybe it's really time to change to a new direction, a new destination....

Trapped!

2007-11-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

Today has been a little more difficult even though it was quite "peaceful" in the first half. There were no calls from the noisy customers in the morning, no unnecessary meetings to attend too...but I don't know why I felt like there was no motivation at all, not long after lunch.

What was the cause of low morale at work? I hate to feel this way. I just can't stop myself from thinking of:

"When is my next holiday?" "What time can I go home?" "How long do I need to wait?" "Have I chosen the wrong path?" "When will I be able to 'breathe properly' without any worries about my projects?"

You know what? The more I ask myself these questions each day, the more I hate myself. I know I'm a hopeless over-responsible (erm, I am not bragging here) workaholic, BUT I seriously need a long break. I've been working non-stop since a long time ago...erm, last year (when my final year at Uni starts) and I haven't gotten enough rest since. I am just so damn bloody tired, both physically and mentally.

I am not really complaining about my work. It's just that when I plan to do other things, as in to balance up my lifestyle but I don't have the time to do it, I really get very pissed off! Some time ago or a few posts back, I did mention that I really wanted to do something, to focus on it....to enrich my life but look at me now! I haven't moved far since that day! Grrr....

I am so pissed off with myself now. I hate waking up to a routine life where I have to constantly ask myself, "Can I go back at 6.30pm today?"

I'm really wondering as to how long I can continue with this kinda lifestyle. I'm afraid I have to tell you that...I actually still love to deal with people (coz I am a people-oriented person!) BUT I don't want to work in this industry anymore. It is so tiring to get chased by so many parties each day, especially when you can't get the answer/support from your "weak" team. Each day, you're all alone to defend for everybody. Even if I were to borrow money from the Ah Longs, they won't even chase me until like that! Damn, idiots!

I was thinking, IF I were to consider somebody's offer some time ago, where I get to enjoy each day, driving a nice car and living in a condo without any worries, how would life be like? But then again, if I had taken up that offer, I wouldn't be Tiramisu anymore. Just like you, I will also look down on myself for being so cheap! Bleh....

So I've got no choice, I need to continue working....and I love to be independent. Well, maybe....I really need to look for other jobs that is more suitable?? Hmmm....

Going in circles

2007-11-08T23:25:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's been so long already since I last blogged?

Damn...life has been so routine lately, all because of work. Ever since my boss loaded me with a big important project, I barely have any personal time at all. Gahhh....I know I am complaining!!

I've been so busy each day...haih....but here I am today, just blogging a few words just to tell you something. This blog is not dead yet, and so is the owner of this blog! Haha...

Anyway, looks like I can't blog much today. It's time to sleep (this is so sad!). Take care. Ciao.

The opposite side speaks

2007-10-28T00:00:00.001+08:00

You know, each time after "exploding" negative thoughts in here, I actually do feel guilty and bad. I mean, who on earth would do/say/type such things about her loved ones?

Well yes, I still love that person who hurt me but I can't deny that I was really very angry yesterday. Anyway, maybe this is one of the many reasons why I am still blogging here. This is the only place where I could let go off all the anger.....

And the good thing is, I have managed to practice leaving all my frustrations and anger here before logging out. So, who said I need to attend anger management class?

Clueless shit that sticks to you

2007-10-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

The first thing you feel or think when you reach home should be... "AhHh....home sweet home, I am finally back!"

...but when you really reach home, and all you hear is blah, blah and blah....where somebody is nagging non-stop, and specifically spewing questions similar to that of a trash, you will think of the opposite. "I shouldn't have come back so early!"

I mean, what's the point of going home early when all one has to face is pointless arguments? And, it all comes back to the same conclusion. You can do anything you want all the time, but from your point of view, I can't. (I sometimes feel like a prisoner, seriously!) You can work till forever and come home late, but I must listen to everything you say, even bullshits and I must be back early no matter how. Your work is work, your career is your life, your everything, the main priority in your life, but you always think that my work is made of a pile of shit and I should have dumped everything behind! The worse is, your hard earned money is real money, possibly made of gold! ...but mine is made of rocks! ...it has no value to you at all even though I do pay for my own bills!

You know, it's been really tiring! Until today, I still don't understand a lot of things. I've tried to let all these stupid thoughts go but each time you start to make hurtful comments or whatsoever, it hurts so much that I've become numb to it. When you neglect your actual priorities just for the sake of your so-called important job, outside activities and bitchy friends, I have never complained of anything. And now you're making a big fuss just because I have my own life, lots of work and I am much happier outside? Hahahaa....you're such a self-centered person!

There's another thing that bothers me all this while. You would rather glue your eyes to the idiot box or the bloody newspaper, than to look at me and listen to the things I say....but I keep you informed about my things too anyway. But, you were never interested and have never taken any initiative to keep any records of the things I told you. Oh I forgot! You're always and forever interested in the other person's things only!

You know, I really can't help thinking this way and this thought has been around for a long time .... If I'm much happier outside, shouldn't I be independent enough to feed myself outside, somewhere out there, anywhere??

Lost and found...and back on track again

2007-10-22T23:57:00.000+08:00

Some time ago, I got lost in the middle of nowhere...and after taking a break and strolling around for a while, I'm glad to announce that I have found back the trails and I am finally back on track again. :)

Having worked for almost half a year now, I realized how much time I've spent in the office and that I've lost most of my passion...or maybe I should say, everything just went rusty. I was still unaware that I was already stuck in the rat race or typically the vicious cycle of a workaholic, until the time when Dear shared about his interests. Well, much to my surprise, we share lots of things in common, which is one of the few reasons why he appeared different from the rest (Hehehe...I just had to mention this! Anyway, thanks Dear, really appreciate it!).

So, from the long conversations on our interests, I guess I have indirectly ignited what I've always wanted to do again. The passion is back.... Will keep you updated should there be any progress on the things I plan to do.

Anyway, here I come again with my famous quote of "What is life without dreams?" Honestly speaking, think of these questions.... Is it really worth it to rely on your day job alone? How can you survive if something bad happens to you? Are you going to slog at work, at this current job for the rest of your life? What do you really like? Do you love what you're currently doing now? How much are you willing to lose or compensate just to spend so much time in the office to get a decent pay each month?

Erm, I might have asked too many questions but you get the drift. I wouldn't tell you my answers but I hope I could sustain the current enthusiasm to go after what I really want to do....

:)

Invest in yourself

2007-10-17T22:50:00.000+08:00

I've been busy lately, but that can't stop me from starting my passion on books again. Anyway, just thought of sharing something I read in the book with you today.

"Change is scary. It takes courage, and often arouses conflicts with the ones we love. That's probably why so many folks stay in the ruts they've dug, unhappily spending a good portion of their days wishing they could get out, but not being able to do anything constructive to make it happen."

"Getting from where you are today to where you'd like to be is rarely a goal that can be achieved instantly."

"To get what you want in life, you first have to make room. And that means letting go of the things you don't want, even though you may have invested a lot of time and money in them along the way. While this is often difficult, the benefits will make it well worth the effort."

When the wind blows...

2007-10-10T22:20:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last blogged. Well, I have lots of things to bitch about here but the problem is, I've been too busy lately. Anyway, just a short update on what I'm up to and everything around me.

1) I've officially completed my industrial training. Yay. No more report to write.
2) My boss loaded me with big projects recently and I've to handle two important customers. That tells you why I work till so late each day.
3) My company's executive chairman /founder/MD notices my existence after I started handling those two customers. This sounds a bit dangerous. He knows my name! I might be getting more work, or worse...be in a hot soup easily if shit happens to my projects.
4) I had a surprise last week. There's a hand to hold from now on. :)

5) I'm starting my reading habit again....lots of books to read actually.
6) My hp "died". So I bought a new one and it burned a hole in my pocket! *Ouch*
7) Hmmm...what else? *Yawn* Tired already. Maybe it's time to sleep. Will blog on other days.

Ciao.

Through trials and errors....

2007-09-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

I was out with Joyce when I recalled about an article I read some time ago. We were talking about the latest updates in our lives when we touched on certain issues regarding the silly things we once did.

The article was long but I shall summarize the whole thing into a simplified question. It asked...

"If you had to choose, which do you prefer? Someone who is years older, who already has an established and successful career, lots of money and obviously has lots of experience in life in many different aspects OR someone who is around your age range, who is ever ready to grow and improve himself/herself together with you no matter what happens, the both of you go through trials and tribulations together..."

I told Joyce about this article and we just laughed. Thinking back, I guess both of us have sort of gone through a lot of shitty experiences to be where we are today. Many years ago, we both confidently declared that one should be realistic enough and the right answer should be the former. However, as we were enjoying our dinner, we were truly surprised that our answer to the question in the article has changed.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, shit happens! And through shitty, dirty and ugly experiences, we have grown to accept everything in the past. And we're glad that we managed to learn, to change, and to slowly pick up the small and tiny pieces of broken trusts and confidence. Previously, we did choose the former answer but now, we both prefer the latter answer. Maybe I should say, we have outgrown the so-called over-realistic mindset and we actually preferred some space for ourselves to breathe too? (Tip: You might understand this line if you had dated guys from that former category!) Haha...

A night to remember

2007-09-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

In the blink of an eye, I'm a year older again. Last year's birthday was kind of a nightmare for me but this year, I am truly happy and also surprised that you celebrated with me last night. All the while, I would be contented with just a simple birthday wish from people I know. But, it was really very sweet of you to organize a special meaningful celebration for me.

Thinking back, it was really funny for the both of us to apply half day's leave to spend time together. And the even funnier part was the guys thought we're an item! Hehe. Well, I wouldn't want to talk so much on that yet. *Blushes* You know, this date we had last night has sort of left me embarrassed and shy when I had a short conversation with Mum the day before.

Mum: We cut cake tomorrow (18th) ok? You make sure you come back early from office.
Me: Erm, I can't. I have a dinner date tomorrow.
Mum: Dinner? With your whole gang of friends?
Me: Erm, no...
Mum: One on one dinner?
Me: Hehe....yes.
Mum: Wahhh....we have to cut the cake on the eve because you're dating your bf on the real day?? *Giggles*
Me: .............Mum, he's not my bf.
Mum: Well, he's a guy right? So he's your bf!
Me: ......... *speechless*

Hehehe...

Oops. I guess I've just gone a bit out of topic. Anyway, I hope you had a great time too last night. Thanks for accompanying me, the jokes, the romantic dinner, the cake, the surprising present (I love it! :P), the long chats, the shared dreams and plans, and everything else. I truly appreciate the extra effort you put in just to make this day a special one. Thank you! :)

Things you shouldn't do during a blind date

2007-09-15T00:41:00.000+08:00

It was a blind date set up by a friend of mine. Well, she thought I've been date-less f0r ages and she was obviously too free, so she made me meet up with a guy I've never met before. We only chatted a few times previously.

Initially, I was reluctant to go but when some idiots made me pissed off at work, I was so eager to leave office early to go somewhere. So I agreed to meet him up when he called....erm, in a way entertaining my friend's "good deeds".

We met over dinner for a while only...one or one and a half hours. Haha. The first impression was...."Why does he look so much older than his actual age?" Oh well, I told myself, "Never mind. It's just a dinner with a guy. Nothing big deal. It won't kill." But, when his funny and annoying character surfaced, I was so tempted to call ANY of my male friends to come over and 'rescue' me.

Anyway, forget about that. We shall focus on what this post is all about. When you're on a blind date, you shouldn't do certain things.

1) Do not mention about your old flames. Nobody is interested with stories about your ex.
2) Do not brag about things you did. Nobody would praise you for that 7.2 Million worth of sales you raked in.
3) Do not ask about the girl or guy's background too much. Things like "What's your parent's occupation?" You're interested in that person and is dating him/her, not the parents. So don't ask stupid questions.
4) Do not laugh like a gay. It's a great turn off.
5) Do not show your anticipation in getting the relationship started. That only shows one thing. You're sooooo desperate and unfortunately, you won't see that guy/girl anymore after this.
6) Do not tell "jokes" that are only funny to yourself.
7) Do not be the forceful type. When he or she says no, accept it.
8) Do not wear the type of outfit that makes you look YEARS older.
9) Do not talk when there's food in your mouth.
10) Do not order a big amount of food, as though you've never eaten before.

So there you go. That guy was really like that. Such a great turn off. Even though I only had the intention of adding another friend into my existing circle and was only pleasing my friend, I really can't tolerate that guy's character. I guess I won't be seeing him anymore after this. Bleh!

Fly me to the moon

2007-09-11T22:45:00.000+08:00

I recently realized something weird in me. I seem to like aeroplanes, very much. As my workplace is quite near to the airport, I see huge airplanes each day. The sight of an aeroplane taking off seems to develop some kinda feeling in me. It feels as though it brings hopes....but I still didn't understand why I felt that way, until about three hours ago.

I was at the airport a few hours ago together with a few colleagues to send a friend/colleague off. Separation has always been a sad moment, especially when you're surrounded by your teary-eyed loved ones. However, there was something behind the reluctance of leaving this beautiful island. It was that familiar word again. Hope.

I don't know why but that word really jammed my brain, for a moment. Just imagine this, you're there about to leave this place to fulfill your dreams...to reach your stars...to do what you ought to do for a brighter future, and you will definitely miss everything here. But, when you turn and look at your folks, your friends and relatives who come all the way to support you....you can only feel one thing. There's hope...and that is what your loved ones see in you.

Damn. I guess I lost what I wanted to say. Too tired I guess. Anyways, just want to wish that friend of mine the best in his future endeavors. 2 years sound so long...hmm...his gf must be crying badly now. *Sigh* Separation moments hurt the most.

Lost within the shadows

2007-09-03T22:45:00.000+08:00

As I stared at myself in the mirror, my image spoke to me...

~~~

You could be flying here and there, everywhere
...but which direction are you heading to?

The wind blows
...but where is it bringing you to?

As you blindly follow the flow
...but can't you feel that you're similar to a headless chicken?

The game has already started,
...but what are you still waiting for?

If it's not now,
...then when will the right time come?

You feel bad,
...and thought it was everyone's fault.

The truth is, who else can you blame
...but none other than the one you look in the mirror?

Time flies,
...and you have actually forsaken what you once promised.

To be back on track,
...the Light will definitely shine to guide you through, yet again...

As He never breaks His promises, never.

~~~

What is life without dreams?

2007-09-02T14:30:00.000+08:00

I was clearing my messages on Friendster when I noticed a friend's personal message. Another friend of mine has finally found his "home" or the final destination, which is some sort of a dream come true for him. Many-many years ago when we first acquainted, he told me before that he wanted to build his home in some nice places in other country. I was merely a teenager and I thought he was only joking. But now, he has really gone to where his dreams belong and built his home at Guernsey (Channel Islands) with a beautiful wife and young daughter. At the age of 28, he has moved from Ipoh to such a beautiful place, it is indeed a dream come true...

Other than this friend, there's another one who will be leaving soon (erm, he might have left this place!). This is yet another dream come true as he will be working in UK, something he has planned for ages. When he told me about the job offer, I was sad that another friend is leaving, but at the same time, I was happy coz my friend lives up to his dreams.

How many of you actually fight and give all you can or have, just to achieve your dreams? I might be the very ambitious type and would do anything I can just to reach my dreams but the problem is, have I done anything? I'm truly ashamed of myself! What have I done thus far? Will I be able to do what I've always dreamed of when I'm 28?

Some people may have a much simpler mindset, where they would be satisfied with everything they currently have or minor things they plan to have and take things easily...but what is life without dreams? What is the meaning of life without trying to upgrade ourselves? It isn't about materialism. It is about what you want to achieve and how you can achieve it. Well, I do agree that simplicity is good (at times!) but why should we follow the crowd? Can't we set our own dreams and be different from our peers?

That Donkey...again!

2007-08-27T23:40:00.000+08:00

It's been 10 months, or almost a year since I broke up with that Donkey...but all these while, I'm aware that I still enjoy getting his attention (erm...until some time ago only). Being in self-denial, the "care" he showered me made me feel like he's still there.

I don't know when but when I started to set a gap between him n me, it has been that way ever since. Well, he still calls every now and then, occasionally about once in every two to three weeks. However, the calls left no effect. I made it clear, we broke up and we can only be friends. Nothing more than that. And, I even declined to meet up with him. What's the use of going out with an old flame to reignite ugly feelings again?

But, I really don't understand one thing. After 10 months or so, you're finally calling me on a daily basis again, checking on me, asking about my whereabouts, who I mix with and all that? What the hell is wrong with you? Where were you when I needed you most? Where were you when I was crying buckets on my birthday? What did you do when I had arguments with Mum? What did you do when I was in a bad mood?

You did nothing! You were no where to be found! I seriously hate myself very much coz you're really one shit ass in a phase of my life. If I could turn back time, I really wish I've never known/seen/dated you! I've had enough and I'm glad I'm over you already....in fact, it's been months! Wake up, idiot! It's over....you're just too late!

Paused....and resumed

2007-08-25T18:05:00.000+08:00

Phew~! Time flies! I didn't even realize that I haven't updated my blog for more than a week. Hmmm...

Anyway, just an update on what has happened or what is currently going on....well, just in case you're wondering. Obviously, I'm not dead yet...and so does this blog.

1) I've been going out a lot lately. That tells you why this space is so quiet now.

2) I saw a few smart and good looking guys when I went to the airport to fetch a friend. Have I mentioned before that guys in uniform or formal wear always look hot? Whoo...HAha.

3) I was a bit pissed off with my boss the other day. I don't know why I keep getting irritated with her lately but I have a feeling that I won't be long at this company. Well, still under consideration. Hmm...Long story.

4) I bumped into this guy again when I went Torch with friends last night. I didn't know Penang is really so small that I keep meeting him by chance over and over again. Honestly, I don't like to bump into people like him. He probably thought I was still crazily into him, which is obviously not. He doesn't even meet any of my requirements, and this tells you one thing. I was blind last time...and I had no taste in choosing guys when I was much younger! Bleh!

5) I've been having too much of alcohol consumption lately. *Feels guilty*

6) I've only completed 18 pages of my industrial training report and I haven't touched it for a week already! Die!!

7) I've been doing a lot of soul searching and it is currently still going on. The questions related to my soul searching activity left me with a big headache! Grrr....

*Yawn* Damn sleepy here. Could be due to last night's outing. Going off to get some sleep now. Ciao.

Roundabout...

2007-08-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

Am I dreaming or I just accidentally found myself walking in this place called dreamland? It's a surprising discovery though. Kinda unexpected....but how true can this be?? Will the rays of light last?

Bitch Beach lover

2007-08-12T14:15:00.000+08:00

When one is under the hot sun or in humid places, there's only one thing that comes to mind... "I need air-con!" ...but when you're stuck in air-conditioned places for nearly 90% of the time in a day, you would be screaming for fresh air!

Of late, I've been inhaling too much of processed air which made yours truly feeling tired and weak. And the haze in Penang makes it even worse. I was really desperately seeking fresh air!

But, I'm now very satisfied and I'm still grinning from ear to ear as I've had adequate fresh air on Friday night! Hehehe. It's been ages since the last time I went to the beach. So, I was really dying to go to the seaside to get enough supply of sea breeze. Well...guess what? I really dragged myself to the beach on Friday night! I left office early and I made my way to Seawind around nine something, together with a beach lover friend/colleague.

It was truly satisfying when you get to enjoy the sea breeze at such a wonderful place with relaxing lightings, enjoying your glass of chilled drink on a starry night with a great companion to chat with and not forgetting the soothing songs played as well as the sound of waves hitting the shore.... Ahhh! It was truly the best way to unwind, especially after a tiring and stressful week.

As more and more patrons came crowding the place, we made our way to the beach instead. The beach area at Seawind was quite narrow and since the high tide brought sea water onto the beach, we left the place and went to another beach instead. Hah! A much better place indeed! We were enjoying the sea breeze when some foreigners saw us there. They probably thought my friend and I were stupid fools. I mean, how often can you find two fellas eating ice-cream at the beach at 1.30am? Haha.

I had enough supply of fresh air...or even better, sea breeze!! :)

A slap in the face

2007-08-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

......well, thanks to reality.

It was a pretty bad day at work today and I was really very pissed off with some idiots. But, when I think it over, is it really worth it to be so angry? I don't think my salary is enough to cover my anger! So why bother about the idiots when I have already done what I'm supposed to?

Reality hits me hard when I started pondering and comparing my salary (Mind you, I am underpaid!) with the things I have to do, the things I have to sacrifice due to excessive workload and the idiots I have to deal with each day. If the pay is adequate or at least on par with the market rate for degree holders, I might just shut up and swallow in all my anger and also complaints.

I was stuck in a massive traffic jam just now when the question suddenly popped up, "Why do I need to do donkey jobs since I am not getting the wage of a similar qualified personnel?" Well, I know it's not wholly about the salary issue but I was really thinking. Am I really moulded for this kind of job or particularly this department? I suddenly feel so lost and confused.

Perhaps, I'm not suitable for a job like this. Or maybe, I need to focus on my other alternatives and forcefully drag myself back on track to pursue my dreams. Or was it just an excuse to get my ass out of this place?

"Happiness decides where you should be" A friend told me this previously but do you really agree with what she said? Well, I am in fact quite happy with my surroundings and the people around me (except those idiots I mentioned, of course!) but can this judge what I should do next?

Every minute counts

2007-08-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

When you're happy and enjoying yourself, time passes too quickly until you hardly notice it. Every day, you force yourself to wake up early in the morning and drag yourself to work (hopefully, before the clock-in time!).

On every Monday morning, you will wish for the same thing over and over again. "How I wish today's Friday!" ...And when Friday comes, you could be seen grinning from ear to ear, always excited about Friday night. From Monday till Friday, you've been thinking a lot and have even planned all sorts of things for the weekend.

When Friday night finally arrives, you'll get all excited and energetic for any kinds of activities you have planned. On Saturday, once again, you enjoy yourself to the fullest. And when Sunday finally comes (especially around this time - 10 something at night), you feel so down and disturbed.

You would possibly ask yourself a silly question. "What have I done over the last two days? Why did time pass by so quickly when I was enjoying myself?"

What I typed above best describes my current mood. I have lots of plans lately, particularly during the weekends and I just realized that my Saturdays and Sundays end too fast until I could hardly remember what I did. You know, this reminds me that my motivation to go to work has become lesser now, and it's only my third month at this company! Damn...This is a bad sign!

It's not even Monday yet and I'm already whining now! Bleh!

Poisonous dream

2007-08-04T14:00:00.000+08:00

Last night, I dreamt of that cute one again. It appears funny to me coz I know I'm not what I used to be. Only desperados would go crazy over a guy until like that! ...but how do you explain this one? Hmm...it still feels funny though.

Well, it's true that the cute guy's smile could melt any girl's heart easily, but then again, damn.... I'm out of this! *Keeps reminding myself that he's JUST a friend*

There's something that is actually bugging me. One of his friends knows about this dream of mine, but I hope he won't spill the beans. This is super embarrassing! I probably have to feed him with lots of good food to stuff his big mouth! ...but how long can this so-called secret be safe? Bleh.

Missing the jungle life

2007-08-03T21:01:00.000+08:00

It's been a few days since I last updated this space and it's mainly due to the lack of desire to blog.

Anyways, I was enjoying my hot drink during tea time when I suddenly realized something. I've been out of Uni for two months plus now. I can't believe that I was thinking of the jungle this afternoon. I miss the jungle very much. I spent three years there and everything has changed ever since.

I don't know how to put the feelings into words but I really miss those times when I enjoyed listening to my favourite songs on Ipod while walking from one place to another within the campus. I miss my course mates and Uni friends. I miss the library! (I know this sounds a bit stupid but yours truly loves to be surrounded by lots of books coz it makes one feel like a smart ass! Heh!) I miss the afternoon naps I've always had. *Sigh* I miss everything there!

Blooming

2007-07-29T16:03:00.000+08:00

I had a chat with a somewhat superstitious friend recently and our conversation made me realized something. As both of us were born under the same zodiac sign, she excitedly told me...

"Hey! Guess what? This time of the year is damn cool. It is predicted that we should be attracting a lot of guys! It is believed that we will fall in and out of love easily. Are you dating anyone lately?"

Her statement made me ponder for a moment. Well, I can't deny I do enjoy getting lots of attention lately. Hehe...but then again, maybe what she said was right. I think I had a crush on a guy about a month ago, and two weeks ago, it was a different one and then now, I'm thinking of another one. Bleh. Is this a bad thing or what?

Anyways, I guess this is the nicest part of being single. You have lots of dates and get to enjoy the much needed attention without getting bored. Hehehe. Damn. I'm a goner! I went clubbing with the whole gang of engineers last night and that guy was really cute!!! Gahhh...

Buried under a mountain of dollar notes

2007-07-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

Out of the blue, the topic was brought up. I was aware of this issue and I knew I had to face this problem...but I didn't know this person would bring this issue up so soon. And this topic suddenly makes me feel very, very small...as though I've been buried alive, under a mountain of dollar notes.

How many times do you hear this, "Money is not everything"? I agree that this could be true but without money, you lose everything. Think about it. I've also heard of this..."Even with lots of money, you won't be happy". I'm not sure how true is that but I personally feel like I'm dying...slowly, not physically but emotionally. I'm not complaining about being underpaid or having to juggle my personal financial issues, but I seriously cannot tolerate certain things that person says.

Why must those questions be repeated umpteen times? It is really VERY suffocating to think of this matter each time when it is brought up. I know I obviously can't avoid it, but can't you give me some space to take a breather? I hate it very much when you ask questions that I myself don't even have the answers yet. All I need is some time to think over this matter, and to carefully plan the path. Can it be really that bad? I've only started work not long ago and here you are, attacking me with difficult questions without even considering my feelings.

I'm afraid all the things you said and did have actually turned me into a real bitch, as in someone who sees money as everything! A money-eyed bitch....and I obviously hate myself for changing into a person like that. Whatever you said made me recalled back about that self-made millionaire I once dated. Was it really a wrong choice that I ended the relationship? I was really thinking...maybe, just maybe...I wouldn't be facing this sort of problems IF I hadn't ended the whole thing. But then again, being who I really am, I would rather die than to depend on a rich man. I guess I just have to push myself forward and suffer this phase of life before I could prove myself to someone and shut the mouth.

It seems that nothing can be done. I could only survive on two words for the time being. I have to force myself to tolerate and be independent, no matter how. All I need is time...

Study loan equals debts??

2007-07-22T10:30:00.000+08:00

It's surprising that I managed to wake up early today since I slept at 4am last night. Anyway, maybe....maybe there's this thing that is really bugging me.

I was chatting with a younger colleague last night when he told me about his study plans. He's leaving for UK in August to get a Degree and his passion has in a way reminded me of what I've always wanted.

"Wow. You're going to UK? ...it's expensive there. You must be damn rich huh?" I asked.

"Nahh...I'm not rich lah. I applied for a loan of 8% for 5 years. You could do that too." He explained.

And his line of "you could do that too" has been repeating itself non-stop since last night. Is it really worth it to get a loan just to fulfill my dreams? In case you didn't know, 97% of all personal financing and investment books (like those written by Robert Kiyosaki and Warren Buffet) tells you that getting a loan is the stupidest thing one could get for himself. The theory is similar to this, before earning from your investments, you already made yourself fall into the debts category? That sounds a bit stupid.

Bleh...I was really thinking about this. To fulfill my childhood dreams and passion (before I become an old, ugly auntie), I might need to work my ass out to pay back the loan later on. Can I make it?

Well, of course there are other alternatives.
1) Get the MBA elsewhere. *thinks of the ever-prestigious Uni in the neighbouring country*
2) Work my ass out, become a slave and work OT everyday, work part-time, sell lots of bullshits and do ANYTHING to earn enough money in 2-3 years time.
3) Business and investments.
4) Find a super rich guy (most likely a bald, old and butt ugly man) and get sponsored (OOPS, this option is totally out! Yours truly is not that cheap. I don't think I could stick to someone like that and I obviously hate to be controlled. So this is out!)
5) Forget about this dream. (Oh no!) ....and regret your choice of not furthering studies when you were still young.

Gahhh.... I doubt getting a loan is a good option....but have I got any other choices?

Working alongside idiots

2007-07-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

The title of this post tells you clearly that yours truly would love to grill a few idiots alive, if she could really do it.

Working at the front line of a company isn't really that easy actually. Come to think of it, is this still the so-called blessing in disguise experience? I've never really thought of working at a department like this, but somehow, I guess I need to really blend in well while I get along and work with/for idiots....but I can't deny that I was thinking of something else. "Should I stay after completing my four months internship? Should I leave before the confirmation date?" "Should I treasure the first few months as a full-time permanent employee whilst my course mates struggle like hell to kill time?"

Anyway, a few idiots stole my mood away today.

The bloody irritating and busybody US counterpart
There's this guy (with a girl's name) from our US subsidiary who doesn't know how to respect people. Each time he sends an email over, he will only talk to a higher authority. Even when his email was addressed to yours truly, he will never mention my name. And the most annoying part was he loves to use font size 15 for all his emails. Everything we do, he will escalate. He knows nuts, yet he supports whatever our customers say. I only have one sentence to describe this guy. He's one fcuking idiot who doesn't know manners and could possibly be a faggot since he loves to kaypo about other people's things.

The "I don't know" idiots
Everything I ask them, they will only say "I don't know" even though it's their job. If they don't know anything, who else is supposed to know? Angels? God? These idiots are better off at home, sucking their thumbs than being a zombie at work!

The forgetful old man
This guy holds a high post but he's almost going brain dead. Anything important you tell him today, he will forget it by tomorrow...or maybe the next minute. And the problem is, other people always believe in the things he says. So, telling him something equals to nothing. I might as well swallow in everything I need to tell him.

The "I'm waiting for your instructions" pig heads
Talking to or asking this type of people on certain things makes me vomit blood. They are forever waiting for someone to instruct them. So next time, when there's no one to remind them on when to pangsai (shit) or eat, they won't do it at all.

The breathing-behind-my-neck customer
This customer loves to hunt for yours truly. Each time I see him/her (there are two of them from the same company), I will have to attend to their impossible requests ASAP. One would always call me non-stop and place stupid orders, where the parts/items must be sent the following day or on the same particular day (which is obviously impossible and stupid). The other is a domineering bitch who never listens but I bet she was a graduate from the Super-Fake Acting School.

There are a few other idiots but these idiots I mentioned above are enough to make my day. Bloody hell! I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, dragged myself to work, had so many stupid things to do and these numb nuts spoiled the rest of my day. Grrr...

Bad day

2007-07-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

Do you remember what day is today? Gosh! It's Friday the 13th!! I've never been the very superstitious type, or maybe...just a little. But, since today coincides with the so-called bad luck day, I really had a bad day at work today.

Hmmm...long story.

Anyways, since I just got back from work and I'm quite pissed off with a few peeps, I shall end this post here before I explode this place.

Oh by the way, I'm going to Cameron tomorrow!

*Off to pack bags*

Time to get busy

2007-07-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

It was about 3pm but there was no phone calls, no emails, nothing. I was quite happy as I could do anything I wanted and I could chat with anyone on MSN and Skype without worrying about the on-going projects.

My senior has always reminded me on something that I could hardly believe it. He will always say this, "We will always get busy when it's around 4 to 4.30pm. People will call non-stop. Our mailbox will explode. Trust me on this..."

This time it happened, and I believe his words now. After receiving a call at about 4.15pm, I was so busy that I couldn't even find the time to go to the washroom! Other than calls, I received lots of emails demanding follow ups as well. Without realizing how fast time flies, it was already 8pm when my stomach made noise. Aihhh....really no life!!

Today is my first day handling all the projects by myself without my senior. He has gone on a holiday, starting from today. So he left a big pile of work and also the influenza virus to me! Ohhh....bless me for his big gift...the bloody virus! Grrr...

So I'm expected to be super-busy for the next one week. Heh! He better get me something from where he has gone to! Hehe.

Blind date #1

2007-07-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

2 girls, 12 guys, 1 blind date.

Yesterday night, my colleague and I went crazy. We (only 2 of us as the other one was sick) finally agreed to join/meet up with the bunch of crazy mechanical engineers from plant 1 (of the same company) after chatting in the same chatroom for over a month.

Like I said, it was truly a crazy gathering as we have never met any of those guys before. It took them a month's time to find out our identity, where lots of spies were sent to check on almost everything about us, e.g. how we look like, our hp numbers, our real/full names, what/which car we drive, where we stay, etc.

Initially, it felt weird but after a while, the so-called blind date was considered a success. We blended in easily into their ever-crazy topics. The only funny part was, we (the 2 girls) had a difficult time identifying and matching the guys with the nicknames used in the chatroom. Looks like it's our turn to send some spies over to check on their backgrounds. HAha.

Working in a male dominated industry....

2007-07-02T21:18:00.000+08:00

....can be cool and also scary at the same time!

The other day, one of the big structures (for a machine) was found with non-conforming dimensions (or in layman's term, measurements). As it was already 85% completed and each structure costs about RM70k, everyone rushed to the production floor to check on it. I was there with my senior, and also many other engineers.

Within split seconds, all the guys climbed up a 5 meter machine to check on that structure. Luckily, I wore pants on that day. So I joined what the others did and I realized something at that time.

"Gosh! Am I the only lady involved in this project?"

I could sense a strong smell of gender discrimination when the other older engineers showed some kind of facial expression that made yours truly uncomfortable. They probably need more time to accept a lady in their team.

Other than that, working in a male dominated industry can be quite cool. Wanna know why? Haha. I'm obviously enjoying and getting a much deserved attention from the younger engineers. I only deal with some of them (as we're in the same team, handling similar projects) but I got to know many other engineers from another plant through some of my colleagues. That helps a lot as it makes my journey at work much smoother.

So, here are some of the obvious pros and cons of working in a male dominated industry.

Pros:
- You get to see and know LOTS of guys.
- You get to learn things from the guys, especially the more experienced ones.
- You get LOTS of attention from your male counterparts. Hehehe.

Cons:
- You need more time to convince the older or experienced ones that you're capable of doing something.
- You feel very "small" at times, as you're often surrounded by guys, big machines, and lots of heavy structures, jigs and fixtures!
- You have to fight against people's general perception that girls are "soft" and "useless"...especially in a working environment like mine.

Please think before you speak!

2007-06-29T22:50:00.000+08:00

All the while, every single word that comes out from your mouth seems to hurt a lot. I don't know whether I'm being too sensitive or maybe it was you who always speak without thinking. It's always the usual trivial issues that trigger your unsatisfactory remarks on me but those are just minor things, why must you make such a big fuss about it?

Have you ever considered my feelings? Can you please put yourself in my shoes before jumping to conclusion? Oh please! I'm old enough to think of what I'm doing. I'm not even committing a crime now. So what's the problem all about? Previously, you always complained on almost everything I did. You were never pleased with me but because of respect, I still listen and comply to the things you said...and until today, I still respect you.

...but each time, when you talk without enough facts or without thinking, when you don't trust me, when you accuse me of doing certain things....I tell you...it really hurts! You could speak all the hurtful things out, act dumb a moment later and sleep soundly after a while but I can't. I really can't. All these are still slowly accumulating in me, even though I've grown numb to this kind of situation and have eventually become someone with a "don't-care attitude".

As I grow older, I thought all these would vanish someday but I doubt they will. I don't wish to be revengeful. I don't want to disrespect you also...but I guess, my earlier decision, the one I made a few months ago is a right choice. One of the many reasons I want to leave this place and move to the neighbouring country (or anywhere else except this island) to work is because I want to be far away from you. Too bad this is all I could do to prevent unwanted arguments and all the unnecessary fuss about trivial issues.

Happy 2nd Anniversary

2007-06-28T22:53:00.000+08:00

Can you believe it? I started blogging in 2005 and it's been 2 years!!

I didn't know I have so many things to bitch about.

I've never expected this blog to last so long.

Anyway, is it time to move to Wordpress? Hmmm....

Gahh!! I'll think about that some other time. Time to sleep. It's been a tiring and busy week! =/

See ya!

First day at Uni....a few years ago

2007-06-26T22:55:00.000+08:00

It's barely a week to the first day at Uni for many new undergrads. This period of time reminds me of my own experience about three to four years ago.

It was a Tuesday when I checked on the Internet and found out that I was "thrown" into a university I never applied for and was offered a course I've never even heard of. It was truly a scary feeling as it felt like a dead end. As I didn't want to burden my family financially (and I also prefer to be independent), I swallowed in all the fear and volunteered to study in the jungle (Yes, my Uni is located exactly in the middle of a jungle and I'm not kidding!) even though I didn't like it...

Back then, we were only given a few days to a week's time to get ready for the grand entry into a tertiary level of education. I bought LOTS of things and I thought it was adequate....but it wasn't enough. I bought more things when I reached there! The night before my first day at Uni was terrible. I couldn't sleep at all. It wasn't about excitement but it was more of mixed feelings. "Can I survive staying far away from my family?" That question rings in the ear over and over again till I dozed off.

Before I knew it, it was time to depart. We left home as early as 5am. Along the way, it was a shocking sight to my parents because they only saw trees, paddy fields, mountains, other cars, more trees, more paddy fields and nothing else. As it was my second time travelling down that road (I had earlier visited this Uni and was also the first one to say "NO, I don't want to study in a jungle" but ironically, I got a place there!), it wasn't that shocking anymore.

When I registered myself at the hostel's office, I had a big culture shock. I thought the Chinese communities at the northern region should be speaking Hokkien and not other languages or dialects, but I was wrong. Having attended a national school (English-Bahasa medium), I was a sucker in Mandarin. I could hardly speak a single word even though I could comprehend simple words. (Currently, I could at least speak a bit...but I still have lots to learn though. Hehe) My first day...in fact, the first week felt like the worst time of my life. I made friends easily with Malay girls but not those from the same race. I didn't know what went wrong but it felt like a place full of racists. You will only see people of the same race together. So, I was obviously an isolated "special" alien when the other Chinese girls saw me with Malay girls. (Disclaimer: Oops, this paragraph is not intended to induce racism among blog readers or belittle any race. This is truly a personal experience and opinion.)

Anyway to cut a long story short, everything eventually went on smoothly. I found a group of close friends comprising both Malays and Chinese. I have friends from other races as well. Initially, I never liked my days at Uni and had always looked forward to going back home but when I was finally in my sixth (final) semester, I secretly hoped that time would stop, at least for a while so that I could enjoy and spend more time at Uni. Unfortunately, when you love something very much, time flies and it was time to say goodbye to Uni.

I have lots of other stories to share about Uni but I'll just stop here for today. Just a piece of advice. Whatever you do, make sure you're doing your best, you enjoy it and most importantly you're happy about it.

The idiot in front of you

2007-06-25T22:37:00.000+08:00

When it's raining heavily...

and certain areas are flooded...

When you're late for work...

and you're worried about the clock-in time...

You will always meet a very "good friend" in front of you...

He normally drives at a speed of 40kmph only....

blocking you from speeding or overtaking him...

while he enjoys a satisfying dig of his own gold mine....

And nothing can be done...until you finally overtake his bloody car and show him this!

NAHHH!! Buzz off, idiot!

When you bump into your high school crush

2007-06-23T00:40:00.000+08:00

How often do you bump into the same person a few times in a week?

It was Tuesday night when I joined a colleague's farewell dinner/gathering with the other colleagues at a restaurant in a famous fishing village. I was enjoying my meal (Fyi, eight types of seafood!!) when I noticed there was a pair of eyes looking my way. I looked up and saw a familiar face.

Damn. It was K, one of my high school crushes. Erm, have I told you before that I sometimes suspect I have a serious disease - I fall for people easily, particularly those who meets my requirements. (But, I didn't have any specific requirements yet back then) *shy* Anyways, he still looked very much the same but I doubt he could recognize me. After all, yours truly is no longer the ugly-looking, naive girl with inflamed and pimply skin, and thick glasses. Hehe. But, I acted dumb as though I didn't know who he was. Well, it's obviously humiliating to meet back an old crush by chance, especially when he knew every bit about the infatuation. It was a quite hot gossip back at high school. So paiseh.

I thought I wouldn't meet K anymore after Tuesday night but guess what? I bumped into him again when I went out for lunch on Wednesday. It was a large hawker food center with more than 50 stalls but I saw him there. Our eyes met but again, I acted dumb and just walked pass him. I believed I won't meet him by chance anymore, but the third time happened within a week. I bumped into him again this afternoon when I went out for lunch. Aihhh....I have nothing else to say now. This is so weird.

Anyways, apart from feeling weird, how did I feel and what was in my mind when I saw K?

Possible Answers:
A) Gosh! He still looks good!
B) Damn, was I blind? How could I fall for this guy for 2-3 years' long when he is soooo short, skinny and small built?
C) *look-look, see-see* ...no feeling at all...Puppy love is stupid.
D) None of the above.
E) ___________ (Please specify)

So which is the right answer?

Updates

2007-06-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

:(

I just got back from office about an hour ago...

I have lots of things to blog about but it seems that I have to leave it till tomorrow. Damn I'm so busy!

Long story lah. I bumped into a high school crush. Hehe. Other than that, I have other things to bitch about also.

Will tell you more on that tomorrow, that's only if I could leave office early. =/

Time to sleep. Nites!

P/s: This blog is not dead yet. TQ. HEhe...

Between money and women

2007-06-17T14:15:00.000+08:00

People always say there's a linkage between money and women. Most men believe in something stupid like this saying, "No money, no honey". Do you actually believe in that statement? Being a feminist, I'm definitely against it. We girls are worth much more than you guys can ever afford....

...but today is an exceptional day and therefore I shall blog about the importance of money-making. For guys, the usual thing that comes to mind when you have lots of money is...sexy babes (Shame on you! Is that all you can think about?? Oops. Out of topic!).

For girls, when we have lots of money, we get to do lots of things. Shopping, travelling, spa, hair treatments, facials, cars, dogs, do anything to look like Jessica Alba, whatever... (Disclaimer: Not every girl fancy those things I mentioned)

As for yours truly, if I could earn enough money in three years' time, I will definitely pack my bags and get my ass to UK to fulfill my childhood dreams. Erm, other than that, I would love to drive a Mitsubishi Lancer, a Honda Civic or a Syang Yong Rexton, own a luxury condo before age 30, etc...and the list goes on.

So, as I was surfing the net, I stumbled upon a website that managed to catch my attention. Initially, I doubt its feasibility but what the heck? I gave it a try anyway. Let's see whether it works or not.

You should try it out too. Who knows, you could earn LOTS of money just like the owner himself? HAha...

Cheers to money-making. Click HERE and not on the pic below, you perverts!

Damn. This chick looks so damn gatal! Eeeuwww...

How a number makes you happy

2007-06-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

I just got out from the meeting room when one of my Uni course mates messaged me on MSN.

"Result is out. Check it now!"

I knew I didn't do quite well in one of the papers during my final exam. So I was hesitating whether to check it in the office or not. I was afraid that my CGPA would go down. I was afraid that my result would affect my mood at work. Even though I've already gotten a job, I'm still hoping that I could at least maintain my pointer so that I don't need to pay back for the National Higher Education Fund's (better known as PTPTN) loan.

For hours and hours, I made myself busy at work and I totally forgot about the issue. When I reached home, the first thing I did was to log in to my Uni's portal to check on it.

I took a deep breath. It felt like a "do-or-die" situation. I clicked on it and what I saw was truly surprising. I thought I saw the wrong thing. I pinched myself but I saw the same thing. I couldn't believe my own eyes. So I dragged Dad and Bro to see it. They saw the same thing.

It is confirmed that I don't need to pay back for my PTPTN loan anymore. It has been converted to a scholarship automatically. Not only that, I will be wearing a gold medal during my convocation ceremony! (Look! I'm not bragging but I'm just too....erm, happy and surprised! Hehe)

*beaming from ear to ear*

The other road users...

2007-06-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

When you're late for work, you tend to meet all sorts of irritating drivers on the road. Among those who get on your nerves are:

1) The super careful babes - they usually drive at a speed of 40 kmph even when they're driving on a highway. Driving behind these cars make you feel like you're following a real tortoise!

2) The carefree uncles and aunties - this group of drivers have always been very annoying. Of all times, they choose to go to the market, to a famous tai chi park or to a coffee shop to gossip about people's second wife (or anywhere else) when other people are on their way to work. Can't they go to those places a bit earlier or later? Gahh!!

3) The careless drivers - this group of drivers usually drive as though they own the road. Needless to say, they're usually the culprits / victims of accident cases...which would cause so much of inconvenience to other road users - traffic jam!!

4) The ~~nose~~ goldmine diggers - you will see this group of drivers frequently on the road, especially in Penang. As "gold" digging could be addictive, they probably feel too much of satisfaction until they can't concentrate on the road.

5) The big bullies - Needless to say, bulldozers have always been the main contributor to massive traffic jams...but I really can't understand why I always meet the same bulldozer (driver) everyday when I drive to work! Grrr...

6) The talkative bitches - Would you talk on the phone early in the morning, and of all times when you're driving? Gahh...you have so many things to bitch about huh? If you have good driving skills, you can obviously talk on the phone all the time even when you're driving, but when you suck at it, don't do it!

7) The gesticulative idiots - This type of drivers are usually seen to be actively gesticulating in the car, even when he's driving on a highway. Erm, by the way, I used to think that women are more of the gesticulative type when they talk (Not all lah!) but so far, the gesticulative idiots I saw on the road were men. Aww...shameful!

Aihh....this post tells you one thing. I reached my office a few minutes later than the actual work-in time. So, it's obviously time to sleep already. =/

Falling into the rat race....real soon! Grr...

2007-06-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

When I was still studying, I had ample time to read Robert Kiyosaki's books or any other similar books (particularly on personal financing) but now that I spend more of my time at office, I can't quite remember what Robert or Kim (his wife) said anymore.

Before I started working, I was so anxious about personal financing. I was so eager to do this and that (In fact I had a list of things to do...) just to prevent myself from falling into the rat race but ever since I started working about three to four weeks ago, reality just pinched me in the ass and I'm so damn fcuking blur now. All I want is to get enough sleep.

Just imagine how fast each day passes and how I spend most of my time at work. In fact, I just got back from the office about an hour ago. Gahh. Call me a workaholic, whatever...but I guess I really need to find some other ways to prevent myself from falling into the rat race. Well, OT claims are obviously good and very attractive but I don't want to work my ass out for the next 30 over years just to pay tax!

Idiot. It's almost time to sleep and in a few hour's time, it's time to work again. Gahh...I know...I'm whining today. Forgive me for that. It's Monday! Aihhh...

*headache*

After three weeks...

2007-06-10T15:30:00.000+08:00

The best thing that could happen to a student after leaving Uni is to meet back with some (or most) of her closer friends / course mates for a simple gathering.

It was a much anticipated day when all the eight of us, four guys and four girls (Another six couldn't make it as they are currently based in Alor Star, Taiping, Pahang and Malacca) met up at Bukit Mertajam yesterday (Don't ask me why they chose this place). We toured around the whole place from about 3pm till 12 midnight and during that period of time, we went to five different locations to eat! Other than hawker food, we went to Tambun for seafood. After that, the next stop was Auto-City. We went to SOHO for a drink, explored the area where a car carnival was held and moved on to Old Town to bitch about our stories.

The different types of food we had were just "so-so", but the gathering was not so much about the food. The greatest part about the get-together was we managed to gather eight people from different places together. We reminisced a bit on what we did previously at Uni, followed by lots of complaints regarding our workplaces. Each of us had our own story to share. There was a question frequently heard throughout our simple gathering. "How did you spend your time during your first week of work?"

"I wish I could find a guy now and get married tomorrow so that I don't need to work at this stupid place anymore" LF complained. She was obviously facing a lot of stress and difficulties at work.

Our group has always been the sarcastic, loud and noisy type back at Uni, not to mention the free flow of vulgar words. But after started working, we have to get used to a lower voice tone and must talk politely at office. So after keeping everything in ourselves for three weeks, we exploded SOHO and Old Town with loud voices and laughter. The other patrons thought we were uneducated grown ups with attitude problems. Hehe.

"Wahh...it's so nice to be able to talk loudly and laugh as much as I want again" said J who currently works at a super huge MNC.

"You mean you can't talk or even laugh in the office?" I asked.

"No. Nobody talks there. My office is so fcuked. If I want to talk to the person next to my cubicle, I have to message him by using messenger" J complained.

The rest of them complained about other funny office cultures at their workplaces. I had my own story to share too, but not so much of a complaint. I thought to myself that I should consider myself lucky to be able to "breathe" and do other things comfortably at work without feeling the pressure from weird office cultures.

As we laughed and talked, time flies and it was time to say our goodbyes. When we were still studying, we didn't appreciate those moments spent together but now that we're outside working, the feeling is really different. We discussed on a few future gathering plans before we left to go home. I'm definitely looking forward to the next meet up.

"Handsome" girls

2007-06-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

When I was fourteen, there was a time when I (and a few friends) had some kind of confusion in terms of sexuality. We thought we were abnormal! It happened when I joined a gang of female friends together with many other girls from another school for a camping activity at the Girl Guides headquarters. During the four days three nights activity, my friends and I realised something unusual about ourselves. We didn't talk much about any cute boys but we spent lots of time ogling at and gossiping about a "handsome" girl.

She was indeed "handsome" and "strong"...erm, I don't know how to describe further but she really appeared that way. Nothing much happened but at the end of the camping activity, one of my friends gathered enough guts to do something silly. She gave the "handsome" girl a lovely handicraft and said, "I like you" sort of thing. Back then, it was really a little too confusing to understand why a girl would do such a thing to another girl. I was a bit confused too because that girl was really...erm, "handsome".

That was many-many years ago. I've never told anyone about that kind of confusion I experienced when I was younger but when I met a female friend recently (she's around my age and she's my mum's colleague), I noticed that I'm perfectly normal. Hehe.

How would you feel when another girl tells you, "Hey, you're so cute lah. I like you. If only my girlfriend can be as sporting as you..."? Eeuwww....I didn't know she was a lesbian when we first acquainted. There's obviously nothing wrong to befriend a lesbian but when she goes overboard with explicit acts as though she wants to "eat" or own you, then you really need to watch out. That lesbian friend's scary stares and funny words were enough to make my knees weak! ...thank God, she has decided to go elsewhere to further studies.

I don't know why but I seem to always attract "handsome" girls. Well, they do look good but since I'm 100% straight, I feel weird being surrounded by girls like them. There are two "handsome" girls at my workplace. I dealt with both of them before and....they're really that type of girls! Usually, they would look at girls from top to bottom and you can even see them drooling. Eeuuwww...

I'm not discriminating lesbians or "handsome" girls but how do I avoid them without making harsh remarks? Damn. It's just so hard! I appreciate all the attentions I get but oh pleeassseee! I don't need any kind of attention from those of the same sex! Yerrr....

Anti-kids cineplexes

2007-06-04T11:29:00.000+08:00

Kids under the age of 12 (or maybe 10) should be banned from entering a cinema, unless they don't behave like monkeys!

I know this sounds discriminating and I might be complaining against this irrelevant regulation when I have my own kids next time, but hey, who would like catching a movie at the cinema together with annoying monkeys? Erm, I actually like kids (The well-behaved ones, of course!) but when some parents who lack proper parenting skills (and obviously have no cow sense!) decided to bring along their chimpanzees, the cinema would eventually turn into a zoo!

These are the things I experienced previously at a few cineplexes. I was so engrossed with a scene in the movies when...

* A monkey decided to scream, "Mummmmyyyy!! I want milk-milk!"

* An inquisitive monkey used up all the vocabulary in his little brain to ask annoying questions like, "Where is Spiderman?", "Where is Mr.Bean?", "Where is Mummy?", "Where is orang gila?", etc. (Those were just the "where" questions. The little monster continued with the "who" and "why" questions after that.)

* A cute monkey decided to comb my hair....of all things, with her sticky hands! Eeeuuww...(She had some popcorn in her other hand!)

* A monkey decided to steal the limelight as he started singing irritating songs he learned from Barney and friends.

* The wails of a baby monkey (This is obviously the inconsiderate mother's fault!)

* An irresponsible father gave the little monkey his handphone to play with. (The mobile was not even on silent mode!)

* The running commentary mother. She told her kids what happened to the hero in the movie with intervals of every few minutes.

Those were just a few examples of monkeys in the cinema. So, monkeys should be banned from entering cinemas. Only well-behaved kids deserve to enter.

Is pink the wrong colour?

2007-06-02T22:14:00.000+08:00

My office is located exactly above the production area. This means that I need to walk pass the production floor each day just to get to my cubicle. Apart from that, I usually need to go to certain areas within the production floor, either to check on faulty/rejected parts or to get quotation from/discuss with engineers.

As required by the top management, all employees must wear new shoes or slippers within the premises. So, I bought myself one but since mine is not the "super-boring and traditional black coloured boots", it seems that I've attracted unwanted stares and attention. Don't believe me? Have a look at it here. Mine looks just about the same, albeit pink in colour. (I don't really like pink but I bought it anyway coz it's cute and comfy.)

Initially, I was uncomfortable with so much of attention on my pink-coloured shoes (Or was it me who attracted so much of attention and not my shoes? HEhehe!). But now, I guess I've gotten used to it. Perhaps, I'm just as normal as any other women. We're attention seekers! (Disclaimer: Not all lah) Hehehe.

By the way, what's so wrong with wearing a pink coloured "boots" or shoes at the production floor?

What makes a day's work complete

2007-05-29T23:09:00.000+08:00

...Check emails or ~~pretend to~~ check office emails. (a.k.a "snake around")

...Work (Staring at several excel sheets on my office's Dell flat screen, super-slim monitor until my eyes go blind! Worse still, I'm not reading or typing words but I look and organize uncountable part numbers like 0102158-005, 0280101-003, etc....Damn, I don't mean to complain actually. I still love numbers, I think!)

...Daydreaming (E.g. "Wahhh...look at his eyes!!", "OMG! Kissable lips! LOL!", "Hmm...where would I be if I'm not here at this hour...?", etc.)

...Toilet breaks (You see, I drink a lot of water these days because adequate supply of H20 is said to be helpful in promoting a clear and healthy skin. I hope this is true coz I drink a lot of water lately....not to mention the frequent toilet visits when I'm at work! Hee...)

...Keeping track on each minute and hour. ("When is lunch break?", "How many minutes more to go back home?", "When is this and that?", etc....Ok, ok, I'm only joking about this coz when I get busy, I don't even have the time to look at my watch and it's obviously not true if you say that I'm not motivated to work...hehe...but, don't you do the same thing when it's a few minutes to lunch break or leave office?)

...Attending meetings (Erm, the accurate word is tagging along. My boss assigned a senior colleague to teach me things. She said, "You will learn a lot from him. From now on, do as he says and follow him to meetings and anywhere else..." So, I've been tagging along for more than a week now...erm, except to toilets and other funny places. Hehe. What were you thinking about? Hah! Your brain is possibly 80% corrupted!! Shame on you... *shakes head*)

Haa...there you go. Those are some of the things I do everyday at work since last week. Hehe. More updates soon. Anyway, time to sleep. Nites!

Another chapter starts...

2007-05-27T16:13:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since I joined Company A. So, what can I say?

Overall, everything seems ok. I'm quite surprised that I'm actually utilising some of my technical knowledge and certain things that I studied in Uni at work now. So, it is not really that bad even though I've never imagined myself in a department like this. Anyway, on the whole, everything seems ok...

Every weekday morning starts with a slow bumper-to-bumper crawl all the way up to Bayan Lepas. Gahh... That's how I start my day! And after work, I've to go through the same thing again! Damn. It would be so much better if my house is located just right beside Company A...which is obviously impossible! Heh! Oh well...the traffic jam is nothing actually. It's expected and I'm not complaining either.

Anyway, there's another thing I forgot to tell or ask. How can you concentrate on work without being distracted by your "quite good looking" colleague who happens to be the one ordered by the boss to teach you things? HEhe. I bet my eyes are darn happy to go to work everyday. Well, I said my eyes...and not myself. Who would love waking up as early as 6.15am each day just to drag her ass to get stuck in a massive traffic jam? Anyway, this is just the beginning to years of working and living a routine life.

Now I understand why most of my friends prefer studying over working....but it's still too early to hear me complaining about that...

*Oh yea, another thing! My beloved notebook really "died", to be exact, the HDD died. I replaced it with a new one, but the problem is....I lost everything, ALL my documents, except those that I managed to back up before it decided to....erm, die. *sobs*

Not dead yet...

2007-05-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

"Your blog is dead...or in coma lah!"

That's what a friend told me. So, here I am...typing a few words just to tell you that I'm not dead yet. The blog is obviously very much alive, just a little inactive. Hehe.

I've been very busy since I got back to Penang. So, there won't be much updates for the time being...even though I have lots of things to talk about. Hee...

Anyway, time to sleep! See you in Dreamland!

/End

2007-05-18T12:37:00.000+08:00

It was a funny feeling. A few hours before my last exam paper yesterday, I felt a bit different. It wasn't about being nervous prior to an exam. I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I wasn't my true self, not to mention the irregular heartbeats.

For almost three hours, I was busy with the exam paper...and when it was time to pass up, I realized something. The feeling was still there. It was 3pm and I knew that I would be leaving the jungle in an hour's time.

I went back to my hostel room, packed and brought back everything (I threw away a lot of things also. Heh!). So, it's officially the end of that chapter of life.

No more exams or textbooks for the time being. The next chapter starts this Monday. But, before that I've already started thinking of another chapter in two to three year's time. To continue studies or to focus on career advancement?

See? I always think too far ahead. I guess that's a big problem! Hee...

Exploded...

2007-05-08T11:48:00.000+08:00

People say I'm a very bad tempered person and I believe that I am what people say, only sometimes. They suggested anger management but I took it lightly.

...but yesterday, I was so angry over some matters that I nearly killed two idiots!

I seldom speak vulgar words in real life but if you were around yesterday, I bet you would be shocked with my fluency in vulgarities.

All the while, when I feel like shit, I would type things out in a Words document using my notebook. The things I typed or blogged need not necessarily be published in my blog (Yes, I have a lot of unpublished posts!) ...but since my notebook is temporarily dead, I can't even type a single word. I wanted to come here (computer lab) to release everything in my blog but I was too weak. Yesterday was really a bad day as I was also down with diarrhea and four times of toilet rush were enough to keep me tired.

I had no choice but to search around for other methods to control my anger. I didn't know I would be so angry until I lost appetite to eat. I can't even sleep. I can't do anything at all. Didn't even feel like talking to anyone.

Now, I feel so much better. What I did was simple. Watch a few of my favourite dramas (to get myself distracted) and get my ass to settle some of the problems.

Anger will never help if one doesn't get started on managing problems.

So who says I have problems with anger management?

Surviving the notebook-less period

2007-05-06T12:02:00.000+08:00

It has been five days since my beloved notebook decided to take a long break. It has been performing well, and non-stop without taking a rest since 2004. It knows that I'm completing my final semester soon. So, it went into "sleep" mode without even saying goodbye or giving any signs. *Sigh* I didn't even manage to back up some of my very important documents. I hope it's just the system's faulty and not the whole damn thing! If not, I'll probably become gila again because all the very important documents are damn....important!

I can't remember how I survived the first 8 weeks of stay at Uni when I was in my first semester. I didn't have my notebook with me yet back then and I obviously still hated books at that time. Now, I really can't imagine how I'm going to survive the remaining 11 days here without my notebook! Oh yea, luckily I still have a book to read here...and I mean, a book I would love to read at anytime and not my text books!

Life is so damn boring without my notebook, especially when I'm stuck here in the jungle for my final two weeks. Well, I know I should be spending hours preparing for my exams but.... hmm, alright! I'm going back to my room now to study for tomorrow's paper. Gtg. Ciao.

Grand Finale

2007-05-03T16:11:00.000+08:00

I'm going back to the jungle tomorrow for the final battle! I'm a bit excited and also sad because it will be my final two weeks stay at Uni. I'm feeling a bit nervous at the same time as I still can't believe that I'm going to work at Company A starting from 21st May. (By the way, as anticipated, Company B called me the other day but it was too late. I've already signed the employment contract with Company A).

Anyway, I need to tell you something. I'm bloody annoyed with Mum lately. She has been asking too much about that irritating course mate, Choc Stalker. Well, she knows who's who in my circle of friends but she never asked so much about him before! After learning about her daughter going back to Uni with this fella (I'm forced to get someone to accompany me ok? Mum has always been over-protective of me and she's super scared that kidnap, rape, murder, etc. cases might occur! 'Nuff said!), she gets all so excited that she can't stop asking things about this guy! Damn. Mum being Mum, I know her style. When she thinks I'm "close" to a certain male friend, she will ask a lot...about that guy. That's what she did when I dated my ex. Gahh...

*Irritated*

Maybe I need to remind Mum that Choc Stalker is a no-no. Even if the sun decides to rise on the West side, he is still out of the list. To add into what I've just said, that course mate can't even qualify himself into the top 10 ranking of potentials. Haha. Oops. Damn. He's JUST a friend ok? Don't think so much! Hee...

Alright, enough of craps! Remember to wish me luck and pray for my exam ok? :)

Ciao. Take care.

Strawberry flavoured toothpaste?

2007-04-27T22:50:00.000+08:00

When I was a kid, I used to fancy the super-cute Kodomo Lion toothbrush and toothpaste. (I bet almost every kid my age was like that back then!)

Today, specifically this afternoon at about 1 something, I can't believe I actually did something funny at Tesco. I bought a Kodomo Lion toothbrush with a free strawberry flavoured toothpaste at RM2.70 only (Very cheap eh?) and damn, I used it out of desperation!

Can you imagine it? How would you react if you were to see a twenty-something years old woman using Kodomo Lion oral care products in the toilet? Gahh.... the other women in the restroom thought I was a retard! Hee...

I was late for my dental checkup after going to Company A to sign and get the offer letter. So I had to resort to using kid's oral care products after lunch. (It's much cheaper than my special ortho care toothbrush ok!) If I hadn't brushed my teeth before meeting my orthodontist, she's going to kill me! Haa...

Now, it seems funny to me. Why did I like the Kodomo Lion toothpaste so much when I was a kid? Damn. I still can't get rid of the yucky strawberry flavour even after brushing my teeth for five times! Aiihhh...

Booze...

2007-04-26T00:55:00.000+08:00

I was enjoying some Swiss and Belgian Dark and White chocs when I found something. It's Absolut Raspberri!

Gosh! I didn't know I have that at home! Wahhaha...

Isn't it a perfect combination? A blend of my fav chocs and fav drink together....

Mmmmm....

Damn. I'm so addicted. I'm goin to get my fourth glass now...Ciao.

...being stepped...but still not dead yet...

2007-04-24T22:45:00.000+08:00

All these years, I've gotten lots of feedbacks from family members, friends and acquaintances. They said yours truly is a very secretive person. Well, I can't deny that fact and all I could say in reply to wat they said was, I emphasize a lot on privacy. So, nobody actually knows what I really want, or what I'm really thinking about...

Thus, I conclude that I'm really quite secretive. I heard you asking why. Well, it's simple actually.

When you're excited about something and told someone about it, he or she gave this response. "Are you kidding? You cannot do it lah"

When you have some problems and would really feel better if you could confide in someone, that person thinks you're stupid for having thought of such things. He or she will just say, "Aiya. Why think about all that?", and walks away like you just spoke to a wall.

When you want to share your big dreams or plans with anyone close to you, you get these responses. "Don't waste your time lah", "You are only building castles in the air", "Live within your means", "That friend of mine can't even get it. Don't tell me you can do it", etc. (Damn it! I hate naysayers!)

You know, I'm getting real bored with all those bullshits. I get blamed for being too secretive, too sensitive, not friendly, weird, etc. just because I don't want to open up and tell you things. And when I do tell you my things, it feels like I'm either talking to a wall, or worse, you slap me with all the negative things without any support. Are you telling me that I have to consider every single pig's feelings when nobody even cares how I feel? Aww...you gotta be out of your mind! Oh yeah, being the real me, I've always cared for other people's feelings, and what do I get in return? Haa...guess you people have never asked yourselves that when you say certain things!

Be it friends or family, oh please...you know I'm damn fcuking stubborn. So each time you say "no" or "you won't get it" , I will make it a "yes" and I will get it. Whatever it is, just shut up! If you support me, thank you....if not, just go shit somewhere else! I've had enough of bullshits around.

Never trust a cucumber

2007-04-20T11:54:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I had dinner and spent some time with my closest friend at Uni, Mickey. We chatted on a variety of topics but when she told me the latest news about a girl at a hostel near her place, I almost fainted. The story was about an unreliable cucumber that causes so much of embarassment to a "pure and innocent" girl.

It was a normal, quiet day when the ambulance from our Uni's mini-hospital came. The ambulance siren was loud enough to gather a big crowd of busybodies - girls!

"What happened? Why is the ambulance here?" Everyone was heard asking each other.

"Something happened between a girl and.....a cucumber" someone explained.

"The green thing is no longer a reliable device. It broke into two when it was expected to be...erm, reliable" said another girl. (And the rumour started to spread)

***

To cut a long story short, it was obviously a weird scenario. Our uni's mini-hospital refused to tend to this emergency case and the girl was later sent to a nearby hospital...to get another half of the green thing out of her. *Ouch*

Hehe. All the while, I thought cucumber was only a joke and nobody would be so stupid to use it for that purpose...but now, it's clear that stupid people really exists! Why a cucumber?? Yerrr....

Time to leave...

2007-04-19T11:36:00.000+08:00

17th April 2007

Exactly one month from this date, I'll be leaving this place. After staying here in the jungle for three years, I'm finally going back to civilization. This is faster than I've ever expected...but I'm not really that excited either.

Women's instinct

2007-04-13T01:15:00.000+08:00

Every woman has some kind of super power in them. The instinct tells them the right thing most of the time, if not all the time.

So when instinct tells me that some people are idiots, they really appear to be idiots.

When I sense that some people are fcukers, they really turn out to be fcukers.

When it feels like shit will happen, shit really happens.

So my instinct really told me the right thing! You seriously need not put in so much of effort to be so fake! Anyway, thanks for wearing the bloody pseudo mask. Whatever it is, just fcuk off and mind your own business!!

Self-confessed worrywart

2007-04-11T11:41:00.000+08:00

I’m an idiot when it comes to worries! Well, that’s just another bloody side of me! I probably worry/think too much for my age!

The day is getting nearer and nearer. I should be relaxed and looking forward to the first day at work since I’ve already gotten an internship placement (Erk, the company actually wants me to work as its permanent employee…) but here I am, worried that this company could possibly be the wrong one.

It’s not that company A is not good enough. After all, it has manufacturing plants worldwide and it is possibly too high-tech also!…but I thought maybe I should QUICKLY (kinda desperate eh?) search for other companies, perhaps Company B (which is equally reputable but I’m not talking about the reputation issue now) that I’ve been eyeing upon to complete the four-month stint. If I were to go ahead with the initial plan, which is Company A, will I be able to align myself back to my actual plan? I can’t stop pondering…well, that’s a big question actually.

That company wants me to work full time…and my new boss told me the other day that she wants a long-term commitment, that’s only if I appear to be a good “investment” during my four months probation there. I was thinking…since I have this plan of getting my ass out of this place after the four months, shouldn’t I be doing my industrial training at a company that only wants me for four months??? It saves a lot of time and hassle for both parties. Sounds better, isn’t it?

Anyway, as I’m typing this, I’ve already sent in my cover letter and resume directly to the HR of Company B, specifically its Penang branch. Well, maybe…just maybe Company B would be interested as I’ve spoken to the HR of this company (HQ) and she was willing to accept me there, albeit in PJ. Hmm…now I just hope the HR of its Penang branch wants me… Yeah, you saw that word too – HOPE.

***

Oh I just got a call from my new boss and another thing came to mind almost instantaneously. Do you actually believe that things are fated? Like my case now, what if it is destined that Company A will be my first employer? Aww…that question sounds stupid now coz I know I don’t belong to the type that would blindly leave everything to fate or luck!

Damn, it feels like I’m worrying over nothing coz I’ve already gotten a job while my other course mates are still struggling to get internship placements. So why am I complaining? Why am I being so troubled with this whole thing now? Gahh….I’m truly a worrywart, can’t deny that fact now!

(Note: I typed this post last night) ***3 hours after blogging and I’m still thinking about this matter. This is so not right! Aihhh… Anyway, I might as well blog the remaining things out. I’m currently still waiting for Company A to fax a copy of the confirmation letter to my Internship Coordinator (My boss told me that the people at the HR department lost my application/interview form…heeee…such a coincidence huh?). If Company B replies to my email before the confirmation letter of Company A arrives, then see yours truly reporting her first day at work at the former company. Sounds much simpler now...well, easier said than done! Aihhh...

Being in different shoes...

2007-04-08T15:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I was reading the newspaper, precisely the business column when I read an article that gave me some deep thoughts. It was about a young (around my age) but very successful girl. Well, I was of course a bit jealous that she’s doing so well in everything. Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking that way…that’s just impossible coz the human mind has been constructed that way. So just shut up, stop criticizing about the green monster in me and ~~listen~~ read on while I share my two cents.

The article got me thinking…will there be a difference if I was born to a family like hers? Will I even be happy? From one perspective, she seems to be having everything completely in her bowl. She’s pretty, smart, born to a wealthy family (this is a significant factor coz financial problems will never exist), studied at a very prestigious world-class university (it was a dream to step my foot there when I was merely 16!), works in the highly-challenging corporate world but in a very interesting industry and everything else. Sounds perfect huh?

I’m definitely not complaining about my roots but I can’t help wondering about this. Is everything really pre-determined? For instance, if one’s parents were drug pushers, will he succeed or even be as successful as this girl I mentioned? I doubt…but maybe it’s possible…that child might probably do well later on in his life, perhaps around age 40? Hah…a bit old huh?

Oh come on…am I not making any sense? Here’s another example. If your father were a bigshot, where would you be now? You probably got all the time in the world to count dollar notes, to study at any of the oh-so-big-deal Aussie Universities or maybe other countries if you have the brain, to travel all the way to Disneyland three times a year just to shake Mickey’s hand even when you were only 3 years old, to dictate other people’s life and make them miserable, just anything similar to those. See the difference now? There’s a message to all these: Money speaks! I definitely can’t deny that.

Ok now I probably need to take back a few words. You probably thought I was dissatisfied with my roots. Oh no…not that! I guess the girl I mentioned earlier might probably be too good to be true. Maybe…just maybe, she’s not happy with the pressures her father set upon her. Like I said earlier, with money you can control people’s life. I’ve got a friend whose father said this to her, “I’m paying for your studies and everything else since you were born. So you better work with me, and take over my company upon graduation. I don’t care whether you have plans to marry or stay elsewhere but you better do what you’re supposed to do...” Isn’t that a terrible situation?

Now here’s my actual point. If you have everything in the world, but you don’t have the rights to decide on your own path, what you want or love to do, then it’s useless. I tell you…it’s of no use coz you won’t be happy. What is life without having the chance to take on the wheel to drive yourself to where you’re going? Right at this point, if I were to see it from another perspective, I should be glad that I’m not in the girl’s shoes (assuming that she’s not happy with the pressures and all that). Unlike her, I’m not a rich man’s daughter and I may not have the assured chance to go to where my dreams are (will still work hard for it though), but I’m thankful that my parents didn’t say, “You MUST do this and that no matter how….” That line itself sounds very much like ruining a person’s life.

So, I still prefer to be in my own shoes…albeit a little more difficult, but what is life without hardships, trials and errors? A bit clichéd eh? Hee…