It is still the same after so many years

Each time you open your mouth and say the hurtful things, it is so heartbreaking that I could almost instantly dig out my heart and throw it back at you. If you hate me so much, why didn't you just kill me when I was young? WHy not leave me at the roadside and let other people feed me???

All these while, no matter what I do, I CAN'T please you at all. PLEASE tell me what else I can do to PLEASE you!! You said I don't listen to your advice, I change...and I listened BUT you said I am still not good enough for you. You complained that I never share my future plans with you, so I shared and what do I get in return? Support?? Nahhh....just a pile of bullshit from you saying that I won't survive in my plans, I will die, die and die. You already looked down on me from the very instance I tell you my things. IT IS VERY HEARTBREAKING, YOU KNOW???? So, am I really SOOOOOO stupid to keep telling you my things since you never even bother to listen??? It felt like I was talking to the wall!!!

No matter what I do, you will just complain! You said I never bothered about the family. BUT WHATEVER DECISIONS I MADE IN THE PAST AND PLAN TO MAKE IN THE FUTURE, I HAD AND STILL CONSIDER ABOUT YOU. SO please tell me, am I stupid enough?????? My money is not valuable enough for you? My money is made of shit, huh??? Oh fuck, I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY. Even if I have to slog to death in life, I don't even want a single sen! I don't understand why you old people keep saying that we are just like those in the bloody drama...that we are just waiting for you to die to get your money. Oh PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING. I am telling you, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING!!!!

The more you treat me this way, the more I will go against you. This is definitely not an adolescent rebellion but it's about how you treat people and how you want people to treat you. back. Whatever it is, you can continue to self-regard yourself as the king and think of yourself as the greatest, the best, the perfect person in life, I don't want to care anymore! I am damn fucking tired with all these. TIRED!!! It's been 20 over years and it has never change at all. Not only tired but also VERY disappointed!

This is not just disappointing but also humiliating! You always complain about others but never bother to look at yourself in the mirror. You are just the same like those you complained about. You have that kinda mentality as well! LPPL! So, since I am so much hated, I know what I need to do. Just give me some time and I will not be staying here anymore!

Birthday girl~

I thought this year's birthday is going to be a plain boring one. Since you're not around, I knew that apart from reminiscing the sweet moments we had on my last birthday, there's nothing much about today this year.

...but when I suddenly receive a bouquet of flowers at office, it feels so much sweeter. Thanks, dear! My colleagues told me something funny after I received the flowers. I was seen beaming from ear to ear like a small kid. Hehe. :P

~Lovely~

Between your job and money

Time flies! It's been a month since my last post...

The other day, while talking to my family members, I suddenly recalled something. Back then, I had wanted a career, the kind of job that would give me the much desired satisfaction...the oomph (I'm a workaholic, remember?)...and IF I'm really very much into the job, I actually don't mind so much about the pay. But then again, I have gone through the first job and am in my second one now. What I've learned and can say now is, we need to be realistic.

I guess in reality, having adequate source of income for a comfortable and secure life sounds much better than getting a "good" job (please define how good?). Well, that tells you why I will soon be even busier than now. I will definitely focus more on my part time financial services job from now on. And oh, in case you're curious or are interested to know further about letting your money working for you, you can always contact me. :)

Remember the difference of, you working for money and money working for you.

Ciao. Take care.

Of plans and disappointments, and the vicious cycle

Sometimes, I do wonder if I'm no longer bugged by problems or questions (with no answers), will I still be updating this place? I think you probably won't see me blogging ever again. But then again, life is life and here I am, feeling puzzled again. -.-

You know, sometimes I find life rather funny. When you plan for something, and are dying to do/get it, things just won't happen the way you want it to be. And at times when you never thought certain things would happen, it just happens. Isn't it ironic?

At times, I would leave the so-called plans behind me and just walk along the road to whereever it takes me to. But somehow, I would be left puzzled (again!) when I accidentally bump into or meet certain people that reminds me of myself. And it would be like, "Hey! This is what I'm supposed to go through...if I were to continue with my plans. Should I proceed?" And, the plans come back...(including the excitement of course!) and the headache comes along...and I can't find the answers and can't make the decision of whether to proceed or not. -.-

...Or maybe I should give myself another one year or so? Erm, if not mistaken, I said that back in May or June. So, it should be another 10 months or so? Hmmm...damn...got too carried away with the neverending plans again. And when the time comes, the plans won't go as planned and I will be left disappointed and will definitely naik gila again. Gahhh...it's a cursed cycle!

S.L.E.E.P.Y

Help!! Damn sleepy in office....especially after coming back from lunch! >.<

ZZZzzzzzzzz...

The mood fluctuates like share market

Waaa....I didn't blog for 3 weeks already? Time flies!

I was not really busy but just that, I don't have the mood to blog. Sigh. These days I have to have the mood in order to blog. Seems funny coz back then, I just seem to blog on anything, everything on almost everyday.

Anyway, just to share a bit on what I did in my past three weeks. I spent a lot of time with my other half and it still feels like it's never enough. Perhaps, we need MORE time together. Oh yea, I went to KL with him 2 weeks ago and to Genting with his family last week. Tiring but definitely had a great time there.

Oh by the way, today I'm suddenly here...updating my blog coz I just feel very weird today. I had the "Leave me alone, I don't feel like talking" mood today. I didn't talk much at work. I don't know whether it was because of the monthly visits or just purely bad mood...but there were really LOTS of things in my mind. The whole brain felt like rojak and I can't stop thinking. Well, like I once said before, when you can't seem to find the answers to the things in your brain, it gets really frustrating! Grrr...and the last thing you want is to be disturbed!

The real stalker surfaced

Ohh...so, the guy I mentioned in my previous post isn't really the real stalker. Oh well, he turns out to be really extra friendly and that's all about it. Or maybe, he was really intending to be one...until I shared my excitement about my bf. Hehe.

During my initial two weeks of training, somebody told me that another person is eager to know about my status. I didn't think a person's status could be that important and all these while, I have never boasted about having a bf or whatsoever. Well, at least not until I found out that there's an idiot in the office who has been asking colleagues (those who are closer to me) about my personal things, e.g. how deep is the relationship between Tiramisu and her bf?

It's like, "WTF? Whether I'm close to my partner or not, what has that got to do with you? You found out that I have a bf and am in a STEADY relationship. So, what's your problem? Why still ask so much about my bf? Stop being a fool and respect other people! Just buzz off and leave me alone! I hate unwanted attentions and I don't need all that... -.-"

That idiot asked lots of things about my other half and he kept trying to strike a conversation or ask me out for dinner/lunch. I really hate this kind of guys. If you knew someone you like is not available anymore, then just let your hope die off. Just leave that person alone...in peace! Please respect yourself and others!

Just because of this idiot, I had to go around and spread the news, "Hey...you know...my bf this n that..." (which I normally won't do...) and even had to change my Facebook's status to "Engaged" and because of the status thingy, my bf cannot stop teasing me.... >.<