Do you believe in miracles?

I’m talking about miracles, not magic or ghosts or the presence of any spiritual beings. All the while, I don’t believe in such things but currently, I have to convince myself that miracles do exist…but of course it’s only to a certain extent. People say it pays a lot of effort to make a dream come true, and that will eventually become some sort of miracle.

When something impossible or unexpected happens, we perceive that it’s a miracle. So, for the time being, I shall dwell in the perception that miracles really exist and they have an unambiguous correlation with effort. Hence, this picture below will be accompanying me to keep me going till I see the colorful rainbow called miracles. Great idea.

Anyway, I’m now about 80% clear of which country I’m going to apply for the “training abroad” program. The most important thing is that that Someone up there and my parents support my decision. *sobs* I’m so touched! So, no matter what, I’m trying my best, and there’s a need to put in 101% effort to materialize what’s in the mind. I don’t have much time left, as there are many things to do in these few months. I need to maintain my CGPA for the final two semesters. I need to do well in the interviews. I need to include more interesting things in my resume.

At this moment, nothing is much more important than the main goal in mind. So, beware of yours truly as anyone who comes blocking her way will be ignored or invited into her world of sarcasm. Any naysayer will also be persecuted. If you have any bullshits against my perception and objective, then go and shit somewhere else…but if you would like to show your support, then please do!

Damn. Have I gone crazy, again? Oh well… I feel very much energized with this goal in me, as there’s something to look forward to every day when I wake up in the morning. Oops. I’ve got too many things to do and there's a need to fully optimize the time I have now! I’m off. Ciao. =)

The wall built between two souls

A few hours ago, we were there at the famous western food corner at Mount Erskine. He was enjoying his meal while I was busy thinking of so many things.

"He's not the one" I reminded myself about the fact I realized some time ago, while my eyes were still glued at him. "Is this the face that I'm going to see for the next few months, or years?" I asked myself while looking at his beautiful eyes. After some time, I told him about the "training abroad" program I applied for. Surprisingly, he supported my idea and that's really a good thing...but I had something else in mind. When should our story end?

The longer it takes, the deeper it gets. I know the wall cannot block forever. It's really a situation that is too vulnerable. It's not ideal to unblock just like that as it'll surely be a dead end, once again. But, sooner or later, this bugger might successfully demolish the strong structure that has been there since don't know when. So, is it a good idea to attach the "The End" placard to the whole story and just say goodbye?

The other day, he asked and I said "I don't know" but I guess there's something somewhere in me. I didn't admit it. I'm still unsure. It's definitely not a good sign coz I don't think there's any significant return from this investment. Or there is? I don't bother much actually. Erm, maybe yours truly is already bored with this one and diversification of the investment portfolio should be done soon.

I realized we are actually doing the same thing...something that not everyone is willing to do or could afford it. It's obvious that we both are playing with fire but I seriously don't know how long we could continue playing without getting burnt. So, will the so-called "happily ever after" thingy happen? Nehh. I'm bored with all those craps already. Damn. Maybe it's a cue that I need something more challenging. Perhaps, I should diversify and invest in a new one? Hahaa... Yea. Maybe that's a good pastime while I focus on my career path. Brilliant!

Indecisive obsession

After so many days, I'm still so bloody obsessed with the industrial training thingy. In fact, I'm still very surprised with the whole idea of local undergraduates from public universities doing their training abroad. All the while, I've been ignorant about this and now, after knowing it, I suddenly became so proud of my Uni! Bleh.

The other day, when I was in the HOD's office, I enquired about the "training abroad" program. I was skeptical that the companies from other countries would recognize us. They might not even have the slightest clue that my Uni exists! So, I asked, "Which country can we go to for the training abroad program?"

"Anywhere...just as long as it's a developed country, preferably an English speaking country" the HOD answered with a smile.

"What? You mean our Uni is actually recognized in other countries? They know we exist?? I overreacted.

"Yes. There are many established companies from other developed countries who are willing to accept students from our Uni. The problem is, not many students are willing to go there. Some dare not even try as they're not academically qualified or are afraid of leaving our country." He explained.

And that was it. My exaggerating reaction is still very fresh in mind now. I'm still thinking about the whole thing. Looks like this obsession will be accompanying me till the day I start my industrial training, which is a good sign. It'll be a catalyst to push me forward to do anything relevant to get what I've always wanted. Brilliant idea!

Anyway, I did a lot of self-discovery and self-reflection for the past few days. There were so many things in mind that I rarely had the time to think of anything else that appeared less important. I told my family about this whole thing yesterday night and I'm kind of surprised with mum's reactions. I'm very happy with what she said!

She agreed with the "training abroad" program! She even said that if UK's the destination, then I should grab the chance. Maybe she recalled that she missed her opportunity to further studies in UK last time and now, she's really encouraging her own daughter to go after it. Oh I'm so touched. *sobs* As for dad, just as I've expected, he just kept quiet and didn't say anything much. That's not a good sign actually. I know he would always support me in anything I do but I'm sure he's sad that his little girl is leaving the nest soon. Bro didn't comment much either but he advised that I should choose a nearer location, which is much more logical and realistic. He added that I could always fulfill my dreams next time...

So, my family's reactions made me think further. This is really a big conflict in the brain, where I need to make a difficult decision. It's between fulfilling my dreams and thinking logically. UK or Singapore? Or somewhere else, like US, Canada or Australia? Damn. Besides getting the headaches of which to choose, there's another bad attitude in me. It's actually a plus point too if you see it from another angle. There's this thing in me that, no matter what I do, once I start, I must make sure I get it. If not, I might as well don't do it at all. It's as simple as ...whatever I do, I make sure I try to get the best out of it. So, it's actually a bad thing to me. I desperately want to qualify and be chosen for this "training abroad" program...but will it really happen?

I'm just afraid that too much of hope could sometimes bring disaster...but guess I'm ready for the upcoming challenges. No matter what happens, I still have back-up plans to support. *prays that everything goes on smoothly*

It's right in front of my face!

It has always been a dream to study abroad since childhood days. To be specific, I’ve always wanted to study at one of the prestigious universities in UK (The back-up plan would be Singapore). The dream is so fascinating that until today, I’m still dreaming of it. I thought, maybe I could just get my ass to that place and earn a MBA one day….but definitely not any time soon.

The other day, the seminar on pre-registration for industrial training made me consider the opportunities right ahead of me. After too much of pondering, I finally went to see the Head of Department (HOD) for industrial training. I enquired many questions. He gave me a lot of scenarios to ponder upon too.

All the time, I thought the fascination of studying in UK would make me go all crazy and become someone with a Machiavellian behavior, so to speak but I was wrong. After meeting the HOD, what he told me made me think further. I never thought I would react that way. I thought I would just grab the opportunity without further consideration. I thought I would grasp the chance as it’s really right in front of my face but I was so wrong. The opportunity to do my industrial training in UK actually made me shudder. The thoughts of it is actually a tad suffocating. I can't breathe properly. This is so unexpected. It’s that kind of feeling like as if you’re actually standing at the entrance to opportunities to work in UK. You’re in the process of it. It’s either a yes or a no. Oh damn! I could actually do my training in UK once I passed the interviews?? OMG! I still can’t believe it!

I would very much like to go there to fulfill my childhood dream…but it’s not as easy as that. I have to take into consideration on many things, like…will my family be okay with me, being there alone? Will bro be able to take care of my folks? Will I survive the 6 to 7 times exchange rate compared to RM? Will there be job opportunities for graduates like me? How often can I come back to my hometown? How about accommodation, clothing, food, transportation, etc.? …and the list goes on. I’ve thought of it. Maybe it would be insane to try UK. It’s not within my means. Not many people can actually afford it too…

The risk is significantly bigger compared to another option of mine, which is to do my industrial training at the developed neighbouring country, Singapore. I’m still very undecided….but I’m definitely grabbing the golden opportunity to get my ass out of this country. I’ve actually applied for this “training abroad” program and am expected to attend two rounds of interviews before everything is confirmed. Yes! I repeat….I have written down my name for the selection of students to do industrial training abroad. However, I have yet to decide on which country to go to. I’ve thought of New Zealand and Australia as well. Hmmm…. decisions!! Aiiihhh….

I’m not being negative but I really don’t know whether I stand a chance to do my training abroad or not. If not, I could just do it locally. BUT, there’s this thing in me that I never like to forego any opportunities that come my way. I don’t bloody care whether I could get it or not. I’m just going to try my best, as I don’t want to regret later. Damn. Am I too obsessed with the idea of training abroad and my childhood dreams? I can't stop myself from thinking about it. Which country should I apply for? Have I gone crazy? Aihhh....

Zero gravity

I attended a seminar on Saturday morning and surprisingly, when it ended, I felt like I was flying. It was a feeling as though my feet were lifted off the ground, and my body experienced zero gravity pull. That was a tad exaggerating but somehow, I really felt that way. How often do you dream or daydream until you experience what I mentioned?

It wasn’t a motivational seminar. It was just a talk on the pre-registration for industrial training but I was transported into another year, with the images of myself at an unfamiliar place with new faces, new surrounding, everything new around me. What the speaker said during the three-hour talk had sort of awaken yours truly that, it’s almost time to leave the comfortable status of being a student. Each final year student who attended the talk needs to think of where they’re heading to after concluding the six semesters in Uni. And, I am just the same. I need to think of where I want to do my industrial training so that I could register once the registration period starts.

As expected, all sorts of uncertainties are attached to whichever decision made. Besides local companies, we’re allowed to apply for training abroad too but the requirements are definitely tighter. So, I’m actually considering all these, which is to grab both opportunities concurrently. The highest authority of the Industrial Training department would be the one to select a company for training attachment for each student. So, in other words, I have no choice but to leave it to fate, so to speak. Hopefully, I’ll get a good company where it would be a stepping-stone to practice, learn and upgrade myself to further stages in life.

Speaking of hope, I read something interesting the other day. It says that HOPE forms an acrostic for Honest Optimism based on Personal Efforts. Oh dear! I’m running out of time. I’ll blog more about HOPE next time. Ciao.

Shortie the reporter

The postman brought Mum a surprise the other day, which made her RM200 poorer. Apparently, it was a ticket from the "Saya NAnti Rasuah" team, claiming that she had beaten Rule 17 and the offence was committed in May, somewhere at Dato Kramat Road.

So, we were there at the big ibu pejabat at Patani Road. That place didn't look like a police station as everyone who was in the navy blue uniform appeared obese. So, I personally don't think anyone with so much of lard could even chase the pencuris, pembunuhs, perogols, etc... Anyway, we went there to enquire about Rule 17. While waiting for our turn, Shortie the reporter appeared. The annoying man who's in his late 20's was behind us when he suddenly talked to us.

"Why are you here?" Shortie the reporter asked.

With just a glance, I knew he wasn't a cop. So, I ignored him but mum was extra friendly, so she told him why we were there. Seriously speaking, Shortie the reporter asked a very stupid question as we were actually at the Traffic Offence department. Even fools would know that we're there to pay for the summon and not to chit-chat with the obese officers.

Acting smart again, he took a peep at mum's ticket and spoke in Hokkien, "Ohh....Rule 17? Aiya, no need to enquire already la. They'll never give you discount wan"

"How do you know?" mum enquired while I whispered into her left ear "Do not talk to strangers...ignore him".

Shortie the reporter continued his bullshits about being a reporter, having "emergencies" all the time and he had no choice but to beat traffic lights. By that time, I've already formed a bad impression on this man. He's just another irritating reporter, who's obviously very very busybody!

"Wow. You're very proud of your traffic offences, huh? No wonder you make good friends with the officers here!" I answered in response to his bullshits. But, I think he didn't get what I mean and he asked another silly question, "Why did you beat the traffic lights?"

Mum who was in her uniform, told him that she had received an emergency call from the hospital and the patient was in a critical condition. So, she was in a hurry and had no choice but to beat the traffic lights. He responded with "oohs" and "ahhs" and kept following us, telling us what we should do and things like that.

Mum and I went to the fifth floor and then to the first floor to clarify everything before we paid for the traffic offence. We were about to leave the big building, when Shortie the reporter appeared again.

"How? Can reduce the amount?" He asked.

Mum just said no and we heard him saying, "See? I told you!" We ignored him and left that place as soon as possible, hoping that we won't see the annoying reporter's face ever again.


The morals of the story:
1) Never talk to strangers. Mum taught me this when I was young but I had to remind her just now. Sigh.
2) Reporters are as annoying as Salesmen (Note: Insurance Agents are included)
3) Rushing against time to interview or report about a Datuk's Yee Lai, or the scandal of any Datuks isn't an emergency. Rushing to the hospital to save someone's life or even rushing to the toilet is a real emergency.
4) The "Saya NAnti Rasuah" team is not friendly. If they were helpful and easily approachable, then Shortie the reporter wouldn't need to be there.
5) Never try to act smart when you're actually being a fool of your own self.

...Burning alternatives...

It was Saturday morning. As I was bored usual, I browsed a few property developers’ websites (my favourite thing to do whenever I’m free…haha) and I stumbled upon an architect’s website. I was amazed with almost everything there, until the moment I saw the professional’s resume.

This architect and most of her colleagues or teammates actually graduated from UPM. Initially, I thought the architecture (majoring in landscaping) course they took was only open to Science students but I was wrong. I went to check the book of university entries and found that the course is actually open to both Science and Arts students BUT I didn’t apply for it!

Bloody hell! I missed the opportunity to study something interesting! Gah!! I could have been offered a place to study that exciting course there! And I might possibly be a professional architect majoring in landscaping and interior designing after graduation! *Wakes up from daydreaming* Aiihh…. Isn’t it too late now? Sheesh!

That evening, when I was on my way back to Uni by bus, I couldn’t sleep. Normally, I would seize every opportunity to slumber but I just can’t fall asleep as the brain was filled with my newfound passion in architecture, buildings and related stuff. Three years ago, I was ignorant of this passion in me as I only developed interest in this area sometime after I entered Uni. I knew I wouldn’t get a place there too if I had applied for it three years ago. Well, it’s not about regretting what I’m doing now, as I’m already in my final year. I just want to finish whatever I’m studying right now and get my ass out of this oh-so-boring place as soon as possible.

I really can’t wait to finish studies. I’m kind of excited to enter the next stage of my life too but if given a chance, I would really like to study or delve on things I’m interested in. I always have this mindset of “Life is short, we should always get the most out of it” BUT will time allow? Damn. I believe there’s no such crap as “too late” for anything as long as we put in some effort to strive for whatever we want but it could be impossible as we only have 24 hours each day. It would be ideal if there were another ten years between age 20 and 30 to make it a total of 20 years of gap. That would be adequate. Hehe. I’m greedy!

I know most people would think I’m such a nerd since I like studying so much. Truth is, I don’t really like to study, but I love to explore my passion and interests. See the difference now? What I found on that website made me uncomfortable. I’m not satisfied with what I’m doing now. So, I made an unexpected resolution. I’ve decided to get a second degree, a qualification in something I really like once I start a new job but on second thought, it would be insane to get another degree while working. It would certainly be too taxing to juggle between studies, work, relationship and family. How am I going to divide myself into a few parts to fulfill the four different obligations in just 24 hours’ time? Damn. See the relevance of having 36 hours a day now?

Oh, speaking of furthering studies, I’m actually torn between two options. Should I proceed with my passion in architecture, or continue with the long-term target of getting an MBA? The problem is I have interest in both areas but I can’t be doing both things at the same time. I could save a lot if I opt for architecture as it could be done locally and also on a part time basis while I focus on my job. On a contrary, it has always been a dream to get my ass out of this country to earn that piece of qualification called MBA at a certain age. If I were to continue with a second degree, I might need to postpone my long-term target unless I win lottery (which is impossible, as I don’t gamble! And don’t ask me to marry a rich man too coz I don’t fancy the idea of selling myself for the sake of realizing my dreams or to obtain something…I’m not that desperate yet… ) Bleh!!

You may think that I’m crazy coz I actually needn’t think so much on all these things now but do I have a choice? I reckon it’s better to start planning now (with a few alternatives and back-up plans in mind) before I get more headaches when the time comes. After all, I’m not a last minute kaki like you! *Rolls eyes* Now, I’m torn between a few alternatives as I need to thoroughly consider the time, age, responsibility and financial factors! Oh well, guess I need to consult more peeps on this issue. What have you got to say? Mind to share? Any opinions?

*I'm so damn tired. I have five classes today from morning till night. It's just like working from 8am to 5pm, continue with OT from 8pm to 11pm! Aiihh...I need a massage!

***Update: I went to check a few public and private institutions' websites, made enquiries and asked a friend who's an architect regarding my enthusiasm in architecture. The answer I get isn't satisfying. There's no such thing as studying architecture on a part time basis. I could only get that piece of qualification if I allocate three to four years for its full time studies. So, I guess it's pretty clear that I should continue with the initial plan of getting an MBA at a certain age...but if there's an opportunity next time, I wouldn't mind spending a few years on architecture. Well, it's still too early to decide on exploring my passion as I still have other plans in mind and need to fulfill some personal obligations before I focus on that area...