Yesterday, I came back to Uni with an indescribable mood. I was not in a bad mood, but was feeling a bit out, more towards confusion. Over these three years, this place has become a great hideout in times when I really want to be left alone...the time when I need some quiet moments to ponder over certain things. I’ve grown and changed, and experienced a lot of things since the first day I got here. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that I only have approximately ten weeks left and I won’t be staying here anymore. I used to hate this place, but now, I know I’ve gotten used to my personal space here and I’m definitely going to miss this part of my life.
Nothing can make me happier than seeing cheerful faces around at the big hall yesterday. It was that grand event again. My Uni holds two convocation ceremonies in a year and this is the second one. As expected, thousands of happy faces could be seen. Hundreds of Masters and Degree holders (students from certain faculties including mine) received their scroll of honour and I was there to share my seniors’ happiness and pride.
The grand event itself has truly reminded me of what I’ve always wanted. The definition of success may differ from one individual to another but I know what my personal definition is and what it takes to achieve the ultimate goal. It’s not just a mere paper qualification. It’s not just about getting a Degree or more qualifications or hold high positions in a company. It’s more about dreams. What I’ve always dreamed of and the satisfaction derived from being able to achieve those dreams with my own effort – now, I call that a success.
We often get upset over certain things done or said by loved ones but I think I’ve gotten numb to that already. It doesn’t mean I’ve turned into a cold-blooded bitch, but I guess it’s better for me to put those negative and unwanted feelings of disappointments, confusion and sadness behind me while I rev up my engine and accelerate to reach my dreams. Each of us has different targets in life. On my part, it’s a simple scenario that I’m the only person walking down this path to get to my dreams. Whether there’s anyone with similar dreams or not, it is still my own personal journey to where and who I want to be. The presence of spectators is definitely not a necessity. So who cares about bystanders, supporters or even naysayers? Get a life. Mind your own business and look at where you’re heading!
When I was younger, I’ve always wanted to apply for the Asean Scholarship but I didn’t have the guts to even try. Now, I really regret that I was more of a coward back then. I missed the opportunity to fast-forward and transport myself nearer to my dreams. I missed another opportunity when I was convinced that my STPM result wasn’t good (It really wasn’t impressive enough!) and I didn’t even try to apply for a placement at the two prestigious universities I set my eyes upon since young. Well, I’m not complaining about the past or focusing on my regrets but I’ve actually learned a very important lesson. I don’t want to miss any chances anymore. I may not get a place in those things I mentioned above even if I had sent in applications but at least, I tried! I should have tried and not made myself a coward!
Now, I just hope that I won’t miss any more opportunities coming my way and will definitely give it a try, and the quote of “no harm trying” will continue to accompany me. If I get it, it’s a bonus and I’ll be happy. If I don’t get it, at least I give it a try and won’t regret later. Well, maybe it’s obvious that life is all about trials and errors. If I don’t try something, I wouldn’t know whether I could make it or not. If there were no blunders, we wouldn’t even think of making improvements.
At present, it seems that I’ve got another thing to ponder upon. I actually have many opportunities right in front of me now, but my problem is which of these will be the right one? Which of these will help in getting me a step nearer to my dreams? Which of these is aligned to my journey and I don’t have to deviate from the planned path?
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