Things to do....

People always say I'm strong, and I know I really am. Some say I'm secretive, which is true to a certain extent but it always helps when I reveal my true self to Someone. =)

I feel so much better now. Everything's over already. No more physical, emotional or mental problems. No more alcohol for the time being but I still love vodka. No more vulgarities, tears or heartaches. Lots of newfound friends and dates. Not hating him anymore coz it's tiring to hate somebody that much but I'm still keeping in touch with him. Well, I couldn't be bothered with what he says anymore even though it does show some hidden meaning. Guess it's better to stick with the principles and see how things go.

Anyway, November is going to be a very happening month. I have LOTS of things to do:

1) Study!!! My final exam starts on the 6th till 23rd, so pray for me! I really need to increase my CGPA. Hehehe.
2) Enquire MORE companies for internships and jobs. I am desperate.
3) Drag Bro out for the free meal he promised ages ago.
4) Arrange for the three five new dates. OMG! Maybe I should schedule them for next month. Hehe.
5) Go for a swim every now and then. I seriously need it.
6) Go yamcha and shopping with cheemui! Oh I miss her sooooooooo much!!
7) Plan a family vacation for December.
8) Start strategising my investment plan. Need to be more specific.
9) Need to start planning for the business dream now!
10) Visit show units of newly launched condos or houses. There are lots of launchings in November!
11) Time to sleep. There could be more things to do but *yawn*.....good night and sweet dreams!

Can we trust cards?

When you're not in a good mood and feeling a bit down, try swimming and sauna. I'm not sure whether it will work for you but for me, it really works! I'm going for a swim again!

Ahh....I feel soooo much better now! =)

*****

Oh anyway, I was with a group of friends at a condo for a night's stay. Before bedtime, the guys decided to watch movies while we girls play some kind of "game" using cards. Nope, we didn't gamble but we used the cards to play a "love game". It was alleged that the game could generate answers to all the unanswered questions in the brain.

First, list the names of any three guys in the brain and allocate each of them with a type of design from the cards. Easy task....I will remember these three no matter how....but when it came to certain questions, I was really shocked. Well, I know I can't believe such senseless game without any scientific evidence of truth but at the end of the game, it really got me thinking.

"So among the three, he was the one who cared most?" this question jammed the brain cells for a couple of minutes and until now, I'm still thinking. From a total of ten questions I asked, he was the answer to majority of them. Damn. I'm dead. Bad sign. Was it merely a blind coincidence?

Haunted in the dreams...

It's strange. Each time a problem occurs and sadness or tears take over, he would surely appear in the dream. What's the reason behind it? Is there a hidden message or something?

He was there. It was really him. But strangely, I ignored him. I kept walking and he just followed, occasionally trying to grab hold of my right hand. He was trying to tell something but I couldn't hear a single thing. After some time, he was in front of me. I was following him instead. We were ascending an escalator but I didn't know where we were heading to.

I really don't understand. I haven't thought about him since that post but why did he appear in my dreams for the past two nights? The dreams weren't short ones. Surprisingly, I could remember everything.

Previously, he appeared in the dreams too after I screwed up the previous one and now, he's here in the dreams again after I end the game. What's the point of all that? Gahhh...What's wrong now? Was it a sign that I made the right choice of ending the game, or was it a wrong one? Aiihhh...this is absurd!

I don't need any feedback!

Are you stupid or blind? I purposely turned off the comments section because I DON'T WANT TO RECEIVE ANY FEEDBACK REGARDING WHAT I WROTE.

So WTF is wrong with you? Can't you understand simple things like that? How many times must I blog and say it clearly over here that I don't like running commentaries? I blogged and released everything here but it doesn't mean I would like to hear your two cents. Just keep your pointless ideas to yourself and shit it out in the toilet bowl ok! You need not make so much of effort to message me or nudge me on MSN just to tell me stupid things like, "Don't be sad. You can find someone better. I understand how you feel." What's your point for saying that? You're not me, you will never understand how it feels coz you don't even know what went wrong between me and him. So will you stop assuming and acting like you always know everything?

Thank you for being so caring and also extra busybody but when I said mind your own business, then just leave me alone. I don't need anyone's opinion regarding what I wrote UNLESS I personally ask you about it. Furthermore, it was fcuking annoying when you just yakked for the sake of yakking without understanding what I wrote. Everything ended because I was the one who initiated it. Are you clear now? So just STFU ok? I don't need sympathies. Whatever happens to me has totally NOTHING to do with you. Just mind your own fcuking business!

What's wrong with you?

I don't understand. Are you men really so dumb? Are you blind or deaf? When I said it's over, I really mean it.

"The game has ended. Why are you still calling me?"

"I know.....but can't I call you?"

What is wrong with you? It's over already. Why do you still report everything in your life to me when you seriously need not do so? I don't need to know anything anymore, nothing about your work, dogs, family or yourself. What's the use of knowing all those things when I'm merely a nobody now? Oh...so you were actually off today, had the time to play tennis, to drag yourself to Gurney, to dine with a few friends but you got no time to reflect on yourself? No time to think of what you did, thought and said?

I really don't get it. You knew I was serious when I said that. But, why did you still call and message and acted like nothing happened?? (Oh I forgot you've always been very good in acting!) And what do you get in return? Sarcastic words from yours truly and that truly proves how much I hate you now.

What do you want now? I really don't get it. Are you stupid or what? There are plenty of cheap pretty babes out there. You know some of the contestants of Miss Penang and you can get them easily. So why don't you go flirt with them? Why are you still wasting your time to call, message and tell me everything in your life when you are already very clear of what I said? I'm getting sick of this. I've already ignored you. I've already done everything I could. What else do you want from me?

It was a nice day until you called. Your voice and words pushed the rewind button and reminded me everything about you. The more I want to forget you, the more you appear in front of me. You reignited the flame and volcano in me until the sudden flow of tears couldn't put out the fire. You're such an idiot! I hate you.

End of the road

It was dark. It was quiet. I suddenly woke up from the so-called dream. I have decided but nobody knows yet, neither does he. Anyways, decision is final. It's time to say goodbye. I'm tired, bored and sick already.

*pretends to be sad*

Shit! Where else can I find a man who's 179 cm, with a nicely built body in Penang for me to hug???? Gahhh... Idiot. I'm going to be hungry again. Damn. I thought I was supposed to be happy?

*pretends to be happy*

Yess!!! Finally, I could officially multidate again! KEkeke. *Quickly search through the contact numbers to schedule for coming dates* KNN. I thought I was supposed to be sad?

Heh. Isn't it funny? I don't feel anything at all right now. It's either the tearducts are blocked or tears have gone dry. It's good isn't it? Well, at least I could convince myself I'm a real strong bitch. Vodka is still the best companion. *Cheers*

A personal message...

Sometimes, it feels as though you're just too far away, out of reach. It feels like I'm going out with a total stranger. It feels like I only own your body but not the brain or heart. I don't know what's in your brain, or what you really want besides sex and work.

At other times, it feels like you're too near until I got scared you'll stick around forever. The comfort is there. Security level is high. Laughter accompanies us all the time. You really care, well at least that's what you assured me of and it can be felt too. Each time we meet up, it feels as if there's super glue between us. I can't deny I really feel safe when you're around.

Everything seems okay but it was still a game. At the moment, I don't want to get into a relationship with serious commitments yet. I bet you share similar sentiments. I'm just not ready for that yet but I can't help feeling a little worthless. It feels like I'm being used each time you come to me. I don't bloody care about what the other men think about me or want from me, but if you were thinking that way, then it would be better for everything to end, just like what I had just requested.

Even though you disagreed and the three words you said made me feel a tad better, I don't think I could fully believe it. It's just too hard to swallow when it has already gone to this stage, where doubts have taken over. I need some time. If it's really meant to be that way, then the story shall be ended, willingly. Now, the decision is in my hands. Whatever it is, time will tell.

Partially lost

*Drinks*

Vodka is the best companion when a part of your brain is temporarily lost and not found.

The face is blushing, inflamed like a red lobster. It feels hot on the inside, and cold on the outside. Just the same like the one drinking it.

The shell is closed. It has been quite some time. Nobody will ever understand a single thing. Not even one because I chose to make it that way. And it shall remain like that forever. I don't need anyone to understand it too.

So just mind your own fcuking business and get your asses out of my life! I know how much I'm worth and I seriously don't need sympathies or pretentious fucktards. Leave me alone.

Men are weird creatures

I just found something which significantly differentiates women from men. Oh no...I wasn't talking about that funny looking dangly organ attached to the groin, you perverts!

Title:
A man's brain is much more simpler than the female brain.

Subject of study:
Men ranging from age 20-something to 40-something.

Report:
Every man's brain is basically compartmentalized into two sections:

Section 1: Work (or Money)

Section 2: Sex (or Women)

Simple as that! From those two sections, we could subdivide the males into another three categories:

The balanced type
Those listed under this category are well balanced, in a way that Section 1 is strictly activated from 8am to 6pm only, while the other section takes over the remaining hours. It means that a man is a workaholic during office hours and automatically becomes a wolf.....erm, sexually active at night.

The multitasking type
Those in this category prefer to activate both sections simultaneously throughout the day. Their reasons: It saves time and increases productivity level. It definitely ain't a good idea and also not an easy task to endure hardness during work.

The minority
This category comprises a small percentage of men who has a third section, which is love or feelings. Men in this category usually cannot multitask. When he's hopelessly in love or sad due to a recent argument with his lover, he cannot concentrate on his work anymore. Only a single section works each time, and usually love conquers all. Men in this category are usually much more emotional.

Additional note:
The result may not apply to certain types of men but it generally does. It wasn't mentioned that men from the first two categories have no feelings. They just appear different.

Final result:
Men are weird creatures.

You think I'm stupid, don't you?

About months or weeks back, you were emphasizing on how much you admired me, how great I was, how big the influence I had on you, this and that, blah, blah, blah which were all total worthless craps to me. Never mind. Even though I blogged about how idiotic you were, I still entertained your pointless chats. Well, which girl doesn’t like getting extra attention from guys?

Honestly, sometimes it was quite nice chatting with you but your meaningless jealousy, controlling and domineering attitude nearly made me puke! Apart from that, you probably need to get some refresher course on flirting. Where in the world could you find someone so stupid, who would ask a girl whether he could kiss and touch her even before meeting her in person? That question alone was truly a great turn off. I mean, well…it’s nice meeting someone new every now and then, with a fresh new face to feed the eyes but meeting someone with that kind of mentality? I’m sorry…it’s just a waste of time.

So guys, this is rule number one before you meet a girl whether it’s for friendship or relationship…. No matter how honest you are, please don’t be so stupid to tell her how you suffer from penile reaction and instant hardness each time you see her photos and all that. We will only think of you as a bloody pervert who doesn’t have any control over your little brother. And please be reminded that no sane person would tell other people their fantasies unless the other party is his or her significant other half. All these lead to only one conclusion. You will never ever get to meet that girl.

Ok, back to the idiot.

Then out of the blue, you went missing in action. I reckoned you finally woke up from your dream and didn’t want to waste your time on me anymore. Fine. Nothing big deal. I still have other sources of extra attention. After all, I never gave you any hope from the very beginning coz you didn’t even meet the minimum height requirement. You were the one living in your dreams. So why should I bother? Besides, you have always been an obstruction to my ambitious plans. I hate being controlled remember?

When it was your birthday, I made an effort to send you a message as I still consider you a friend but there was no reply. Well, that was very rude of you but it doesn’t matter at all. It was good news coz that was a cue you won’t disturb me anymore…but then, a few minutes ago, when I suddenly receive a message from you, I really didn’t feel like replying.

The message: “Friend…Can lend me 100 to survive this month? No money already and dunno who to ask for help.”

That was just nonsense. You think I’m stupid, don’t you? You say I’m your friend but you come and go as you like and when you’re in need of help, you come to me desperately seeking money. You think I’m your ATM? Bloody hell. This is so humiliating. Where on earth can you find a guy who has worked for about five years asking money from an unemployed undergraduate? Actually, I don’t mind lending some cash to a friend who badly needs help, maybe even with a counter offer of 200…but should I lend you? Hmm…All the while, you made me feel like a slut with all the never-ending fantasies in your brain…. So you want money from me? Dream on! Seriously, this is rule number two. Guys should never ever borrow money from girls. And my own personal version is, I don’t lend money to guys….well, unless I’m pretty much convinced it’s a win-win situation or some kind of business. If not, forget it.

That idiot’s message got me thinking and I realized that money has always been an issue, a problem in many people’s life. It’s not about not having adequate cash flow but it’s about how you manage it. For goodness’ sake, grow up, plan your budget and stop gambling! I hate gamblers! It’s so damn embarrassing that you can’t even survive with that amount of salary at your age! Shame on you! You better do something before you start begging from more people. That will only make you less a man. You’re definitely less appealing to us girls coz your security value is not there anymore. Guys, please bear in mind that we girls won’t date or marry a liability! We’re only into you, not your money (erm, maybe I should exclude some girls) but we are definitely not interested in your debts.

Do not simply poke into any hole!

Just because of some idiots who love to simply poke here and there, innocent people like us become the victims! Gahh...

Oh in case you were wondering, I wasn't talking about STDs, you perverts! I was refering to Worm and Trojan. Idiot. I got my notebook and thumb drive infected. Thanks to some moronic assholes. Now, the bloody thumb drive is really dead!

***

I woke up feeling a bit weird today. Kinda lost. Empty. And also the gastric pain! Gahh...maybe it's because I spent the past two days rushing to finish two of the three projects non-stop until I became temporarily blind and brain dead! Now, I'm left with one more big project and a test tomorrow! I better log off now! Ciao.

Updates

I've been very busy lately but that didn't stop me from meeting the hostel principal to inform her about my weird and inconsiderate roommate.

Oh yes! I finally went to meet the principal and told her everything about the fat bitch. I was asked to write a letter and I had already sent in the letter to the office. HAha...now, there's fat chance that I won't be sharing the same room with the dirty fat bitch during my final sem...hopefully!

Apart from rushing to finish three big projects before this coming Wednesday, my brain has been occupied with too many things. Well, I think I'll blog about those things some other time. Damn busy here!

Till then, take care. I'm off! Ciao.

The electric shock at the coffee shop

I was paying 101% attention to the varieties of food on the table as my stomach took over and talked to my parents. Somehow, the hunger didn't stop the eyes from working.

I was at a quite popular coffee shop on Wednesday night when my eyes had a feast. It was kind of surprising actually. I mean, how often do you see that kind of men in Penang?

This man, assumingly between 28-32 years old walked towards my direction, obviously searching for someone. He was about 178 cm and weighs approximately 75 kg. The bespectacled man was in a formal attire (without a tie), spotted with a cool yet professional hairstyle and a charming smile. His beautiful pair of eyes met mine and there was an electrocution, even though it only lasted a few seconds. He smiled! Gosh! He looked so yummy until my eyes almost ate him there and then!!

Apparently, he had a date with two female friends who sat at the table next to mine. So, I heard him talking, and he was speaking English fluently. Everything was great until the time he took out a bloody box. It was a packet of cigarettes. BOOM. My eyes sort of lost the appetite and decided to focus on the food I was eating instead.

That was so bloody potong stim! Why on earth must you men spoil everything with that stick of death? Seriously, the smell of tobacco in your mouth kills our mood when it comes to smooching! Gahhh.... Luckily, that donkey doesn't smoke! *Grins*

Ups and downs....

At times, you really feel on top of the world, armoured with lots of confidence and nothing can seem to bring you down. But, it definitely isn’t an easy task to keep reminding yourself that you’re someone overflowing with positive thoughts and has inner locus of control (which is the truth!). This is especially true in times of uncertainties, the period when your brain would practically be jammed with indefinite number of questions.

“Where will I be at this time of the year next year? What will I be doing? Will my original plan work…If not, will the back-up plans be of good use?”

Those may sound like simple questions to you people but they are currently utilising the most capacity in my brain. The “WH-questions” eventually made me re-evaluate all the alternatives and back-up plans in mind. Maybe this is merely the drawback of being a planner and also a perfectionist. Seriously speaking, I still believe everything lies in my own hands and I’m able to shape the life I want….but will all the identified constraints allow?

When time is passing faster than it is expected, it is really a terrifying experience. Honestly speaking, I really can’t wait to finish all these never-ending projects, the final exams and this semester….but at the same time, I shudder at the thought of entering my final semester after this. Besides, it’s also time to register for industrial training, and the training will begin a week after the final exams of my next (final) semester. Everything is happening at a fast-forwarded speed and sometimes, it’s could be quite heavy and a tad suffocating!

Ohh…maybe I’ve been thinking too much and am worrying unnecessarily…but I truly hope the plan would turn out okay. It doesn’t have to be the original initial plan, but I’d be delighted even if any of the alternatives or the back-up plans work. No matter how, everything must turn out fine as one plan leads to another, and these plans will eventually lead me to the 18 personal dreams, goals or targets I set the other day. Hopefully, everything will be okay and I will make it happen! *Prays*