WARNING! This is a long-winded post that could make you sleepy. Psst...it's also something stupid and personal. So, mind your own business and no running commentary please!
Some time ago, I said I'm not going to blog or mention about that bloke again. So, I didn't... but I realised each time when I come across the Business Section in local dailies or Business-related blogs, and IF I were to see his company's name, I would recall back on certain things.
I've always had interest in properties. Anything to do with buildings, particularly residential properties would surely grab my attention. Call it fate or blind coincidence, that bloke works with a wellknown property developer. So, each time I read on the company's latest launches, I would know he's currently working on those projects.
I thought everything was over but I was wrong. I was in KL with my cheemuis and we had a few plans in mind. Some were personal plans. HEh. On the second day, we went to 1Utama for shopping. I was worried that I might bump into him but it was impossible as we went there on a weekday. We had lunch at Chili's and the thoughts of him came back. I recalled what he told me about that restaurant. I felt like I was having lunch with him there...but I knew I was walking in my dreams. I ordered a special drink with a blend of Absolut Mandarin and a few other types to supply adequate alcohol to drown myself during the day time...but a glass wasn't enough. I went shopping in my dreams.
That night, we were supposed to go "there" to feed our eyes. That's the place where men who have all those qualities my friends and I would like to SEE would appear. That's the place where I met him last year. His office is just located a stone's throw away from where we first met. When my friends said they wanted to go there, I was scared. I didn't want to follow them. I said "no" millions of times. I had a bad feeling that it's just not right to go back to that place and reignite everything in the heart.
When we finally got into the car, the driver sped off and brought us to many interesting places, except "that" place. (NOTE: Mr.Driver was one of my cheemui's date. 27. HAha. He scored four out of ten. Now, that's clear enough why my friend isn't answering his calls anymore) Mr.Driver brought us to RakuZen at Bukit Bintang. I was happy with the food served at the quite classy and pricey Japanese restaurant, until the time when my attention was fully focused at a man sitting on the next table. Even Mr.Driver noticed my eyes were glued to a man sitting on the other side of the restaurant. He made all sorts of funny (stupid?) jokes to grab my attention but I just ignored him. I was more interested in the other one, sitting alone over there. I asked myself, "Is it that bloke? Looks like his brother..." And that question kept repeating itself the whole night when we were touring around the city in Mr.Driver's Wira.
I knew something wasn't right but I just kept quiet. Close friends who know me well would realise I'm not being myself if I'm suddenly too quiet. So, my cheemuis realised the sudden change in me, but they couldn't understand it. Mr.Driver brought us to many interesting places, almost everywhere except "that" place. It was fifteen minutes past twelve, when he suddenly remembered our plan. He wanted to bring us there but it was too late already. We decided to go back to the hotel. Once we reached our room, my friends asked, "Are you ok? Bad mood?"...then I realised.
After some time, my friends were fast asleep, leaving me "alone" in the darkness. I didn't want to think but I fell into the deep Pondering Well. I was in a bad mood not because Mr.Driver was irritating. It was because he promised to bring us "there" but he didn't. So, my heart was actually pumping so hard, itching to go "there", to see that place and maybe to catch a glimpse of him... but at the same time, my brain were making some kinda noises, making me scared of going "there". I didn't sleep well that night.
The next day, after a few hours of shopping (And thinking...haha) at Midvalley, we went back to hotel at 4pm. While having dinner, my cheemui received a surprising call from her ex, who's now her close friend. The 30-something years old man came all the way to our hotel with a friendly fatty friend and brought us out. My friend's ex looked slimmer compared to last year. Anyway, he brought us to Souled Out. A cool hangout place for the corporate people at an unexpected location. I saw the big company's building. I panicked. I knew I might see him there as the company's just a few hundred metres away.
I was scared. I've never thought of going anywhere near the place I met him but I was there. I was really afraid of meeting him. I kept asking myself, "What am I going to do if I were to see him here?"...but the next moment, I realised the truth. My eyes betrayed me, as I was actually searching frantically for him. The eyes were busy rolling from the left to the right, searching for that man. I was so confused at that time. "What's wrong with me?" I continued asking myself. Then I saw him. "OMG! He's really here?" My friends were talking to me but I was just like a deaf person with my eyes glueing at a man on another table. After a few minutes, I got a better view and knew it wasn't him. "He's much taller than that man." I reckoned. And I knew I wouldn't see him there also as it was a Thursday night. I was still thinking when Celine Dion's song was played. The chorus made me think even more...
It was relieving that he wasn't there but I wasn't happy either. Disappointment could be seen on my face. My friends saw the sudden change in me. They knew it. They asked, "What would you do if he was really there?" I just kept quiet. I had a few answers with me but I realised something which is very clear by then. I took a few sleepless nights to think and make a painful decision that left a scar in someone's heart.
I dreamt of him that day. Surprisingly, I recalled everything about him. His images, his face, his eyes. As I didn't want to wake up, the dream lasted the whole night, so to speak. When I woke up, I knew he only exists in dreamland but it doesn't matter anymore. The lady who stood beside him in my dream could be his current one. I'm happy for him if that's the truth. It means my prayers have been answered.
The other day, one of my cheemuis asked again, "Would you greet him if he was really there?" I smiled and answered, "I won't. Why should I do that?" She didn't understand why I chose that answer but I'm clear of everything now. If he was really there, he knew I wouldn't do that either. "Do you regret meeting him last year?" My curious cheemui asked again. "No. I used to regret it but not anymore. The outcome would still be the same unless I was born a few years earlier. Everything was predestined and I'm glad it happened. An experience with feelings I could never really describe."
Truly God sent.
Some time ago, I said I'm not going to blog or mention about that bloke again. So, I didn't... but I realised each time when I come across the Business Section in local dailies or Business-related blogs, and IF I were to see his company's name, I would recall back on certain things.
I've always had interest in properties. Anything to do with buildings, particularly residential properties would surely grab my attention. Call it fate or blind coincidence, that bloke works with a wellknown property developer. So, each time I read on the company's latest launches, I would know he's currently working on those projects.
I thought everything was over but I was wrong. I was in KL with my cheemuis and we had a few plans in mind. Some were personal plans. HEh. On the second day, we went to 1Utama for shopping. I was worried that I might bump into him but it was impossible as we went there on a weekday. We had lunch at Chili's and the thoughts of him came back. I recalled what he told me about that restaurant. I felt like I was having lunch with him there...but I knew I was walking in my dreams. I ordered a special drink with a blend of Absolut Mandarin and a few other types to supply adequate alcohol to drown myself during the day time...but a glass wasn't enough. I went shopping in my dreams.
That night, we were supposed to go "there" to feed our eyes. That's the place where men who have all those qualities my friends and I would like to SEE would appear. That's the place where I met him last year. His office is just located a stone's throw away from where we first met. When my friends said they wanted to go there, I was scared. I didn't want to follow them. I said "no" millions of times. I had a bad feeling that it's just not right to go back to that place and reignite everything in the heart.
When we finally got into the car, the driver sped off and brought us to many interesting places, except "that" place. (NOTE: Mr.Driver was one of my cheemui's date. 27. HAha. He scored four out of ten. Now, that's clear enough why my friend isn't answering his calls anymore) Mr.Driver brought us to RakuZen at Bukit Bintang. I was happy with the food served at the quite classy and pricey Japanese restaurant, until the time when my attention was fully focused at a man sitting on the next table. Even Mr.Driver noticed my eyes were glued to a man sitting on the other side of the restaurant. He made all sorts of funny (stupid?) jokes to grab my attention but I just ignored him. I was more interested in the other one, sitting alone over there. I asked myself, "Is it that bloke? Looks like his brother..." And that question kept repeating itself the whole night when we were touring around the city in Mr.Driver's Wira.
I knew something wasn't right but I just kept quiet. Close friends who know me well would realise I'm not being myself if I'm suddenly too quiet. So, my cheemuis realised the sudden change in me, but they couldn't understand it. Mr.Driver brought us to many interesting places, almost everywhere except "that" place. It was fifteen minutes past twelve, when he suddenly remembered our plan. He wanted to bring us there but it was too late already. We decided to go back to the hotel. Once we reached our room, my friends asked, "Are you ok? Bad mood?"...then I realised.
After some time, my friends were fast asleep, leaving me "alone" in the darkness. I didn't want to think but I fell into the deep Pondering Well. I was in a bad mood not because Mr.Driver was irritating. It was because he promised to bring us "there" but he didn't. So, my heart was actually pumping so hard, itching to go "there", to see that place and maybe to catch a glimpse of him... but at the same time, my brain were making some kinda noises, making me scared of going "there". I didn't sleep well that night.
The next day, after a few hours of shopping (And thinking...haha) at Midvalley, we went back to hotel at 4pm. While having dinner, my cheemui received a surprising call from her ex, who's now her close friend. The 30-something years old man came all the way to our hotel with a friendly fatty friend and brought us out. My friend's ex looked slimmer compared to last year. Anyway, he brought us to Souled Out. A cool hangout place for the corporate people at an unexpected location. I saw the big company's building. I panicked. I knew I might see him there as the company's just a few hundred metres away.
I was scared. I've never thought of going anywhere near the place I met him but I was there. I was really afraid of meeting him. I kept asking myself, "What am I going to do if I were to see him here?"...but the next moment, I realised the truth. My eyes betrayed me, as I was actually searching frantically for him. The eyes were busy rolling from the left to the right, searching for that man. I was so confused at that time. "What's wrong with me?" I continued asking myself. Then I saw him. "OMG! He's really here?" My friends were talking to me but I was just like a deaf person with my eyes glueing at a man on another table. After a few minutes, I got a better view and knew it wasn't him. "He's much taller than that man." I reckoned. And I knew I wouldn't see him there also as it was a Thursday night. I was still thinking when Celine Dion's song was played. The chorus made me think even more...
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loveD me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loveD by you
It was relieving that he wasn't there but I wasn't happy either. Disappointment could be seen on my face. My friends saw the sudden change in me. They knew it. They asked, "What would you do if he was really there?" I just kept quiet. I had a few answers with me but I realised something which is very clear by then. I took a few sleepless nights to think and make a painful decision that left a scar in someone's heart.
I dreamt of him that day. Surprisingly, I recalled everything about him. His images, his face, his eyes. As I didn't want to wake up, the dream lasted the whole night, so to speak. When I woke up, I knew he only exists in dreamland but it doesn't matter anymore. The lady who stood beside him in my dream could be his current one. I'm happy for him if that's the truth. It means my prayers have been answered.
The other day, one of my cheemuis asked again, "Would you greet him if he was really there?" I smiled and answered, "I won't. Why should I do that?" She didn't understand why I chose that answer but I'm clear of everything now. If he was really there, he knew I wouldn't do that either. "Do you regret meeting him last year?" My curious cheemui asked again. "No. I used to regret it but not anymore. The outcome would still be the same unless I was born a few years earlier. Everything was predestined and I'm glad it happened. An experience with feelings I could never really describe."
Truly God sent.
