Yet another cycle....

It's been 2 weeks since the last time I blogged. Damn! See how fast time flies!

Ever since handling this current project, life hasn't been that good. Each day, it feels like going into a battlefield all by myself (or maybe with just one or two backup members), where I'm trying my very best to put out fire in front and you get idiots starting the fire from the back. So, when can this action of putting out the fire end??? I really don't know. What I know is, I'm really, really very tired, mentally and physically.

I wish I could stop complaining, but what can be done? How long can I continue this sucky work condition? How long do I need to tolerate the trend of having to work till 8~9 or 10 pm almost everyday? *Sigh* I still can't find answers to these questions. It is definitely not as easy as I've thought. I don't know why but I've been feeling a bit weird too lately. I get scared when Sunday arrives, coz I know the cycle will start again as Monday comes. I'm also afraid of phone calls now! No matter what I do or say, it still comes back to the same question, "I'm going in circles, when will the cycle end?"

Having to endure such political situations in the office is already bad enough, but knowing that the other half is also going through similar situations (or worse) hurts me even more. We were relaxing at the beach last night, enjoying the sea breeze under the moon when we suddenly touched on this topic. I was thinking, perhaps we should consider giving ourselves another chance to continue with the current on-going projects, try to be more patient and tolerate the whole situation for the time being. If the whole situation worsens, maybe it's really time to change to a new direction, a new destination....

Trapped!

Today has been a little more difficult even though it was quite "peaceful" in the first half. There were no calls from the noisy customers in the morning, no unnecessary meetings to attend too...but I don't know why I felt like there was no motivation at all, not long after lunch.

What was the cause of low morale at work? I hate to feel this way. I just can't stop myself from thinking of:

"When is my next holiday?" "What time can I go home?" "How long do I need to wait?" "Have I chosen the wrong path?" "When will I be able to 'breathe properly' without any worries about my projects?"

You know what? The more I ask myself these questions each day, the more I hate myself. I know I'm a hopeless over-responsible (erm, I am not bragging here) workaholic, BUT I seriously need a long break. I've been working non-stop since a long time ago...erm, last year (when my final year at Uni starts) and I haven't gotten enough rest since. I am just so damn bloody tired, both physically and mentally.

I am not really complaining about my work. It's just that when I plan to do other things, as in to balance up my lifestyle but I don't have the time to do it, I really get very pissed off! Some time ago or a few posts back, I did mention that I really wanted to do something, to focus on it....to enrich my life but look at me now! I haven't moved far since that day! Grrr....

I am so pissed off with myself now. I hate waking up to a routine life where I have to constantly ask myself, "Can I go back at 6.30pm today?"

I'm really wondering as to how long I can continue with this kinda lifestyle. I'm afraid I have to tell you that...I actually still love to deal with people (coz I am a people-oriented person!) BUT I don't want to work in this industry anymore. It is so tiring to get chased by so many parties each day, especially when you can't get the answer/support from your "weak" team. Each day, you're all alone to defend for everybody. Even if I were to borrow money from the Ah Longs, they won't even chase me until like that! Damn, idiots!

I was thinking, IF I were to consider somebody's offer some time ago, where I get to enjoy each day, driving a nice car and living in a condo without any worries, how would life be like? But then again, if I had taken up that offer, I wouldn't be Tiramisu anymore. Just like you, I will also look down on myself for being so cheap! Bleh....

So I've got no choice, I need to continue working....and I love to be independent. Well, maybe....I really need to look for other jobs that is more suitable?? Hmmm....

Going in circles

Wow, it's been so long already since I last blogged?

Damn...life has been so routine lately, all because of work. Ever since my boss loaded me with a big important project, I barely have any personal time at all. Gahhh....I know I am complaining!!

I've been so busy each day...haih....but here I am today, just blogging a few words just to tell you something. This blog is not dead yet, and so is the owner of this blog! Haha...

Anyway, looks like I can't blog much today. It's time to sleep (this is so sad!). Take care. Ciao.