Trapped!

Today has been a little more difficult even though it was quite "peaceful" in the first half. There were no calls from the noisy customers in the morning, no unnecessary meetings to attend too...but I don't know why I felt like there was no motivation at all, not long after lunch.

What was the cause of low morale at work? I hate to feel this way. I just can't stop myself from thinking of:

"When is my next holiday?" "What time can I go home?" "How long do I need to wait?" "Have I chosen the wrong path?" "When will I be able to 'breathe properly' without any worries about my projects?"

You know what? The more I ask myself these questions each day, the more I hate myself. I know I'm a hopeless over-responsible (erm, I am not bragging here) workaholic, BUT I seriously need a long break. I've been working non-stop since a long time ago...erm, last year (when my final year at Uni starts) and I haven't gotten enough rest since. I am just so damn bloody tired, both physically and mentally.

I am not really complaining about my work. It's just that when I plan to do other things, as in to balance up my lifestyle but I don't have the time to do it, I really get very pissed off! Some time ago or a few posts back, I did mention that I really wanted to do something, to focus on it....to enrich my life but look at me now! I haven't moved far since that day! Grrr....

I am so pissed off with myself now. I hate waking up to a routine life where I have to constantly ask myself, "Can I go back at 6.30pm today?"

I'm really wondering as to how long I can continue with this kinda lifestyle. I'm afraid I have to tell you that...I actually still love to deal with people (coz I am a people-oriented person!) BUT I don't want to work in this industry anymore. It is so tiring to get chased by so many parties each day, especially when you can't get the answer/support from your "weak" team. Each day, you're all alone to defend for everybody. Even if I were to borrow money from the Ah Longs, they won't even chase me until like that! Damn, idiots!

I was thinking, IF I were to consider somebody's offer some time ago, where I get to enjoy each day, driving a nice car and living in a condo without any worries, how would life be like? But then again, if I had taken up that offer, I wouldn't be Tiramisu anymore. Just like you, I will also look down on myself for being so cheap! Bleh....

So I've got no choice, I need to continue working....and I love to be independent. Well, maybe....I really need to look for other jobs that is more suitable?? Hmmm....