Gone with the wind

It's finally over. The wind blew it away after being blocked by so much of dark clouds. I'm glad that I have maintained true to myself and sticked to my own principles throughout the matter.

It was truly an eye opener. A different experience that has changed my perception in life. I would never view things from the same angle anymore. I'm glad to have braved myself through it. Now, I could usher in the New Year with a clear conscience and a broad smile. Thanks for the opportunity to rediscover myself just in time before 2007...

Easier said than done

Ever experienced a situation where there’s a conflict between your brain and your heart? It’s something like, your heart says one thing, but the brain says another thing. And your mouth is torn between those two important parts of you.

You say one thing, but do anything. You say one thing, but it actually means the opposite. (Psst...we girls are famous for that! Sshhh! Hehe) Or you intend to do something but ended up doing another thing.

You thought the brain is the logic and realistic side whilst the heart goes hand in hand with your instincts…and the instincts could be wrong…which means that you thought the brain always makes the right decision. But at certain time, you would start pondering whether you were bias and there was no justice done for the heart. The heart could be right while the brain could be wrong, and vice-versa. Who knows?

Some of my friends have complained experiencing the same situation before. So, which is the right one, the brain, the heart or neither?

I guess this is just a part of growing up. At times, I do wonder whether I’m still alien to adulthood, or I have overgrown my actual age with a much different mindset compared to my peers. Hmm…

Merry Christmas!!

Want a plane that loops the loop,
I still want a hula hoop,
We can hardly stand the wait,
Please Christmas don't be late.

I copied this from a clip played by 8TV. This is sooo cute. Anyways, Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year to everyone here. God bless! =)

A sweet nightmare

After going through a sweet nightmare, I woke up feeling much better today. It was sweet yet sour, but I have no regrets of making such a hasty decision. No matter how blind I was, I still had to wake up to face reality. Even though I had secretly wished to own that present, the rational and realistic sides of me won the battle. Someone taught me a principle when I was young and it was simple. Never take anything that doesn't belong to you.

Some of you might be thinking that I was just being desperate and...possibly a little naive. Well, whatever you may say, I don't care much...but the truth is, I wasn't even searching for anyone when he found me. If it didn't leave any effects on both of us, I wouldn't be blogging about it, would I? Anyways, I'm glad that at least, it was a pure and sincere phase that blossomed unknowingly at a very fast pace into something more than friendship. During that period of time, a smile from ear to ear was obvious from day to night for both parties.

Whatever it is, I know I've done the right thing and I just hope that my decision has in a way helped the owner. Hopefully, he's coping well with the outcome. If there's something called "next-life" as believed by most Chinese communities, maybe that present would be mine...who knows? Damn...how many times must I say it? I'm not a desperado ok? Bleh! Forget it. You won't understand a single bit of it.

...Sweet & Sour...

Initially, it was really sweet...too sweet until I had forgotten what I was up to. The temporary sweetness left an impact almost instantaneously. I thought I was dreaming, but I wasn't. It was mutual, as claimed by both parties.

Honestly, it was truly an unexpected surprise. I had never anticipated to feel this way yet again. Yes, it was the familiar feelings I had previously. I had forgotten how it felt when I was so blindly into that old one but his presence brought back those feelings. No words could ever describe the extraordinary emotion as it felt like I was floating up in the air. I'm not making a comparison between both of them but it really felt that way. It was shocking when I came to know even more things about him. Everything was almost the same, in fact, he's even better than that one in many aspects. "How could this be? This is absurd!" I reckoned. I wasn't really digesting the things he said seriously but when he confessed having similar sentiments, my eyes nearly popped out onto the keyboard.

Yes, everything was sweet...at least, it was to me but somehow, the sweetness never lasted. Everything turned sour when I received a message this morning... It wasn't a simple I-don't-like-you sort of message as it wasn't a one sided issue at all. In fact, I would rather receive that. At least, it would "kill" me there and then but no.... It was a long sincere (could feel it) confession of how he felt, how much he wanted things to work out between us and many other things but the last sentence of truth drew a line between us.

Even though he was so near to what I truly want in a partner, I had to let him go. Even though we both felt the same way, it wasn't a bed of roses. Even though there were uncountable similarities and coincidence between us, we were still separated by the ugly side of reality. Even though he managed to bring back the intense feelings I used to have in just a short period of time, and I dare to admit that it was quite strong, it's still useless. Even though he really wanted me, it's just too bad that it's already too late. Things would definitely be different, only if we had known each other earlier.

Santa came early to bring this unexpected present. It was truly a big surprise and a happy one...for a moment...but the truth is, the present actually belongs to someone else. It's not meant to be mine. I had to return it to the owner. This is too cruel to all parties involved. This is sweet and sour. This year's x'mas will not be the same anymore.

Santa brought me the wrong present

I was kinda excited when I received it. Didn't expect any surprises but when I opened it, one of my worst fears came true. The present wasn't mine. It belongs to someone else.

A sweet surprise of a coincidence has brought an ugly outcome. Shocking but true. So, people get a present and what do I get? Two words. Hard egg.

Playing a role on my own stage...

In the blink of an eye, it's the end of the year again. With 2007 approaching nearer and nearer each day, the brain has been clouded by many, many things. Not that I love thinking so much, but I just can't help pondering over certain issues. Some self-reflection and soul-searching do help in distinguishing the true self hidden beneath a smiling face.

You know, I've been thinking about dreams. I'm an ambitious freak and everyone knows that. But to be honest, the truth is ugly. All this while, I could be fooling my own self. Seriously, to realise all those dreams, it may take a while to reach that stage. Erm, possibly years... I knew that long time ago, yet stubbornness has been accompanying yours truly and I just ignored all that. "So, which is more important?" I reckoned. This question has brought me to yet another level of transformation within myself.

I may still be ambitious. I may still hope to achieve those big dreams one day but I guess the burning desire has sort of dwindled to a much more feasible level. All the while, I hated naysayers and I still do, but it would be very stupid of me to continue fooling myself and forced to let go of certain things. Not that I'm being pessimistic...(Nope! I'm not giving up yet!), but the realistic and practical sides of me have decided to make a little change. It's just like the ability to be progressive whilst adapting to my surroundings. Well, it may be good...who knows?

Sometimes, it just feels like we are simply living a life on stage...a place where we are playing the role of an actor/actress and also the audience to our own life. So whether your life is screwed up or not, accept the fact that you are partly to blame. Yesterday is history. Today gives you the strength from the valuable lessons learnt yesterday, so that you would be prepared for tomorrow. Embrace tomorrow with a newer you and the following day would be a promising sunny day.

**Oohh...another thing in mind. Santa came early. A surprise present I never expected to receive. Should I open it? Will there be a hidden bomb or something? Hmm...life's full of uncertainties.

A day of superstition

Psst...tell you something but promise not to laugh ok? I accompanied a friend to meet a fortune teller today. Can you believe it? Gosh!

I really didn't expect myself to be sitting in front of the Uncle asking him silly questions that have no certainties or exact answers. In fact, I was just there...merely accompanying my dear friend but after her, it was my turn. Oops! Erm, maybe I couldn't resist being curious and was a tad desperate to know what the Uncle would say about me. After all, it only costs RM3 per session. Quite cheap huh?

So, when you're curious and suddenly A BIT desperate, you become superstitious....for a moment. I had two sessions, with the first being about career and second, love/relationships (I can't believe I asked about this! Gahhh!!!). Even though I was given pretty good answers to my questions, I still can't stop being the old me - a worry wart. The Uncle also said that I'm born to be lucky and prosperous *ahem*. So why am I still worrying each day? Hmm...

Damn. Have I gotten too superstitious? This is absurd...but it's certainly entertaining to hear compliments or good things about yourself. Hehehe.

To achieve equilibrium

Ever wondered why certain people are always blessed with lots of good things and never-ending opportunities while you struggle like hell just to get a tiny portion of what they have?

This might be a little jealousy, whatever you may think of but this isn't a case of blaming it on the surroundings as I still believe in the concept of paving the road to success by myself without any dirty tricks...(if possible). Well, it may sound a little naive but don't you think it's rather stupid to apple polish for the sake of publicity? You know...that kind of situation where you have to literally act like a dog and lick people's shoes just to popularize yourself? Gahh...I just don't get it. I hate over-exaggerating ass-kissers!

There's this numb nut at Uni who apple polished the V VIPs all the way to get to where he is now just because of the promised publicity by the lousy students' exchange council. Well, not that I care much about him but that numb nut is just another useless piece of shit. He has poor leadership skills and couldn't speak proper English. He's also bloody arrogant. The worst is that he's just an average student who often skip classes and also depend on others to do his assignments. He's such a loser! Actually, there are more bad things about him but I couldn't be bothered with that fatso's existence as he has always appeared invisible to my eyes...until the latest bulletin I received in my student portal's mailbox.

"Three student leaders have been selected to represent our Uni, together with 25 other student leaders from other local public Unis for a visit to UK's prestigious universities"

That fatso was one of those selected to represent our Uni as student leader? WTF? Leader?? My ass!! Idiot. So, he got selected just because he's the head of the overrated oh-so-lousy students' exchange council? So he got selected just because he had previously contributed buckets of saliva to successfully convince the brainless peeps? Aww...that's just bullshit to me! Ohh...have I told you before that the stupid council is also full of morons and cow heads? Erm...it's just true that birds of a feather flock together. Hah! Thankfully I'm not a part of them even though some of its members begged me to join!

Come again? You think that fatso is really a capable student leader? Ohh puhhhleeezzzeeee! I'm not debating that I'm a better candidate but he's just a numb nut who knows practically nothing! So why should we waste OUR money to send him there when he will only humiliate us? Oh yea, I heard there's a shortage of finances in all local public Unis but why are there enough money to send students to UK? So the gahmen is paying under a new fund? Hah. Anything that's possibly happening underground or whatsoever isn't really my concern as they still have a positive objective in mind...which is to promote our local products and liaise with the "branded" ones there. So, you could self-establish yourself as world class Unis just because of that? I smell bullshit!

Nowadays, people are getting more and more kiasu. So since I'm stepping out of Uni soon, it's totally none of my business anymore. I shouldn't give a fcuk to anything the V VIPs do coz even if we manage to increase the local Unis' ratings, the outcome would still be the same. The employability of the local products is still questionable. So, the focus is on fatso the numb nut. I'm just dissatisfied that a brainless person like him - yea...read my lips, he is really brainless - would be selected for such a grand thing! Gahhh...

Anyways, my point should be clear now. What I'm trying to say is that, from the moment we opened our eyes when we were born, the truth is we would automatically be greeted with the placard, "The world is not a fair place". Sometimes, it may be good to remain ignorant and stay happy as you follow the flow but at other times, it's still vital to be equipped with some preparation and stay alert to prevent any unwanted harm from the ugly side of reality. So, you need to fight for your rights and pave your own path to wherever you choose to go. The decision still lies in our own hands and we could still make a difference...but before that, there's a need to sidekick the numb nuts and cow heads out of your way to the land of losers!

Banana again?

Since young, I've gotten used to the habit of taking a bite or just a nibble on anything Bro eats. Erm, maybe that's how I annoy him for the past 20 over years. So the other day, while the whole family was in the living room watching the Asian Games, I saw Bro with a banana.

"Can I have a bite of your banana?"

Silly question. I wasn't even thinking of anything dirty when I asked for a nibble...but, when Bro answered with his spontaneous reaction, I nearly fainted due to too much of laughing gas!

He said, "No way!" and quickly covered his own "banana" at the groin area with his other hand.

Gahh!! -.-"

Lazy to blog or sick of it?

I haven't blogged for days, and this is something very abnormal since that I'm actually quite free. Hmm...is it because I have been a lazy bone since my last exam paper or the fact that I'm sick of blogging or I can't find any lame topics to yak about? Aiihhh...

I know I'm a real pig coz I'm not working during my sem break...but I tell you what, only fools would employ a part-time employee for only one month! So, please excuse me while I continue shaking my legs while reading a book... Erm, maybe I have many other things to do besides blogging. Things like these:

Read a book written by a property queen. Gosh. I can't believe I spent RM68.80 on that...erk, in fact, Bro was the one who paid for it! HEhe. I still have three other books to read after this one. That's great!

Getting obsessed and excessively paranoid with the idea of securing a place for internship or industrial training at a good company. Define good? Hmm...well, I deposited my resume to MANY companies already. So, I think that "good" word means nothing. I am just desperate to get a place. Anywhere in Penang or that island down south should be ok!

Exercise. Gosh. My dumbbells are already covered with dust! If I don't touch or use them anytime soon, the spiders might be having big muscles and would probably carry the dumbbells back to their home!

Discussing about business/investment opportunities with my family members. Gosh! Have I gotten them influenced? Hahaha.

Getting ADEQUATE sleep. Is there a need for a much detailed definition of that?

Pondering over the word "desperate". I hate to admit it but two friends told me the same thing on the same day! Gahh...how many times must I say it? I am not a desperado in that aspect....yet!

Become a TV addict. Finally, I could watch the Singapore and HK dramas without having to worry about anything! Eeek, please do not compare my addiction to that of my so-called roommate!

Considering whether I should accept that donkey's invitation for lunch/dinner. That bugger owes me a meal for the soccer betting I won during World Cup and that's like ages ago! Gahh...anyway, we're still friends but it's damn scary to meet up and hang out together again, even though it's just for a meal. To go or not to go? Hmmm...

I thought I said I had nothing to blog about? Damn. I didn't know I could talk/type this much. Women.

Stepping out

I believe in one thing. Self-pity won't help.

If you're feeling down, living by fear and anxiety or bogged down by some kind of problems, do something. Crying or sighing won't help. All you need to do is to take A step OUT of your current zone or phase. It may sound easy but nothing could be done without some effort. It has always been the usual easier-said-than-done phrase, but with sheer determination, things would eventually work out...much better, things would work out in the way you preferred. If you don't do anything, will there be any difference tomorrow, next week, next month or next year?

So why blame it on your past, the surroundings or God, when you could actually be the change agent yourself to make a difference to your OWN life? Nothing is impossible. All you need is perseverance. So, whether you're sad over something, or currently experiencing a very difficult situation or problem, CHANGE and make a DIFFERENCE. Take A STEP OUT of it (You are not running away from the problem but facing it with a much stronger faith!), improve and make things better. You will eventually feel happier because everything lies in your hands. You have the power to make a difference to your own life!