The Foreigner

Yesterday, I was forced to attend a talk on the application of negotiation skills in a challenging world. Both local and foreign students attended the talk that was held at the Convention Centre. I went and was quite convinced by the speaker, the Dean of the business and economics faculty from University of Management and Technology, Pakistan. Well, he was a great speaker who managed to impress the audience but this article is not about him.

When it was about 12.30pm, we went for a free lunch at one of the rooms. While enjoying my meal with two other course mates, a foreign student suddenly approached us me, asking whether he could snap a photo with me. I wanted to say no, but I didn’t. Since that I have always been a great ambassador for our beloved country, I agreed with a request of including my course mates in the photo shoot.

After that, the international student from Libya, who’s currently doing his masters here, chatted with us. Even though my course mates were also in the conversation, he was obviously staring at me, and not them. Gosh!! I usually look into people’s eyes when I talk to them but this time, I was too chicken to even generate any electrocution power into his eyes. He’s quite tall and smart looking but he’s a Muslim from an Arabic country ok! Would you really consider someone like him? Bad idea huh!

When he suddenly asked whether I’m still single and available, I was dumbstruck!! WHAT??? Come again?? Without even thinking for a single second, I showed him my left hand, with a ring worn on my middle finger. And I just smiled weirdly. OMG!! Luckily I was wearing a ring at that time. If not, I would have to come out with lame excuses and funny stories to stop this foreigner from approaching me!

Come to think of it again, I find it hilarious! What would happen to me if I had told him that I’m still single and available?? Haha!! Ai sehh!! Not bad man! A fat b*tch like me, with a so-cannot-make-it look can also attract has been attracting more and more men lately, just that these men are either weird, funny or short! Oh well, at least I’m still able to attract men, right? I think I’ll just take it as a compliment! Kekeke…

Wa Chin TOO LAN!!!

Damn!!! I hate to be like this you know! I've tried my very best to be cool, cool, BUT this idiot makes me HOT, burning like a furnace! I really feel like walking up to him and SLAP him, screw him in front of the whole class, left, right, up and down, front and back! How I wish I could throw him into a river, or better still if I get to kick him off the top floor of KOMTAR!

This dickhead is really a USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!!! I don't know how the hell he end up here in a university! He calls himself an undergraduate when he's not even doing a single shit in our group works! Fark!! All he did was writing stupid and crappy lame shit that are not relevant to the work at all! What an idiot! All he does here is to shake his legs balls!! Doing absolutely nothing besides giving lousy excuses!

Stupid shit! I really hope that he'll DIE DIE DIE far, far away from my world!!! Oh God, I don't mean to be so bad and please forgive me BUT he's really an idiot and I can't help it! Therefore, I really hope that I won't need to see his bloody face in my group again the next semester!!

Go away you idiot, PLEASE go and die far, far away! Thank you!

The monkey with lame pickup lines

There’s this monkey who always love to sit beside me in The Blocked Brain's class. He has been trying his very best to get my HP number…

Day 1

Monkey: Hai. Boleh berkawan?

Me: (I just smiled, but was thinking of this, “Go away you moron!”)

Monkey: Wahh, awak ni cantik la. Kenapa tak pernah nampak awak sebelum ini?

Me: (I just ignored him, and pretended to be stupid…)

I think I look too “exotic” with an over powerful command of Bahasa!! LOL…Initially, I got bloated till I nearly explode for being complimented as "cantik" since that I always consider myself a fat b*tch. But then, come to think of it again, he's a monkey!! Damn, why should I care about what ever he says? I wouldn't want to wear headscarves to cover up my beautiful, sexy hair! And that, I'll die if I have to stop pork consumption, meaning no more dim sums and char siew paus!! Gosh!!! So, this moron is definitely a no-no even though he has a 'boleh tahan' look! Hehe...

Day 2

Monkey: Hai. Awak dari mana?

Me: Penang

Monkey: Ehh, saya dari Penang jugak. Awak bahagian mana?

Me: Di tempat yang awak tak pernah dengar!

Monkey: Kat manalah? Saya kat Bayan Lepas.

Me: Saya cakap pun awak tak kan tahu, baik tak payah cakap!

Monkey: (Showed me his HP with a message on it, “Si cantik, apakah nombor HP awak?”)

Me: (I got very irritated as I was trying my best to focus in class… so, I typed, “Fuck off, idiot!”)

OMG!! I couldn’t believe that I really typed that! Actually, I learnt that from a Hong Kong movie, Conman in Tokyo I think, can't remember! Haha…I guess it’s a good way to ward off morons… From that day onwards, he dare not sit beside me anymore! ROFL…

Bitchy Penguins

Ever met any bitches blocking your way in the loo when your bladder is almost exploding? Well, I was damn suey that I met two bloody bitches, bitching in the toilet recently!

Last Wednesday, I went to the usually crowded restroom, which is big enough to accommodate more than 20 people. As my bladder was about to explode, I just rush in and…FARK!!! Two bitchy penguins blocked my way! It was already crowded but these two morons were busy discussing selecting which toilet is best to enter.

Bitch 1: “Ehh…yang ni duduk punya la! Ish, kotor la…”

Bitch 2: “Tapi yang cangkung (squat) punya sudah penuh, hanya satu saja. Takkan kau nak masuk sekali dengan aku??”

BABI!! I said, “Excuse me” but they ignored me! I repeat, this time louder… “EXCUSE ME!!!” They finally realized my presence, and also the others behind me. So, they reluctantly moved aside with a si lang cheebye face! Just because of these two nincompoops, everyone has to queue up just to enter a toilet!

Bloody bitches!!! Discussing Selecting which toilet is best to enter???? WTF?? You tell me…. what’s the point of selecting when your main purpose is to release all the toxins in your body? What’s the difference between both toilets, the one you need to squat and the one you need to sit??? When your bladder is about to explode, it doesn’t matter which is better ok!

They were so busy selecting until they didn’t even realize that the whole world was waiting for them to move aside. When I was done, I saw them standing at a corner of the big restroom, still discussing! Farking shit! I’m sure they had a hard time selecting which toilet is better as both are considered ‘not suitable’ for them to do their business!

If they select the toilet bowl, they might risk their ass to dirt, shit, urine, bacteria, microorganisms and whatever that you can think of and ended up getting unwanted acnes or eczema on their backside! Or worse still if their extra small sized ass got stuck in the toilet bowl! If they select the toilet that requires them to squat, they must have good squatting skills. If not, their hymen might be torn and that they are no longer 'suci' anymore, and they would run back and complain cry, begging their mothers to help them to get married!

WTF!!! It’s just a toilet, NOT a man! They need not spend ages to choose which is best! Bodoh betul! Gila sial!!!

The big fuss about that word…

Did the word, “flings” in my previous post make you think of me as a wild lady?? Haha…gotcha!! I purposely used that word and most of my friends who read my blog made a big fuss about it. Awww…c’mon, do you really think I’m that kind of a person? I’m not that type ok, still very innocent (*ahem!) and I don’t think I’d be one anytime in the future…

LOL…

---

The list of my greedy wishes continues…

To obtain a scholarship, if possible The British Chevening Scholarship Program for my postgraduate studies…(It has been a childhood dream to study abroad but I didn’t have the opportunity to actualize it due to financial constraints and some other reasons. Damn! If I hadn’t suffered from a severe gastric pain and gut infection during one of my papers while sitting for the STPM exams, I guess I’d be studying at a prestigious university in Singapore and sponsored by a scholarship now!)

To work in a Multinational Company in a big city, earn a high salary; hold a high position in the company’s organizational chart with 101% of job satisfaction…(Yes! I’m an ambitious freak! I’m a guaranteed future workaholic too! Haha…)

To contribute to the society…(Hey, I’m not kidding ok! I’ve always dreamt of building special homes for the poor and the less fortunate. Ai sehhh!! I’m such a kind-hearted person, but, without money, I can’t do anything!)

To get married to Mr. Right somewhere around the age of 26/27/28, have lovely kids, grandchildren…(I fear that this wish might just be an unrealized wish, and that I’ve to be a spinster! Gosh!!! Unless, I simply say yes to any idiot Tom, Dick or Harry…but, but…when I was in Form 5, I dreamt of being married to a man in a church wedding!! Ohhh, that dream was unforgettable but who is that man?? Hello??! Where are you?? …OMG! I sound so desperate! LOL)

To have a good health all the time…(I consider myself weak at times. I once fainted 4 times in a year! I frequently complain about gastric problems and gut infection. Well, maybe that’s the reason to why I always eat to keep myself fully energized. Damn!! No wonder I don’t even have a slim chance to own a body like Jessica Alba’s)

Travel to anywhere around the globe anytime I like without having to worry about financial issues…(erm, I’d like to go to places with beautiful panoramic views like Japan, Korea, Hong Kong and every part of Europe)

To have more close friends, both male and female.

*P/s: These greedy wishes of mine are NOT arranged according to preference. Therefore, there’s no clear indication of which dream / wish is my main priority!


All right, I think that’s all that I could think of but did you realize something? How possible it is for a woman to focus on 2 different aspects in life? She wants to further her studies, go after her ambitious dreams of becoming a successful career woman and at the same time, attends to her boyfriend, gets married and takes care of her family??? Shit!! This question has been bugging me for quite some time and I still don’t have the answer. Do we really have to choose either one? Can I be greedy enough to choose both?? Do you have the answers to these questions? Well, I guess I need to think and discuss this topic with a few people first. Will blog about this soon ok!

Happy Birthday!!

Quick!! Wish me Happy Birthday and you'll be kissed! LOL...

Since that my birthday coincides with the real day of Moon Cake / Lantern Festival this year, so I decided to eat a moon cake to mark my 21st Birthday! Haha...

Ok, here's the list of my greedy wishes:

• To have a body like Jessica Alba....(most likely impossible coz my current figure indicates that I have the potential looks of a manager! Ai sehh!!!)
• To continue attract more brainy men...(no useless piece of shitty leng chais please!)
• To have a banana special someone to shower me with love, care and attention...(I don't want anymore fake relationships, flings, crushes, and blah, blah, blah!)
• To improve my CGPA so that I could maintain or get 1st Class Honours!...(hello! I'm not a geek or a nerd ok!)
  
• To earn more money!...(I dunno how but I'm currently planning a side business, even have a business partner already...might be investing too...hmm)
• To.......shit! It's 3 am now, and wat the hell am I doing here??? I got to sleep already! Will continue about this again if I could think of any other greedy wishes! Nitez!
  

A pleasant gift

I just received a gift from Danone for my birthday!! Don't believe me?? Have a look at the gift...

The pleasant gift...a funky watch, with lots of 'chocolate chips' on it




Even this cute 'dog' loves the gift!

Haha...It's not a birthday gift actually! Well, I joined the Chipsmore competition organized by Danone last month but I've totally forgotten about it. It's really a pleasant surprise to win and receive a prize 2 days before my birthday! :)

When friends get paranoid...

Initially, I don't feel like posting this, but as the 'big day' draws nearer, I get very annoyed by most people around me, particularly my friends! They've been asking me the same questions for the past few days, and it's sickening to answer those lame questions!

"Hey, your birthday is coming...How are you going to celebrate it?"
"With whom are you going to celebrate this year?"
"Where are you going to celebrate it?"
and yadda, yadda, yadda....blah, blah, blah!

Shit! I just hate being asked those questions! All the while, ever since the day I was born, I've NEVER planned or organized anything on my birthday for myself! Nothing big deal actually and it's just another normal day in a year! Oh c'mon, do you actually plan your own birthday celebration, and then go around telling the whole world that it's your birthday, and that they should give you presents???? Only fools would do that!

So, what if it's my birthday??? Like as if you're going to date me to a romantic candlelight dinner and buy me a bouquet of white lilies! No right?? Then just shuddup and try or rather pretend to be nice by just wishing me "Happy Birthday" ok! A wish is adequate to make me smile!!

So, now that you know my birthday is just around the corner, would you really prepare me presents or sincerely organize a small party or some kind of celebration??? Nahh!! I don't need anything from you. A simple, sincere birthday wish would be appreciated.

:)

How thick is your skin???

It’s this guy idiot again. Did I mention earlier that he’s very thick-skinned?? Here’s the proof to how thick the skin of his face is…

Idiot: Ehh, you all free on the 13^th or not? (Asking me and SY)

SY: Why? What’s so special on the 13^th??

Me: Assignments’ dateline??

Idiot: No lah, that day is my birthday you know… you all must eat with me!

SY: Oh, your birthday izit? Okie, no problem…where to eat?

Idiot: We go out (anywhere outside our campus, a.k.a. the jungle) to eat lah. Rent a car and ask the others to join also. Remind me to tell them later.

Me: Joining is not a problem…(IT IS ACTUALLY A BIG PROBLEM!! How the hell can I enjoy my food when I need to see his bloody face??? This is the face that made me have sleepless nights, doing all the projects and assignments! With him around, even delicious food would taste like shit!!!)

SY: How many do you intend to invite?? If you ask too many to join, it might be too expensive and you’ll go bankrupt!

Idiot: Who says that I’m going to pay?? My birthday you know…

Me: Ehh, if you’re not paying then who’s going to pay?? The one inviting is always the one paying… (That’s the rule, isn’t it??? Unless, we organize a special party or something, then that’s a different case as we would be paying WILLINGLY)

Idiot: No lah, I ask you all to come belanja (treat) me lah. My birthday you know…

(The both of us started to look pissed off…)

Idiot: Aiya, give face lah. My birthday you know…make sure you all choose nice place with nice food ya. If got seafood better still lah. Remember to give presents also ok! I’m waiting for a new bag. (Grinning moronically)

Farking shit! Who gives a damn whether it’s his birthday or not??? My birthday is also a few days away but I wouldn’t be so thick-skinned to request for a birthday party or something. Coz the skin of my face is not as thick as his…he is proven to be very thick-skinned, as thick as The Great Wall of China!!!

And I just hate it when he mentioned, “My birthday u know…” for millions of times! Who cares whether it’s his birthday or funeral??? Some more dare to initiate the type of food he prefers to eat! Even reminded us to prepare presents for him! What an idiot! Tak tahu malu langsung!! If I really need to pay (I’m not a stingy person ok! I’m willing to pay IF he’s not that idiotic!), I’m going to find some lame excuses so that I don’t need to join him. But if he’s paying, THEN I’M GOING!!! GOING TO ORDER LOTS OF FOOD, EAT TILL HE GOES BANKRUPT…Muahahahahaha…(Damn it, I'm not childish ok! I'm just doing something that you would also do if you were in my situation!)

An exasperating stranger with smelly armpits!

I don’t really know this guy. All I know is that he’s a junior who came in with a Diploma qualification. This guy, who looks like a typical China man attends the The Giant Penguin’s class too.

At first, I didn’t really bother his existence as he’s just another plain ugly looking guy in my faculty. But I got very annoyed with this bloke after he showed his continuous weird attitude.

Ever since the first day of class, he has been asking the whole class, every student for books. All he wants is to borrow or buy our books, but does he really need to ask me the same old question for more than 5 times??? Do I need to repeat that ‘NO’ word for the umpteenth time??? What an irritating moron! Go and shit somewhere else ok! I love my books and usually, I DON’T simply lend or sell them, especially to lousy people!! I’d rather keep them. Damn! I just hate pushy weirdoes!

Every time I enter The Giant Penguin’s class, I’ve to remind myself to avoid him so that I wouldn’t be so irritated. And, I’m NOT the only one who goes through this strange situation. He has asked everyone, even approached my other friends, asking the same lousy question for uncountable times too! So, what the hell is actually wrong with this guy??? He’s only in the first semester but he has been asking the whole class of senior students on books related to final year studies or majoring subjects! This guy must be crazy, extremely kiasu and kiasi (afraid of losing, afraid of death)!!

He’s also a sensitive idiot! The other day, when I was in the same bus with SY and him, SY complained about a terrible stench. The awful smell was like the smell of someone’s sweaty underarms!

SY: Ehh, you smell anything or not?

Me: Yea, smells like someone forgot to use Rexona!

SY: Where does the smell come from?? I’m having a blocked nose but I could still smell it!

Me: Well, just look around to see who’s raising his or her arms to hold the metal bar in the bus…He or she might probably be standing somewhere near the air-cond!

So, the both of us looked around and saw that weirdo, with his right arm up, holding the metal bar. When he overheard our conversation, he quickly put down his arm! Amazingly, the smell was gone after he lowered his right arm! So, it must be him…the one who needs to use Rexona for a no sweat, no awful smell challenge! Damn, this guy was so perasan case (oversensitive)! Actually, I wasn’t referring to him when I asked SY to look around in the bus, as I didn’t even realize that he was there… BLAH!!

OMG!! He’s here, in the library too!! I got to act stupid and pretend that I didn’t see him! Ohhh, PLEASE DON’T come over to my table, I don’t want to explode straight in his boring face!! Shooo…go away!

The Purring Magnet

Do you like cats? I used to like cats but now, I just hate them. Between cats and dogs, I would prefer a dog! Coz I think cats are stupid, useless and annoying. Sorry to cat lovers…but I just can’t help it!

Ever encountered any cats doing their ‘big or small’ businesses under or near an umbrella?? Never?? All right, I guess I was ‘very lucky’ to have these ugly and dirty felines shitting and urinating under my umbrella last semester! And because of that, I had to buy another 2 umbrellas. Damn!!

It all happened when I left my wet umbrella outside my hostel room after a heavy downpour. So, the wandering cats found my blue coloured umbrella attractive and interesting enough to be their shade for doing businesses. Well, maybe the cats of the 21^st century are so different that they too, would be shy while doing businesses! Blah!! As I was in desperate need for an umbrella to brave through the rainy season, I did something unexpected! No…I didn’t kill or torture those cats but I WASHED my umbrella!!! WTH?? Washing an umbrella with Breeze colour??? LOL…

Another reason for hating cats is the annoying noises they make DAILY. The cats here at my hostel block have high sex drives! I’m not kidding but it’s just so damn true! I realized that the cats here enjoy a non-stop whole semester of mating season. Firstly, you’ll hear an uncontrollable moaning from these cats, like as if there’s a porn movie shooting ghost hunting ceremony or something. Then you’ll see the female cats getting pregnant one after another. After giving birth, they’ll soon become irresponsible mothers by leaving the kittens at one corner, while they continue their competition of chasing after the about-to-extinct male cats to get sextified. And the whole sex-pregnant-kittens scene repeats over and over again…it’s just a vicious cycle!

These cats here suffer from severe body odour (BO). Even if you don’t suffer from BO, you might possibly smell like a cat if you were to walk past the cats here. So, it’s rather useless to apply any deodorant or perfume! Just to be safe and not smelling like a cat, I must avoid walking past these cats all the time!

Hmmm…Did I do something bad to any cat last time that all these cats seem to be so attracted to me now?? Ahhh…yes! I remember that there’s once when I made a cat committed suicide!! LOL…

I was about 14 years old when the cat ‘committed suicide’ at my previous apartment! It made annoying noises when I was in the dreamland. I peeped through the windows and saw a black cat sitting on the wall along the corridor, overlooking a panoramic view of the sea. I spotted that feline, and slowly crawled out of my unit. When I was only a few centimeters away from it, I suddenly stood up and gave it a big surprise shock!

“CHAK!!!! Surprise..!!”

Initially, I thought that cat would be smart enough to run away (along the corridor) but I over-estimated it! It was too stupid until it decided to jump down from the fifth floor. I was dumbstruck!!

“OMG!!! Did I just kill a cat????? Is it dead??? Ohh…Please don’t die!!”

I quickly went down to have a check on the cat but it ran away the moment it saw me. I assumed that the cat was ok since that it could still recognize me and ran away. So, I guess the felines could identify me and want to revenge for their cat friend who committed suicide years ago! Haha…

The Jealous Faggot

What would you do if a pondan were to stare at you?? What would you think if s(he) continues to stare at you, focusing at your chest???? Now, if you were a guy, then congratulations! You might be that pondan's next target! Haha...but if you were a lady, don't worry. That faggot is definitely NOT going after you. It's just that that pondan is jealous...jealous of your assets!

Recently, when I was on my way to the lecture halls, a pondan sat beside me in the bus. At first, I didn't really bother about shim (a substitute term for anyone who is neither a he nor a she based on the Tiramisu Class of Stupid Nonsense) but when that faggot kept looking at me, I got very annoyed. S(he) was wearing a tight-fitting pink coloured top.

"WTF is wrong with you?? Why are you staring at me??? I'm normal ok, I'm only into guys...real men, and not someone sissy like you!!", my brain started thinking and I was really tempted to say that.

After quite some time, I realised that that ugly pondan, who had make up on his pimply face as thick as a pancake, was actually staring at my chest, focusing at my boobs!! So, I stared back at that faggot and realised something. OMG!!! All I could see was his flat chest with a set of tits, protruding from his tight-fitting top! I know the reason behind shim weird stares already!!

And all I could think of at that moment was, "Nyek! Nyek! Nyek! My boobs are so real! Jealous that mine is bigger than yours?? Awww...poor thing! Why don't you get a cheapskate breast augmentation with a poor quality silicon which might only last for a few months??"

p/s: The moral of the story is that ladies need not be afraid of pondans or faggots! They MIGHT be prettier, but they are still so unreal. They are only jealous of our assets. So, everytime when they stare at you, particularly at your chest or boobs, then just do this, smile back, inhale, stomach in and chest out!! LOL...