The 6 mind-numbing and soul-destroying award recipients of the semester

The 'Drunkard'

1. He's not into alcohol but he's always 'drunk'. He can never stand still or balance himself while giving lectures. He's forever moving to the left, to the right and then repeats again and again, always leaving everyone with a big headache after attending his early morning 8am class.
2. He's a sucker in English. He loves to pronounce all the '-ed' in past tense but he's definitely an excellent potential newsreader or reporter who might even be better than TV3's Karam Singh Walia. All he does is to read every single word from the slides, reading everything, even the wrong words or sentences with obvious grammatical errors.
3. He could be the next Brylcream hair gel's model, replacing the current already-not-so-handsome local models with his perfectly shaped karipap hairstyle.
4. He's a lame storyteller, always trying his best to cheer up the whole class of 100 over students with stupid stories. Among the stories or so-called jokes he mentioned thus far:

• ^{Cucur Udang ada udang. Kenapa Cucur Badak tak ada badak? (WTF?? What has cucur udang or badak or lembu or even gajah got to do with technology???)}
• ^{Dulu hanya ada satu jenama TV iaitu B&W macam restoran fast food A&W. Sekarang ada JVC, Samsung, Sony dan banyak lagi. (B&W actually means black and white. So, what has that unpopular, about to bankrupt fast food outlet got to do with a television?? No connection at all right??? Duhh...)}

The Dr. Perfect (Dr. as in PHD=Permanent Head Damage)

1. She's a 200% perfectionist (which is worse than me, coz I only consider myself a 98% perfectionist) =P. She's forever demanding for the best performance and yadda, yadda, yadda and blah, blah, blah from her students.
2. She loves to pick up rubbish! And she makes every student in her class to do that too. Maybe she got her PHD from a thesis or a research on picking up rubbish! Well, who knows, she might be the new Menteri Kebersihan (no such thing at the moment yet lar) with lots of ^{"Marilah Kita Kitar Semula Campaign"} anytime in the future.
   
3. She has a good command in English but she prefers to lecture, using our local language in order to please the other cobras and penguins in class. Maybe, she's just trying to practice and support our govt's effort of ^{"Cintailah Bahasa Kita, Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa, Tuturlah dalam Bahasa kita...sehinggalah 'The English as a second language campaign' tergendala!"}
4. She likes it very much when students bombard her with difficult and weird questions, but her answers are always general and simplified. So, it means that what ever you ask her, her answers can be found in the reference book. So, my as well, shut the f*ck up and only listen to what she yaks in class.

The Blocked Brain

1. He teaches about manufacturing and production. always explaining about inputs and outputs, inputs and outputs, inputs and outputs, inputs and outputs!! Nothing else matters besides those two words I mentioned.
2. He's forever trying his best to explain and describe but too bad he has a blocked brain. His brain blockage has always caused him to wrinkle up his whole forehead, closing his eyes, thinking deeply to vomit out the perfect specific word for what he wants to explain about. But the perfect specific words can never come out from his brain. At the end, he'll forget what he was trying to explain and describe about if he ever successfully thought of the right word. I think he might need to apply the new Olay Regenerist as soon as possible to battle with his wrinkles!
3. He's bad in drawing but he loves to sketch on the white board, sketching just about anything that he could think of as the perfect examples or samples of products to support what he has elaborated. But no one actually knows what his sketch was about. Maybe he just has the almost similar to Leonardo Da Vinci's talent when he was only five.
4. He isn't popular. Poor guy. He only has about 30 students in his so-called famous subject and much sought after class which can actually accommodate up to 200 over students. Anyway, attending his lectures isn't really that boring as his funny looking face always cheers up everyone.

The Giant Penguin

1. She's a real huge penguin. If you were to see her at night, you might probably suffer from a constant nightmare for more than a month! That's why I always get out of her class once my watch starts ticking at 7pm. Luckily, class always ends at seven.
2. Eventhough she's huge and might sometimes looks scary with her big penguin suit, she actually looks quite cute, but only the face ok!
3. Many in class are speculating that she's pregnant but until now, nobody knows the truth, as her penguin suit is just TOO big to cover up everything. Hmm...maybe next time can recommend the other ignorant cobras and penguins to wear such a big suit to cover up if they ever got a zygote, accidentally stuck on their uterus walls!!
4. Anyway, she's damn good with numbers. She's also very friendly and approachable compared to the other lecturers (maybe I should exclude those days when she had PMS!).
   

The So-called Designer

1. He's forever in love with AutoCAD. Never stops talking about the importance and benefits of mastering this software.
   
2. He's a VERY big sized man. He has a huge face too. Everything about him is big, except his mouth!! He loves to mumble during class. So, everyone would need to focus more on his mouth and read his lips when he lectures. Sometimes, the leftovers of what he had for lunch could be seen clearly in between his teeth!
3. He's also another sucker in English. The CAD reference book is in English, but he explains everything in bahasa. Always changing the terms in English to Bahasa and vice-versa. He makes everyone confused with his own style of language, as he loves to ^{"MengEnglishkan Bahasa"} and sometimes ^{"MemBahasakan English"}! (WTH am I trying to say actually?? GOSH!!!)
4. He has the potential to be a future Sumo wrestler in five years time. In the mean time, he only suffers from the difficulty of walking in between computer tables in the lab. When he becomes a Sumo wrestler, he might face the problem to even enter the lab!

The Electric Shocker a.k.a. VIP of faculty

1. He's forever telling everyone in class about the electrics and electronics' shocking truth. He loves wires and electricity, and really hopes to be another Benjamin Franklin one day. Always yakking about Ampere, OHM, Volt and blah, blah, blah.
2. He's short (I'm taller than him even without my heels!), with a cheeky 18 years old look, eventhough he has actually started ageing with an Oh-my-God-I-am-going -to-be-bald-and-need-to-go-to-Svensons-as-soon-as-possible scalp line.
3. He's forever boasting about his student life when he was studying abroad at Bradford University. (Like as if I care...Hello??? We are now at Universiti Hutan Malaysia and not Bradford!)
   
4. Gosh! I don't know what else to write about him. Might probably be the pressure that he's the head of a department in my faculty, and I shouldn't write so much about him! If he ever finds this blog, my ass would be in hot soup! OMG!!! I didn't know that I'm such a coward! Haha...

Okies, got to go now! Time to enter the Giant Penguin's class. Brb...