"How much do you know about me?" I got the answer to this question when I had a long chat with a female friend recently. All the while, I never realised that I've actually portrayed such an identity to everyone around me. She thinks I'm ...(fill in the blank)... kind of person but actually I'm not. Well, from her facial expressions and responses, I could see that she was very surprised to find out another part of me. *Grins* I've never blogged or told anyone about this part of myself, except my cheemui, Joyce. No wonder this female friend got so surprised.
Anyway, I've been having weird feelings lately. At times, I just feel like I need to fastforward the time a bit so that I'll be somewhere, doing something I want. But sometimes, I'm really afraid of time. It's simply passing too fast until I'm unable to cherish the current moments, so to speak.
When I was younger, I was always excited about the idea of growing up. I thought it was cool to be an adult. I was wearing the dark blue pinafore when I dreamt of entering high school. I was wearing the light blue pinafore when I aimed at Form Six students. (I was thinking of entering a college also at that time. Conflict of choices.) Then out of nowhere, I finished Form Six, and am now in my final year in University. See how fast time flies?
I was only a young innocent little girl who probably knew nothing, ugly, with thick spectacles, and pimply face. Did I mention ugly? Anyway, I'm very different now. Will I be wondering again when I'm in my thirties? How will I look like when I'm in my late twenties? What kind of life would I want to have when I reach that particular age? Have you ever wondered the same thing?
Speaking of time, I just realised that I don't really have much time left. A few days ago, I was chatting with another cheemui when she suddenly reminded me of something. She said with a tad of exaggeration, "Die la! We only have another six years!" At first, I didn't get her. So, when she explained, I laughed but I reckon what she said makes sense. I don't think six years would be enough for me to build my career, date more men and also enjoy to the fullest. It would be much better if there's another 10 years between age 20 and 30, which means that we would have a total of 20 years instead of ten. Damn, I'm greedy! HAha.
I guess I've mentioned it many times before but I'm going to say it once again. Whatever we decide to do, it all lies in our own hands. We're the ones moulding our own future, of course with the grace of that Someone up there. The other day, I pondered upon the available choices ahead of me. All the while, I believed that if we were to choose an option, we had to sacrifice something to achieve something else. Life is all about decisions and sacrifices made to reach a certain target you set.
So now, I have two choices right in front of me and I only have a year's time to really think of it. If I were to choose option 1, which is a long-term target, I would have to sacrifice the short-term target. In other words, I would need to force myself to do something I might not really like for at least TWO freaking years before I could move back on track to reach the ultimate long-term target. That's the usual saying of "suffer first, enjoy later". If I were to choose option 2, which is a short-term target, I would be doing something I really like but I might not be able to achieve the long-term target I've always aimed for. Damn. I'm torn between two options with equal pros and cons.
Anyway, before I end this post, I would like to stress on something. Everything I write in here is merely based on the release of anger, frustration and any kind of feelings that are truly personal. I don't really go against anyone I mentioned in my blog. If you find things I said offensive, then I'm really sorry. I usually pour things out in this blog and forget them after that. So friends, I hope you would understand what I'm emphasizing here. Thanks.
**Whoo... Spain's playing later at 3am? OMG! I'm off. Ciao.
Anyway, I've been having weird feelings lately. At times, I just feel like I need to fastforward the time a bit so that I'll be somewhere, doing something I want. But sometimes, I'm really afraid of time. It's simply passing too fast until I'm unable to cherish the current moments, so to speak.
When I was younger, I was always excited about the idea of growing up. I thought it was cool to be an adult. I was wearing the dark blue pinafore when I dreamt of entering high school. I was wearing the light blue pinafore when I aimed at Form Six students. (I was thinking of entering a college also at that time. Conflict of choices.) Then out of nowhere, I finished Form Six, and am now in my final year in University. See how fast time flies?
I was only a young innocent little girl who probably knew nothing, ugly, with thick spectacles, and pimply face. Did I mention ugly? Anyway, I'm very different now. Will I be wondering again when I'm in my thirties? How will I look like when I'm in my late twenties? What kind of life would I want to have when I reach that particular age? Have you ever wondered the same thing?
Speaking of time, I just realised that I don't really have much time left. A few days ago, I was chatting with another cheemui when she suddenly reminded me of something. She said with a tad of exaggeration, "Die la! We only have another six years!" At first, I didn't get her. So, when she explained, I laughed but I reckon what she said makes sense. I don't think six years would be enough for me to build my career, date more men and also enjoy to the fullest. It would be much better if there's another 10 years between age 20 and 30, which means that we would have a total of 20 years instead of ten. Damn, I'm greedy! HAha.
I guess I've mentioned it many times before but I'm going to say it once again. Whatever we decide to do, it all lies in our own hands. We're the ones moulding our own future, of course with the grace of that Someone up there. The other day, I pondered upon the available choices ahead of me. All the while, I believed that if we were to choose an option, we had to sacrifice something to achieve something else. Life is all about decisions and sacrifices made to reach a certain target you set.
So now, I have two choices right in front of me and I only have a year's time to really think of it. If I were to choose option 1, which is a long-term target, I would have to sacrifice the short-term target. In other words, I would need to force myself to do something I might not really like for at least TWO freaking years before I could move back on track to reach the ultimate long-term target. That's the usual saying of "suffer first, enjoy later". If I were to choose option 2, which is a short-term target, I would be doing something I really like but I might not be able to achieve the long-term target I've always aimed for. Damn. I'm torn between two options with equal pros and cons.
Anyway, before I end this post, I would like to stress on something. Everything I write in here is merely based on the release of anger, frustration and any kind of feelings that are truly personal. I don't really go against anyone I mentioned in my blog. If you find things I said offensive, then I'm really sorry. I usually pour things out in this blog and forget them after that. So friends, I hope you would understand what I'm emphasizing here. Thanks.
**Whoo... Spain's playing later at 3am? OMG! I'm off. Ciao.
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