Dating a doctor

The date was set at nine, on a Friday night. We had earlier agreed to meet up for the first time over coffee at an uptown bistro located at the blocks of British colonial buildings. The problem is, I haven’t been to that place! And, where am I supposed to park my car?

*Looks at watch*

“Shit! I’m late!” I screamed while still stuck in the jam due to the heavy downpour a couple of hours before.

Being a person who always insists on punctuality, I hate to arrive later than the planned time. After some time, I sent him a message on the mobile.

“Sorry. I’ll be late. Stuck in traffic jam.”

He replied, “Take your time. I’m almost there. Will wait for you inside.”

When I reached that place, I was lucky to find an empty parking space next to the café. All of a sudden, I started having a bad case of butterflies in the stomach. I felt like the naïve sixteen years old teenager I used to be, with that kind of silly enthusiasm to meet an online stranger for the first time!

“Gahh….What the hell is wrong with me? This is not my first time! Sheesh…” the self-thoughts started playing in mind.

I sent him another message.

“I’ll be there in a couple of minutes. I’m wearing a white baby-tee with jeans. You?”

He replied, “I’m wearing a black collared tee with khakis. I’m sitting at the corner on the left side of the entrance. See you later.”

When I pushed open the glass door, I saw a man with an average height of at least 175cm, and moderately built, weighing between 75 to 80kg. He’s the only one wearing a black collared tee. I gathered enough guts, took a deep breath, smiled and walked up to him.

“Sorry. I’m late…” *Smiles sheepishly*

** And the conversation between us was smooth flowing as we chatted on almost everything the whole night. With constant eye contact, we savoured each other’s company, accompanied by the strong aroma of Mocha while relaxing on a crème coloured couch and enjoyed the cosy ambience. It was truly worth it to spend a Friday night with someone who has a touch of class and enjoys fine living, yet is down to earth and comfortable to be with.

A couple of minutes after I reached home, I got a message from him.

“Thanks for a wonderful Friday night. It was nice chatting with you. Would you mind meeting up again, maybe to catch a movie or something, anytime when you’re free?”

I wish to continue blogging about the topics we talked about and all that but too bad, it was just a DREAM! Bleh! The ending of the dream actually made me smile the whole day! I’m actually excited over an anonymous man who doesn’t exist? Haha…Gila!

The funny thing is, the dream really lasted the whole night and I could remember everything about him and the place we met (even though I really don’t know the location), even his features and other characteristics! OMG! *Nose bleed* Too bad I can’t remember his name! =(

So, I actually dated an anonymous smart looking doctor in my dream? Haha. Anyways, is that dream of mine an indication of something? Erm, maybe the next date is a doctor? Well, it’s not a bad idea! *Grins*

That's so silly!

You know, at times I would just read back some of my previous posts and they really made me laugh at myself. Oh...my previous post....gosh! "Was I really that emo until I wrote such things? Was I drunk or something? How could I come up with something like that?" HAha....very unexpected.

Just in case you're wondering, the previous post meant nothing as only stupid fools would invest on a portfolio that brings no return. I was merely thinking...and there's nothing wrong with that. One thing for sure is, why should I be so emotionally sensitive when I'm currently getting adequate supplies of TLC and attention from different peeps? Heh heh. Smart girl. Multidating Multitasking is cool! *Grins*

Anyways, guess it's just so true that women tend to experience emotional fluctuations at certain time of the month. I'm a very good example! Bleh!

A withered rose in a deep, dark and empty well…

Initially, it was bright in there but I wasn’t sure about its depth. I didn’t know that it would be so deep and the effect would be so great…. After dwelling in there for a period that seems almost forever, I’m shocked to find myself still trapped in there. I’ve fallen inside and it’s just too deep until I can’t get out. It’s a terrifying experience to be there, alone in the deep well. And now, all that’s left is darkness.

Over time, a few good Samaritans have shown some effort in helping to get yours truly out and yes, I made it a few times. But, in the end, I gave up. I didn’t know I had developed some kind of preference towards the well. Somehow or rather, I’ve gotten acclimatized to the well’s depth and darkness. It’s the comfort zone or the best hideout, which acts literally as a shelter to all sorts of fear, guilt and sins. The place where I could seek refuge in times of trouble and weep my heart out. Even though it’s empty in there, but I could still feel the warmth and tranquility. It’s just indescribable. Nobody would ever understand it.

Each time I receive help to get myself out, the ugly truth would be thrown right in front of my face, over and over again. If I had received the good Samaritans’ offer of assistance, I would have left the well to see brightness again. Yes, I did see some brightness but those weren’t the same. To me, the promising lights only appeared temporarily and instinct tells that they would never last. The rays of lights were not strong enough to drag yours truly along. Truth is, only the physique would meet the blazing sun as the other vital part has been buried underground. The heart has been residing comfortably in the deep well that used to be very bright and it’s now surrounded by darkness. So, what’s so good of owning a physique without a beating heart?

It’s dark in there, yet it’s full of power that still gives strength, inspiration and most importantly, guidance. I did put in a lot of personal effort to get myself out, to be on my own but each time I do it, there would be a recollection of past memories. The sweet and bitter memories…I still remember every single thing. Somehow, especially at tough times, I often reminisce things he said. That’s what I meant by guidance. People always say, “Live and let go” and I really tried to do what I’m supposed to do. I just let everything go and let the past flow freely. Yet, I’m always reminded on every thing I experienced whilst there were lights in the well. The wind blew almost everything away but it keeps blowing all those things back.

I did so many things but nothing worked. At the moment when I almost forget everything, there would surely be something to remind me about him. Even one of the male characters in the Singaporean English drama, First Mum bears a resemblance of him. (All the while, I love Sg dramas, so I’m NOT watching it because of the actor’s face!) The actor really looks like him, albeit a little older. The formal wear, the height, his features, etc…gosh! (Oh have I mentioned that I’ve got a fetish for guys with that kind of physical characteristics…and those with specs, ooohh! This topic about obsession is just too hot to handle! Thus, it’s entitled to a post altogether… I’ll blog about it some other time!)

Arrghh…I’m so bloody emo just because I’m stuck in the jungle for almost three weeks! Thanks to exams! …And I’m sick! *sigh* Even the sore throat I’m having now reminds me of him! Idiot. Since I’m now temporarily separated from the current one, it’s an indication that there would be ample time to ponder upon old memories while I continue dwelling in the empty well. This is so wrong. I’m not hoping for anything from him anymore but why am I still thinking with a million what-ifs? *Wipes away tears* Oh I’m such an emo bitch!

*Listening to Josh Groban’s songs….and thinking….and thinking*

*Oh anyway, my “dear” roommate spoke to me yesterday. Very surprising. She verbally “attacked” me at the right time, when I was just too weak and emo. So, nothing happened between us. I’m not a bad tempered bitch like I used to be. (Erm, more to blog about this too…next time lah) So, the best resort is to follow my close friend’s suggestion, which is to tolerate her as much as I could. I’m not a coward who’s afraid to confront her, but I wouldn’t want to give her the painful experience and feelings of being bullied. People say, “Patience is virtue”.

*Knock*Knock* Hello? Are you nuts?

I’m making somebody’s life miserable because she’s the type that cannot live each day without talking. Oh…poor girl. Do we really need to talk since we have a mouth? You mean I should talk nonsense and useless things to her? Like, “Ehh…no class ar?” “Ehh….you're going to sleep?” “Oh you’re going to shit?”, etc.? I might as well talk to the wall! Why can’t she talk to me first? Heh heh…maybe she would and I’m eagerly waiting!

Actually, there’s no use talking to someone like her when I’m already in a bad mood…it will only make me feel worse! Hmm…guess it’s better to remain silent than to explode sarcastic words straight in the monster’s face. Right? See? I’m still very considerate! I’m not being childish but I really don’t see any need of talking to a moron who can’t understand simple things, like when is the right time to sleep. It seems that the moronic virus is contagious. So, I better enjoy the silence in my room before I contract her virus! Brilliant idea!

Anyway, habits die hard. Yesterday, she slept from 7pm (after she got back from class) to 11pm, then drank a cup of super power coffee and did stupid things until 6.48am (this morning). I heard you asking what stupid thing she did this time? Oh...she's a so-called multi-talented girl. She's into "knitting" (not the proper type that Mum does)...or maybe the actual thing she did was just tying the pink color wool into tangled knots just to make a few fcuking ugly teddy bears for her friends. Oh another thing. She washed her clothes at 2am! Sheesh! Does anyone know the contact number of Hospital Bahagia?

The naked truth

Sometimes, it’s good to do lots of thinking where ever you are, but it’s definitely NOT a good thing when you realize you’ve forgotten something after spending almost forever in the shower. It would be ok if you were at home or at the other half’s house or anywhere else, but no…you’re staying at the dorm. So, what’s the important thing that you’ve forgotten? Your towel! Damn…this is not the first time! Arrghhh... @#$%&*!!!

The mood had just plunged down from the sky

The PMS struck again. Idiot.

I'm so bloody angry with myself. I'm very dissatisfied and not contented! Gah...stupid PMS!

This is one of the drawbacks of being a woman! So who says PMS is cool? Nuts!!

Meow~!

Ahh...I got sick of the previous blog skin. So, what do you think of this new template? The cat is cute, isn't it? Hehe....but I still prefer dogs!

Temporarily brain dead

“I was afraid to let you in here
Now I have learned love can't be made in to fear
The walls begin to tumble down
And I can't even see the ground”

....................

“I must be crazy now
Maybe I dream too much
But when I think of you
I long to feel your touch”

~by Celine Dion~

I can't get these two songs out of my brain! Is it a bad sign? Sheesh!

Scary shit!

I almost got myself caught for doing something silly which is illicit at certain places. Hehehe. That was really crazy but the adrenaline rush was exciting too! It was so scary that Mr.Current Date's face literally turned pale white with sweat dripping from his forehead and he sort of suffocated for a few seconds! Hahaha. Scary shit!

"Phew! Luckily he didn't see you! I was so scared until my balls nearly fell off! Better don't do it again..." he said but I felt the excitement was something totally different.

Muahaha. I didn't know playing with risk would be that exciting! And it's much more amusing to see that bugger becoming a chicken shit out of the blue. Hehe. There goes his male ego! LOL!

A prowling tigress??

I've been blogging and complaining too much about my "dear" roommate but there are more to come. I'm not a devil who loves to tell the whole world that she's that kind of a person but I'm really really trying my best not to explode straight in her face. I've been very patient and tolerating for MONTHS. So, I really hope I could continue to control the anger in me. Really hope that the volcano won't erupt, or else she would cry, feel bullied and be terribly traumatised for life. That's bad but I really can't help it.

I've decided to give her a chance to change for the better and grow up. Therefore, I'm giving myself another one week plus to see whether there's any changes in her attitude and weird habits. I have not spoken to this overgrown baby for two weeks (longest record so far!)...not because I hate her but it's solely because I wanted her to know I dislike something about her. So, if she ever realises that, then she would probably change. If not, then too bad. She would either receive a long-winded "love letter" from me, a personal call from the hostel principal or the worst, a serious face-to-face confrontation of which everything I've been complaining about will be thrown straight in her face (meaning I'll drag her into my world of sarcasm!). Whoo...poor girl!

Oh yea. I forgot. Actually, there's another reason why I hate talking to this overgrown baby. It's simply because she brings negative influences. A person who lists entertainment as her main priority in life is too unproductive to me. So, I avoid talking to her because I don't want to label myself as an unproductive useless piece of shit! I always avoid or ignore people like that, namely friends, acquaintances, some of my previous dates, etc. It does make sense huh? Oh well, that reason seems logical...at least to me.

Someone once said I lack empathy. I beg to differ. If I hadn't considered her feelings, I would have thrown her things outside my room long before I started complaining about her in here! I'm not that evil yet. This overgrown baby seriously needs to be given important lessons in life. Apart from what I mentioned earlier, have you got any other suggestions of what I should do to her?

My Uni close friend asked me to tolerate her until I graduate (Sound very impossible to me!). Another friend asked me to tell her nicely that I don't like certain things (This is a bad idea as she would never understand it coz she's the one who lacks empathy!). Bro suggested I should do all the nasty things (e.g. throw away her alarm clock so that she could sleep forever, put insects in her shoes, etc.) ...erm, guess it runs in the family blood. I had thoughts of doing that actually. Hehe. So, any suggestions?

*Yawns* I'm so bloody tired. I haven't gotten adequate QUALITY sleep for two fcuking weeks! Thanks to the monster who shares the same room! Time to sleep. Ciao. *Hugs pillow*...Ohh! Home sweet home!

Disgusted!

So, you really don't believe what I said about my "dear" roommate? Ok, now open your eyes bigger and take a look at these two pics! (Sorry for the low quality pics...my camera phone is not a high-tech one. Hehe)

I got back to Uni on Saturday, and this is the first thing I noticed. The extra large Tesco plastic bag I purposely put on every Wednesday (before I go back to Penang) is still not enough for her. Poor girl. She needs her OWN dustbin.

And this is the "best" place to sleep...eeeuuwww....

Now, am I being too paranoid? It's freaking disgusting to share a small room with a person like that. Please help.

Emo bitch...

Girls are emo bitches, not all the time though. We're naturally born like that. Not to say I'm downgrading the female population but it's just so true that at certain time of the month, girls become strangers to their own emotions. She might hate or get irritated with the other half for no reason. She senses a lack of TLC. Then, out of nowhere, she becomes so bloody emo and misses him to bits. Idiot. So, blame it on the lovey-dovey songs? Fcuk 'em.

Is that a mirror??

I'm dumbfounded. I read a stranger's blog just now (haven't read his blog for ages...busy ler) and I'm truly surprised to know that guys could be like that. And it's much more surprising when each word in his blog resembles the locked feelings in me. It has never occurred to me that someone would actually blog on something like that, the experience and also the feelings that are so similar to mine. It reminds me of myself, of how stubborn I am and that yours truly is actually in self-denial. Something that seems so true, so clear and yet, we're still denying it. The blogger. Me. And maybe, everyone else. Truly unexpected.

Erm, it's something like you've got a map but you're still lost? You can't help it. You doubt excessively. You worry unnecessarily. You continue asking yourself silly questions till you run out of topic or go off track. You visualise and really see what you don't want to see. You think of things you don't want to remember. You hear things you prefer not to listen to. Yet, it's already embedded there, in the brain. I wish there's a delete button for the brain.

I certainly know I can't delete and forget everything easily with just a click. Somehow, I'm still that stubborn. People say being stubborn is similar to that of perseverance and persistence but I'm definitely not persevering in that matter anymore. I may still be thinking but I'm not heading towards that objective. Okie, I have to remember that. Oh, maybe there has been a U-turn and yours truly is a tad resentful or is she up to something, like seeking vengeance?

Staying with an absolutely gila person

Still remember my "dear" roommate, Miss La Sam Po? After so many months of sharing the same room with her, I conclude that she's really a gila weirdo. Initially, I thought I was the weird one since I seldom talk to her (I don't talk to people I don't like. Does it make any sense?) but now, I'm convinced that I'm very normal compared to her.

I could adapt to different people and surroundings easily. So, I thought I could get used to her untidiness and everything else after some time, but I really can't. Oh no...I'm not being impatient or the queen of complaints but I really can't tolerate her peculiar sleeping pattern and nocturnal activities anymore.

Seriously, would you stay up late until 5 am, or 5.35 am to be exact, just to watch the TVB dramas? Would you stay up late until 3 am just to make colorful origamis for your friends? Would you sleep from 6pm (after your last class of the day) to 11pm, then continue to do all the non-beneficial things like playing Java games till 4 am?? What could be more important than getting an adequate proper sleep? Now, please tell me whether she's normal or not!

The other day, I nearly killed her. Luckily, there wasn't any parang, Diablo's long sword or the Enemy Territory's panzerfaust in my room. Or else, she would be dead by now! Here's a short scenario on what happened the other day.

6pm: She came back from class, and as usual, the dirty girl went to sleep without taking a shower. Eeeuuuwww...

11pm: She woke up, went to take her once-a-day shower (sometimes twice) and drank Nescafe with a strong effect that will keep her awake till next month!

1am: I just finished the nightly phone conversation with Mr.Current Date and it's time to sleep. Classes start at 8am to 5pm, then I have another 3-hour night class and I have one very difficult exam (biz law) and a quiz the next day. So, I NEED a good night's sleep. "Damn. When is she going to sleep?" I asked myself.

2am: *toss and turn* I still can't sleep. By now, she's already mentally immersed herself into the TVB dramas, with her eyes glued to her big laptop screen, like as if she was wearing a Head Mounted Display and used a headphone to provide binaural hearing. She saw herself acting alongside Charmaine Sheh and a few other famous HK actors and actresses.

2.30am: She realized that I couldn't sleep. So, she turned off the lights (very considerate indeed) but what difference does it make? The lights from the screen reflected to the door and it was VERY glaring. And, she kept laughing like a hyena while watching the bloody drama. Insane.

3.45am: I was halfway in dreamland when she suddenly burst out laughing like a hyena, again. The smell of biscuits and Milo covered the room. "Is there any weapon in this room? I'm going to chop her head off NOW" I was thinking of that.

5.35am: She suddenly turned the lights on and packed some things for the next day's class. *I wake up and panicked, thinking that I'm late for class. Looks at alarm clock...SHIT. My alarm is going to ring in 40 minutes' time!*

6.15am: *Alarm rings....snoozes...* I could hear her snoring loudly. "I didn't get proper sleep because of her and she's now snoring away?? Idiot."

I managed to wake up in time for my 8am class but my eyes were extremely small that day. I went to class with a pair of panda eyes, missed the first bus (it was only 25 metres away when the driver sped off before I manage to get my ass any nearer to it), couldn't concentrate in class, yawned millions of times and everything was bad on that day.

I really don't get it. What's wrong with her? What do you get when you spend hours and hours doing useless things, and not getting adequate sleep when you actually have a morning class the next day? When it's time to sleep, then just sleep! I don't mind sleeping with the lights on if she's busy struggling with assignments but hell no, she wasn't occupied with all that.

It's just so unproductive to sleep when other people are doing their work, then you wake up and do useless things like watching dramas or play Java games, or worse, make origamis when other people are trying to get enough sleep. Damn. Are you hoping that the longer you stare at the screen, you could stand a bigger chance to become as pretty as Charmaine Sheh, Sonija Kwok, or any other HK TVB actors and actresses? This is just plain stupid. I love to watch these dramas too or any other movies whenever I'm free but come on, which is more important? Why can't you watch those dramas during the day time? Idiot.

Your course may be easy and has lesser assignments, projects and exams compared to mine but could you please have some cow sense? You know I have exam the next day. You know I'm struggling to finish the assignments and projects in time. You know I always don't get enough sleep but you're just too moronic and self-centered to acknowledge all that. If you have all the time in the world to play and enjoy, by all means go ahead but PLEASE be considerate.

Hello! I'm reminding you that you're sharing the small hostel room with me. So, could you please be considerate and don't expect me to follow your insane style of living. If you would like to self-destruct yourself or destroy your own future, then just go ahead but don't you disturb and obstruct yours truly from getting what she wants! For goodness' sake, you're already big enough to understand things. Do we need to say everything out so that you'll know what to do? Is there a need to remind you that the rubbish bin is full and you should empty it whenever I'm back to Penang? Is there a need to remind you that the room is dirty and smelly? Is there a need to remind you that it's time to sleep? Any morons would know that we should be sleeping by 3am!

Bloody hell. I just hate it when people disturb me while I'm slumbering or in the shower. Sheesh. There's another thing I don't understand. Why do I have to act like a big sister (she's older actually) or a mother to remind her on simple things like when to throw the rubbish? Why is it that I could do it but she can't? She really downgrades the female population. Sungguh mensiasuikan. Damn. There are more things to complain about her actually but...aiihhh...No matter how, I still need to tolerate her weird attitude and habits until the next semester ends...and I'll never have to stay with her ever again! Ahhhh....gila sial!

The junction that leads to two roads

I said I was about 80% clear of which country to apply for the "training abroad" program and my brain was in peace for a few days...only a few days. I was actually still thinking...still undecided. Idiot. Mental exercises make me blur and tired.

I could actually feel the anticipation and excitement. The fear and also uncertainties. All those unexplicable mixed feelings are storming me simultaneously as time goes by...with each minute and second passing, sometimes at the speed of light and at other times, at the speed of my ugly terrapins' evening walks! Arrghhh...what else could I do while waiting? It really feels like yours truly is waiting for death or something. Bloody hell.

I hate to be like this. It makes me feel shitty and spoils the mood. And just because of that, I "stabbed" that bugger with hurtful words last night. Sorry dear but I was really pissed off and angry with what you said.

Maybe I should just stop myself from thinking so much on those two roads. I will just stick to the original decision and wait for miracles to happen. 'Nuff said!