Were you ever torn between your career and relationship?

I still haven't really gone through that stage yet. Even though I don't wish it to happen, but I guess such a question will sooner or later pop up to anyone of us. Don't you think so?

I actually went for an interview this morning. I'm not going to reveal any details unless I really get the job. I have high confidence and feel good with the job. BUT, there's something else bugging me now. The CEO who happened to walk pass the room where I was being interviewed by the COO, had came in to ask some questions...those kind of questions that girls normally dread to answer.

I wasn't really shocked with those questions but what he said had taught me a good lesson that I will meet those kind of people who will really ask such idiotic questions if I were to get this job. Apart from those brain-teaser questions, both the bigshots of the company had asked another question. Even though I (and my other half) have never seriously talked about marriage yet or even on when it's going to happen, even blind people would know that a couple who is in a relationship will sooner or later settle down and build a family together. The interviewers had actually asked whether wedding bells would ring anytime soon. Of course I said no, but their response had actually made me somewhat...erm, shocked.

Oh well...now the title of this topic has really dominated my brain cells! Before I applied for this job, I had really hoped to get their call. And when I got it, I wanted to attend the interview as soon as possible to grab the opportunity. But now, I can't deny that I am actually a bit confused, especially after that interview session. I knew I did quite well in selling myself during the interview but then again, hmmmm....

Bad luck day - where is the parking attendant?

Friday was a bad luck day for me. Here's what happened:

I woke up late that morning coz I can't sleep the night before. It's been like this for weeks. :( Then I got stuck in massive traffic jam coz of faulty traffic lights at almost every road I used -.-

Of all time, my stomach decided to start spinning like a washing machine. It felt more like I was having a sudden diarrhea and needed to go and explode the toilet IMMEDIATELY. But, I was stuck in jam, remember? I can't move or go anywhere.... Just imagine, your ass sudah mau pecah, and you were stuck in a bloody jam for almost an hour!

And when I finally arrived at office, I clocked in, left my bag and immediately disappeared -> toilet. BUT, the bloody cleaners who were supposed to clean the loo at 7.30am each day suddenly decided to clean the place at 8.30am. -.-

So, I went down to Level 2 (cannot access Level 3's toilet - only meant for employees from company M) and YES! "I'm finally at heaven!" I thought. After the explosion, I suddenly realized something. How come there's no tissue here? I checked my pocket and luckily I had one. Only one miserable piece of tissue in my pocket! And when I flushed, it felt like the whole toilet was going to collapse. Water just gushed out like a fountain! Luckily only the bottom part of my jeans got wet. I left the bloody washroom immediately.

I went back to office and started on my work. Another bad thing that happened was, the China analyst who collaborated with me on yet another (private) investigation report had sent me a pile of shit. As Friday was the due date for submission, I only managed to have lunch at 5pm after I cleared her mistakes and done almost everything!

I was supposed to go back early on that day to attend a friend/ex-colleague's farewell buffet dinner but I had to stay back until 7pm for a stupid review on my report. When I finally left office, it was again....very jam coz it was a Friday! Grrr...

As I was already late for my appointment, I drove back as though I was driving a F1 car. I reached home, got ready in 5-10 minutes and rushed out of my house again. The buffet dinner was supposed to start at 7.30pm but I only managed to reach there at about 8.30pm. I hate to be late...! Got stuck in jam again lah...grrr

I thought I was very lucky when I found a parking space exactly opposite the hotel. I parked along the road side and ran into the hotel. After the dinner, it suddenly rained heavily (with thunderstorm, lightning and strong wind, like tsunami was coming!). I couldn't go out to get my car, so I asked a friend to fetch me to where I parked.

I got all wet, and the next thing I noticed was...my green color parking ticket that was left on my windscreen was already torn. The parking attendant had left the ticket there, and it rained and the ticket sudah jadi hancur kecai! Gahhhhh!! As it felt like tsunami was coming (I parked along Gurney Drive), I quickly drove back...and everywhere was flooded! My little car had to swim through to get home.

When I finally reached home, I couldn't find any where to park. So, I parked outside at a nearby road which was poorly lit and it was still raining heavily. I got out of my car with an umbrella and tried to find the torn parking ticket (with the hope that at least a portion of it was still there?). It was that time that I heard some idiots whistling. I turned and saw a BIG group of foreign workers coming my way. Nearly went gila, I locked my car and ran back towards my house under the heavy rain. -.-

Everything just went wrong on that day. Until today, I am still unable to find back that parking attendant. -.- And I will soon be fined for not paying for the parking ticket. Grrr...memang bad luck!

A wake up call from the future

A few minutes ago, I purposely entered a social network website and sent an ex-schoolmate a birthday wish. While on her profile page, I noticed her profession, her photos, other details, etc. I suddenly recalled our days when we were still schooling and very much confused on which path to go. We went on separate ways and both are graduates now, but there's difference between us....

It's not about benchmarking but I couldn't help thinking why she and many other friends (of the same age) have gone so far in their career path and yet yours truly is still struggling here, not knowing whether she had entered the wrong industry. It's not that I'm having a terrible life but it dawned on me that, if back then I had insisted to do things my way and of course if money wasn't an issue, I would be a somebody (professional job ler....not easy!) today. But then again, the "what-if" could never happen again and I could never ever turn back time to do what I was supposed to. What I can do now is to change what I have in mind today for the sake of my future. Hopefully, it's not too late for me to start on a path that would lead me to where I should be going to.

This time, I am going to be persistent on what I want, no matter how difficult the path would be. It's been a tough experience and decision to make. I had always considered the feelings of people and every other issues around me. In the end, I forgot about myself. Time is running and age is catching up, I don't want to miss any opportunities at my age! I have decided to do something for myself...just for myself this time, for the sake of my future.

Decision made

It's been a week or so that I haven't had enough sleep. For the past one week or so, every morning, the moment I opened my eyes till the time I closed my eyes at night, I kept thinking. I was even thinking when I was asleep (I don't think I was really sleeping also). I thought of the whole thing even when I was driving, in the shower and at office.

I had considered so many factors before making this difficult decision. Even though I am 95% sure of the decision, the remaining 5% depends very much on the opportunities. I'm hoping for miracles to happen. I knew the path ahead is going to be very tough, but I will still proceed and continue to walk through it.

I shall keep you updated again.

It is still the same after so many years

Each time you open your mouth and say the hurtful things, it is so heartbreaking that I could almost instantly dig out my heart and throw it back at you. If you hate me so much, why didn't you just kill me when I was young? WHy not leave me at the roadside and let other people feed me???

All these while, no matter what I do, I CAN'T please you at all. PLEASE tell me what else I can do to PLEASE you!! You said I don't listen to your advice, I change...and I listened BUT you said I am still not good enough for you. You complained that I never share my future plans with you, so I shared and what do I get in return? Support?? Nahhh....just a pile of bullshit from you saying that I won't survive in my plans, I will die, die and die. You already looked down on me from the very instance I tell you my things. IT IS VERY HEARTBREAKING, YOU KNOW???? So, am I really SOOOOOO stupid to keep telling you my things since you never even bother to listen??? It felt like I was talking to the wall!!!

No matter what I do, you will just complain! You said I never bothered about the family. BUT WHATEVER DECISIONS I MADE IN THE PAST AND PLAN TO MAKE IN THE FUTURE, I HAD AND STILL CONSIDER ABOUT YOU. SO please tell me, am I stupid enough?????? My money is not valuable enough for you? My money is made of shit, huh??? Oh fuck, I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY. Even if I have to slog to death in life, I don't even want a single sen! I don't understand why you old people keep saying that we are just like those in the bloody drama...that we are just waiting for you to die to get your money. Oh PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING. I am telling you, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING!!!!

The more you treat me this way, the more I will go against you. This is definitely not an adolescent rebellion but it's about how you treat people and how you want people to treat you. back. Whatever it is, you can continue to self-regard yourself as the king and think of yourself as the greatest, the best, the perfect person in life, I don't want to care anymore! I am damn fucking tired with all these. TIRED!!! It's been 20 over years and it has never change at all. Not only tired but also VERY disappointed!

This is not just disappointing but also humiliating! You always complain about others but never bother to look at yourself in the mirror. You are just the same like those you complained about. You have that kinda mentality as well! LPPL! So, since I am so much hated, I know what I need to do. Just give me some time and I will not be staying here anymore!