Come what may

Ahhh....the exam is finally over today and I'm now a part time consultant on financial related products / services! Ahem! I took about a month plus to study the thick notes but I guess it's well worth it.

For the past one month or so, I spent most of my time studying and now, it feels so weird. I am so free...but not for long. :( I'll start a new job next month. Though I don't really like the job, ohhh...what the heck, I'm still in the progress of seeking a career change and this new job can temporarily help me to feed myself (while allowing me to focus on my part time job) and hopefully, I can find the kind of job I want and get myself focused on that path later on!

Hmmm...whatever comes your way, embrace it while slowly traveling / climbing towards where you prefer to go...

Walking in dreams

As I was listening to some "old" songs, browsing through a folder where favourite pictures were kept, I suddenly realized one thing. Time is catching up, but there has not been any big progress since then.

The dreams remain dreams, and all that can be done at the moment is to take a stroll in those dreams as they seemed so far away to be reached. Well, it's agreeable that proper planning, determination and patience could bring one, step-by-step nearer to his/her dreams. But what a minute, didn't I just mention about timing? If it is the wrong timing, or there's no whatsoever form of financial support, the carefully laid-out plan is as good as useless.

See? Reality can be cruel. Perhaps, it's not a bad idea to continue taking short walks in the dreams...(and maybe can continue planning?). Well, at least you still have dreams and there are things to look forward to!

As the cold-blooded side greets you

I always get very pissed off when strangers, idiots, unimportant people, etc. know detailed updates about my life. I mean, don't these people have better things to do than to fart around about other people's life?

It really gets on my nerves when we bump into certain people and they start to ask, "Ehhh....you're still jobless?"; "Why don't you try the graduate re-skilling scheme (GRS)?" "Why don't you accept your uni's offer to study PhD?" (FYI, I recently received a special offer to pursue PhD...not bragging but just erm, to keep you informed...) Well, thanks a lot for being oh-so-caring! But I need to stress that this is the umpteenth time I'm repeating that I am jobless by choice! I resigned from the bloody job because it was my own decision that I wanted to spend some quality time for personal reflection, to reconnect with my inner self and to further position myself, particularly on which path to tread, what to do next, the career path, some personal plans, etc.

So, you got a problem with my decision? Like I said, it's my own choice. Not that I can't find any jobs, in fact I found a few already but can't I choose suitable ones? Do I need to report every single thing to everyone around me? Oh yeah, regarding the "superb" suggestion of signing up for GRS, I think it was a rather stupid suggestion. Why do you think I need to attend GRS when it was my own choice to resign from the previous job? I'm not saying GRS is not good but it's meant for FRESH graduates, mind you! As for the PhD offer, are you nuts? After completing the PhD, where will I be? Which company is so stupid to hire a PhD holder who only has as little as a year's job experience?

Honestly, I won't be this angry if there's no support or whatsoever. I don't need all that. But, when rumors or stories started circulating, I get really VERY pissed off. If you have no intentions of extending any support or guidance, it's fine but please don't open the mouth and simply talk about me. Don't you have any other better things to do or any other better topics to yak about? I just hate to hear all sorts of third party funny stories about myself, and those stories often come from unknown people, distant/never-heard-before relatives, etc. Somehow, all those stories are negative things about me...why so?

What is the real meaning of love and care when one does not support, guide or the worst...does not believe in your ability or looks down on you (in a way or another) during your lowest point in life? I'm afraid I have to admit that it's been this way for years and this is how I push myself forward to prove to people like you that I can do it!

Cheesy pick-up line?

Ever been in a situation where a guy (obviously a stranger) keeps looking at your direction, suddenly walks up to you and says "You look very familiar..."

Yesterday was Mother's Day. So, we went out for dinner at a buffet style restaurant. While selecting my meal, I noticed the chief or captain of the restaurant kept looking at me. I ignored his stares and continued to walk. He approached me, smiled and recommended some special dishes and insisted that I should give that dish a try. I thought he was just being friendly. I just smiled and went back to my table to join my family. Nothing happened yet.

When I accompanied mum to get some desserts, he was there again. This time, he reminded me that there was a photo taking session at the corner of the restaurant, which is specially organized in conjunction with Mother's Day. "Hey...remember to take a photo with your mum there. You could probably win the contest" he reminded.

Before leaving the restaurant, we decided to take a photo with mum, not to win the contest but just for the fun of it. While waiting for mum to select the photo she likes, that guy who was standing quite near to where I stood started talking to me again.

"You look very familiar, you know. Not sure whether you still recognize me?" he said.

Looking puzzled, I said no coz I really can't remember knowing a guy like him.

"Still remember the petrol station at....?" he asked.

It turned out that this guy has actually seen and talked to me before. It was about a month or two months ago at the petrol kiosk near my house. That time, his car was next to mine and I was clutching a small bag with some money and my hp inside when he saw me. He had warned me of the danger of snatch thieves at the petrol kiosk. Just a piece of friendly advice.

Somehow, it appeared funny that he could still recognize me after one or two months. I can't even remember anyone I met one or two weeks ago! I mean, how often do you recognize total strangers around you, especially after a certain period of time? Bleh...

Losing something within yourself

I was listening to some "old" songs, or rather those songs that I used to listen to while in my first or second year in Uni. These songs remind me of a few things.

1) I can't believe how fast time flies. Not that I feel old but I kinda miss those times.
2) Over the years, I have sort of lost a special kind of feeling or 'power' within myself. It was more or less like a powerful internal strength that motivates and gives a positive boost for one to reach her desired goals. Am I still on board, heading towards my dreams since this feeling or internal strength has sort of deteriorated?

As the self-reflection process continues, it somehow feels as though my current self have lost contact with the old me. The current me feels like a stranger when she recollects some of her past experiences. Though the sad or heartbreaking stories/issues should be left in the past (which I successfully did...and I'm glad about it), there are still certain things that should be brought to the future. A simple example is the strong internal strength that I mentioned earlier.

Back then, nothing seems to be an obstruction. Though there were many obstacles to endure, the journey has been fruitful and the experience was all worth it. I must stress again that it was that strong self-motivation kinda feeling that brought me through it. But today, I am sad to discover the current me has actually lost what I used to have...or maybe it has gone down, and it is obviously much lesser than what I had.

"How can I find back that strong powerful feeling?" Hmmm... I have been thinking of this question the whole day as I reconnect with my inner self. Perhaps, I need to take another round to search back my old self...

Silly questions

We've been 36 days apart since my other half left to go overseas for work purpose. It was initially scheduled that he will only be there for approximately 70 days...but I expect the project dateline to be extended, probably to 90 days or even more. Hmm...Oh well, life goes on, as usual...but just with a missing piece in life. Heh!

At times, it does feel weird when friends or family members ask me stupid questions about us. I mean, how would you answer if you were me?


Example 1:
Mum asked me a silly question just now. "Aren't you scared that he might have another gf there?" >.<

Some of my friends have also asked me this question upon knowing his absence. So, I gave the same answer to each of them. "If a guy could fall easily for other girls, then you should just dump him and get a new bf instead!" Don't you think so? This applies to girls too. Well, I guess it depends on whether one is trustworthy or not...

Example 2:

During a recent outing, a few friends asked, "Do you miss him? Did you cry?"

I know they care for me but somehow, I did not answer them. I mean, that question sounds a bit stupid to me. How am I supposed to answer them? "Ohhh yeah, I miss him to bits! The 6 hours difference is killing me and each day feels like a week and each week feels like a month???" -.-" I wouldn't wanna over-exaggerate. I just can't bring myself to saying that line but it does feel that way though...