Do you sometimes feel that no one truly knows you,
And that no one understands or really cares?
Through his people, God himself is close beside you,
And through them he plans to answer all your prayers…
Someone cares…
Someone knows your deepest need,
Your burden shares;
Someone cares…
God himself will hear the whisper of your prayers.
-John Gowans-
‘So, let me get this straight’ I said, taking a large gulp of my whisky sour. ‘If your cock is hard when you’re with a woman on the first date, then that means you will ask to see her again?’
JN nodded. ‘Yes: if something’s there, then I’ll want to follow it up’.
I pondered this for a minute. ‘So if you don’t get an erection, you don’t bother calling her?’
‘Well, yes, I suppose you could say that’ JN agreed.
‘What if she’s really funny or you have loads to talk about; doesn’t that matter? Surely that should be taken into account, aside from you getting the horn for her?’
‘You’re not getting it’ JN said, exasperated, and took a long swig from his pint of beer. ‘Having a hard-on isn’t just about thinking she’s physically attractive and wanting to fuck her’.
I was confused. I was certain that of all the times I have been faced with a man whose cock is hard, it was because he wanted to fuck me; what other reason would he be erect (bar a medical disorder)?
I questioned JN further. ‘So if it’s not about wanting to fuck her, why should a second date depend on you having an erection during the first one?’
‘It’s about chemistry’ JN replied. ‘I know it’s good because I’ll get a hard-on with a woman; if we’re connecting – mentally – then I’m going to be attracted to her. Hence the erection; it’s a good judge of the spark between us – if my cock gets hard, I know I like her and want to see her again.’
I thought about this for a moment and suddenly an image of the BBC’s Peter Snow entered my head. I giggled out loud as I imagined him pointing out the increase in male attraction via an Erection Swingometer.
‘What are you laughing at?’ JN interrupted.
Not wanting to tell him about my Cockometer© (I’ve found it’s best not to joke about men’s genitalia except when with solely female friends), I was instead, liberal with the truth: ‘It just seems funny that you would be sitting there with a woman on a first date with a hard cock in your trousers and not be tempted to ask her to touch it’.
‘Well it’s not like I’d be at full mast; it’d be a secret semi – just there for me to feel, not for her to see. Anyway, sometimes it’s nice not to act on an erection – builds it up for next time.’
‘Seems like a perfectly good waste of a hard cock to me’ I said, thinking about how frustrated I would feel, not being able to touch my date’s hard-on, if I knew it was nestling between his legs, on account of me.
JN laughed. ‘Don’t worry, I still bash one out when I get home; no wastage there.’
‘I should think not.’
‘Anyway, it’s not as if it’s not the same for you – surely you get a little wet if you like a guy?’
‘Well of course I do, but I don’t really think I am the best example of female sexual response to be compared with; I am after all a sex fiend – I’m sure most women don’t sit there on a first date imagining what the guy looks like naked’.
‘You know Girl, you’d be surprised: I bet lots of women are like you – most in fact. You’re not alone in your desires’.
‘Well, maybe. I hope you’re right anyway, for your sake as much as mine’.
‘I know I am; I’ve slept with enough women to know. And on the other side, I know I’m definitely not the only bloke who gets a boner when he meets a girl he likes: all men get a semi if they’re attracted to the girl they’re on a date with’.
‘All men? All men get a stiffy on with a girl they like?’
‘Yup. And those that deny it are lying, I guarantee it.’
Woo...so what do you think?? OMG! Is that true?? *nose bleed*
So, it's 14th February today and what's your plan for tonight? Bleh...that's a dumb question! Don't you ever ask me back! Forget it...
For the past few years, there's this pattern that kept happening to me. All kinds of relationships or crushes, etc. either end BEFORE Valentine's Day or start AFTER Valentine's Day. Go figure how suey can that be! Even though I'm not celebrating this so-called special day, I'm still taking this opportunity to wish everyone "Happy Valentine's Day!" =P
Oh well, who needs to celebrate Valentine's Day when everyday's a Valentine's day once one is in love! *rolls eyes* Need some love songs for this special day??
If I never knew you, by Jon Secada & Shanice
If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be
And, if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How, at last, I'd find in you
The missing part of me
In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes; so dry your eyes
And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd be safe, but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true
I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you
I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow, we'd make the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night
And, still, my heart is saying we were right
Oh, oh
If I never knew you
(There's no moment I regret)
If I never knew your love
(Since the moment that we met)
I would have no inkling of
(If our time has gone too fast)
How precious life can be
(I've lived at last)
I thought our love would be so beautiful (so beautiful)
Somehow, we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love would be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And, still, my heart is saying we were right
We were right
And, if I never knew you (if I never knew you)
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you
Tonight I celebrate my love, by Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
It seems the natural thing to do
Tonight no one's gonna find us
We'll leave the world behind us
When I make love to you
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And hope that deep inside you feel it too
Tonight our spirits will be climbing
To the sky lit up with diamonds
When I make love to you tonight
Tonight I celebrate my love for you (ooh)
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you tonight
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And soon this old world will seem brand new
Tonight we will both discover
How friends turn into lovers
When I make love to you
Tonight I celebrate my love for you (ooh)
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! =)
OMG! My current roommate found something about me! Luckily she still doesn’t know anything about this blog but she knows about the sleep talk mystery! *Gasp* I’m sure you’ve heard of sleepwalking before but what about sleep talking? Damn, too much of information dissemination about yours truly isn’t a good thing but this is mysterious enough and should be posted here!
Just like my nickname, I’m a real pig…as in someone who loves to sleep! =P So, when the sleeping queen is very tired, she tends to sleep talk! I know you’re probably laughing your ass out while reading this but mind you, could you please wait for me to finish the whole post first? Thank you…*rolls eyes*
I’ve never heard of my family complaining about this weird habit of mine before, unless you consider the ones dad told me about years ago! Hehe…that’s a different story altogether! So, when I left home for the first time to study in the jungle for a three-year degree course, I stayed in a small hostel room with a total stranger who’s a few years older. That’s my first roommate. (I’m currently still staying in that room but with a different roommate who’s of the same age).
My first roommate was the first person to tell me about my sleep talk habit. There’s once when I was struggling to finish three assignments at the same time and slept at 4am for a few days. I didn’t tell her anything about my assignments or lousy group members but she knew what I was doing. Initially, I thought she investigated about me or has some kind of super power! LOL…
Roommate #1: You have lots of assignments huh? You’ve been sleeping late for the past three days.
Me: Oh yea. Can’t help it. My group members don’t seem to care about the assignments.
Roommate #1: It’s supposed to be a group assignment. Why are you still doing their parts?
Me: I’ve got no choice. If I were to rely on them, I’ll probably have to redo everything in the end. Besides, they’re prone to last minute jobs.
Roommate #1: …but I thought you’ve already divided and distributed all the tasks on the assignments to each of them?
Me: Yea, I did. Oh wait…how did you know that I'm the leader and that I’ve actually given them things to do?
Roommate #1: Haha…coz you’ve been sleep talking! You talked about the assignments and everything you discussed with your group members while sleeping! I could even explain on the topics you discussed with your group members!
Me: OMG! I did?? So, I was sleep talking the whole night and disturbed you?
Roommate #1: No lah. I woke up early the other day, and heard someone talking. Didn’t know you would sleep talk!
Me: Hehe…
That was what my first roommate told me. My second roommate who stayed with me for merely three weeks is also another pig. She didn’t tell me anything about sleep talking. So, I just kept quiet.
I’ve been quite busy lately. So, just now, out of curiosity, I asked my current roommate whether she heard anyone talking at night.
Me: Did you hear anyone talking at night when you’re asleep?
Roommate #3: Yea. You lor.
Me: What?? You really heard me talking?? When??
Roommate #3: Yea. Heard you talking for the past few nights.
Me: Really? Sorry, I didn’t disturb you from slumbering huh? So, what did I say?
Roommate #3: No lah. You were just mumbling away a few nights back. But, last night, you mentioned someone’s name and were giggling away.
Me: *Blushes* What?? I mentioned someone’s name???? OMG!! What did you actually hear?
Roommate #3: I only heard the part when you said ………(someone’s name), then you mumbled and giggled in between.
Me: Erm….hehe….try to get used to my weird habit ok. When I’m tired, you’ll hear me talking at night when I’m asleep. That’s what my first roommate told me. Hope my habit won’t disturb you…
Roommate #3: No, it’s ok. You didn’t disturb me. Maybe you talked and giggled too much when you chatted with that person you mentioned when you’re awake. That's why you talked about him when you're sleeping.
Me: Huh? There’s such thing? Woo…
OMG!!!!! Sleep talking is already funny enough but can you imagine that? I was heard saying someone’s name, mumbling and giggling away in the middle of the night! Oops…that’s dangerous! That someone (the name I mentioned while slumbering) is coincidently one of those I detected (as assumed) in my radar map! *Grins sheepishly* Damn! How come I can’t recall anything about the dream I had last night??
Oh think I better stop here. Or else, I’ll sleep talk again tonight! Haha…
I should be doing piles of neverending assignments but the question pops up again after an idiotic friend messaged at the wrong time of the month. Oh yes, I’m putting the blame on the stupid syndrome women have to go through every month…and no, it’s not the monthly flow, idiots!
So, I was wondering… “Am I only worth that much?” I may be very easy going with anything you say, even on topics that appear taboo to narrow-minded bitches. BUT, hey…I’m just a normal girl. What else do you expect from me? Don’t you think that what you told me has gone out of limit and that it’s very self-centered?
Your impossible request made me think of myself as a real cheap slut…or worst, worthless! Are you men out there naturally perverted 24 hours a day, 7 days a week??? Well, I believe not all blokes are like that but it seems that almost 90% of the male population is dominated by those in that category. Oh yea, they are called plain idiots! Damn…whatever it is, please respect your female friends. If coitus is all you can think about, then just go and die! Nothing is free in this world but no strings attached, no commitments, no feelings, and no shits or nothing at all for first timers?? Then I suggest you better go eat shit and shit rice!
I know you have brains but can’t you think of how a person would feel with what you said? Yeah, I know…it’s just crap that it’s scientifically proven to be a mutual pleasure kinda thing, but hello??? Where’s your brain?? No women would ever say yes to anyone just like that… Haven’t you heard of the linkage between feelings and coitus in women? Haa…bet you don’t even know that! This is stupid. Is that all you guys could ever think of?? Haa…maybe your brain has compartmentalized approximately 95% for sex and 5 % for work! Very productive huh?
You know…I might be open-minded BUT I have my own limitations too. I should have blocked you ages ago but I managed to build a weird kinda friendship with you. I saw another side of you and reckoned you needed a friend. So, here we are…as friends today but your request has made me really really pissed off. You mentioned it months ago but it has no effects on me at all as I thought you were merely joking around…probably because it was said during the less sensitive time of the month also. Heh!
Besides being a friend, am I only worth that much to you? I bet the others would view me differently but who cares? I know how much I’m worth and I don’t need anyone to remind or evaluate me. On second thought, is yours truly that appealing until you request for something like that? You think I’m stupid, don't you? Oh thank you, I’m so flattered that I appear in your mind as the other person sharing that kind of passion on the same bed BUT it’s just too bad that I’m not naïve, innocent, ignorant, gullible and stupid enough! Only fools would think of and say such things to friends. Hah!
Oh forget about what I said! It’s just another normal monthly rants. Women are obviously sensitive to almost everything during that time of the month – PMS!! Oh crap! Anyways, to all you guys reading my blog, please…(yea, I know some of you men are nice guys!!)…but please use your brain before saying anything. It’s not because of us girls being too sensitive but all we want is some dignity! After all, we are not as stupid as you thought! Just remember that girls hate to be treated that way ok! (Or is it just me? Hmm… =/ )
*Ouch!* The bloody gastric pain is killing me! Back to assignments! I’m off…ciao!
After wasting some time pondering upon an unsettled problem or rather a mysterious conclusion, I finally found the answer. It’s not that I’m still unwilling to let go, but with the stubbornness in me, I’m really keen to find out what went wrong. Whose fault was it? Was it that bloke or I? Even though it has been a year and I’ve actually deleted or forgotten him (In fact, I’m thinking of someone else now! Keke…=P), I won’t be satisfied if I don’t analyze the whole issue properly.
As I don’t want to endure a repetition of the past, I used the only method available to study the whole situation again, which is the comparison method. I did mention in one of my previous posts that I hate to compare things but looks like this is an exceptional case. After doing some silly comparisons (mostly on the traits and behaviors aspects) between a few men, I managed to find the answer.
I wouldn’t blame him or myself for a screwed-up relationship as everything’s over after all. But, I found the answer behind everything! We were not being ourselves at that time. Everything happened while we donned our masks and were obviously pretending to be comfortable. I realized I only saw him from one angle. I’ve never seen any other angles of his personality before, like what I saw in the other men I compared him with. No wonder he appeared to be flawless to yours truly (With uncountable similarities! Oh crap!) …guess I was really blind at that time! Heh! On the other hand, he has never seen my other angles as well. Bet he would be equally shocked if he knew I’m not what he had perceived all the while. *Ahem! Grins*
Anyways, the main purpose of this post is not to bring back the memories of him. (Duhh...it's over, remember? *Yawns*) It’s a reminder to myself that I should always see everyone (including myself) from different angles. Which ever angle it may be, it’s better to know someone’s real personality beneath his or her own masks rather than living in a world of pretensions. Isn’t it better to see the actual character of a particular someone before it’s too late? I’m sure you wouldn’t want to wake up, and find yourself sleeping beside a “total stranger” with a familiar face next time! Heh…scary!
