St Anne's Festival

Last Saturday, I managed to go to the Church of St Anne, located at Bukit Mertajam for its annual feast when I got back from the jungle after attending co-curriculum. This annual feast is celebrated in conjunction with St Anne's birthday which falls on July 26^th. I started going to this holy place ever since Standard One I think, can't really remember. Well, it has been an annual event to me ever since but there was a few times when I wasn't able to go due to some unforeseen circumstances. I didn't go to this church last year, as I was busy with the registration of my 3-year studies in the jungle.

Anyway, I felt great after going there. The buildings, the people, the priests, the nuns, the beautiful fountain and everything else that you can think of, over there made me embrace a moment of serenity. The sacred place was truly influential. You might think that I've gone crazy but I could really feel the presence of some kind of 'power' when I was there. It's inexplicable. While strolling around, I stopped at a stall. The lady was selling religious books and many other ornaments. I wanted to buy something so that I could bring it back to the jungle with me. Then I saw these, something that look very much like pendants to me. I bought them but I don't wear them. I placed them in a small section of my big Hilly wallet, and carry them along.

Eventhough I'm a buddhist by religion, I sometimes feel like I was a Christian. Is there something wrong with me??? Is my brain battling the conflict between two different religions? GOSH!! I think I'm going insane! Who knows I might end up as a free thinker in 10 years time? Haha...

Horoscopes = Stupid predictions??

Do you believe in horoscopes? Eventhough I do read articles and browse websites on horoscopes, I still doubt whether it can be trusted. I started to get obsessed with this horoscope thingy when I was only 12.

One day, I went to a so-called auntie’s house to help her baby sit her monkeys battalions kids. When those bunch of nuisance were finally asleep, I discovered a very thick, bright red coloured book. The title is, ‘Horoscopes: The mirror of our lives’. Being the curious kid I was, I read the book. Its first page was like a user manual. It describes in detailed on how to use that damn-thick book. In the first few pages, it clearly stated that the book is about the horoscopes of the past, present and future of individuals. The predictions in that book are based on the birth date, birth time, day of birth, sexual identity and much more personal information of individuals.

So, I flipped through the pages till I found the page on my horoscope. At first, I read what it says about my past. I was shocked to find all those things written inside the past and present columns were exactly the same as what I went through. The characteristics part also describes me in detailed, about my traits and attitude. When I read about what it has predicted about my future, I had combination feelings. I didn’t know whether I should be happy or sad.

My future according to the Horoscope book of predictions, it says that I:

1. Might become very successful in my career and might possibly hold a very high post

2. Might become very attractive and sexy when I reach my 20’s eventhough I was a damn ugly bitch during school days.

3. Might attract a lot of men during my middle age (I’m in my 20’s now, so can also be considered as middle aged already right? =P)

4. Might be quite rich with a lot of assets or properties.

5. Might have 2 men in my life.

6. Might live until the age of 71.

So, what do you think? Of course I felt great and happy with prediction number 1 to 4 but what about the other two?? Who the hell are those two men in my life? BLAH!! I don’t want to have two husbands! I can’t accommodate two bananas at the same time ok. Whatever it is, I don’t even have any potential banana man in my life right now. So how possible it is to have two men in my life?? Could it be death or divorce that made the two men prediction? *Choy!!! Touch wood*

As for the other prediction, I don’t think the author of that horoscope book has the ability to predict when he himself is going to die also. WTF? He predicted that I’m going to die at 71?? …But 71 is still considered young these days. I wouldn’t want to die young! I still have lots of things to do…err, like becoming a multimillionaire, travel everywhere or anywhere, sit down and shake legs everyday, getting laid married, have adorable monkeys kids, etc. etc. etc.

Over-obsession with this horoscope thingy can make someone go crazy. I’ve got a friend who bumped into a fortuneteller when she went shopping recently. That kaypo man suddenly stopped her and told her weird things.

“Miss ah, from your face, I can predict your future. You must believe me. No matter how, I must tell you before it’s too late.”

“Who are you?? Predict my future???”

“I’m a fortuneteller. From my predictions, no matter how, you MUST find a man and marry him by the age of 24 or 25. If not, you’ll be single forever!

“HUH????!!”

So my always-paranoid friend really believes him and went hunting for Mr. Right but until now, she’s still single (I think so…). Well, if it’s really true, then this dear friend of mine only has about 3 to 4 years to go to get hitched! So, do you really believe in horoscopes? My question is, “Can we really trust or believe that horoscope thingy?” But I don’t want to have two men or die at 71!!! *sheesh*

The 6 mind-numbing and soul-destroying award recipients of the semester

The 'Drunkard'

1. He's not into alcohol but he's always 'drunk'. He can never stand still or balance himself while giving lectures. He's forever moving to the left, to the right and then repeats again and again, always leaving everyone with a big headache after attending his early morning 8am class.
2. He's a sucker in English. He loves to pronounce all the '-ed' in past tense but he's definitely an excellent potential newsreader or reporter who might even be better than TV3's Karam Singh Walia. All he does is to read every single word from the slides, reading everything, even the wrong words or sentences with obvious grammatical errors.
3. He could be the next Brylcream hair gel's model, replacing the current already-not-so-handsome local models with his perfectly shaped karipap hairstyle.
4. He's a lame storyteller, always trying his best to cheer up the whole class of 100 over students with stupid stories. Among the stories or so-called jokes he mentioned thus far:

• ^{Cucur Udang ada udang. Kenapa Cucur Badak tak ada badak? (WTF?? What has cucur udang or badak or lembu or even gajah got to do with technology???)}
• ^{Dulu hanya ada satu jenama TV iaitu B&W macam restoran fast food A&W. Sekarang ada JVC, Samsung, Sony dan banyak lagi. (B&W actually means black and white. So, what has that unpopular, about to bankrupt fast food outlet got to do with a television?? No connection at all right??? Duhh...)}

The Dr. Perfect (Dr. as in PHD=Permanent Head Damage)

1. She's a 200% perfectionist (which is worse than me, coz I only consider myself a 98% perfectionist) =P. She's forever demanding for the best performance and yadda, yadda, yadda and blah, blah, blah from her students.
2. She loves to pick up rubbish! And she makes every student in her class to do that too. Maybe she got her PHD from a thesis or a research on picking up rubbish! Well, who knows, she might be the new Menteri Kebersihan (no such thing at the moment yet lar) with lots of ^{"Marilah Kita Kitar Semula Campaign"} anytime in the future.
   
3. She has a good command in English but she prefers to lecture, using our local language in order to please the other cobras and penguins in class. Maybe, she's just trying to practice and support our govt's effort of ^{"Cintailah Bahasa Kita, Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa, Tuturlah dalam Bahasa kita...sehinggalah 'The English as a second language campaign' tergendala!"}
4. She likes it very much when students bombard her with difficult and weird questions, but her answers are always general and simplified. So, it means that what ever you ask her, her answers can be found in the reference book. So, my as well, shut the f*ck up and only listen to what she yaks in class.

The Blocked Brain

1. He teaches about manufacturing and production. always explaining about inputs and outputs, inputs and outputs, inputs and outputs, inputs and outputs!! Nothing else matters besides those two words I mentioned.
2. He's forever trying his best to explain and describe but too bad he has a blocked brain. His brain blockage has always caused him to wrinkle up his whole forehead, closing his eyes, thinking deeply to vomit out the perfect specific word for what he wants to explain about. But the perfect specific words can never come out from his brain. At the end, he'll forget what he was trying to explain and describe about if he ever successfully thought of the right word. I think he might need to apply the new Olay Regenerist as soon as possible to battle with his wrinkles!
3. He's bad in drawing but he loves to sketch on the white board, sketching just about anything that he could think of as the perfect examples or samples of products to support what he has elaborated. But no one actually knows what his sketch was about. Maybe he just has the almost similar to Leonardo Da Vinci's talent when he was only five.
4. He isn't popular. Poor guy. He only has about 30 students in his so-called famous subject and much sought after class which can actually accommodate up to 200 over students. Anyway, attending his lectures isn't really that boring as his funny looking face always cheers up everyone.

The Giant Penguin

1. She's a real huge penguin. If you were to see her at night, you might probably suffer from a constant nightmare for more than a month! That's why I always get out of her class once my watch starts ticking at 7pm. Luckily, class always ends at seven.
2. Eventhough she's huge and might sometimes looks scary with her big penguin suit, she actually looks quite cute, but only the face ok!
3. Many in class are speculating that she's pregnant but until now, nobody knows the truth, as her penguin suit is just TOO big to cover up everything. Hmm...maybe next time can recommend the other ignorant cobras and penguins to wear such a big suit to cover up if they ever got a zygote, accidentally stuck on their uterus walls!!
4. Anyway, she's damn good with numbers. She's also very friendly and approachable compared to the other lecturers (maybe I should exclude those days when she had PMS!).
   

The So-called Designer

1. He's forever in love with AutoCAD. Never stops talking about the importance and benefits of mastering this software.
   
2. He's a VERY big sized man. He has a huge face too. Everything about him is big, except his mouth!! He loves to mumble during class. So, everyone would need to focus more on his mouth and read his lips when he lectures. Sometimes, the leftovers of what he had for lunch could be seen clearly in between his teeth!
3. He's also another sucker in English. The CAD reference book is in English, but he explains everything in bahasa. Always changing the terms in English to Bahasa and vice-versa. He makes everyone confused with his own style of language, as he loves to ^{"MengEnglishkan Bahasa"} and sometimes ^{"MemBahasakan English"}! (WTH am I trying to say actually?? GOSH!!!)
4. He has the potential to be a future Sumo wrestler in five years time. In the mean time, he only suffers from the difficulty of walking in between computer tables in the lab. When he becomes a Sumo wrestler, he might face the problem to even enter the lab!

The Electric Shocker a.k.a. VIP of faculty

1. He's forever telling everyone in class about the electrics and electronics' shocking truth. He loves wires and electricity, and really hopes to be another Benjamin Franklin one day. Always yakking about Ampere, OHM, Volt and blah, blah, blah.
2. He's short (I'm taller than him even without my heels!), with a cheeky 18 years old look, eventhough he has actually started ageing with an Oh-my-God-I-am-going -to-be-bald-and-need-to-go-to-Svensons-as-soon-as-possible scalp line.
3. He's forever boasting about his student life when he was studying abroad at Bradford University. (Like as if I care...Hello??? We are now at Universiti Hutan Malaysia and not Bradford!)
   
4. Gosh! I don't know what else to write about him. Might probably be the pressure that he's the head of a department in my faculty, and I shouldn't write so much about him! If he ever finds this blog, my ass would be in hot soup! OMG!!! I didn't know that I'm such a coward! Haha...

Okies, got to go now! Time to enter the Giant Penguin's class. Brb...

Back to civilization for less than 24 hours

Last Saturday, I went back to Penang after attending a completely useless, non-beneficial and time-consuming co-curriculum. If it were not because of the 4 credit hours that I needed to collect as a pre-requisite to graduate, I wouldn’t drag my ass to attend that class, of which I’m the only pig there. Being a poor lonely pig, surrounded by penguins, cobras and sheep in a stupid class is not a good idea. Aarrgghhh…. I just hate Saturdays, thanks to that bloody so-called compulsory activity!

Attending a 2-hour class conducted as early as 8.30am on Saturdays makes me schmuck. The duration of 2 hours in that super boring class is similar to that of 2 days! Gosh!!!! Waiting for every second and minute to pass is just like waiting to enter hell. Stupid co-curriculum! I wonder which idiot suggested and implemented it…I just feel like strangling that idiot until he or she becomes breathless, gasping for oxygen and next, I’ll squash the tiny can’t-think-of-anything-else-better-to-do brain until I get a liter of ‘brain juice’! BLAH!! That juice would be useless to me as I wouldn’t want to be an idiot, I’d rather drink Vodka!

Anyway, after a hectic journey back, I accompanied my brother to Gurney Plaza for a shop. The only cool and high-class shopping mall in the island was quite crowded even though some parts of the building were still under construction. There were lots of chicks for brother to scope at but too bad; there were very few ‘fishes’ to feed my hungry eyes. So, I focused more on shopping. As we were heading to the escalator, I saw a lady with a big plastic bag with the word “NOSE”. I didn’t know that my favourite yet affordable brand for high heels has a shop at Gurney.

“OMG!!! Nose is in Gurney?? I got to find that shop!!”

So, we went searching for the shop, and I found it. I went into Nose, dragging my brother along as he has quite good taste in selecting high heels. Yes!! I saw a nice olive green slip-on. I tried it but it was quite tight. So, I asked for a sales assistant’s help politely, asking her to find me the same slip-on with a size bigger. She went inside the storeroom to search for what I wanted but eventually got kidnapped by an alien for quite some time! It took her ‘years’ to come out with 2 boxes of wrong heels! When she realized that she brought me the wrong slip-on, I just stared at her while she told me in a stupid tone, “Ehhh…how come wrong shoe wan?” Then, she just walked away with a bloody look on her face like as if her mother forced her to work there and to find the perfect Cinderella shoes for me! WTH?? I didn’t even say anything. Neither did she. Not even a word of sorry. No manners at all!

A customer is always right, so I just sat there and waited for ‘years’ again…but she didn’t come out from the storeroom. Well, I didn’t care what happened to her in there, whether she got laid or shit in her pants, ALL I WANTED IS THE SIZE FOR THE SLIP-ON I ASKED FOR!!! Damn!! I got pissed off and just walked out of the shop. I followed brother to Studio R where he bought himself a pair of sport shoes with striking colours. I walked around the whole shop, searching for baby-Ts as a replacement to what I didn’t get from Nose. After all, it would be an advantage to get something from Studio R as brother planned to use credit card to pay for his shoes. Hehe, that means whatever I choose from that shop will be charged under his credit card bills. YAY!!

Shit! Was it a pure bad luck or what? I found a few baby-Ts but no M size! Damn…I could actually fit into an S size but it would be too body hugging to be worn in the jungle. I wouldn’t want to attract monkeys! So, no free baby-T for me. L Most of the time, I only buy things when I have the mood to shop. And yes, I had the mood to shop on that day, so no matter how, “I WANT THAT SLIP-ON”!! So, we went back to Nose, and I took the slip-on that I wanted and asked another pleasant looking middle-aged lady to search for a new pair for me. She came out from the storeroom within seconds. Finally!! The slip-on was perfect. Just love its colour! Yes, I bought it with 101% of satisfaction, with an over-exaggerating smile on my face, which dragged, from my right ear to the left!

The next moment, I heard noises! I felt hungry, as it was 7pm already. So, time for dinner. We went to Gurney Place and decided to dine at Fish & Co. The interior of the restaurant was quite romantic. Guess it would be a perfect place for a date but too bad, I went there with brother lah. Anyway, we ordered one set of Sweet ‘n’ Sour Fish and another of Peri-peri Prawns. As for the drinks, we chose Deep Sea and Passionade. After the scrumptious meal, we enjoyed those specially mixed alcoholic drinks until we both blushed. A little Bombay Sapphire in Deep Sea and Vodka in Passionade really make a difference to those drinks. Mmmmm… *salivate*

The less than 24 hours spent in civilization was really worth it. Well, I’ll definitely go back to the Pearl of the Orient as frequent as possible, probably every week if given the chance to do so.

It's a rambutan life

Recently, a family friend called to inform mom about the sudden death of another friend. According to her, Madam C passed away suddenly due to excessive consumption of rambutans. She was said to have eaten 30 rambutans at one shot after dinnertime. Can you believe it?? Rambutans can actually kill us?? OMG!!!

When mom told me about the bad news, I couldn’t control myself and eventually laughed for a record of 10 minutes! Gosh!! I sounded like a devil! Nah! I’m not that black-hearted type to laugh at people’s death but…just imagine, eating too many rambutans can actually kill us?? Wow! I didn’t know that. I’ve heard about durians as the cause of human’s death but rambutans? Hmm…maybe we shouldn’t eat rambutans after dinner as everything we consume would blend in our stomach, together with the gastric juice. Anyway, I’d like to send my deepest condolences to Madam C’s family.

So, the moral of the story is: - (please choose the best answer)

1) Do not eat rambutans directly after dinner?

2) Do not eat 30 rambutans at one shot? What about 29? 25?

3) Do not eat rambutans at all?? Say NO To Rambutans Campaign?

4) Eat rambutans with intervals or time to rest in between? So that you can burp loudly like a 2 months old baby?

5) Eat some other fruits lah, there are many other types of fruits to eat be it imported or locally grown, e.g. apples, bananas (NOT this banana ok!), grapefruit, etc.

The Hidden Banana

I was five. I was at the Gama Supermarket with my parents and brother. As my parents were busy choosing clothes at the men’s department, my brother and I decided to play hide and seek. My brother went into hiding while I search for him in a place full of adults. The whole place was really crowded, making the searching task a difficult one, as I was only a tiny ‘midget’ compared to the other homosapiens there.

I went around the whole department, searching here and there. Even searched at the men’s toilet! Phew! Luckily the toilet was empty. If not, I might be suffering from an eye infection at a very young age for having accidentally seen someone’s or a few people’s banana(s)! Then I might have to spend a night in a lock-up for being a juvenile pervert. Wow!! Be a juvenile pervert at the age of five?? Blah!! Sure get to enter our very own useless, copycat records ala US, Malaysian Book of Stupid Records.

Ok, back to hunting for my mischievous and cheeky-looking brother. I looked here and there, even under people’s skirts! Oops! Not skirts but the cabinets or trolleys of clothes (don’t know what it’s called lah)…but I still couldn’t find my brother. Then, I suddenly saw a boy. He was wearing a brown coloured T-shirt, which looked just like my brother’s. I couldn’t see the boy’s face as I saw him from behind but I was almost certain that he was my brother. So, I followed him from behind and saw him walking towards a row of changing rooms. He went into one of the rooms but I don’t know which one as the place was too crowded for a little cute girl to see things clearly.

I went to the corner of the men’s department where the row of changing rooms was located. There were five rooms altogether with old and dirty curtains to cover naked people or rather people who went to try clothes from being seen. All rooms were occupied. So, I tried my luck with the first room. I pulled open the curtain of the first changing room. The first thing I saw was a big fat ‘thing’ protruding from a man’s brief with unzipped pants! (I didn’t purposely look at his hidden banana ok! I was only five and still very short like as if I lack nutrients. I just looked straight and there it was, a big thing, which I later recognized as a banana belonging only to boys and men).

So, I pulled open the curtain of the first changing room in the men’s department. I saw a man (an uncle I think, I can’t remember how he looked like) with his pants halfway up, unzipped and a very big sized banana protruding from his underwear. Gosh!! My brother wasn’t inside. I felt guilty and scared. I said, “Oh-uh, SORRY!!” and I ran away as fast as possible, fearing that the man might catch me and hand me over to the security guards. I ran back to my parents and saw my brother there. He was giggling non-stop.

“Why are you laughing?? What’s so funny?”

“I’m going to tell mummy that you saw a naked man!! Nyek! Nyek! Nyek!”

“No…please don’t!! I promise to do anything for you just as long as you don’t tell mummy ok?”

Still giggling, but he promised not to say anything. So, I became my brother’s unofficial ‘slave’ for a week just to keep his mouth shut. The secret was kept for years. Anyway, I finally told my parents about the whole embarrassing but funny discovery about the half naked man with his hidden banana a few years back. Just like my brother, both my parents burst out laughing non-stop.

The moral of the story is “Never play hide and seek at the men’s department. It would definitely be much more interesting to play at the women’s department!” =P

Unanswered questions...so near yet so far 2

When I read this over and over again, I asked myself a silly question. Do I really need a replacement to forget you? I know that no matter how you will have a special place at a corner of my heart but life still has to go on. I can’t be thinking of you in each and every second anymore though you are really a great influence and inspiration. I’m strong enough to go through months of silence but do I really need a replacement?

Without your calls and smses, life has been very dull, empty and seems meaningless. It’s sad to recall back anything about you but I just can’t help it. You have been all over my brain all the while, from the moment I open my eyes till the moment I shut them. Now, I have to tell myself not to think of you so much anymore but when certain songs are played, I think of you again. I would think and wonder what you’ve been up to lately. “What’s your latest project? Are you still the important person in a particular project just like the one you told me before?” Recently, I asked a 29 years old friend’s opinion and he said that the only cure is to get a replacement. So, does getting a replacement really helps to stop me from thinking of you too much?

After the disappointed ending between us, I did try to open my eyes and heart to other men but I just can’t see anyone like you. I’m not trying to compare them with you but it’s just that you really match the criteria of my guy type. And it’s not just because of the criteria matching issue. It’s also not the matter of being handsome or not (he’s not handsome actually), it’s just that you appeared very different from the other men I know. I asked many other friends’ opinion on this replacement issue. One of them asked me, “If you have found a replacement and accepted the new man as your other half, would you let him go if He comes back to you?” I was really puzzled. I don’t know how to answer her question.

In most cases, women hardly accept back a man who turns his back on her. That includes me but I really don’t know. I know that deep down inside my heart, there’s clear evidence that I’m still very much into you. It’s just the fact that I’ve been trying my best not to reveal it. If you were to come back to me, I would definitely be very glad but will you really come back to me? The answer is NO. I wanted to be fair to the other men who showed interest in me but I just can’t. They are just not the same. I wouldn’t want to cheat myself or other men about the feelings. I don’t want to waste my own time. I don’t want to waste other people’s time too.

I just don’t understand. Why must you enter my life for such a short period of time, showering me with a temporary love, care and attention? If we were not meant for each other, then why must you exist in my life? Sometimes, I just wish that God would grant me my selfish wish of having you back. You needn’t be my other half, I just want you to be happy all the time and show a little care for me. I want to continue to keep in touch with you. I want you to be the special someone on my coming birthday.
I also realized that I have strong feelings for you but sometimes, the feelings become hatred. From hatred, I’ll start to think again and I’d eventually begin to miss you. The mixture of like, hate and miss is really too strong and empowering that I can’t do anything much to reduce this combination feelings. I want to try to forget you, so I tried hating you but I just can’t. I tried deleting your hand phone number too but I didn’t do it. Even the months of silence can’t make me hate you, making me feeling useless and hopeless. Sometimes, I just hate the fact that I can’t control myself. Can’t even start by hating you.

All I know is that, your face and images are slowly fading away from my brain. I can’t remember how beautiful your eyes were when I looked into your eyes. I can’t recall how tall you were when you stood beside me. I can’t recall the sweet smile you gave me when we met. I can’t remember the colour of the tie you wore on the day we met. I can’t remember how cool and stylish your hair was when you talked to me. I’ve also forgotten the firmness and secure feelings of your right palm when we shook hands. All these things that I once stored in my brain as important facts are slowly fading away but no matter how, I know that I will never forget you.

Last night was my first night back in the jungle. I brought the memories of you back there too. I felt great having you, the memories of you playing around in my brain, accompanying me there but somehow, I also realized that I cannot continue to be like this. As I kept myself busy thinking about my new semester, I doze off. Then I saw you. You walked up to me and said hello. I was speechless. You held my hands and looked into my eyes through your spectacles. I was near to tears but also very confused. You told me that you’ve never left me. You said that you’ve always been there, just that I didn’t notice you. It was just unexplainable. You smiled and hugged me. I was shocked. Too shocked until I couldn’t even utter a single word but I knew that I was smiling as tears rolled down my chubby cheeks. All those were just a dream. No matter how much I wanted the dream to be real, a dream will always remain as a dream. If a dream were something that brings indescribable feelings and tears of joy, I’d rather stay in my dreams forever so that I could be with you.

Time. People says that time will eventually heal up everything. It has been months now but I am still thinking of you. Do you still think of me? I doubt…but sometimes, I really love to daydream and recall back every single thing about you. The way you talked. The way you laughed. The way you presented yourself with much confidence. You really had a great influence on me that I regard you as someone sent to me by God. You came to me at the right time but left after you ‘saved’ me. Though it was just a short period of time, I’ll never regret or forget those moments when we were ‘more than friends’.