.More Things I Realised. And More On The Trip.

I've just realised more things about myself...and I just feel like blogging it out. So, here goes. This is a continuation from the previous post.

# I don't go after things I can't get. That includes men. I don't go after men who can't stay by my side. (NOTE: I am not going after or waiting for him anymore. Don't be fooled by the words in here.) Experience tells it all. People say it's called realistic. I know I'm being one. Or else, I wouldn't have decided on so many things. (NOTE: Going after a person and thinking of a person are two different things. Get what I mean now?)

# I realised I appreciate friendships more than anything else. Most of those I've dated and even the previous ones are still my friends, except that bloke and a few others. Doesn't matter.

# I'm always afraid of my own mouth coz I tend to say the wrong things at the wrong time. I'm afraid of hurting people I truly treasure.

# I realised I kept too many things to myself, at times. Nobody actually knows my true self if I don't want them to. Never judge me just by reading this blog.

# I still like kids...but if one is unable of taking care and provide for herself, why bring the child to the world and see him suffer? (Duhh! I am NOT pregnant. I thought of this when I saw beggar kids somewhere recently...)

# I realised I don't like to be reminded on certain things. If your opinions are totally against my ambitious dreams, then it's better for you to keep those two cents to yourself and shit it out in the toilet bowl! Don't tell me I can't do this and that coz I WILL prove it to you. Never challenge me.

# Don't tell me money is not important. I know it's not everything but it is something essential in our lives. It is important to me coz I don't want my parents and my own family or kids to suffer next time. Would you like to see them without enough food supply some time in the future? Think again.

# I don't like to rely on others. Being dependent makes me feel shitty.

# I realised this long time ago. When I'm serious, nobody likes me. I'm only serious when dealing with certain things, e.g. work and relationships. But when I'm crazy, people would be scared of me coz I party more than you could ever think of.

# Oh yea. I went clubbing when I was in Singapore. Haven't clubbed for ages but it feels great. Free drinks! Muahahahhaa...

# I didn't know I could drink THAT MUCH. I got drunk during a karaoke session with my friend's siblings but I knew what I did. Laughed and cried. Crazy.

# I realised love and sympathies are two different words with contrasting meanings. They can never be together.

# I realised I hate copycats. You seriously don't need to tell me that you're "on the same boat" kinda situation just to comfort me. What I went through were truly personal experiences that can't be described in words. Your situation is not the same as mine.

# I don't like to force people. Never forced anyone before even though it hurts badly. I had a choice to force. I had a chance to save the situation OR to make it worse, but I didn't do anything. What ever will be, will be.

# I believe in fate now. I accept all the things happened in my life, both good or bad. It's still a kind of challenge.

# I'm worth more than I ever expected. I found my true self and overpowered lust. I'm grateful to that Someone up there who keeps an eye on me.

# I'm used to idiots who looked down on me but I realised I cannot tolerate if people looked down on my family and friends. Oh by the way, I might as well thank some of the idiots who once despised me. I'm much better off today and will be even better in the future because of what you idiots said. Thanks a lot.

# I realised it's difficult to blend two minds with different mindsets together. Too bad.

# Think it's time to change image again. Straight hair? Maybe.

Sheesh! I thought I was supposed to blog more things about the trip?? Damn. I got lost again. Will be right back.

The Trip. My Thoughts. Things I Realised.

Initially, I wanted to blog everything out but I'm still very tired...and lazy as usual. HAha... So, I'll just blog anything I remember in sentences. Will blog everything in detail later...Damn, I feel like a real pig now! =P

# Went to Banting (a town near Klang), then to Malacca, back to Banting, then to Johor. Next stop in Singapore, then back to Johor. After that, spent a few days in KL before I'm back in Penang.

# Didn't get enough sleep. Inadequate water supply for the body. Too much of alcohol consumption. Got drunk and kept laughing like a hyena.

# Lots of volcanoes popped out on the face as my eyes were too busy for the past two weeks *grins*

# Penang local food is still the best.

# Malacca is just a small town but never attempt to walk around without a good pair of sneakers.

# I love the Baba&Nyonya Museum but Mahkota Parade is just too small for me and friends to shop.

# I realised there are MANY tall men in Johor and Singapore. Mostly at least 175cm. Perfect height.

# Lots of qweilos and ang mohs in Singapore.

# My eyes had a feast while I was in Johor and Singapore. LOTS of men with the kind of look my eyes would love to see. Muahahahaha. *drools*

# Singaporean guys are especially friendly to pretty babes. Keke.

# I've always considered myself ugly. I still think I am not pretty but it seems that I appear attractive to quite many fellas. *Ahem! Looks like the bitch in me is self-praising herself again* Hmm...I realised it's actually not difficult for me to fish get to know guys but I have my own standards. Some men are just plain idiots. Need I say more?

# I realised I dislike being in a comfort zone. I love a life with lots of challenges and great opportunities to continuously improve myself. Self upgradation is a lifelong thing. I'm never easily satisfied. So, I always avoid people who stays in that zone.

# Singapore is a VERY clean city. It has many attractive buildings to keep me dreaming of the future. Did I mention that there are LOTS of pretty babes and nice smart looking men there? Hehe.

# Singapore has no transportation problem. I love MRT. The island is a wonderful place to work too, I think.

# I love Clarke Quay, Orchard Road, Marina Bay (Didn't have the time to go there. Idiot.) and Raffles Place.

# I told someone I don't know where my heart was when we met that day and I know it hurts...but I finally realised where it is now. It's kinda surprising that it's still there. The heart is no longer waiting for any miracles but it's still there coz there's no other source of inspiration that's so influential that could bring confidence and strengthen me the way he did. Long story. Will blog about it later....BUT I was really sincere and happy while I was with this guy in the past few months.

# I thought I could be easy going with anything that comes my way but I was wrong. Like I said earlier, I'm never easily satisfied.

# I realised when you're really in love with someone, your heart wouldn't stray no matter how. My heart didn't stray for the past few months...but when it strayed recently, I knew the truth. It wasn't the other person's fault. There were too many parties involved. My heart actually got choked with a complicated and confusing feeling.

# I realised Long Distance Relationships (LDR) would never work IF a relationship wasn't built on a strong foundation. IF the timing was right, and the foundation was strong enough, everything would be fine.

# I'm only 22 but I'm not very young anymore. I'm a woman and I don't have much time to build my own career path. There are way too many things to be explored out there. There are many interesting and influential people I should really meet. I don't want to miss any opportunities coming my way. I don't want to regret later. Forget about marriage UNLESS the man is someone who inspires and brings confidence. Seriously, I don't believe I would ever walk down the aisle one of these days coz the type of man I look for doesn't exist anymore. Heh. We'll just see what happens in the future.

# People always think I'm strong and confident. I agree with that but the strength and confidence are only applicable to certain things. The truth is, I'm NOT that strong and confident...well, not all the time. That's why I need a person with a certain specific qualities. If not, why should I continue? I won't die without a man.

# I realised I'm different from the other girls at my age. No wonder I keep attracting older men.

# I realised I cannot multitask in relationships like what my friends did. Have never thought of multitasking in relationships also. So, I'm not a real bitch YET. Good news or bad news?

# I thought I had feelings for the other one. When I was shopping at Midvalley, I thought of him...but I realised. It was only a temporary kind of feelings. More on lust. I admit I had feelings for him at the end of last year, but this time, it's not the same anymore. After all, I always keep my principles. I don't mess around with other woman's man or somebody's husband. Believe me. I've experienced it before and it makes you feel shitty if you're in a situation like that.

# KL can be a quite boring place if you don't know what to do or who to meet. Hmm...maybe it's because I was there on weekdays.

# I realised lots of things when I was at Souled Out. Initially, I was afraid that I might meet that bloke as I could see the building of the company he works in from the place I sat. Then, I realised my eyes were searching frantically for him. Finally, I saw him. Oh no, it was just an illusion. It's just a man who looks like him. I never thought of all these previously but I finally realised why it was so hard to accept someone else. He's just too influential. I feel stupid but I can't control at all. Thankfully, I'm not longing for what I wanted from him anymore. I'm just glad that everything happened that way and he really strengthened me, in a way. Truly God sent. One word....experience.

# The property industry is much more competitive in KL compared to Singapore. There's not much of property trends in Singapore. I'm still very much in love with the properties in KL...PJ areas to be exact. Damansara. Perfect place with adequate amenities. As analysed, it's good enough for investment purposes.

Wow! I've blogged so much already? Damn. I have too many things to blog about. And I'm sleepy now.

Will be right back. Ciao.

0.01

Bloody coincidence. I just got home and the result is out!

Nothing big deal actually. Just a SLIGHT increment of 0.01 to the previous CGPA.

Come again? Did I say ZERO POINT ZERO ONE?? Yes.

Does it make any difference? Idiot.

I AM BACK!!

I just got back home early this morning at 4 am. Still very tired and blur now. Haven't unpacked my things yet. Lots of things to pour out in here. Lots of things I realised. Lots of thinking. Saw many things. Met many different people, both interesting and boring ones. Went to lots of places. Ate lots of good food. Walked too much. Got drunk. Spent a lot but still under budget. Bought many things. Lots of fun.

Damn. There are soooo many things to blog about! *yawn*

Be right back!

Oh yea. Happy Belated Birthday, bro! Sorry...I know I'm 24 hours late. I owe you a meal! Bleh! =P

Just a short note...

I was quite irritated yesterday. I know I always tend to say the wrong things at the wrong time. If what I said on MSN or typed in here hurt you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it but I really hope I could still have my own privacy or space when it comes to blogging. That's the reason why I disabled the comments. Blogging is the only way I clear things off my mind.

I may have blogged on something ridiculous or about someone else, but please respect my privacy and also the decision I made. If I said it's over means it's over. You seriously need not ask so much about it coz it hurts more when you don't trust me. Will you be happier if I were to tell you everything about the other person? No. So, please don't do that. Both are friends I truly treasure and it's definitely not a nice feeling to be in this situation. I really feel like a bitch. Whatever it is, I've cleared everything with him and it's over but if you still doubt it, I can't do anything also. It will only make me feel worse coz you are now so much like this one.


*p/s: I'll be away on a two-week holidays with my cheemuis. So, there won't be any updates till I come back. Till then, take care! =)

Happy Mother's Day, Mum! I love you. =)

I.have.been.thinking.a.lot.

Initially, I thought it was the biggest ever joke I've ever heard from my cheemui and I denied her statement uncountable times...but being a true Virgoan (or they call it Virgin?), I spent some time pondering over what she said. I know someone would be reading this but I'm not going to keep it secret, or else problems would subsequently occur. I don't want to cheat myself and be a real bitch in the end!

So, I remember I denied...then, I realised. Oh no! It's been some time already. Was I really unaware of it? ...or maybe I have been denying the fact all this while? How could I be so careless to be in this situation? How am I going to settle this problem when the initial one is not even settled yet?

Oh well. Now I really wonder whether the heart and mind would collaborate to produce a satisfying solution successfully. Usually, both organs (one that pumps blood to the whole body and usually causes abnormal "heart attacks" and the other that makes you think, think and think till you naik gila!) would never cooperate. So, I doubt. I doubt I will ever find any solution to the questions in the brain.

After spending approximately 168 hours pondering over this issue, I still can't find the best solution. Need I say more? Oh yea. Human beings are born greedy and I'm not spared. Can I have both? Or maybe I should kick both aside and get a new one instead? Haha...Damn...Oh forget what I said! Whatever it is, I'm sticking to the original decision and we'll see how things go. *Crosses fingers* Hmm...isn't that a sign that the brain is being autocratic and it seems like the heart is demanded to follow? Heh? *Sheesh*

One word. Bitch.