Love versus money

A few years ago while doing Form Six, we were supposed to present an impromptu speech in class and the given title was the ever-boring "My ambition". When it was my classmate’s turn, she said, “My ambition is to marry a rich man!” and beamed with pride. I personally think it was a stupid idea and it was obviously humiliating for a six former to have such a lousy target…but her answer was understandable, as it has long been debated that money has a great linkage with love. These days, many women are said to marry for money or even date an ATM machine, if you know what I mean here.

There’s this girl staying at my hostel block who is obviously a good example. There have been hot rumors about how she got this rich man’s son to be her boyfriend, let’s call him Fatty for easy reference. I don’t know whether the story about her is true or not, but I’ll just tell what I heard. After all, her story is just a prelude to what I’m going to say.

Fatty spent lots of money and time to finally win her heart. She didn’t say yes because of Fatty’s efforts. She finally agreed to be his girlfriend after traveling all the way to Malacca (Fatty’s hometown) to check on his family’s background…erm, financial status. Fatty happens to be a super rich man’s son. From that time on, there’s no turning back. She has been with him for a few semesters now. She enjoys free rides back to Penang (her hometown) coz Fatty is currently her official chauffer. The rest of her story is pretty obvious.

That time, I really couldn’t understand why she agreed to date Fatty. Frankly speaking, who doesn’t like money? Everyone loves money especially express cash and that includes me! I know it’s beneficial to date a rich man’s son but why not date a rich man instead? It was really logical to think that way back then…but when I had my fair share of experience, I realized that I would love lots of money only if I earned them by myself.

To cut a long story short, I dated a guy some time ago without knowing his financial background. His casual dressing, messy hair and humble character belied the number of digits in his bank accounts. After two weeks, I was shocked when I found out that he’s actually a self-made millionaire. All the while, I thought it would be cool to date a super rich guy who also has some of the qualities I look for in a man...until I met this guy, my thoughts changed.

Initially, it was quite fun dating him but after some time, I realized it wasn’t comfortable at all to date someone who was constantly on phone calls dealing with businesses that worth millions of Ringgit! *Gasps* You read it right. Millions of Ringgit and the latest business could fetch up to 5 Billion Ringgit! He was so rich that he could buy any car or condo with cash! It wasn’t about feeling inferior to his success, wealth or big businesses. In fact, I’m glad he taught me lots of things regarding business and the complicated people around him, something I might probably not have the opportunity to even take a peek at in my whole lifetime.

I guess psychology plays a role too. When a person is super rich and has all the power in his businesses, he tends to be manipulative. With that, I summed it up that, dating a rich man isn’t that nice actually. Most of them have this kind of mindset – he pays for everything and buys anything you want, but you will have to listen to him. It isn’t convincing at all as yours truly only has interests in win-win situations. Apart from that, I dislike being dependent on others and hate being told of what to do. I’m an advocate of gender equality. So I’m proud to say that I still prefer to earn my targeted net worth by myself, even if I had to tread bumpy roads just to reach the final destination.

I don’t understand why certain girls could lower down their integrity and place dignity aside just for the sake of instant wealth. This is such a disgrace to the female population. We have the ability to get the things we want by ourselves, so why should we depend on other people? I was thinking, if I could walk down the road to financial freedom by myself, why should I date/marry an ATM machine? …but I guess financial stability will still remain as one of the requirements for eligible bachelors! Hehehe…

Why are cows stupid and will remain so for the rest of their lives

I seriously hate to deal with cows. Oh no, don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate them but I just dislike having anything to do with them. These cows that are obviously brainless, do everything in a stupid way that will leave an impact on your mood. Yes, you got it right! BAD MOOD.

All the while, I thought it was some other reasons that the cows are still so lousy even until today, but guess I found the right answer to the long asked question. The cows just love to do stupid non-beneficial things before focusing on some other important things. They prefer to enjoy life first before having to slog to death. That clearly explains why they’re still so useless even until this very moment of the day. Forgive me for despising them!

Apart from hating to deal with cows, I hate to be forced to participate in non-beneficial activities. I mean, what’s the point of paying RM50 just to attend a two-day-one-night activity at another secluded place with lots of trees, mosquitoes and monkeys, a place that doesn’t even have telecommunication coverage? If it was a talk by some big shots regarding something interesting, or a workshop related to my final year project (FYP), then I would definitely be the first to register but it wasn’t. It’s just a typical out of campus activity organized by cows. So, what do we do there? Stupid things like, jungle trekking (Yes, I know it’s fun BUT I should be busy with my FYP rather than walking around with monkeys!), an impromptu stage performance by the participants (Obviously a waste of time! I’m already an Oscar-winning actress in my heart!), a motivational talk by Encik Tiada Siapa Kenal (I’m obviously too motivated to listen to him!), eat, sleep, shit, blah, blah, blah.

Isn’t that a waste of time and money? With RM50, I could splurge on many other things I love, …erm, maybe another great book, a brand new high heels or simply a treat to a meal for my family. Actually, I’m not complaining about the cash I have to pay but it’s about getting out from the jungle to get into yet another jungle that is way too ulu until the Yellow Guy of I Will Follow You from Digi’s advertisement won’t be interested to trail. Besides, I’ve got other assignments and tests coming up. So, isn’t it stupid to follow the cows blindly and be just as useless and brainless?

There are many other students who decided to join the useless activity just because 98% of the class is going. They’re obviously cowards. It occurred to me that these students probably have no strength in fighting for their rights or to have their words heard. They have no opinion, nothing to say…just follow everything blindly just to get the ever-desirable grade. No wonder we have so many local grads that can’t even get a job after graduation. The bad part is, most employers assume that every local grad is the same (including me!). Thanks to the cowards and cows for spoiling the good image of local products!

Seriously, I hate to follow what others do. Why need to tag along blindly just for the sake of pleasing the oh-so-good-but-actually-lousy lecturer? I may appear weird to the rest but who cares? I’d rather be different, by being one of the very few people who choose to focus and prioritize on other more important things than to jungle trek together with cows, penguins and monkeys. By conforming to what the others do, I’m obviously not contributing to the nation’s economy but I’m merely donating fresh blood to the mosquitoes for a free buffet treat.

Now, I’ve got a solid reason why cows are stupid and will remain so for the rest of their lives. Poor thing.

Damn. Really in a bad mood now! Don't know what to do and don't feel like doing anything also. Just don't feel right. Blame it on cows. Blame it on PMS. Blame it on no internet connection here on my notebook....stupid cheapo wifi! Grrr...

WTF? The reeking weirdo is sitting just beside me now at this computer lab! Of all places, why must he sit here?? Damn. Too smelly already. Gotta go now. Ciao.

The beginning to bad hair days

I know women are hard to please, and I'm just a good example. Bleh! Throughout my twenty over years of living, I have never been satisfied with the haircuts I get after each visit to the hair salon. Erm, okay....I was satisfied once! Only once!

With my lousy, out-of-shape and outdated hairstyle, I finally decided to get a haircut yesterday. Initially, I wanted to call the professional hairstylist (the leng chai who made me satisfied with the oh-so-hot hairstyle in 2005) for an appointment but I changed my mind at the very last minute. It would be too pricey to get a great hairstyle from him. After all, I've already planned to find this superb hairstylist for hair treatments and a new hairstyle before my convocation ceremony. So, I resorted to a cheapskate haircut by a middle age woman at a small hair salon. It was a big mistake!

The outcome? A stupid hairstyle that makes me look YEARS younger. Of course it sounds good to every woman to be able to look younger but I seriously look like an immature sixteen years old now!!! Gahhh.... I seriously need to avoid looking at myself in the mirror for the time being. Damn. This is a good indication that money speaks. By saving a few hundreds of ringgit, I get a crappy little girl's hairstyle. And I still don't understand why Dad and a male friend think my current hairstyle suits me. Gahhh.... they obviously have bad tastes, or maybe they were just trying to please yours truly so that I won't keep asking the same question of "What do you think of my hair? Ugly huh?" Hehe.

Of mothers and excessive worries

There's something I don't understand about mothers. They could get overprotective of their own kids, especially if the child is a girl. Yes, I'm referring to Mum. She hardly says no to anything Bro says or plans to do. Oh no, before you start assuming, I'm not being jealous. Neither am I complaining.

It's just that, each time when I tell Mum something I want to do, or rather my plans, she would give me that kind of look and thousands of lame excuses would come next. That's what she does all the time. I know she's being very caring and is just protecting me (ahem* only daughter lah!), but I seriously hate her negative thoughts. Her fears of all the possible bad things that might just happen if I were to proceed with my plans. Gahhh...

She knows I have plans of going "there" to work this year, which might be after my industrial training or maybe next year, but she's still giving me that kind of feedback I don't want to hear. It's not that I'm being naughty or committing any crime, I just believe that life is short, and I'm still young but it's time to leave the nest to explore, learn, grow and depend on myself. I reckon it's just not right for her to protect me in such a way. I mean, how long can she be the armor to shield and prevent me from seeing or even experiencing the harsh realities of life?

I thought Mum was the only one who worries too much about her kids but when Mrs Ong came over to complain about the same issue, I realised there's a clear linkage between mothers and worries. I know Mum has always been supportive of anything I do (erm, except a few things!) albeit with perpetual negative facial expressions, but the main problem is, she worries too much. (I probably got this trait from her cos I'm a worry wart too! Haha) I guess I will never understand her over exaggerating reactions and excessive worries...not until I become somebody's mother one day.

Burning desires

I want something very badly. I seriously want to get it. I must go there. No matter how, die die must get it but money can't buy me what I want. Gosh! I guess I would probably become even more desperate in that sense in a few months time. Gahhh....

I've been thinking so much about this until I cannot take it anymore. Just hope that blogging could help to ease my brain a bit.

Damn. The repetition is making me even more desperate! ...but I'm going to say it again. I WANT IT BADLY. I really need it. I will go crazy if I don't get it. So I have to make sure I get it. *Crosses fingers*

Stepping Out II

How often do you reflect on yourself and recall on certain things you once did or said? The inner voice in you would say, "Gosh! That was so stupid of me. A little too naive, huh?" and you would eventually start to laugh at your own stupidity.

I had a recollection on certain things recently and it occured to me that, I've learned to laugh at myself and grow with the progress of life. Yes, all those things may seem to reflect on one's stupidity, and I dare to admit that at certain stage of our lives, we tend to do stupid things. Well, we thought it was right but with all the mistakes done in the past, we eventually outgrow stupidity and mould a new, stronger and much different character we have today. I'm glad to have navigated through the storm with a strong faith to become who I am today.

Previously, I blogged about stepping out. It's true that each time a problem arises, there's a contest between faith and fear. If you have faith, there will be a way out coz you choose to step out of the problem and fight against fear. But, when you're afraid of criticisms, failures and losing pride/face, you will lose faith and the problem is left unsolved. You'll never progress until the day you die. I got this inspiring message of stepping out from a source that has helped me to overcome problems over the past one year. I hope you could find the strength I found.

The journey of life is much more important than the destination itself. It will shape who you will be when you're finally there. You will need to learn and grow throughout the journey, embracing uncertainties before you could reach the final destination. So which do you prefer? To be progressive or to be hiding in the comfort shell of guilty conscience? The choice is yours. Try taking these few simple steps and hopefully, you will be able to encounter happiness and a peace of mind as your problems and worries will be lifted off your shoulders.

1) Recollection. Reflect on the right and wrong things you did/said.
2) Learn to laugh at yourself regarding the mistakes you made in the past.
3) Repentance. Grow and change into a better person. Step out of the mistake/problem.
4) Vow. Promise yourself you will not repeat the same mistake ever again.
5) Keep your words and have faith in yourself. Nothing is impossible.

Anyways, I received a mail from a friend some time ago and I guess it's worth sharing. This mail conveys an inspiring message and it has truly brighten up my day. :)

A woman knelt in prayer, and in anguish cried out to God:

"Dear Lord, I can't compete in this world. I am just a simple woman. I don't have perfect hair or perfect teeth, a perfect smile or a perfect figure. I want so much to fit in with this world that asks for perfection. I want to be loved and appreciated and needed. Oh God, please do something. Change me."

"My dear child," replied the Lord, "to Me you are simply wonderful. I accept you just as you are. I knew you even when you were in your mother's womb, and I have you engraved upon the palm of My hand. Each part of you was created in My image. And I am changing you, daily.

"But you see, I work differently than the world. I work from the inside out. And deep within your heart, I see the beginning of... perfection."

Life is unpredictable

Yesterday, I had a shock when I heard the latest news about a girl at Uni. A senior student had committed suicide in the toilet of her hostel block on Sunday morning. I don't know her but according to rumours, she has been suffering from depression and mental disorders for the past two semesters.

It's really a waste for a person to make such a foolish decision. Suicide should never be an option in anyone's life. The girl's sudden death made me realise something and I guess it's worth sharing. You peeps should seriously consider this too.

"You'll never know what's going to happen to yourself tomorrow, so take this opportunity to cherish everything you have, your loved ones, family and also friends."

Count your blessings! (I got this from a website)

Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth;
Love your neigbour as much as yourself.

Boredom does influence one's mood

I know I'm supposed to sleep early since I'm going back to the jungle tomorrow but I'm not sleepy yet. With the bad/slow internet connection, I can't seem do not anything I want, let alone chat with peeps I know. Gahhh....this is so frustrating.

Nothing to do --> Find things to do --> Nothing else to do besides going online --> Bad/slow connection --> Frustration --> Boredom --> Bad mood

Does that make any sense? Maybe I should blame it on imbalanced hormones.

I've completed five out of six. One more semester to go and it's the end of the whole thing. Gosh. See how fast time flies?

Damn. When you're a tad moody, it really isn't the right time to blog. I'm off! Ciao.

A new template for 2007

Gosh! It actually took me almost an hour to click the damn button to change to this new template. I was contemplating whether to change or not, and without realising how fast time flies, an hour is gone! So bloody fickle-minded. Women.

Anyways, how do you find this new template? Hehe...I was thinking, I need a change and...BOOM...I really changed this whole blog template and the cat's gone. Hehe.

So, I just hope that with this new look and the other changes I made, I'll be able to put the big load of worries and sadness behind me while I continue walking down this path heading towards the destination I want to be, and simultaneously seeking adequate dose of happiness. Bleh. I am so greedy. Sounds complicated? I guess so.

Oh yea, do join me for some yoga exercise here. Hehe. Till then, see ya!

The beginning

It's just the third day into 2007, but with big moderate hopes, this will be a good year to a new beginning. I will need to strategize and focus on important things towards the right direction. The final destination could still be far away, but with each small step taken, the accumulated little effort will get me there.

This year is significantly important. Everything would be different as 2007 indicates a milestone in my life. It's going to be a busy year with lots of things to do...and more things to think about. I would be occupied with my final sem projects. I will officially start work and I seriously need to consider the path I want to thread for the next few years. This year would also be the starting point to my long-planned investment strategies. Apart from that, I need to master some skills in financial planning. So from now on, the calculator and bankers would possibly become one of my closest friends. LOTS of things to do and to ponder upon...

But, before getting too excited over all that, I got a good news. Still remember my "dear" roommate? I won the battle against her, finally! I checked the students' portal and it is stated clearly that she's going to stay in another room, albeit the same hostel block. HAhaha...Glad I wrote that three-page complaint letter to the hostel principal. Now, there's something else to worry about. Who's going to be my new roommate? Gahhh...hopefully she's not worse than that fat bitch. I hope I won't get a sudden heart attack when I see her this Saturday.

*Continues thinking of other important things*

There's a saying in Cantonese, "Hey mong yud tai, satt mong yud tai", which means the bigger the hope, the bigger the disappointment. I know the road I'm threading isn't going to be a smooth one and I'm playing with too much of risks at this age, but with lots of effort, determination and faith, I believe I will reach the final destination someday... But for now, I will have to settle for a much smaller hope, a moderate one that could transport me to where I want to be. See you there!

Last year's shadow

With mixed feelings, I'm finally here...it's 2007 already! Just hope that a new year would be a good start to everything. Even though I managed to ditched some very bad experiences behind in 2006, I forgot that I have illegally brought some memories (bad and good ones) into 2007.

2006 was both a good and a bad year to me.

The good things: I had good relationships with family and friends. I got an A for the much feared Law paper. My CGPA improved. I read a lot of books/articles. I learned a lot of things. I gained lots of knowledge and experiences. I started viewing everything from different perspectives of life be it good or bad. I'm clear of what I really want in life. In short, I'm much better than the old me when I just started blogging.

The bad things: I lost someone who left a very big impact on my life...I had no choice but to let him go. I broke a few people's hearts and I was left broken hearted too. I cried on my birthday. I criticized my roommate too much. I spent too much on unnecessary things. I worried too much. I made myself even more complicated than before. I became even more sarcastic, unknowingly. I was too emotional throughout the year. I strayed away a few times from my spiritual belief.

Resolutions? Oh well...it's the usual stuff. I'm not going to be specific but I'm glad to declare that I want to be back on track. I need to do all I can to materialise the personal dreams I listed. Apart from that, I need to focus on career too coz I'll be entering another chapter of life. I'm graduating this year and will start work in a few months time. Wow...

I have lots of things to pour out actually...but since it's just the first two days of 2007, I'll keep them for some other time. Anyways, Happy New Year to everyone here. May all of you be blessed with success, happiness, health, wealth, love, etc.