S-T-U-P-I-D

Some people are just so stupid. What the hell is wrong with these people? We’re all born equal, with the ability to think but they chose not to activate the bloody brain cells. Whether they’re born stupid or not, I have no idea!

Do we really need to make ourselves extremely clear each time we talk to anyone? Gahh…use your common sense, duhh! *Knocks on the head* Hello?? Where’s your brain?

Any Tom, Dick or Harry knows that when we desire something, we need to earn it. Put in some effort, sincerity, cash, whatever just to get what you want. Nothing comes easily and there’s no such thing as free lunch! It’s universally understood, yet there are people who can’t even comprehend simple things like that!

Life is just like business. We often deal anything and come to a compromise with a win-win solution. Don’t be a self-centred coconut! Everything should be done to the advantage of both parties. It’s just like, you buy something from someone, he gets your money, and you get the material he sold. It is as simple as that but some people can’t even understand it. If you’re solely thinking for the benefit of your own stinking ass, then I suggest you pack your bags and take a trip to Pluto!

I wonder what’s the use of the brain when one is not utilizing the given intellectual ability. Gosh! No wonder there are so many stupid peeps around!

Never ending enthusiasm

Is there something wrong with me this semester? I started with the idea of getting another degree (I’m still thinking about it…maybe next time…it’s never too late to get it), MBA (I’m going to get it no matter how! It has been a long-term plan since I knew the abbreviation!), then got myself obsessed with the idea of getting trained abroad, and now, it’s the next one.

According to a book I recently read, I’m categorized under the number aptitude dimension (apart from a few other dimensions) under the main subject of human intellectual ability. Since I’m good at numbers and I was always good at accounting back in Secondary School, I’ve decided to include another extra qualification into my resume.

A few years ago, accounting was one of my options and I even had plans of working at the renowned PricewaterhouseCoopers or Ernst & Young after graduation…but somehow, I failed to convince myself. Dealing solely with numbers and always working at the same department were the two reasons why I didn’t want to be an accountant. So, my close friend went on with ACCA while I opted for Form Six. We went on separate ways and she’s now in UK, spending the final few months of studies before graduation!

I actually have interest in it (I still do?)…or maybe I would say it’s a special skill I acquired while desperately struggling (Was I really struggling? LOL!) to get an A for Principles of Accounting back in Form Five. Anyways, I got crazy again and have decided to take three UBS exams (accounting, payroll and stock control) the next semester. These external exams, which are offered by the faculty of accountancy in collaboration with UBS, require a special software for book keeping records. Since my academic transcript lacks accounting subjects, I’m equipping myself with these external certificates. And what are my reasons for doing that?

1) I’m afraid I can’t get a job (Of late, employers discriminate graduates from local public universities, even those with good grades and excellent communication skills. Bad news.)
2) I thirst for achievement and knowledge. I believe I can learn and do anything I want, just a matter of effort and determination. I’m born to learn and it never stops. Learning is a lifelong thing.
3) I’m obsessed with the idea of being a multi-skilled and multitalented employee. I’m an ambitious freak remember?
4) …Can’t be bothered to think of any other reasons. Refer to the first one.

Oh, I’m such an enthusiastic person when it comes to things like these! When I’m older, I’m so going to love myself more and be thankful for what I’m doing now! Hahaha...

Never shit at the place you eat!

That’s a very famous saying which is usually applicable at the workplace but now, I’m reminding you that it’s also applicable in other places, like where you study.

Ever came across any colleague or course mate who treated you in a “different” way? I’m sure you understand what I’m implying here but I would like to remind you…It is not appropriate to build any kind of “extra” relationship with those peeps because it is just similar to the case of putting piles of shit on your bowl of rice!

Before you land your ass in hot soup, you better think twice before you even start to dream of it. Recently (In fact, it’s been months…since early this year but I ignore it), I detected a course mate treating me differently. I thought he was merely extra-friendly, but no…that fella did quite many things to qualify himself into my radar.

I’m not bragging about this but it is really bad news. It’s true that we girls love the feelings of being chased after, the additional attention and all that, but this is definitely a different case. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to give the poor friend a wrong signal, which could land him a temporary excitement. I could see that he’s a good guy, but too bad, it’s not advisable to drag a real friend into the game….well, I know that sounds a bit weird but that’s just my style. It’s a bad idea to drag a friend into the netting, then after some time, you hurt him, and that incident would put an end to the friendship. After all, this friend doesn’t qualify a few vital criteria also…so, it’s useless to even consider him…

Over the past few months, I’ve been constantly reminding myself so as not to give him the wrong signals and it’s been a very tiring task to do. Sometimes, I’ve got no choice but to regularly mention that I go back to Penang very often because of Mr.Current Date. (Which is quite true…hehe…but it sounds so wrong to me that I need to announce to him and some other friends about my reason of going back frequently. I don’t like reporting to other people about my life, remember?)

Some female friends actually think I’m stupid as I could “use” this male friend to do certain things. Even though he sometimes really willingly helps to do certain things, I don’t think it’s appropriate to “use” a friend. This is just insane. Oh come on, don’t tell me you believe I should give him empty hopes and wrong signals so that he could continue helping me to accomplish some tasks? No thanks. It sounds so cheap! I would rather depend on myself.

This friend of mine is indeed a good guy, but during one of our recent conversations, I indirectly told him that it’s impossible because I’ve always preferred an older man. I saw disappointment painted on his face but I’m glad we’re still friends. At least, the comfort stage of this friendship is not spoilt as we could really talk on anything, from work to dreams, gossips to horoscopes, love to sex, everything.

Other than this course mate, I’ve actually detected a few other friends on my radar over the years but I avoided them, and gave all sorts of funny signals just to make it clear that it was impossible. If you knew it’s not going to work, why bother to try and destroy the comfort stage between you and your friend? It’s better to prevent it from happening than to test the market. Or else, you might even lose the friendship and it would only hurt both of you. See how difficult it is to maintain friendship and how much it means to me?

I may not be a person who has a high need for affiliation but once I regard you as a friend, I really mean it. So, heed my advice and never shit at the place you eat! Don’t simply play the game with a person if you knew he couldn’t afford to play it. Otherwise, you’ll have to risk your friendship with that person, leaving your image tainted. You get the idea.

Dating a doctor

The date was set at nine, on a Friday night. We had earlier agreed to meet up for the first time over coffee at an uptown bistro located at the blocks of British colonial buildings. The problem is, I haven’t been to that place! And, where am I supposed to park my car?

*Looks at watch*

“Shit! I’m late!” I screamed while still stuck in the jam due to the heavy downpour a couple of hours before.

Being a person who always insists on punctuality, I hate to arrive later than the planned time. After some time, I sent him a message on the mobile.

“Sorry. I’ll be late. Stuck in traffic jam.”

He replied, “Take your time. I’m almost there. Will wait for you inside.”

When I reached that place, I was lucky to find an empty parking space next to the café. All of a sudden, I started having a bad case of butterflies in the stomach. I felt like the naïve sixteen years old teenager I used to be, with that kind of silly enthusiasm to meet an online stranger for the first time!

“Gahh….What the hell is wrong with me? This is not my first time! Sheesh…” the self-thoughts started playing in mind.

I sent him another message.

“I’ll be there in a couple of minutes. I’m wearing a white baby-tee with jeans. You?”

He replied, “I’m wearing a black collared tee with khakis. I’m sitting at the corner on the left side of the entrance. See you later.”

When I pushed open the glass door, I saw a man with an average height of at least 175cm, and moderately built, weighing between 75 to 80kg. He’s the only one wearing a black collared tee. I gathered enough guts, took a deep breath, smiled and walked up to him.

“Sorry. I’m late…” *Smiles sheepishly*

** And the conversation between us was smooth flowing as we chatted on almost everything the whole night. With constant eye contact, we savoured each other’s company, accompanied by the strong aroma of Mocha while relaxing on a crème coloured couch and enjoyed the cosy ambience. It was truly worth it to spend a Friday night with someone who has a touch of class and enjoys fine living, yet is down to earth and comfortable to be with.

A couple of minutes after I reached home, I got a message from him.

“Thanks for a wonderful Friday night. It was nice chatting with you. Would you mind meeting up again, maybe to catch a movie or something, anytime when you’re free?”

I wish to continue blogging about the topics we talked about and all that but too bad, it was just a DREAM! Bleh! The ending of the dream actually made me smile the whole day! I’m actually excited over an anonymous man who doesn’t exist? Haha…Gila!

The funny thing is, the dream really lasted the whole night and I could remember everything about him and the place we met (even though I really don’t know the location), even his features and other characteristics! OMG! *Nose bleed* Too bad I can’t remember his name! =(

So, I actually dated an anonymous smart looking doctor in my dream? Haha. Anyways, is that dream of mine an indication of something? Erm, maybe the next date is a doctor? Well, it’s not a bad idea! *Grins*

That's so silly!

You know, at times I would just read back some of my previous posts and they really made me laugh at myself. Oh...my previous post....gosh! "Was I really that emo until I wrote such things? Was I drunk or something? How could I come up with something like that?" HAha....very unexpected.

Just in case you're wondering, the previous post meant nothing as only stupid fools would invest on a portfolio that brings no return. I was merely thinking...and there's nothing wrong with that. One thing for sure is, why should I be so emotionally sensitive when I'm currently getting adequate supplies of TLC and attention from different peeps? Heh heh. Smart girl. Multidating Multitasking is cool! *Grins*

Anyways, guess it's just so true that women tend to experience emotional fluctuations at certain time of the month. I'm a very good example! Bleh!

A withered rose in a deep, dark and empty well…

Initially, it was bright in there but I wasn’t sure about its depth. I didn’t know that it would be so deep and the effect would be so great…. After dwelling in there for a period that seems almost forever, I’m shocked to find myself still trapped in there. I’ve fallen inside and it’s just too deep until I can’t get out. It’s a terrifying experience to be there, alone in the deep well. And now, all that’s left is darkness.

Over time, a few good Samaritans have shown some effort in helping to get yours truly out and yes, I made it a few times. But, in the end, I gave up. I didn’t know I had developed some kind of preference towards the well. Somehow or rather, I’ve gotten acclimatized to the well’s depth and darkness. It’s the comfort zone or the best hideout, which acts literally as a shelter to all sorts of fear, guilt and sins. The place where I could seek refuge in times of trouble and weep my heart out. Even though it’s empty in there, but I could still feel the warmth and tranquility. It’s just indescribable. Nobody would ever understand it.

Each time I receive help to get myself out, the ugly truth would be thrown right in front of my face, over and over again. If I had received the good Samaritans’ offer of assistance, I would have left the well to see brightness again. Yes, I did see some brightness but those weren’t the same. To me, the promising lights only appeared temporarily and instinct tells that they would never last. The rays of lights were not strong enough to drag yours truly along. Truth is, only the physique would meet the blazing sun as the other vital part has been buried underground. The heart has been residing comfortably in the deep well that used to be very bright and it’s now surrounded by darkness. So, what’s so good of owning a physique without a beating heart?

It’s dark in there, yet it’s full of power that still gives strength, inspiration and most importantly, guidance. I did put in a lot of personal effort to get myself out, to be on my own but each time I do it, there would be a recollection of past memories. The sweet and bitter memories…I still remember every single thing. Somehow, especially at tough times, I often reminisce things he said. That’s what I meant by guidance. People always say, “Live and let go” and I really tried to do what I’m supposed to do. I just let everything go and let the past flow freely. Yet, I’m always reminded on every thing I experienced whilst there were lights in the well. The wind blew almost everything away but it keeps blowing all those things back.

I did so many things but nothing worked. At the moment when I almost forget everything, there would surely be something to remind me about him. Even one of the male characters in the Singaporean English drama, First Mum bears a resemblance of him. (All the while, I love Sg dramas, so I’m NOT watching it because of the actor’s face!) The actor really looks like him, albeit a little older. The formal wear, the height, his features, etc…gosh! (Oh have I mentioned that I’ve got a fetish for guys with that kind of physical characteristics…and those with specs, ooohh! This topic about obsession is just too hot to handle! Thus, it’s entitled to a post altogether… I’ll blog about it some other time!)

Arrghh…I’m so bloody emo just because I’m stuck in the jungle for almost three weeks! Thanks to exams! …And I’m sick! *sigh* Even the sore throat I’m having now reminds me of him! Idiot. Since I’m now temporarily separated from the current one, it’s an indication that there would be ample time to ponder upon old memories while I continue dwelling in the empty well. This is so wrong. I’m not hoping for anything from him anymore but why am I still thinking with a million what-ifs? *Wipes away tears* Oh I’m such an emo bitch!

*Listening to Josh Groban’s songs….and thinking….and thinking*

*Oh anyway, my “dear” roommate spoke to me yesterday. Very surprising. She verbally “attacked” me at the right time, when I was just too weak and emo. So, nothing happened between us. I’m not a bad tempered bitch like I used to be. (Erm, more to blog about this too…next time lah) So, the best resort is to follow my close friend’s suggestion, which is to tolerate her as much as I could. I’m not a coward who’s afraid to confront her, but I wouldn’t want to give her the painful experience and feelings of being bullied. People say, “Patience is virtue”.

*Knock*Knock* Hello? Are you nuts?

I’m making somebody’s life miserable because she’s the type that cannot live each day without talking. Oh…poor girl. Do we really need to talk since we have a mouth? You mean I should talk nonsense and useless things to her? Like, “Ehh…no class ar?” “Ehh….you're going to sleep?” “Oh you’re going to shit?”, etc.? I might as well talk to the wall! Why can’t she talk to me first? Heh heh…maybe she would and I’m eagerly waiting!

Actually, there’s no use talking to someone like her when I’m already in a bad mood…it will only make me feel worse! Hmm…guess it’s better to remain silent than to explode sarcastic words straight in the monster’s face. Right? See? I’m still very considerate! I’m not being childish but I really don’t see any need of talking to a moron who can’t understand simple things, like when is the right time to sleep. It seems that the moronic virus is contagious. So, I better enjoy the silence in my room before I contract her virus! Brilliant idea!

Anyway, habits die hard. Yesterday, she slept from 7pm (after she got back from class) to 11pm, then drank a cup of super power coffee and did stupid things until 6.48am (this morning). I heard you asking what stupid thing she did this time? Oh...she's a so-called multi-talented girl. She's into "knitting" (not the proper type that Mum does)...or maybe the actual thing she did was just tying the pink color wool into tangled knots just to make a few fcuking ugly teddy bears for her friends. Oh another thing. She washed her clothes at 2am! Sheesh! Does anyone know the contact number of Hospital Bahagia?