Blame it on PMS!

Everyone's still on CNY mood but I'm here, kinda affected by the bloody PMS. At one moment, I could be laughing for no reason. The next minute, I would feel like shit. Bleh. I just hope that whatever in the brain now is merely the side effects of PMS and nothing else.

As I was listening to Mariah Carey's songs, I realised that I've been thinking of him for days. Some of her songs really remind me of him. I don't know why but I'm definitely blaming it on the coming of the Menstrual Witch. You know, we girls always love to talk so much about our guy type, and brag to whoever she's dating that he's not her type. Honestly, (tell you a secret lah!) we girls (or maybe just yours truly) are often clear that Mr. Prince Charming doesn't exist. Even if he does, he's either taken or born with mutated genes! So, the point is...we often complain too much when the one next to us is somewhat good enough. Well, it's important for guys to know something simple and common in most girls. Don't take what we girls say too seriously coz it could turn out to be the total opposite, but not all the time though.

Sometimes, I really find it funny that we often think of and misses a person more even though he or she was the one who hurt us most. You hate him so much that you almost killed him, yet you can't stop yourself from getting the latest news about him. Anything you hear from him would make you feel a tad better. You know, it sounds stupid that... at times, we know we're going to get hurt again, but we still want to travel down that road. Stupid and blind.

Before writing this, I was contemplating whether I should SMS him or not. Well, it's not that we have totally lost touch as we still chat on MSN and also on the phone occasionally but it feels weird to message him for no reason. I drafted a stupid message of "Hello, how is your CNY celebration?....." that sort of message but it took me more than three hours later to send him. I really don't know why it took me so long to send a simple message. And there was no instant reply. *A tad disappointed* Hmm...I hate to think of this and definitely would never admit that it was a big mistake to put an end to everything between us but why did I think of so many things all of a sudden?

I drove past his neighbourhood this afternoon after spending a few hours at Queensbay with Grandma and my parents. I was so tempted to drive straight to his house but I just can't. I don't have the guts to do it. Besides, I still can't visit anyone, not until the 49th day of grandpa's death. Seriously, I was hoping to bump into him when I was at the shopping mall. I was expecting a message or a call from him when someone else called/sent a SMS. Damn, I was really like that previously when we first acquainted. Now it seems like a vicious cycle. Gee, am I going through all these intense rewind-back of memories because I still haven't fully deleted him off the heart or is it merely because of the bloody PMS? Gahh...

This is so confusing. When he replied the message I sent earlier, I was really smiling away, like a little girl who just got her tiny wish granted. Damn, I am dead. It's really a bad sign. I always believe that there should never be a U-turn after some big decisions are made but will this one be an exception? I hate to admit that I really felt better after his call. Oops. Now I just hope that I'm acting this way merely because of the bloody PMS thingy and not because of some hidden extraordinary flames in the heart towards him.

~~~
...
Living without you
Living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home

But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay

So now I come to you with the open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am with the open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms

-Mariah Carey-
~~~~