I'm slightly excited but at the same time, there's this hidden fear in me! :S
I don't know why there's a feeling of anticipation to go back to the jungle. Is there anything wrong with me??? Well, I certainly know there's actually nothing to make me feel this way. Nothing at all but why am I getting excited with the idea of going back to join the other monkeys, pigs, cobras and penguins in the big jungle??? Oh perhaps, it's because I found solace there in my previous sem when I called upon The Great One. Hmmm....if the excitement is all because of the closer communion with Him and not something else, there's a point of having the eagerness of going back! :)
Apart from the enthusiasm of going back, I'm also scared. I'm afraid of seeing myself "lost" again. The fear of what I went through is still lurking around in me. That's really scary! I don't want to fall again. I don't want to be out of control and let the emotional side of me taking over. Actually, I realised that this fear of repeated histories have been residing in the brain for a period of time. I don't even know how to describe the exact feeling that is attacking me right now. I just know that I'm scared. I'm afraid of getting "lost" again and it would certainly take a longer period to search back myself to get back on track. Let's just hope that I'll be stronger this time with the love and guidance from The Great One up there. Hopefully, He'll continue to keep an eye on me and prevent me from falling again. After all, it takes a long duration of time to get up again after each fall. It's definitely easier said than done. Nevertheless, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and with the faith I have in Him and also myself, I could see a bright light at the end of the tunnel for the journey this time!
After rotting for two months, I'm finally going back to Universiti Hutan Malaysia tomorrow and hopefully, I'll be able to blog as frequent as I like! Hehe...
I don't know why there's a feeling of anticipation to go back to the jungle. Is there anything wrong with me??? Well, I certainly know there's actually nothing to make me feel this way. Nothing at all but why am I getting excited with the idea of going back to join the other monkeys, pigs, cobras and penguins in the big jungle??? Oh perhaps, it's because I found solace there in my previous sem when I called upon The Great One. Hmmm....if the excitement is all because of the closer communion with Him and not something else, there's a point of having the eagerness of going back! :)
Apart from the enthusiasm of going back, I'm also scared. I'm afraid of seeing myself "lost" again. The fear of what I went through is still lurking around in me. That's really scary! I don't want to fall again. I don't want to be out of control and let the emotional side of me taking over. Actually, I realised that this fear of repeated histories have been residing in the brain for a period of time. I don't even know how to describe the exact feeling that is attacking me right now. I just know that I'm scared. I'm afraid of getting "lost" again and it would certainly take a longer period to search back myself to get back on track. Let's just hope that I'll be stronger this time with the love and guidance from The Great One up there. Hopefully, He'll continue to keep an eye on me and prevent me from falling again. After all, it takes a long duration of time to get up again after each fall. It's definitely easier said than done. Nevertheless, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and with the faith I have in Him and also myself, I could see a bright light at the end of the tunnel for the journey this time!
After rotting for two months, I'm finally going back to Universiti Hutan Malaysia tomorrow and hopefully, I'll be able to blog as frequent as I like! Hehe...
No comments:
Post a Comment