Enemy in disguised?

Oh I forgot to wear a mask for the past few days! You got a problem with that? Well, you should be glad that another side of yours truly has finally decided to come out and greet you. Now say hello to the bitch!

I was thinking, why should I portray another image in pretense with the mask hiding the truth when I truly needn’t do that? I mean…why should I do that? What do I get in return for doing that? It doesn’t make sense at all.

All the while, it has been my style to reach a win-win solution in any situation or in everything but it’s just too bad that the current situation is not favouring me. It’s just not to my liking. After all, I won’t get anything from you by putting on that fake smile. So, why should I wear a mask when I’m talking to you? To show I’m such a lovely and nice person who would do everything for you? Nahh….it’s just a waste of time. I’m not that good either…. not that stupid too! I’m a bitch remember?

Actually, I could still don a mask, exert a pretentious smile and effortlessly sweet talk with anyone at any time…. anyone who still has power over me, like the bloody lecturer coz I still need to attend her class. And what about you? Seriously, you smell like a parasite…you know, one that clings to another just for the benefits of her own self! Ahh…I’m sure you know what I mean here. Still don’t get it? Well, go take a look in the mirror and you’ll get the answer yourself.

And mind you, you still need me to do all the bloody donkey jobs. So I definitely have the rights to talk to you with my sarcastic mouth and disgruntled facial expressions!

*Attention is diverted to a little crocodile*

Gosh!! The baby lizard is less than 0.5 metres away from the fat bitch’s mouth!! She’s currently asleep with the mouth widely open, still oblivious to the danger the ugly reptile has set upon her. Hahaha….I hope the little crocodile falls into her mouth! *Evil grin*

You're good for nothing!

I typed so much about the others in the previous post but I've totally forgotten to mention about you. You are certainly a great friend in times of trouble...but play is play, work is work. I'm serious and I mean business when it comes to work. It's damn frustrating when you practically contributed NOTHING in an assignment. Oh well, I appreciate your effort of spending hours and hours TRYING to do as much as possible and to use a bloody software but you still came up with nothing.

I thought I could do 70% of the project while I delegate the remaining 30% to you. You did the previous sem's assignment using that software while I used another software. You were supposed to be good at it. After all, it's just a simple step-by-step kind of software. So, I trusted your ability but I guess I was just blind. I shouldn't have believed in what you said. You made me spent a few precious hours sitting there like an idiot waiting for you to explore the software. Oh thank you very much. I almost screwed up my law exam the following day...but thankfully, it didn't happen.

I'm getting tired and sick of your words. You were always saying, "Sorry, I don't know...", "Sorry, I'm not sure...", always sorry this and that. Seriously, I hate hearing all that. I'm already surrounded by useless morons and losers, and I thought I could at least get some kind of support from you in terms of work but I got the wrong plan.

You were always calculative when it comes to completing the delegated tasks. You were always stingy when it comes to printing the reports. You charge every member even if it was only a few Sen. You grumble about not getting enough sleep when you weren't really doing anything much. I was the one struggling to explore and master a software from scratch within 12 hours and finally came up with a superb outcome. I was the one who did the last minute report as requested by the fcuking two-faced lecturer. I thought I could let you do something simple, like printing and binding but I was the one who printed and went to bind the report at the very last minute. So, you tell me....what have you done???

You think I shouldn't be pulling a long face just because I did everything? Mind you, who did the bloody project within 24 hours? Who was the one who sat like an idiot waiting almost forever for your super undisclosed skills to surface? Who was the one editting EVERY single assignments and projects to ensure that everything was ok so that we could get good grades? I've done so much for you and what do I get in return?

I'm not doing all these for charity. I'm merely doing everything for survival's sake. I was desperately doing all the donkey jobs because I can't afford to lose any battle that would leave the final academic transcript tainted. I've got so many plans in mind that I just can't afford to take the wrong step. But, here you are, as a so-called friend and also a self-centred person trying to "kill" me in every way! Seriously I can't help thinking what would happen to you if I wasn't around? It occured to me that you're actually good for nothing!

Surrounded by losers and useless morons

All the while, I thought I’ve been too critical and demanding when it comes to teamwork in assignments and big projects. Now, I’m convinced that I have always been ok, just that it’s bad news being surrounded by brainless assholes. It’s not about wallowing in self-pity now, but I really pity these cowheads coz their brains practically lack everything! Gosh! I was wondering whether there was a corruption or …was there something wrong with the eyes of the officers in charge of local public university entries? Why on earth are there so many losers in a university???

Some time ago, I said I was afraid of unemployment. In fact, I’m still scared of that but I know I’m definitely better equipped with relevant and extra knowledge compared to my peers from the same Uni. So you think I’m a snob for having said that? Hah…you probably don’t know the truth.

I’ve done some sort of observation (without a formal report of course!) and I found the right answers to the high rate of unemployment amongst local graduates. The scenarios:

Bad time managers
I was the leader of a particular project for a subject taken by students from different faculties. As I was selected to head the team, I made it clear from the very beginning that I have always been demanding when it comes to teamwork. So, everything was fine but when it was time to collect the report for the delegated tasks from each member, they kept giving the same excuse. “Can I give you tomorrow?” This is the most common answer. And when tomorrow comes, the morons would keep delaying with answers from “tomorrow” to “next week”. So, what’s my answer to them? “Why don’t you pass your part to me NEXT YEAR after I graduate?” I was not so stupid to do everything for the idiots. I gave them some work to do but when they finally passed their report to me, I threw the whole stack of papers into the dustbin. It was certainly a good feeling to do that.

Oh I have another example. Remember the fat bitch (click to read about her!!!) and her whole battalion of brainless Ah Lians? Hah! They could spend hours and hours doing useless and non-beneficial things like watching Charmaine Sheh crying, playing lousy and boring Java games (I would exclude this if the fat bitch was actually playing Diablo or Quake!), chatting on inane stuff like which TV star slept with which slut and so on. The list of things about them will never end. This is entitled to a new post altogether.

Social loafers
Social loafing is a common phenomenon when it comes to group projects and assignments. They have adopted the “couldn’t be bothered” attitude and would always take things for granted. They’re cooperative but they only contribute 0.05% to the team. So, yours truly and another member needed to do the entire donkey job in order to produce a superb project that would guarantee an A grade. Actually, it’s not about getting a good or high grade. It’s the attitude of willing to learn and explore the never-heard-before software until I master it but somehow, these mother fcukers prefer to shake their balls and boobs. Previously, I would just verbally bitch slap these people (I was that ganas last time!) but now, who cares? I don’t mind doing their part coz I have a higher chance of securing a job anytime better than them! Oh I'm so proud of myself!!

Brainless and zero cow sense noobs
Seriously, most of the students here are brainless. They have no clue of what they’re studying about. They don’t even know anything and don’t even bother to learn. A few weeks back, I was doing a business report on a non-existent company selling rubber-based products. So, condom was one of the products and it was not a big deal. After all, it’s just condoms, duhh!! …but one of the girls in my team was so bloody excited about condoms. I ignored her excitement but when she handed her report, which is the description of products, I nearly fainted! It’s just common sense. Would you include “The five simple steps to wear a condom and prevent pregnancy” into a business report?? Poor girl. Maybe she thought the bedroom secrets of how and when to wear a condom could convince the bankers to invest in our company. She obviously needs some help. This is a classic example of a girl who’s pretty but brainless.

The “I don’t know” and “Die-lah” idiots
Most of those I know think I’m born with the ability of knowing everything. All they say is, “I don’t know lah. You’re smarter, I’m sure you know how to do it.” I hate to hear that. Seriously, if I knew what the fcuk I was told, I wouldn’t be here studying with losers like them! Apart from that, I’m anti annoying idiots who love the “Die” word. Example: *Nudge* “Die- lah!” *Nudge* “Exam is going to start in five minutes’ time!” *Nudge* “I don’t know what I studied leh” *Nudge* “I’m so scared!” *Nudge* “Do you think I’ll fail this time?” That was extremely annoying. I really don’t know how the hell these idiots qualify to enter a university. The negative thoughts will just kill them even before they enter the exam hall.

The enemies of English
The whole university is dominated by approximately 95% of suckers who can’t even comprehend simple English. To avoid doing assignments and projects (My faculty deals everything in English), they use this bloody excuse as an easy escape route. Some would insist that Mandarin is much more important that English. I agree Mandarin is a beautiful language and is important to a certain extent, but are these people plain stupid? Only fools would limit themselves to Mandarin in communication. Oh well, I actually don’t mind doing everything for them but these losers can’t even speak or write in simple English. Added with the mindset of “English is not important”, I really need to congratulate them coz they will never go far. Poor thing. No wonder the unemployment rate is so high!

Snails...
Some of those I deal with are extremely slow people. They're the type who are forever "blur" with zero alertness. So, I can't even rely on them or discuss with them coz most of the time, they can't absorb what the lecturers were saying in class. They don't even know what they were writing about. When you ask them anything, it will usually take about 3.85 minutes for the brain cells to process and decode the message. They're just 24-hour brain dead and....really slow!!

Aimless losers
Again, this is a big problem here. These people are clueless and aimless. They don’t bloody care about anything. They’re practically comfortable with mediocrity. I hear these statements everyday and I seriously would rather talk to the walls than to these numbnuts! “Aiya….as long as I could get a C enough already lah…”, “Just do lah…I’m satisfied just as long as I could pass the test”, etc.

There are more scenarios but I’ll end here for today’s post. I damn bloody hate to be surrounded by all these losers who will only bring negative influences. Each day, I need to block my ears to whatever these morons say just to continuously keep myself strong willed and ensure that I'm heading towards the direction of a self-defined success. It’s tiring but I’ve got no choice. I don’t bother much about course mates and other students who are negatively driven but I seriously cannot tolerate the fat bitch sharing the same room.

The dirty fat bitch is a combination of all the categories mentioned above. Yes, she is that annoying and useless to me. Ever since my tolerance level went below the lowest point, I can’t stop myself from cursing and swearing each day. I really hope her computer would be infected with a serious case virus, worm, anything (OMG! Her notebook just got infected an hour ago!) until the whole notebook is dead and cannot be used ever again. I hope her CGPA would drop. I hope she won’t be able to secure a job after graduation for as long as four to six months! There are more to say about her but this whole thing will never end. I have no choice but to call her stupid coz she can’t even sense anything after two months of hostility. So, she truly deserves to be labeled a stupid loser. Oh I should make it clear and simple. I hate the fat bitch!

By now, you should be thinking I’m such a cold-blooded, childish and arrogant bitch. Oh whatever. I don’t mind you calling me names because I am the one who’s dealing with all these assholes EVERY DAMN DAY. It ain’t easy being surrounded by useless morons and aimless losers. All they do each day is yakking on inane stuff (the all talk no action types), shaking balls / boobs or digging the gold mine but in the end, they’re still getting a piece of qualification called degree! Fcukers! So, I truly have the rights to call them losers because no matter how, I have already proven I am way better and smarter than them!

Gosh! The length of this post proves how irritated I am with those suckers and losers, especially the fat bitch! To be continued....I’m off, ciao!

Pretty?? Hahahaha...

Does our mood get influenced easily? I was out with a group of friends and I was quite shocked when one of them suddenly cried because she had just broken up with her boyfriend of seven years. Seven years of investment is really something. Wasted.

I sort of got influenced also when she shed tears. Can't help it coz I could really feel her. Hmmm....but once I got home and checked mail, the mood got better! Haha. Thanks to this mail I received. Now, I could really convince myself that I am so much sought after and won't die if I were to end everything with that donkey. Hehehe.

hello
My names Mr.xxxx xxxxx . I life in TURKEY. My taller 1.73 cm. I havy 65 kğ. I a musleum.
I liked you. Are you being friend with me. Your piçture very beautiful. The maleysia is very good.

Come to TURKEY. Guest become. With you,make friends,want. You are very beautiful.

I am an emloyee. I am earning 1000 USA dolars. I want to visit in malaysia. with you ,meet want.

I will miss you. because you are very very very very beautifull. you, in love ,say.
Please ,me write.

Please .....

Healthy stay......


Mr.xxxx xxxxx in from Turkey

Erk...he probably need English class but who cares? This mail sort of made me feel something different but I don't think I'll reply him. Too bad. I'm not discriminating but it's just that I'm not in the mood to play around with peeps like that. Heh! Poor guy.

Oh gosh! Am I really so pretty? Hahahaa...

"Play hard to get!"

I think I got the right answer to the bloody question in my head. All the time, after doing or deciding on something, I'll usually spend the next couple of days thinking about it, whether it was a blunder or the right thing to do. Am I the only one doing that?

A few hours ago, I was out with that bugger and the question just came to mind out of the blue. Has it gotten so deep that I cried over this donkey face? Heh! (He really looks like a donkey to me now! Since he has totally forgotten about my blogging habit, I'll continue calling him donkey! *Grins*) Was it a big mistake to reveal 80% of my emotional side to him? Hmm...maybe it is really a blunder. He was obviously so proud of himself that a pretty babe shed tears because of him. Gahhh....It was so annoying to see the over-exaggerating smirk when he kept saying, "Still crying? Sorry baby...Don't cry already ok...hehehe." I wasn't even crying when he said that. Idiot. From now on, I really don't know where else to put my face each time I see him. GAhhh....

Anyways, I got the answer to why we always do something and doubt or regret after that. The answer is pretty simple. When it's difficult to get something, we desperately want it. When it's easily gained, we have the "couldn't be bothered" attitude. So, my advice is, play hard to get. HAhaaha. This concept is applicable to both male and female, and also to any situations. It's just like when I couldn't get something I want, I'll put in more effort just to get it. And, after I got it, I would either treasure it, or regret because I actually don't want it that much. This is a common human attitude of not wanting to lose. Does it make any sense?

Oh yea. That leads to the answer for another question. I don't think this current relationship has gotten that deep yet....maybe. Erm, it's good news actually coz at least I won't be depressed because of this donkey face again...but I guess, it won't kill to say I like this donkey too! *Grins* Oops. I better stop here coz he would definitely smile from ear to ear, and might probably be bloated to death if he ever reads all these! Sheesh!

It's Mrs. Cakap Banyak again

**Riiiiinnnnngggg Riiiinnnnnggggg**

I was still in Dreamland when the house phone rang non-stop.

*Looks at hand phone to check time...grumbles..."Which idiot calls at 8 am?" Grrr...*

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mrs. Tan? I ....bla, bla, bla....yadda, yadda, yadda..." Mrs. Cakap Banyak yakked effortlessly without knowing who she was talking to. (Bad telephone skills!)

*Blur*

"Auntie...auntie, mum has gone to work!" I stopped her from mumbling.

"Ohh...then is Mr. Tan around?" she asked.

"He has gone to work too. Is there anything important?"

"Are you sure? I'm talking about that Mr. Tan who works at company ABC at Road 123...." she asked something stupid and continued mumbling.

"Auntie. Do you think I know my father better or you know him better?"

She suddenly feels a bit stupid for having asked such a moronic question early in the morning and quickly changed topic, "Oh hehe...Ah Girl you came back from Uni? No class ar?"

Just to be polite, I entertained her pointless conversation for a couple of minutes.

"I'm back at home coz I'm having my mid-sem break now. Auntie, is there anything important that you wanted to tell my parents?"

"Oh nothing lah. I just made some cookies. So, I called to ask your mother to come over and get it."

"That's all? Okie, I'll tell her when she comes back."

"Remember to tell her yea. Remember. You must remember yea!" she kept reminding me as she probably thought my brain has a smaller capacity compared to hers.

"Ok. I call her NOW."


This is not the first time. Mrs. Cakap Banyak is a very nice lady in her early sixties but she has a peculiar habit of calling people early in the morning just because of cookies. There was once when she called on a Sunday morning just to ask which type of dish is suitable for someone suffering from constipation. Weird lady.

Besides Mrs. Cakap Banyak, mum has many other friends with funny characters. Some like to call early in the morning and some late at night. Some of them are super-irritating while most are super-friendly. Sheesh. I wonder how does mum tolerate her friends? I hope she doesn't become like that one day. If not, she'll probably adopt the style of calling me early in the morning just to ask irrelevant things like, "Girl, have you washed your panties?"

Mysterious and unpredictable

I can't stop thinking I'm a fussy bitch now. We had a long chat on MSN and over the phone yesterday night but I could just sense a temporary relief. I really don't know. Am I being too demanding?

I feel much better just because I've already cleared everything in me. I've done my part. I just poured everything out and it's none of my problem or business anymore. But, I'm still not contented coz I'm not born with the ability to read people's mind. I don't get it. You're just too mysterious and unpredictable. Gahhh...I have always been so obliging and now, is that too much to ask for? What do you want actually?

Even though you gave assurance that it wasn't the way I thought, I still feel it. The mixed signals are really killing me. Oh yea, you need not be so surprised coz I could actually be this sensitive. Whatever. Seriously, I was thinking if I only get the physique and not the heart, why bother to continue? If it's only a one-sided thingy, why bother to continue? I've done my part by emotionally revealing myself, telling everything you should and shouldn't know, so I think that's it. I don't want to bother anymore. I don't like to force people. After all, it's useless. I don't beg for attention and love. That's just not my style!

You probably still want to continue the game while I've already ended it. If that's the case, then I reckon it's best to end it once and for all. Simple isn't it? At least it saves time and I won't flood the house anymore. And it won't hurt that much and it won't kill our friendship too. Am I being too realistic now?

Damn. Men are really weird creatures!

Lose face or lose him?

"You rather lose face or lose him?" That's what my cheemui said when she called to comfort me a few days ago.

I thought of it...and seriously, it's not so much about losing face or losing him. I really don't know. We're both equally stubborn. So, that's the reason to why I don't even know whether he's dead or still alive and vice-versa. We don't even bother to do anything to make things better. I waited for his call and he waited for mine. We're that stubborn! Nobody wants to lose but this ain't heading anywhere...

I always have this habit of making things clear. Whether the game has ended or not, I still prefer a clarification from the other party just to make sure. So, I messaged him and it seems that the whole situation wasn't that bad. The other day, the state of being emotionally unstable sort of influenced me to screw things up. I was suffering from emotional slump while he was in a bad mood due to unforeseen circumstances in business.

He made me angry and at the same time, I pissed him off. Just because of pride and the stubbornness of not wanting to lose face, we just ignore each other. Silly. Since I've done my part and said everything out, I hope everything's fine now. Whatever it is, the game has ended on my part as it has already entered a new phase unknowingly. The rest is really up to him coz I always let a man make the decision. Like I mentioned in the previous post, whatever the decision is, I have nothing to lose coz I've already done what I should do. No regrets.

...but there's something bothering me now. He accidentally found out that I have a blog (thanks to my big mouth!) but he doesn't know the exact blog address yet! Gosh! I'm dead! Just hope that he forgets it by tomorrow and I need not tell him about this place! Hehe...and OMG! I don't know where to put my face now coz he knows my eyes were "raining" non-stop like a tap water! Gahh...this is so embarrassing! *smiles sheepishly* He was surprised I could be this weak and sensitive. I'm equally shocked about myself too coz I was never like that. Hmm...weird discovery!

A heart made of glass

A girl's heart is literally made of glass. It's fragile...but at times, it could be hard or soft, all depending on situations, whether it's a good or a bad one.

So, what if a girl's stuck in a neither good or bad situation? I tell you....it's worse! Her eyes would be swollen because of the neverending tears rolling down her cheeks. (Goddamnit! The tears just won't stop! This is so unbelieveable!) A situation that she can't control anymore until her parents notice the tears and all that. See? That's not bad enough. There's more.

The girl would start to convince herself with all sorts of bloody reasons and excuses when she began to bombard herself with millions of unanswered questions. "Why isn't he calling? Oh he's probably busy with the new project again and also the Bangla workers...or maybe he's too tired until he has fallen asleep again....or he has fallen sick again...or he's occupied with the family due to filial piety, etc." What else could she do? A career-minded yet family-oriented man is like that. Nothing can be done!

She would do anything to make herself feel better. She would try to make herself stronger and hate the idiot by listening to Bon Jovi's You Give Love A Bad Name. She would get adequate attention from other men and this at least proves that she's still attractive. The extra attention she gets reminds her that she won't die without this one as there are many other eligible ones out there. She would try her best to forget everything but the problem is left unsolved. The idiot doesn't even know what's happening and she should be hating him but after some time, her heart would just transform into the soft mode again when it actually shouldn't.

Is it really that complicated? Oh well...I was chatting with a male friend the other day and he said, "Guys are stupid. We don't know what you girls are thinking about. Just say it out and tell him." So are you guys really that stupid? GAhhh... Don't you get it? Don't you know that something's wrong somewhere? At times, you would call four to five times a day as though you can't live without yours truly, making me feeling like a prized possession. You would tell every single thing in your life, from the lazy Bangla workers to the Ah Lians you saw, your dogs, projects and even the underwear colour! At other times, you would just disappear without any news for one to two days, which makes me thinking whether you're dead or still alive! This is getting shitty. You come and go anytime you want. It just makes me feel like a solid waste!

In these 22 years, I've never really celebrated my birthday because I just hate it. People never seem to be sincere enough. So why should there be a celebration on the day I turn a year older? My family usually forgets my birthday and would often compensate with belated or early birthday gifts. Never mind. I'm big enough. I don't need birthday celebrations. This time everyone remembers my birthday, even my family... except the idiot. I don't think he knows it too. Never mind. I'm not greedy over anything from him. After all, the feeling of being a non-valuable trash has been embedded in yours truly. So does it make any difference? Nehh...

Luckily I still have a bunch of close friends. I was moved to tears when two cheemuis called all the way from Sabah to wish me and cheer me up. I was so touched when my Uni friends came all the way to Penang to celebrate my birthday, albeit a day earlier. I was happy to receive SMSes from friends who reside in other states and also other countries, from as far as UK. I was glad the previous one called all the way from the neighbouring country just for a simple "Happy Birthday" wish. Thanks a lot! You guys mean so much to me.

While battling the emotional slump, some peeps became morons at the wrong time. This course mate of mine made me uncomfortable when he said, "I don't mind spending some time in Penang because I'm accompanying a gorgeous lady like you" Euuuuwwww! It feels disgusting when someone says that kind of thing especially when you're already in a bad mood. I could digest what he said if he was another date or any potential fishes. Yucks! Apart from that, I was utterly surprised when some morons who disappeared ages ago because they thought I was boring and ugly came back with fake sincerity and wished me "Happy Birthday". I wished I could be happy just because of those wishes.

You know...sometimes, it's just so tiring to keep comforting myself with stupid excuses until I started reminding myself that I probably deserve someone better. I always believe there's someone better out there. After all, I started this one with a "game" mode. An unexpected one. I never thought it would go this way. And now that the mode has been unknowingly changed into feelings, it's really time to decide. It's a choice of either to end or to continue and whatever the decision is, I have nothing to lose....so we seriously need to talk but before that, I need to investigate whether he's dead or still alive!

Birthday tears

A few minutes ago, I turned a year older....but it feels like a normal idiotic day. I went 101% emotional, teary-eyed and my cheeks were all wet. Nothing happened, no arguments, absolutely nothing...but it just happened while I was on the line with him. I cried on my birthday? What the fcuk??

He thought I was angry because of one thing, but I wasn't....that's just a secondary issue. In fact, I was angry because of another thing but he just couldn't understand it. He kept apologizing without knowing the root cause of the problem. Men are weird creatures!

And I really don't know why the fcuk tears kept flowing down my cheeks! Has it gotten that deep? If not then what the hell is wrong with my eyes? Oh I finally managed to unblock the tearducts or something? Bloody hell. It's fcuking irritating when everything happens at the same time! I'm emotionally unstable. I'm bleeding but not dying yet. I just can't stop my eyes from shedding tears! I feel the pain in the heart but not diagnosed with any heart complications. All these happened on the same day, of all days on my birthday! Bitch!

Oh shit, I suppose everything will be ok once I put it to an end! And that will only happen if my bloody eyes don't "rain" when we both meet up tomorrow! Oh what a memorable birthday! Fcuking shit!

Anyway, happy birthday bitch! Please be reminded that I'm only a year older but not an old ugly auntie yet!

A bright and inspiring day

It was 5 in the morning, on 9th August, a few years ago. I was very excited even though I wasn’t the main star of the day. Everyone at home woke up early, dressed smartly and looked forward to the grand occasion. It was our family’s first big event, and my parents and I were obviously very proud of it. Bro was just cool and calm.

“Nothing big deal…it’s just a normal day” he said but he certainly looked stunning in that big “coat”.

We left home at about 6am, but we were shocked to see a big crowd of peeps who reached there earlier than us. Bro really looked great even though his big “coat” made him looked a bit like a professor or anyone similar. While waiting for Bro to enter the main hall, I saw many others who donned the same robe. Everyone was in a cheerful mood, with their hands full with bouquets of flowers and gifts. The grand event itself was truly an eye-opener to me, as I was merely in my teens, still schooling. I felt some kind of weird feeling. I could feel the people’s happiness there and that made me congratulate a few nearby strangers. Hehe. I was an insane teenager…or was that just a lame trick to strike a conversation with cool and smart looking guys? *Grins*

“You’re not allowed to enter the hall. I can only bring in two guests, so mum and dad are going in with me,” Bro said it when I desperately wanted to enter the extremely large hall, which is full of “smart” people.

So they went in, and I was left alone. After some time, I received a call from my cheemui and she said she’s somewhere near the food stalls. I had earlier invited her to join me on that big day and she came! *Oh, that was very sweet of her!* Anyway, we went to tour around the big place, from building to building, and saw many different faces. After some time, I heard an announcement.

“The event is going to start within minutes. Family members and friends are invited to watch the “live” ceremony at Lecture Halls F, G, H and I”. I went into Lecture Hall G (If I’m not mistaken), sat there with my cheemui and some snacks we bought from the outside food stalls. After a while, the grand event started. Everyone in the lecture hall was amazed with the number of peeps in the main hall.

After some 30 minutes or so, I saw Bro on the big screen! OMG! He looked so yau-yeng on screen! Haha. Kitaro’s Reimei could be heard clearly when Bro walked up the stage, alone, to receive his scroll from an old wise man who looked like Dr. Sun Yat Sen with a “penguin suit”. The song sounded like as if everyone there who donned the robe in the large hall had fought a long way, battling the “war” and challenges and putting in lots of effort just to be awarded the scroll of honour on that fateful day. The whole scene of Bro being the centre of attention, with more than five thousand pairs of eyes glued at him only lasted three minutes, or the most five but I was truly amazed with it. I was so proud of him that I became teary-eyed. (Erm, that was a tad exaggerating…maybe, yours truly was just too emo at that time. Heh!)

From that moment, I kept the scene in the brain, and vowed to enter a university (not any colleges out there!), to go through the same big event Bro experienced, to wear the big robe and mortarboard, and to make my parents proud again. Nobody understood why I felt that way. Neither did I (at the beginning) but I knew it later on and reckoned that it wasn’t a bad thing. Until today, I’m glad that the inspiring scene is still very fresh in mind and it has so far stimulated me to do what I’m supposed to do. And, one thing for sure is that my turn would come, very soon. I’m definitely looking forward to it. It could be just an ordinary day to anyone, but to me, it’s a special day that brings feelings of accomplishment and derives enormous satisfaction when my folks glow with pride.

Anyway, I’d like to congratulate some of my friends who have recently graduated. Wait for me…I’m next! Hehe. And thanks Bro, you’ve always been an inspiring figure even though your gila-gila character sometimes drives me nuts! =)

*Listening to Reimei, by Kitaro*

***I just attended my close friend’s convocation ceremony a few hours ago and OH MY GOD!!! The excitement was really killing me! Even though it’s not my graduation, I could feel the intense excitement as though I was the one graduating! Gahhh….First, I saw a family friend’s daughter in her graduation robe. So, I told myself I want to wear it too. Then, it was Bro’s turn. I vowed to wear the robe no matter how. After that, I got envious when I saw seniors wearing the “big coat” when I was still in Sem 1 and Sem 3. I kept asking, “When is my turn?”

Now, it’s my close friend’s turn!!! And what about me? I’M NEXT!! Woohooo…Before I knew it, the time would come really soon and I’ll be posting my graduation pics all over this blog! Hahahaha…Oh I can’t wait anymore!! *thinks… “what am I going to wear on that day?”, “what about shoes and hairstyle?”, “what type of flower would I be getting?”, “will tears of joy flow freely?”, “I’m going to miss my friends!!!”, etc.*

Gosh! I’ve gone crazy again. I’m off! Ciao. *Logs off while still smiling to herself*

My two close friends in Uni. *Sobs* I'm going to miss her!!

Need a boost for self-esteem?

How often do you look at yourself in the mirror and see your own self-image, internally and externally? I do that quite often. It’s a habit I guess. At times, I do get annoyed and angry with myself. At other times, I would try to view myself from many other angles and this practice has some sort of benefits actually. You’ll love yourself more if you ever found anything interesting about yourself. Think about it.

Recently, I took almost an hour to scribble down some personal dreams, ambitions and goals for the next couple of years. I’m not going to copy-paste them here as they are truly very personal, but I’m encouraging you to do the same thing. I’m convinced by Zig Ziglar’s method after reading his book. He said, we should be clear of what we want and as we write them out, we eliminate ambiguity…which is very true to me. And the most important thing he highlighted was, the first step in doing almost anything: Taking Action.

Many of us wait till the arrival of a strong push to do something. That is very passive. If you have all the plans in mind, it’s a good thing. But if you’re not making any moves, the plans will only follow you into the coffin when your soul leaves the body one day. The plans are dead. We’re the ones to activate and give them lives, and fulfill them. Sound simple, isn’t it? Easier said than done.

I’ve seen, met and known many people who “kill” themselves each day with the negative thoughts. If you say you can’t do it, it’s obvious you’ve self-perceived yourself as useless and someone who really cannot do it. A good example would be Gorilla. She’s my roommate’s close friend and also her second ex-roommate. Gorilla comes to my room a few times each day and I really hate to welcome a super irritating bitch, noisy, big-sized and a very negative person into my room. (I’ll blog specifically about her next time.)

This is what she likes to say. “Die-lah! It’s almost 12am but I still don’t know what I’m reading. No mood to study leh. I’m a goner in tomorrow’s exam. I wonder I could get a C or not.” And then, she continues yakking on inane stuff.

See the example above? It only indicates that she’s a loser. When you only have limited time left for whichever battle (exams, presentations, interviews, whatever), then you should really fully utilise the available time with maximum productivity rather than wasting your time on negative thoughts. Time is worth more than money and by killing time we are killing our own chances for success. If you keep saying “Die-lah”, then I’m sure you’re already prepared to die even before the battle starts. That makes you a loser even before you enter the battlefield. Shame on you! (I have lots of examples actually. I see and deal with these people everyday in Uni. Perhaps, I should blog about them next time.)

I believe each of us is born with certain abilities and potentials. All we need to do is to search for them, recognize what you’re good at, and polish them. In some cases, we could actually learn the abilities and further enhance our skills. So, why should we limit ourselves to certain things, and put the blame on hereditary factors? If you can’t do something, it’s not your parents’ fault for passing down those genes you perceived to be the cause of your failure! It’s all in you. So, don’t be such an idiot to blame the surroundings and heredity when you yourself are actually a loser!

Anyways, I’ve identified a few (many!) characteristics and concepts that are vital in order to achieve the 18 (more to come) very detailed personal dreams, ambitions and goals I listed earlier. Some are only applicable to yours truly but the rest could be useful to you too. Some of them are actually linked to each other. So, consider applying them in your life and see the difference for yourself. (I’m not joking!)

Remember:

-Learning is a lifelong thing. Knowledge is important. There’s no end to it.

-Always emphasise on self-improvement, self-upgradation and be progressive.

-Always try to fully utilize the potentials you have, preferably use it as much as you can!

-Never be comfortable with mediocrity. Always try to reach the maximum, highest or best outcomes.

-Always put in 100% effort in anything you do. If possible, contribute 101% effort. The satisfaction is there. The outcome would only make you love yourself more. And you’ll also realize that you could actually do something beyond your expectations.

-Always strive for the best performance in anything you do. If you’re not passionate on what you’re doing and are doing it half-heartedly, you might as well don’t do it!

- Once you’re stuck at the comfort zone, you’ll start to slow down. Productivity level will deteriorate. This would only make you feel useless. So, get your ass out of the comfort zone!

-Control your own emotions, anything you dislike could be changed and controlled. Make yourself love something and you’ll do well in it. (Note: I’m not asking you to love someone you hate! Just put yourself in their shoes and be thankful you’re not like that! If you hate certain tasks, make yourself love it and you’ll eventually perform better. I’ve tried this method before and it really works.)

-Patience is virtue. Ignore idiots. Why should you be angry over morons? You’ll only be scarred with negative effects…you’ll age even faster, with premature wrinkles and pigmentation!! Oh no! (No wonder I could still tolerate my “dear” roommate! *Grins*)

-High need for achievement and power. (According to David McClelland) Those are the essentials to climb the corporate ladder.

-Identify the opportunities that come knocking on your door and grab them. Don’t miss the chances and regret later. Nothing is more satisfying than succeeding in the opportunities you seized.

-Always self-reward yourself for personal achievements. It’ll spur you to go further the next time. It’s a simple concept of positive reinforcements.

-Internal locus of control. Believe in yourself. Invest in yourself as you’re just like a high-priced stock! It’s all in you. Kill the devil in you and you’ll be on your way to achieve whatever you want.

-Only do beneficial things, as whichever non-beneficial things you do, they’ll only leave the negative impacts on yourself. It has nothing to do with other people. It’s all about you doing things that favours or destructs yourself.

-Money speaks. You’re just being realistic, not materialistic because you earn it with your own effort. Materialism only applies to those who crave to be supported with materials from another person. There’s only one word to describe them. Useless.

-Avoid naysayers and negative people. Just as long as you know you’re positively driven, ignore them. (No wonder I’ve avoided and ignored so many people all these years!)

-Everything lies in your own hands. You either shape it or destroy it, your choice.

-We don’t plan to fail, but we fail to plan. The planning step would be useless if there are no actions taken.

-Admire successful role models that bring positive strengths.

-Avoid saying “no” or “I can’t” before you do anything. Substitute with statements like, “If others could do it, why can’t I do it?”

-Be self-disciplined and strong-willed. Stick to the rules and principles you set for yourself.

-Perseverance. Must be determined to do anything without deviating from the goals you set.

-Proper time management. Plan your time and prioritize so that you won’t end up doing non-beneficial things until you become a useless piece of shit or a pure loser.

Wow. This post is too long already. I’m off. Ciao. Have fun playing with those concepts and get your self-esteem boosted! =)

S-T-U-P-I-D

Some people are just so stupid. What the hell is wrong with these people? We’re all born equal, with the ability to think but they chose not to activate the bloody brain cells. Whether they’re born stupid or not, I have no idea!

Do we really need to make ourselves extremely clear each time we talk to anyone? Gahh…use your common sense, duhh! *Knocks on the head* Hello?? Where’s your brain?

Any Tom, Dick or Harry knows that when we desire something, we need to earn it. Put in some effort, sincerity, cash, whatever just to get what you want. Nothing comes easily and there’s no such thing as free lunch! It’s universally understood, yet there are people who can’t even comprehend simple things like that!

Life is just like business. We often deal anything and come to a compromise with a win-win solution. Don’t be a self-centred coconut! Everything should be done to the advantage of both parties. It’s just like, you buy something from someone, he gets your money, and you get the material he sold. It is as simple as that but some people can’t even understand it. If you’re solely thinking for the benefit of your own stinking ass, then I suggest you pack your bags and take a trip to Pluto!

I wonder what’s the use of the brain when one is not utilizing the given intellectual ability. Gosh! No wonder there are so many stupid peeps around!

Never ending enthusiasm

Is there something wrong with me this semester? I started with the idea of getting another degree (I’m still thinking about it…maybe next time…it’s never too late to get it), MBA (I’m going to get it no matter how! It has been a long-term plan since I knew the abbreviation!), then got myself obsessed with the idea of getting trained abroad, and now, it’s the next one.

According to a book I recently read, I’m categorized under the number aptitude dimension (apart from a few other dimensions) under the main subject of human intellectual ability. Since I’m good at numbers and I was always good at accounting back in Secondary School, I’ve decided to include another extra qualification into my resume.

A few years ago, accounting was one of my options and I even had plans of working at the renowned PricewaterhouseCoopers or Ernst & Young after graduation…but somehow, I failed to convince myself. Dealing solely with numbers and always working at the same department were the two reasons why I didn’t want to be an accountant. So, my close friend went on with ACCA while I opted for Form Six. We went on separate ways and she’s now in UK, spending the final few months of studies before graduation!

I actually have interest in it (I still do?)…or maybe I would say it’s a special skill I acquired while desperately struggling (Was I really struggling? LOL!) to get an A for Principles of Accounting back in Form Five. Anyways, I got crazy again and have decided to take three UBS exams (accounting, payroll and stock control) the next semester. These external exams, which are offered by the faculty of accountancy in collaboration with UBS, require a special software for book keeping records. Since my academic transcript lacks accounting subjects, I’m equipping myself with these external certificates. And what are my reasons for doing that?

1) I’m afraid I can’t get a job (Of late, employers discriminate graduates from local public universities, even those with good grades and excellent communication skills. Bad news.)
2) I thirst for achievement and knowledge. I believe I can learn and do anything I want, just a matter of effort and determination. I’m born to learn and it never stops. Learning is a lifelong thing.
3) I’m obsessed with the idea of being a multi-skilled and multitalented employee. I’m an ambitious freak remember?
4) …Can’t be bothered to think of any other reasons. Refer to the first one.

Oh, I’m such an enthusiastic person when it comes to things like these! When I’m older, I’m so going to love myself more and be thankful for what I’m doing now! Hahaha...

Never shit at the place you eat!

That’s a very famous saying which is usually applicable at the workplace but now, I’m reminding you that it’s also applicable in other places, like where you study.

Ever came across any colleague or course mate who treated you in a “different” way? I’m sure you understand what I’m implying here but I would like to remind you…It is not appropriate to build any kind of “extra” relationship with those peeps because it is just similar to the case of putting piles of shit on your bowl of rice!

Before you land your ass in hot soup, you better think twice before you even start to dream of it. Recently (In fact, it’s been months…since early this year but I ignore it), I detected a course mate treating me differently. I thought he was merely extra-friendly, but no…that fella did quite many things to qualify himself into my radar.

I’m not bragging about this but it is really bad news. It’s true that we girls love the feelings of being chased after, the additional attention and all that, but this is definitely a different case. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to give the poor friend a wrong signal, which could land him a temporary excitement. I could see that he’s a good guy, but too bad, it’s not advisable to drag a real friend into the game….well, I know that sounds a bit weird but that’s just my style. It’s a bad idea to drag a friend into the netting, then after some time, you hurt him, and that incident would put an end to the friendship. After all, this friend doesn’t qualify a few vital criteria also…so, it’s useless to even consider him…

Over the past few months, I’ve been constantly reminding myself so as not to give him the wrong signals and it’s been a very tiring task to do. Sometimes, I’ve got no choice but to regularly mention that I go back to Penang very often because of Mr.Current Date. (Which is quite true…hehe…but it sounds so wrong to me that I need to announce to him and some other friends about my reason of going back frequently. I don’t like reporting to other people about my life, remember?)

Some female friends actually think I’m stupid as I could “use” this male friend to do certain things. Even though he sometimes really willingly helps to do certain things, I don’t think it’s appropriate to “use” a friend. This is just insane. Oh come on, don’t tell me you believe I should give him empty hopes and wrong signals so that he could continue helping me to accomplish some tasks? No thanks. It sounds so cheap! I would rather depend on myself.

This friend of mine is indeed a good guy, but during one of our recent conversations, I indirectly told him that it’s impossible because I’ve always preferred an older man. I saw disappointment painted on his face but I’m glad we’re still friends. At least, the comfort stage of this friendship is not spoilt as we could really talk on anything, from work to dreams, gossips to horoscopes, love to sex, everything.

Other than this course mate, I’ve actually detected a few other friends on my radar over the years but I avoided them, and gave all sorts of funny signals just to make it clear that it was impossible. If you knew it’s not going to work, why bother to try and destroy the comfort stage between you and your friend? It’s better to prevent it from happening than to test the market. Or else, you might even lose the friendship and it would only hurt both of you. See how difficult it is to maintain friendship and how much it means to me?

I may not be a person who has a high need for affiliation but once I regard you as a friend, I really mean it. So, heed my advice and never shit at the place you eat! Don’t simply play the game with a person if you knew he couldn’t afford to play it. Otherwise, you’ll have to risk your friendship with that person, leaving your image tainted. You get the idea.