Five star hotel vs Private hospital

Ever wondered what's the difference between a five star hotel and a private hospital??? I've stayed at both places before and if you were to compare their bills, you're going to get a big shock! Do you know that a one night stay at a private hospital is much more EXPENSIVE than a five star hotel???

The 6 advantages of staying at a private hospital instead of a five star hotel (if you're renovating your home and had to stay elsewhere, etc. etc.):

1. You have a "slave" to collect all the outputs from your body.
2. You get to see pretty girls in uniform.
3. You don't even need to move an inch of your body just to get the TV remote control.
4. You get the best and fastest service all the time just by pressing the emergency bell.
5. You get to eat six times a day.
6. Refer to the previous five.
   

So, take a pick. Which is better??