If there's a remote control of which you could use it to either rewind or fast forward the time, which would you prefer? To rewind and turn back time or to fast forward to the future? Ok, I know this question sounds silly but it came to my mind out of no where.
Well, I thought of it and decided that I would choose both (yes, I'm a very greedy person! Haha). But, before I click on the "fast forward" button on the remote, I would like to turn back time. There are certain things in mind that I should really do.
While chatting with WL and D at the lovely beach area just now (Oh, don't be a chicken shit, there's no tsunami in Penang ok!), I suddenly realised that I should be out with a few other friends if there weren't any kind of misunderstanding back then. And it struck me that I should really contact SL and
SI again. I kind of miss them too.
We had confusing, uncontrollable misunderstandings back then due to political issues that happened when we took over as the Girl Guides society's new office bearers. I wasn't really an active one compared to SL but somehow, the previous leader made me her choice of successor out of the four of us. Initially, I was really reluctant to take over as I knew the Leader's position itself would be a threat to my friendship with the rest. But, she told me her decision was final and persistently assured me that I had performed well and had a perfect character (really?) for that post. She said I shouldn't let go the golden opportunity as everyone had been eyeing on that position. She insisted that I should demonstrate a good leadership example to the juniors. And I did but at the same time, I was really worried like hell that SL won't bother me anymore. Each time I made decision, I seek her advice as she has more experience than me in Guiding.
Somehow, the gap between us became bigger as we were on a different path. She was in Science stream while I chose the Arts or Vocational stream even though I was offered a place in her class. It's just too bad that everyone has stereotyped the Arts or Vocational classes as those specifically meant for students with lower grades or the gangsters of the school. Yes, I mixed with gangsters, weirdos, monkeys and many other types of students during my last two years of secondary school before I entered Form Six in another school. I'm glad to say that I made the right choice to be in that class. Those funny and noisy fellas were really crazy and friendly but by some means, I lost many other friends.
Some made all kinds of rumours about me. And because of those rumours, I had different kinds of misunderstandings with many peeps. But, the one that hurt most is (Yes, it still hurts) -- I lost in the battle to save my friendship with SL. She listened to the other devils and would rather stare at the wall than to look at me in the eyes when we discussed about our Girl Guides activities. Ever since I left that school to do Form Six in another school, we went on separate ways. And the last time I saw her was during the Form Five Prom Nite about four years ago. Out of nowhere, I thought of her when WL mentioned her name. I think I should send her a message or something but I'm still contemplating whether I should really do that. I almost sent her a birthday message last year but I chickened out. This time, if I really want to contact her, I got to find her email address. *thinks*
Then, it's SI. We first met and chatted when I was still a little girl at the age of eight. She went to the Science Stream together with SL while WL chose the Arts or Vocational class. Just because of some kind of childish misunderstanding in the uniform society, SI didn't like talking to me. I must say that human temptation or greed over power is strong but this is not the main problem. She ignored me for no reason when she had another weird misunderstanding with WL. She thought I was on WL's side when everyone was gossiping about the hottest rumour in school -- the underground relationship between WL and SI's oh-so-called-very-sweet boyfriend, M. Well, I wasn't being judgmental and in fact, I even helped SI and M when they were on a rocky relationship. Both would call me and SI even cried over the phone when she heard about the rumour. I offered my humble advice and did all I could to help that dear friend but somehow, things turned upside down. I can't remember when she stopped talking to me. We both (me and SI) went to another school to continue Form Six but I realised the ugliness in our friendship. We were both wearing masks each time we spoke to each other. We were very fake and pretentious but the other new students were oblivious of the masks we had on. After Form Six, we didn't contact nor meet up. It's so sad that I lost another friend due to some kind of foolish misunderstanding that shouldn't have surfaced! And, I reckon whether I should send her a Christmas card or not.
Besides SL and SI, I "lost" many other friends too. They might not be close to me but they had some kind of bad impression toward me from the very beginning. Just because of some dumbass who spread lame rumours about me, many
idiots fellas, both male and female avoided me. They thought of me as the cunning dictator that would sacrifice friendships just to fulfill the demand of power and popularity. Doesn't matter. I just ignored them even though life could be quite miserable during those times. There were many other types of rumour surfacing at that time. I was called stupid just because I mixed and laughed together with my new classmates (monkeys and gangsters, etc.) in the Vocational class. Being ugly or nerdy has its own drawbacks too. And I can't do much if people keep thinking that I'm such a lousy person or whatsoever. They thought I was not fashionable, not pretty, nerdy, quiet and boring (Yes, I think I am really a boring person! LOL!) this and that. It was so obvious that I appeared invisible (to certain peeps) all the time as they (those who believed or spread the rumours) would chat with anyone who stood beside me nonchalantly without realising my existence. And because of all those things they once said or done, I didn't have the chance to form any kind of friendship with any of them, let alone relationship, etc. So isn't it unfair to label yours truly as a stuck-up bitch when she ignores all these so-called acquaintances?
So, I was thinking. Should I contact back all those so-called ex-schoolmates who once treated me that way??? *Looks at pics in Friendster* Maybe, I should contact SL and SI only. And I ponder whether I would welcome the so-called ex-schoolmates with open arms if I stumbled upon them one day. I'd be delighted to add more friends into my current circle but are they really sincere? I bumped into a few ex-schoolmates before but I just ignored and walked pass them. It wasn't about being a coward or not. I could say "Hello" easily to anyone but is there a need to do so?? Many claimed that they saw me but I was labeled as too snobbish just because I didn't greet them. But, logically thinking, I needn't greet any of those
idiots immature fellas. I was like, "Hello???? Why must I greet you when you probably didn't even notice or know that I existed!" *sheesh*
Oh, am I out of topic?? Gee...those I said would best illustrate what's in mind right? Well, you get the idea. So, I was saying I would choose to rewind and turn back time. Thus, if given a chance to travel back to the past, all I wanted to do is to prevent or save my friendship with both SL and SI. I would not take up that post in our society. Besides that, I would very much prefer not to meet this
person. Even though it's all over and I eventually learnt and grew much mature *ahem*, it's still a scar somewhere in the body where the blood is pumped. Maybe we could still be friends or something but I guess everything has been planned or fated. (What?? I actually believe in fate now?? *sheesh*)
As for the "fast forward" button, I would definitely be excited to click on it. Oh come on, don't tell me you don't have any curiosity as to what or how things would be like in the future??? A fast forward function that could transport me to the next four or five years would be great. I'd be working by then. Yay. No more jungle life!! Haha... *starts dreaming*
