What has happened and What is going on...

It's almost two months. I thought I won't be blogging anytime soon (which means that I have nothing bothering me...), but then again...lots of things are clogging my brain until I could hardly breathe, at times. Here's a short update on what has happened and what is going on.

What has happened

November - I took a week's break and went on holiday with my family. We went to HK, Macau and certain areas of Guangdong Province in China. Everything was great, especially the part when I totally forgot what day and date it was while touring around those places.

I attended two job interviews, so far. Hopefully, there's more coming. I know economy is bad but please see below for further understanding.


What is going on

Current job - it sucks. I know I am complaining again. Initially, I thought there's something wrong with me since I keep complaining about my job. I thought it could be some kinda attitude problem or phobia with the work place....but I was wrong. Everyone is complaining about it. Everything you can think of about the company is wrong. See below for the list of wrong things!

No SOP - if A is reviewing the report, follow A's style. If B is reviewing the report, follow B's style. If Bodoh is reviewing your report, follow Bodoh's style. And each report has to go through 3 rounds of reviews by 3 different reviewers, which mean that I MUST change my report for at least 3 times before a report is sent to the client. Stupid right? NO standardization at all. Next time who to follow?? I will follow my own style. -.-

No OT claims BUT they want you to do everything in a short period of time (Pao Sua Pao Hai Pao Ka Liao). Sometimes, we even need to bring work back to do, but they say... "you have no initiative. You must work harder".... HOW? Do until die?

No quarterly bonus. I understand that the current economy situation is bad...but the bonus that I'm talking about is on a quarterly basis. When they hired me and my other colleagues, they have promised us on the quarterly bonus - but there's none at all. Even for the past quarter when we actually HAD lots of business and they had promised us that there WILL BE bonus but in the end, the management just gave us a stupid excuse. "We actually don't know whether there will be bonus or not" Top management but can't give a certain answer? Mana bonus?

Punctuality. If I'm late for an hour or so, I can understand if the management were to ask for explanation. But, they will always ask at the wrong time. "I noticed that you were late for 2 minutes on 5th, please explain" TWO minutes....

Communication. To be honest, each time when I enter the office, it feels like entering a cemetery while the other zombies and robots who are glued to the screen are tombstones. They hardly move. They don't talk. We are not allowed to talk. We can only communicate via Skype. And when I really talk to my colleague, I must whisper. If the management see me walking to my colleague's place, it means that I have no tasks to do and I am very free. That has resulted in yours truly becoming very talkative once I leave office. I talk non-stop when the bf calls. I can't stop talking the moment I enter my house. I never stop talking each time I go out for lunch.

Leave system. The definition of leave is one is away from office to tend to his or her personal matters. And that obviously shows that the person is unable to complete her task on that day itself. Unfortunately, the company (or maybe just the manager) has problem in understanding the term "leave". When I was on leave for a week in November, that fcuker had allocated a case (means I will need to do a report for that case) to me. Each case normally has a turn around time of 2 weeks but the due date of the case was a day after I come back from my vacation. Isn't that stupid? How can I complete the whole big report (research, analysis and compilation) in just two days' time when I actually need at least 2 weeks to do? Now that shows you one thing. There is no relevance in applying leave. Afterall, I will still be getting work. Why still need to apply leave?

Discrimination. The company prefers people of darker skin, particularly those with something sticking out from the groin area. They don't like and will discriminate people with "holes" and also those of fairer skin. If you're a lady and you have fair skin, sorry but the management (particularly the VP) won't listen or talk to you. Move aside.

Career progression. No chance at all coz after this level, you can never go anywhere. You are stuck at where you are forever, so long as you are still attached to the company.

Turnover rate. Very high. That tells you why I am actively searching for a job elsewhere even though deep down in my heart, I knew that it's going to be difficult due to the economy crisis.

There are more things to talk about the company....but right at this moment, I could really feel my blood pressure rising. I'll keep you posted on other things about this company coz innocent fresh graduates should NOT be fooled by such company. I entered the company with job experience...but it feels like everything (my job experience, educational background, other skills, etc) is put to waste!

Job applications - My previous and current job have really given me a wake-up call to my future. I thought it over and over again and I am still thinking. Which is the right one? Choose the type of jobs in the industry you're interested in OR any type of jobs that can feed you at the end of the month (even though you may not have the interest)? Even though the question is vital, I guess I'm not given the luxury to choose also since the economy is going downwards. Previously, I got scared of the industry I was in and thought I won't be going back to it. But now, it's ironic. I actually feel and want to be back to where I actually belong. Will there be a chance? Times are bad but I am not giving up!

Thoughts of the future - I was on Facebook a moment ago. I saw a few familiar names on the People You May Know function. Again, I saw ex-schoolmates (some not so close) who are doing well in their career. Some in other countries. People have gone so far and achieved so much, what have I done to myself thus far?? I know I have mentioned this umpteen times and I know I shouldn't be comparing but I can't help thinking, why people can do it and I can't? (Of coz the comparison cannot be based on the fact that they were born with a silver spoon in the mouth and I'm just a very normal average one....but, that could be the factor...)

The New Year (2009) - This year is coming to an end. I haven't done anything much this year. But, I have lots of things set as my resolution for the new year. I am determined to achieve them. I want them to happen and will make sure things go that way! Watch this space!

Were you ever torn between your career and relationship?

I still haven't really gone through that stage yet. Even though I don't wish it to happen, but I guess such a question will sooner or later pop up to anyone of us. Don't you think so?

I actually went for an interview this morning. I'm not going to reveal any details unless I really get the job. I have high confidence and feel good with the job. BUT, there's something else bugging me now. The CEO who happened to walk pass the room where I was being interviewed by the COO, had came in to ask some questions...those kind of questions that girls normally dread to answer.

I wasn't really shocked with those questions but what he said had taught me a good lesson that I will meet those kind of people who will really ask such idiotic questions if I were to get this job. Apart from those brain-teaser questions, both the bigshots of the company had asked another question. Even though I (and my other half) have never seriously talked about marriage yet or even on when it's going to happen, even blind people would know that a couple who is in a relationship will sooner or later settle down and build a family together. The interviewers had actually asked whether wedding bells would ring anytime soon. Of course I said no, but their response had actually made me somewhat...erm, shocked.

Oh well...now the title of this topic has really dominated my brain cells! Before I applied for this job, I had really hoped to get their call. And when I got it, I wanted to attend the interview as soon as possible to grab the opportunity. But now, I can't deny that I am actually a bit confused, especially after that interview session. I knew I did quite well in selling myself during the interview but then again, hmmmm....

Bad luck day - where is the parking attendant?

Friday was a bad luck day for me. Here's what happened:

I woke up late that morning coz I can't sleep the night before. It's been like this for weeks. :( Then I got stuck in massive traffic jam coz of faulty traffic lights at almost every road I used -.-

Of all time, my stomach decided to start spinning like a washing machine. It felt more like I was having a sudden diarrhea and needed to go and explode the toilet IMMEDIATELY. But, I was stuck in jam, remember? I can't move or go anywhere.... Just imagine, your ass sudah mau pecah, and you were stuck in a bloody jam for almost an hour!

And when I finally arrived at office, I clocked in, left my bag and immediately disappeared -> toilet. BUT, the bloody cleaners who were supposed to clean the loo at 7.30am each day suddenly decided to clean the place at 8.30am. -.-

So, I went down to Level 2 (cannot access Level 3's toilet - only meant for employees from company M) and YES! "I'm finally at heaven!" I thought. After the explosion, I suddenly realized something. How come there's no tissue here? I checked my pocket and luckily I had one. Only one miserable piece of tissue in my pocket! And when I flushed, it felt like the whole toilet was going to collapse. Water just gushed out like a fountain! Luckily only the bottom part of my jeans got wet. I left the bloody washroom immediately.

I went back to office and started on my work. Another bad thing that happened was, the China analyst who collaborated with me on yet another (private) investigation report had sent me a pile of shit. As Friday was the due date for submission, I only managed to have lunch at 5pm after I cleared her mistakes and done almost everything!

I was supposed to go back early on that day to attend a friend/ex-colleague's farewell buffet dinner but I had to stay back until 7pm for a stupid review on my report. When I finally left office, it was again....very jam coz it was a Friday! Grrr...

As I was already late for my appointment, I drove back as though I was driving a F1 car. I reached home, got ready in 5-10 minutes and rushed out of my house again. The buffet dinner was supposed to start at 7.30pm but I only managed to reach there at about 8.30pm. I hate to be late...! Got stuck in jam again lah...grrr

I thought I was very lucky when I found a parking space exactly opposite the hotel. I parked along the road side and ran into the hotel. After the dinner, it suddenly rained heavily (with thunderstorm, lightning and strong wind, like tsunami was coming!). I couldn't go out to get my car, so I asked a friend to fetch me to where I parked.

I got all wet, and the next thing I noticed was...my green color parking ticket that was left on my windscreen was already torn. The parking attendant had left the ticket there, and it rained and the ticket sudah jadi hancur kecai! Gahhhhh!! As it felt like tsunami was coming (I parked along Gurney Drive), I quickly drove back...and everywhere was flooded! My little car had to swim through to get home.

When I finally reached home, I couldn't find any where to park. So, I parked outside at a nearby road which was poorly lit and it was still raining heavily. I got out of my car with an umbrella and tried to find the torn parking ticket (with the hope that at least a portion of it was still there?). It was that time that I heard some idiots whistling. I turned and saw a BIG group of foreign workers coming my way. Nearly went gila, I locked my car and ran back towards my house under the heavy rain. -.-

Everything just went wrong on that day. Until today, I am still unable to find back that parking attendant. -.- And I will soon be fined for not paying for the parking ticket. Grrr...memang bad luck!

A wake up call from the future

A few minutes ago, I purposely entered a social network website and sent an ex-schoolmate a birthday wish. While on her profile page, I noticed her profession, her photos, other details, etc. I suddenly recalled our days when we were still schooling and very much confused on which path to go. We went on separate ways and both are graduates now, but there's difference between us....

It's not about benchmarking but I couldn't help thinking why she and many other friends (of the same age) have gone so far in their career path and yet yours truly is still struggling here, not knowing whether she had entered the wrong industry. It's not that I'm having a terrible life but it dawned on me that, if back then I had insisted to do things my way and of course if money wasn't an issue, I would be a somebody (professional job ler....not easy!) today. But then again, the "what-if" could never happen again and I could never ever turn back time to do what I was supposed to. What I can do now is to change what I have in mind today for the sake of my future. Hopefully, it's not too late for me to start on a path that would lead me to where I should be going to.

This time, I am going to be persistent on what I want, no matter how difficult the path would be. It's been a tough experience and decision to make. I had always considered the feelings of people and every other issues around me. In the end, I forgot about myself. Time is running and age is catching up, I don't want to miss any opportunities at my age! I have decided to do something for myself...just for myself this time, for the sake of my future.

Decision made

It's been a week or so that I haven't had enough sleep. For the past one week or so, every morning, the moment I opened my eyes till the time I closed my eyes at night, I kept thinking. I was even thinking when I was asleep (I don't think I was really sleeping also). I thought of the whole thing even when I was driving, in the shower and at office.

I had considered so many factors before making this difficult decision. Even though I am 95% sure of the decision, the remaining 5% depends very much on the opportunities. I'm hoping for miracles to happen. I knew the path ahead is going to be very tough, but I will still proceed and continue to walk through it.

I shall keep you updated again.

It is still the same after so many years

Each time you open your mouth and say the hurtful things, it is so heartbreaking that I could almost instantly dig out my heart and throw it back at you. If you hate me so much, why didn't you just kill me when I was young? WHy not leave me at the roadside and let other people feed me???

All these while, no matter what I do, I CAN'T please you at all. PLEASE tell me what else I can do to PLEASE you!! You said I don't listen to your advice, I change...and I listened BUT you said I am still not good enough for you. You complained that I never share my future plans with you, so I shared and what do I get in return? Support?? Nahhh....just a pile of bullshit from you saying that I won't survive in my plans, I will die, die and die. You already looked down on me from the very instance I tell you my things. IT IS VERY HEARTBREAKING, YOU KNOW???? So, am I really SOOOOOO stupid to keep telling you my things since you never even bother to listen??? It felt like I was talking to the wall!!!

No matter what I do, you will just complain! You said I never bothered about the family. BUT WHATEVER DECISIONS I MADE IN THE PAST AND PLAN TO MAKE IN THE FUTURE, I HAD AND STILL CONSIDER ABOUT YOU. SO please tell me, am I stupid enough?????? My money is not valuable enough for you? My money is made of shit, huh??? Oh fuck, I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY. Even if I have to slog to death in life, I don't even want a single sen! I don't understand why you old people keep saying that we are just like those in the bloody drama...that we are just waiting for you to die to get your money. Oh PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING. I am telling you, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING!!!!

The more you treat me this way, the more I will go against you. This is definitely not an adolescent rebellion but it's about how you treat people and how you want people to treat you. back. Whatever it is, you can continue to self-regard yourself as the king and think of yourself as the greatest, the best, the perfect person in life, I don't want to care anymore! I am damn fucking tired with all these. TIRED!!! It's been 20 over years and it has never change at all. Not only tired but also VERY disappointed!

This is not just disappointing but also humiliating! You always complain about others but never bother to look at yourself in the mirror. You are just the same like those you complained about. You have that kinda mentality as well! LPPL! So, since I am so much hated, I know what I need to do. Just give me some time and I will not be staying here anymore!

Birthday girl~

I thought this year's birthday is going to be a plain boring one. Since you're not around, I knew that apart from reminiscing the sweet moments we had on my last birthday, there's nothing much about today this year.

...but when I suddenly receive a bouquet of flowers at office, it feels so much sweeter. Thanks, dear! My colleagues told me something funny after I received the flowers. I was seen beaming from ear to ear like a small kid. Hehe. :P

~Lovely~

Between your job and money

Time flies! It's been a month since my last post...

The other day, while talking to my family members, I suddenly recalled something. Back then, I had wanted a career, the kind of job that would give me the much desired satisfaction...the oomph (I'm a workaholic, remember?)...and IF I'm really very much into the job, I actually don't mind so much about the pay. But then again, I have gone through the first job and am in my second one now. What I've learned and can say now is, we need to be realistic.

I guess in reality, having adequate source of income for a comfortable and secure life sounds much better than getting a "good" job (please define how good?). Well, that tells you why I will soon be even busier than now. I will definitely focus more on my part time financial services job from now on. And oh, in case you're curious or are interested to know further about letting your money working for you, you can always contact me. :)

Remember the difference of, you working for money and money working for you.

Ciao. Take care.

Of plans and disappointments, and the vicious cycle

Sometimes, I do wonder if I'm no longer bugged by problems or questions (with no answers), will I still be updating this place? I think you probably won't see me blogging ever again. But then again, life is life and here I am, feeling puzzled again. -.-

You know, sometimes I find life rather funny. When you plan for something, and are dying to do/get it, things just won't happen the way you want it to be. And at times when you never thought certain things would happen, it just happens. Isn't it ironic?

At times, I would leave the so-called plans behind me and just walk along the road to whereever it takes me to. But somehow, I would be left puzzled (again!) when I accidentally bump into or meet certain people that reminds me of myself. And it would be like, "Hey! This is what I'm supposed to go through...if I were to continue with my plans. Should I proceed?" And, the plans come back...(including the excitement of course!) and the headache comes along...and I can't find the answers and can't make the decision of whether to proceed or not. -.-

...Or maybe I should give myself another one year or so? Erm, if not mistaken, I said that back in May or June. So, it should be another 10 months or so? Hmmm...damn...got too carried away with the neverending plans again. And when the time comes, the plans won't go as planned and I will be left disappointed and will definitely naik gila again. Gahhh...it's a cursed cycle!

S.L.E.E.P.Y

Help!! Damn sleepy in office....especially after coming back from lunch! >.<

ZZZzzzzzzzz...

The mood fluctuates like share market

Waaa....I didn't blog for 3 weeks already? Time flies!

I was not really busy but just that, I don't have the mood to blog. Sigh. These days I have to have the mood in order to blog. Seems funny coz back then, I just seem to blog on anything, everything on almost everyday.

Anyway, just to share a bit on what I did in my past three weeks. I spent a lot of time with my other half and it still feels like it's never enough. Perhaps, we need MORE time together. Oh yea, I went to KL with him 2 weeks ago and to Genting with his family last week. Tiring but definitely had a great time there.

Oh by the way, today I'm suddenly here...updating my blog coz I just feel very weird today. I had the "Leave me alone, I don't feel like talking" mood today. I didn't talk much at work. I don't know whether it was because of the monthly visits or just purely bad mood...but there were really LOTS of things in my mind. The whole brain felt like rojak and I can't stop thinking. Well, like I once said before, when you can't seem to find the answers to the things in your brain, it gets really frustrating! Grrr...and the last thing you want is to be disturbed!

The real stalker surfaced

Ohh...so, the guy I mentioned in my previous post isn't really the real stalker. Oh well, he turns out to be really extra friendly and that's all about it. Or maybe, he was really intending to be one...until I shared my excitement about my bf. Hehe.

During my initial two weeks of training, somebody told me that another person is eager to know about my status. I didn't think a person's status could be that important and all these while, I have never boasted about having a bf or whatsoever. Well, at least not until I found out that there's an idiot in the office who has been asking colleagues (those who are closer to me) about my personal things, e.g. how deep is the relationship between Tiramisu and her bf?

It's like, "WTF? Whether I'm close to my partner or not, what has that got to do with you? You found out that I have a bf and am in a STEADY relationship. So, what's your problem? Why still ask so much about my bf? Stop being a fool and respect other people! Just buzz off and leave me alone! I hate unwanted attentions and I don't need all that... -.-"

That idiot asked lots of things about my other half and he kept trying to strike a conversation or ask me out for dinner/lunch. I really hate this kind of guys. If you knew someone you like is not available anymore, then just let your hope die off. Just leave that person alone...in peace! Please respect yourself and others!

Just because of this idiot, I had to go around and spread the news, "Hey...you know...my bf this n that..." (which I normally won't do...) and even had to change my Facebook's status to "Engaged" and because of the status thingy, my bf cannot stop teasing me.... >.<

Of stalkers and the extra friendly people

It's been a long time since I met any stalkers. This time, I wouldn't say this guy is into me...maybe not yet. But, the problem is...he's damn irritating. -.-

Initially, he was categorized under the extra-friendly category but somehow, I have just registered him in my potential stalkers list (A list of those to be avoided). It all started when that guy kept sending me annoying messages via Skype (we use it in the office, usually to discuss on cases within the team...but thank God, he's not in my team! Phew!). E.g. "How's Nemo?" (I've got a Nemo pillow at work), "Nemo said hello to me just now", "Wow, you're so yellow today" (I wore a bright yellow top the other day), "Are you sleepy there?", etc. Well, I can entertain all that OCCASIONALLY but I totally tak boleh tahan if people kacau me with such pointless questions daily. It's like...Hello?? Why so childish? Grow up!

To me, those questions I mentioned above sound very much like, "Ehhh...you're eating rice ahh?" or "Oh...you're going to toilet to shit?" I mean...if you knew the answer, why proceed to ask stupid questions? That will just make you look like a fool, no? Like I said, I can entertain these funny questions once in a while but not when I'm busy! I mean, if you didn't get any reply, then just tell yourself that the other person is not free and just shut up lah... It is as simple as that.

I thought I was the only one that thinks he's super irritating, but when another senior colleague told me how much the whole office hated him...I actually felt much relieved. At least, I am not the only bad person that felt annoyed with his presence. Hehe... Perhaps, I need to find some ways to ward off the idiot. I totally cannot tahan sticky-annoying guys that can never understand the meaning of busy and personal space. Mengganggukan.

Having more time for myself

Ever since I changed job, I managed to find more time for myself. Hehehe.... Now, I have the time to go swimming, at least once or twice a week. I could focus on my financial services part time job. I get adequate sleep. I can do so many things. I don't have to worry about my machines and rush here and there like a mad girl anymore. Not bad eh?

Erm, the only thing I'm not comfortable about this new job is, I've to be in front of my computer the whole day. Maybe, I'm just not used to just sitting at office without moving about (like my previous job). Hmmm... maybe this is also the reason why I don't online that often anymore when I'm at home. I mean, I've been staring at my computer screen for 9 hours at work, do I still want to strain my eyes when I get home?

Ohhh, there's something worth mentioning here. In just another 4 days, my other half is finally coming back!! Can't wait to see him. :)

Higher cost of living

There's something very wrong with today's rising cost of living. The other day, when the new petrol price was announced, I did not join thousands of gila people to queue up at the petrol kiosk to feed my little car. I certainly did not need to do so as I had just pumped petrol two days before the announcement. However, when I went to the petrol kiosk a few hours ago, I nearly fainted!

I used to pay only RM 50 ++ for the petrol and now, guess how much I need to pay? It's bloody expensive!! I paid RM74 just now! Idiot. RM24 may not be a huge amount but I could really feel the pinch now. *Ouch* The price of petrol is definitely going to shoot up again and with our current income, it will never be adequate!

Just imagine, the price of petrol has gone up, the price of food (at certain places) have gone up, and many other things are much more expensive than before, BUT there's one thing that remains....your salary. How come our source of income does not go up, following the trend of rising prices? Grrr.... There are so-called incentives or rebate plans being discussed and announced, but will all these really help??? Hahaha... I doubt.

Gosh! I guess, there's a need to speed up on the financial services part time job and buck up on my financial planning skills for survival's sake. *Sweats* Are you not worried??

Oh anyway, I have officially finished the 2 weeks training at my new workplace. I have even received my first two cases today, and the reports must be submitted by end of next week. I guess, more and more cases are coming in on Monday. Anyway, I didn't know there are so many companies that would pay so much to investigate on individuals and other companies' backgrounds. Heh...it feels like I'm a private investigator now, albeit for professionals and business purposes only! Haha.

As we grow older...

As we grow older, do we often do weird things or act in an awkward way? Lately, I noticed that I no longer enjoy going online for hours to chat with friends and also the so-called friends. Of course I am still keeping in touch with my other half since he's currently in overseas but I just don't have the mood to waste my time to chat on MSN anymore. I don't even have the mood to "entertain" certain friends either via email, MSN or Skype and also through phone. Just wondering whether I am acting weirdly or is this just a process of growing up? Hmmm...

Apart from what I mentioned above, I tend to ignore lots of unnecessary things also. A good example would be, pointless gossips. Perhaps, I am much more comfortable to act this way, acting weirdly and ignoring unnecessary things...especially when I am in the middle of deep thoughts. Ahhh....call me the weirdo...whatever you want....I just don't care much these days. :P

Anyway, just a short update. I have started the new job...so far, not much comments yet. I'm currently still undergoing training. I'll have to take some time to determine whether I would be happy in this new industry.

Last week, I went to KL with my family. This time, we drove ourselves there, with the help of a live-GPS (me!) and Nokia maps as well as Garmin (the real GPS maps...hehee). But somehow, both Garmin and Nokia maps were kinda stupid coz we still got lost a few times around PJ area...but, it wasn't too bad. At least, we manage to find our way back to the hotel. In fact, we have visited quite a number of places and even drove all the way to Puchong to visit a family friend. Not bad indeed. We are definitely going to explore other places more often since we have a good reason to do so - GPS maps.

Come what may

Ahhh....the exam is finally over today and I'm now a part time consultant on financial related products / services! Ahem! I took about a month plus to study the thick notes but I guess it's well worth it.

For the past one month or so, I spent most of my time studying and now, it feels so weird. I am so free...but not for long. :( I'll start a new job next month. Though I don't really like the job, ohhh...what the heck, I'm still in the progress of seeking a career change and this new job can temporarily help me to feed myself (while allowing me to focus on my part time job) and hopefully, I can find the kind of job I want and get myself focused on that path later on!

Hmmm...whatever comes your way, embrace it while slowly traveling / climbing towards where you prefer to go...

Walking in dreams

As I was listening to some "old" songs, browsing through a folder where favourite pictures were kept, I suddenly realized one thing. Time is catching up, but there has not been any big progress since then.

The dreams remain dreams, and all that can be done at the moment is to take a stroll in those dreams as they seemed so far away to be reached. Well, it's agreeable that proper planning, determination and patience could bring one, step-by-step nearer to his/her dreams. But what a minute, didn't I just mention about timing? If it is the wrong timing, or there's no whatsoever form of financial support, the carefully laid-out plan is as good as useless.

See? Reality can be cruel. Perhaps, it's not a bad idea to continue taking short walks in the dreams...(and maybe can continue planning?). Well, at least you still have dreams and there are things to look forward to!

As the cold-blooded side greets you

I always get very pissed off when strangers, idiots, unimportant people, etc. know detailed updates about my life. I mean, don't these people have better things to do than to fart around about other people's life?

It really gets on my nerves when we bump into certain people and they start to ask, "Ehhh....you're still jobless?"; "Why don't you try the graduate re-skilling scheme (GRS)?" "Why don't you accept your uni's offer to study PhD?" (FYI, I recently received a special offer to pursue PhD...not bragging but just erm, to keep you informed...) Well, thanks a lot for being oh-so-caring! But I need to stress that this is the umpteenth time I'm repeating that I am jobless by choice! I resigned from the bloody job because it was my own decision that I wanted to spend some quality time for personal reflection, to reconnect with my inner self and to further position myself, particularly on which path to tread, what to do next, the career path, some personal plans, etc.

So, you got a problem with my decision? Like I said, it's my own choice. Not that I can't find any jobs, in fact I found a few already but can't I choose suitable ones? Do I need to report every single thing to everyone around me? Oh yeah, regarding the "superb" suggestion of signing up for GRS, I think it was a rather stupid suggestion. Why do you think I need to attend GRS when it was my own choice to resign from the previous job? I'm not saying GRS is not good but it's meant for FRESH graduates, mind you! As for the PhD offer, are you nuts? After completing the PhD, where will I be? Which company is so stupid to hire a PhD holder who only has as little as a year's job experience?

Honestly, I won't be this angry if there's no support or whatsoever. I don't need all that. But, when rumors or stories started circulating, I get really VERY pissed off. If you have no intentions of extending any support or guidance, it's fine but please don't open the mouth and simply talk about me. Don't you have any other better things to do or any other better topics to yak about? I just hate to hear all sorts of third party funny stories about myself, and those stories often come from unknown people, distant/never-heard-before relatives, etc. Somehow, all those stories are negative things about me...why so?

What is the real meaning of love and care when one does not support, guide or the worst...does not believe in your ability or looks down on you (in a way or another) during your lowest point in life? I'm afraid I have to admit that it's been this way for years and this is how I push myself forward to prove to people like you that I can do it!

Cheesy pick-up line?

Ever been in a situation where a guy (obviously a stranger) keeps looking at your direction, suddenly walks up to you and says "You look very familiar..."

Yesterday was Mother's Day. So, we went out for dinner at a buffet style restaurant. While selecting my meal, I noticed the chief or captain of the restaurant kept looking at me. I ignored his stares and continued to walk. He approached me, smiled and recommended some special dishes and insisted that I should give that dish a try. I thought he was just being friendly. I just smiled and went back to my table to join my family. Nothing happened yet.

When I accompanied mum to get some desserts, he was there again. This time, he reminded me that there was a photo taking session at the corner of the restaurant, which is specially organized in conjunction with Mother's Day. "Hey...remember to take a photo with your mum there. You could probably win the contest" he reminded.

Before leaving the restaurant, we decided to take a photo with mum, not to win the contest but just for the fun of it. While waiting for mum to select the photo she likes, that guy who was standing quite near to where I stood started talking to me again.

"You look very familiar, you know. Not sure whether you still recognize me?" he said.

Looking puzzled, I said no coz I really can't remember knowing a guy like him.

"Still remember the petrol station at....?" he asked.

It turned out that this guy has actually seen and talked to me before. It was about a month or two months ago at the petrol kiosk near my house. That time, his car was next to mine and I was clutching a small bag with some money and my hp inside when he saw me. He had warned me of the danger of snatch thieves at the petrol kiosk. Just a piece of friendly advice.

Somehow, it appeared funny that he could still recognize me after one or two months. I can't even remember anyone I met one or two weeks ago! I mean, how often do you recognize total strangers around you, especially after a certain period of time? Bleh...

Losing something within yourself

I was listening to some "old" songs, or rather those songs that I used to listen to while in my first or second year in Uni. These songs remind me of a few things.

1) I can't believe how fast time flies. Not that I feel old but I kinda miss those times.
2) Over the years, I have sort of lost a special kind of feeling or 'power' within myself. It was more or less like a powerful internal strength that motivates and gives a positive boost for one to reach her desired goals. Am I still on board, heading towards my dreams since this feeling or internal strength has sort of deteriorated?

As the self-reflection process continues, it somehow feels as though my current self have lost contact with the old me. The current me feels like a stranger when she recollects some of her past experiences. Though the sad or heartbreaking stories/issues should be left in the past (which I successfully did...and I'm glad about it), there are still certain things that should be brought to the future. A simple example is the strong internal strength that I mentioned earlier.

Back then, nothing seems to be an obstruction. Though there were many obstacles to endure, the journey has been fruitful and the experience was all worth it. I must stress again that it was that strong self-motivation kinda feeling that brought me through it. But today, I am sad to discover the current me has actually lost what I used to have...or maybe it has gone down, and it is obviously much lesser than what I had.

"How can I find back that strong powerful feeling?" Hmmm... I have been thinking of this question the whole day as I reconnect with my inner self. Perhaps, I need to take another round to search back my old self...

Silly questions

We've been 36 days apart since my other half left to go overseas for work purpose. It was initially scheduled that he will only be there for approximately 70 days...but I expect the project dateline to be extended, probably to 90 days or even more. Hmm...Oh well, life goes on, as usual...but just with a missing piece in life. Heh!

At times, it does feel weird when friends or family members ask me stupid questions about us. I mean, how would you answer if you were me?


Example 1:
Mum asked me a silly question just now. "Aren't you scared that he might have another gf there?" >.<

Some of my friends have also asked me this question upon knowing his absence. So, I gave the same answer to each of them. "If a guy could fall easily for other girls, then you should just dump him and get a new bf instead!" Don't you think so? This applies to girls too. Well, I guess it depends on whether one is trustworthy or not...

Example 2:

During a recent outing, a few friends asked, "Do you miss him? Did you cry?"

I know they care for me but somehow, I did not answer them. I mean, that question sounds a bit stupid to me. How am I supposed to answer them? "Ohhh yeah, I miss him to bits! The 6 hours difference is killing me and each day feels like a week and each week feels like a month???" -.-" I wouldn't wanna over-exaggerate. I just can't bring myself to saying that line but it does feel that way though...

Great Thai food @ Bukit Genting, Penang

Last Saturday, 11 of us became addicted to Thai food. We met up at about 6pm and headed down South of Penang island to try one of the well known yummy Thai food. Our South bound journey was somewhat exciting as none of us knew how to go there. With some directions given by a friend through the phone, we made our way there and managed to find the beautiful place.

The Thai restaurant is located at the hillside between Teluk Kumbar, Balik Pulau and Gertak Sanggul. I must stress that an experienced driver is needed to maneuver the car up the steep and narrow road. *Sweats*

Panoramic view seen from where I sat (before sunset)

The perfect moment when the sun sets

I wanted to show off the food, but unfortunately, I didn't manage to take any pics of the great Thai food. (Too hungry until cannot think! >.<) Anyway, if you intend to go there, you must not miss the Tom Yam soup. It's one of the best that I've tried!! See below for the short overall review of the Bukit Genting Thai Restaurant.

Price / budget: Quite affordable (11 of us had MANY types of dishes and it only costs approx. RM2xx ++)
Ambience: Kinda romantic, would be suitable for couples! But, like our group of friends, this restaurant can be a perfect place for unusual gatherings or dinner plans. :)
Service: Friendly waiters/waitresses.
Toilet: No worries....it is clean!
Parking space: Not a problem...but please make sure your car is in good condition and it can go up the steep and narrow road!
Disadvantage: Beware of mosquitoes! (You obviously can't expect a mosquito-free environment when you are in the middle of the jungle/hill, can you?)

A stereotypical community

Lots of people around me, particularly some of my friends and extended family members could not understand why I left the job even before getting a new job. I guess most of you would also deem me as a crazy girl and could have thought that I'm too much of a daddy's little girl character who couldn't suffer, or perhaps survive in the working environment. The impression on me wasn't really that important, but I reckon there's something worthy sharing here.

I may have complained a lot lately, either about the bloody company or the stingy and ego big boss, but the final decision of leaving the company was also due to personal reasons. Well, just a simple situational question to ask before we continue on this. Have you ever felt lost...feeling like there's suddenly no sense of direction in life? It's like, you've been diligently doing your best at work, just continue working, working and working, without realizing that you are actually not happy with what you are doing....and most importantly, you don't even know whether you are on the right track of where you wanted to go (initially) and where you are heading next.

You realized that all these while, you were too busy at work...waking up early to go to office and leaving the second home late at night. You seldom have the time to think for your personal growth or improvement coz when you reach home, all you can think of is the comfort of your bed. I thought taking a few days off will improve the feeling or rather the situation but it didn't help. I have probably overworked for the past one year and have stretched myself exceeding my own limits without realizing it. So, what I needed was a short break. Thus, I decided to put a pause on this journey and stop to ponder on what I have done and what I should do next...rather than continue working blindly, just for the sake of getting some money each month to pay bills (erm, don't get me started on the issue about low salary...!)

What I am not comfortable with was the questions most people threw at me when they hear that I am currently jobless. "So, have you found any job? How are you going to survive?" I understand most of them are just being caring and I am thankful for that but what I don't understand is why most people think that you are doomed when you are not working for other people? I may still be searching for a job and also doing something beneficial at the same time (will share with you next time...) but the issue of yours truly not being hired doesn't put a full stop to my life. Duhhh! I mean, can't we think it differently? Chances are, one could also be self-employed or explore more on other opportunities, right?

If you were thinking the same way as 95% of the people I mentioned, then you probably will continue working your ass out, slogging to death at work for the company you are working for, without realizing that you have wasted most of your time to get a small return just to pay bills and debts. The return is obviously important to all of us, but will it ever be enough to you? Are you happy to just continue earning this much till the day your kids greet you? Think again...perhaps, you will manage to find other routes that would further enrich your life, whether making you a happier person or even a wealthier person, that actually complements your current path (if this is the path you want to tread that will lead you to the destination you want to reach). After all, what is life without any improvements?

For me, I wouldn't want to regret and realize at the later stage of my life (when I become an old auntie?) that I have actually wasted years on something I don't like or on something that does not benefit me on the whole. Well, I actually don't regret quitting the job....but just feeling a little guilty! :P So, that tells me one thing. I should just focus on what I am currently doing now and hopefully, the outcome will be a good one. :)

Women often think too much...?

I guess the above title is kinda true, at least to me...for some reasons, and in some ways. Will your partner think of you as annoying if you show too much of care or concern, especially when he's far away from you? I know he won't think that way (I hope I'm right...hehe) but somehow, girls being girls, I don't know why I think that way.

Sometimes, when there's no reply after messages are sent, we often try to convince ourselves that he's probably busy or away from pc (Duhh! He does not need to be in front of the pc reporting everything to us right? I don't think that is the right thing to do). But, we can't deny the fact that we girls are actually worried or scared that he would get bored with the annoying messages and choose to ignore them... We are also worried that our messages would disturb them from work but then again, we still want to keep in touch, to know what's happening over there. I thought I was the only one having this kind of problem. But, when I spoke to a friend on this the other day, she was having the same nightmare too when her other half went on overseas trip previously.

Well, I guess this kind of situations does test one's patience and trust level? He was online, and he did receive my message yesterday. So, why was there no reply? I got a reply this morning when I logged in on Skype... It was his reply to my message but due to connection problem, the message was not sent. Part of the message written: ":( Message cannot be delivered".

So, it's simple. I was just thinking too much (due to PMS again?) and there's nothing to worry about. Solution: Just don't think too much! Hehe...I hope he doesn't have the time to read this... :P

Repositioning

It's been months since I last met or spoken to Joyce. So, we went out last night to catch up on the latest updates in our lives. Apart from our usual family/relationships topics, I was surprised that this girl has made a super fast act to enhance her career path in just a few months' time.

Previously, we have talked about this before and we had even planned almost everything, step by step. But, little did I notice that I have spent the last one year, slogging at work till I didn't have the time to even think or plan for my own path. Now that's what I call stupid! I am so happy and proud of her when she told me she has registered for a processional certification (This is part of my personal plan too...damn, am I too late?), enrolled herself for Masters and she has even obtained a license as a part time unit trusts agent. That's amazing, isn't it?

Well, honestly speaking, I am somewhat ashamed of myself. A year ago, I had a clear plan of my career path and I knew what I wanted. When I started this job and got stuck in the rat-race (in a way lah...), I got all so confused that I lost track of my own path. I didn't know what to do (other than work, work and work! Partly my fault because I was a workaholic?), where to go, where I was heading, etc. I just know, I had to continue working this way, and there will be no end. Most of us think that our boss or even the company would take a good care of our future. Come to think again, is it really true?

Oh be realistic, please! Even if you slog to death in this company, the most you can go is...erm, department manager? That's when your boss leaves or dies....and that's still long time to go (sorry, I am not cursing my boss actually! :P) So, how to progress if there's no plans or whatsoever? I don't know why but it suddenly struck me that it's been very stupid of me to have worked until falling sick, going in and out of the hospital and clinic without getting to grow in what I was supposed to learn, without getting whatever recognition or appreciation and also just for the sake of a bit of money. I don't think what I have gained would benefit my career path, even though I did learn other things that I have never thought of.

So, perhaps the fact that yours truly who is going jobless soon (I am not kidding!) would enable me to really think, think and think carefully and focus on what I have always wanted and reposition myself back to the right track again. In the mean time, I suppose a part time job or a short course of professional certifications would be beneficial...I hope so. Ohhh...I forgot to ask you, any job vacancies? :P

70 days of independence

It's been 15 hours since he left but I still can't quite figure out whether I can live the coming 70 days without him. Have I gotten too dependent on him? I wish I could deny that but I guess we have been too close to each other and since this is the first time he leaves after being together, it's really quite difficult to survive the coming days, let alone the first day itself.

All the while, I thought I could be independent (in fact, I have always been one!). But, this time is really exceptional. The first few hours or the first day of his absence have left me feeling so emotional (Yeah right...Blame it on the bloody PMS!), so blur that I really don't know what else to do. Honestly speaking, I have never expected the effect to be so huge... Could it be due to the long distance between us?

Until this moment of time, I am still trying to get myself acclimatized to his absence, to live without him, temporarily. Damn....now this line sounds so much like Le Ann Rimes' "How do I live without you?" >.< Oh yea...I have totally forgotten to upload my convo pics here. Sorry, but bro has not finished editing the pics but below are some of them. Hope I don't look too ugly in these pics. :P

Oops! I forgot to edit the size of the pics. Please don't focus and search for my pimples! :P Hehehe....only 3 pics for this round. Will upload more in my next post. :) Oh, just to revert back to the initial topic, I suddenly feel so useless ler.... It's only 15 hours ++ of separation, and I'm already missing him??? Just curious, will you feel the same way if you're in the same situation? Hmmm...

A day to remember

The night before the big day, I couldn't sleep at all. Was it because of the uncomfortable bed at the hotel? Or was I too excited? Haha...Whatever lah! I woke up at 4.30am to get ready. By 5.30am, I was still busy putting on make-up. We left hotel at about 6.10am, heading up north to Uni. I was still a bit sleepy but was also very excited at the same time.

The journey there was smooth. I reached Uni at about 7am and quickly ran to a nearby restroom to wear my robe and put on the mortar board. The square academic cap was a bit loose, so I had to use as many as 6 to 8 hair pins just to prevent it from falling off! Mum was with me when I went to the restroom to get ready. I guess she did steal some limelight when we walked pass a big crowd of visitors. Well, she obviously did because she wore a gorgeous kebaya, just for my convocation ceremony.

At about 7.15-7.30am, there were more and more graduands around the Dewan TSO. Bro took a few shots of me with his DSLR before I went into the hall with my friends. There was a short briefing before we all moved to the main hall, Dewan MAS. Hundreds of us were all dressed up in the full attire. We got even more excited when we took our seats in the main hall. There were choir singers, a team of musical instruments players, lecturers, professors, VIPs, parents, visitors, etc. in the main hall.

I had earlier been invited to attend a function to receive the Deputy VC's Gold Medal but I couldn't attend as it was held on a weekday. I was informed that I must wear the medal during convo, otherwise I won't be allowed to enter the hall without wearing the full attire. I was quite worried when the thought of not being able to enter the hall jammed my brain. After sitting at my place for about half an hour or so, the officer on duty came to search for me. I felt relieved when he finally passed me the Gold Medal and a certificate. "Congratulations! Please put this medal on." He told me.

At about 11am, it was my faculty's turn. We walked to the side of the stage, one by one in a line and waited for our names to be called. My hands were so cold at that moment. It felt like I was holding ice cubes! Erm, partly nervous and partly due to the air cond in the hall?? Hehe... When it was my turn, I had the same kind of feeling like what my friends told me. Every graduand will feel it when she goes up the stage to get her scroll of honour. "I must walk carefully!, I must not fall down on this special day!, I must remember to say whatever that I am supposed to say, I should not walk too fast, I must remember to smile, etc." There were many things in my mind. When I was really on the stage, there's only one thing in my mind. "This is 5-7 seconds of fame that I've been waiting for after struggling studying for 3 years!"

It was over within a few seconds but everyone was still smiling. At about 12.40pm, the event officially ended. There were hundreds and thousands of people gathering outside the main hall until I had the difficulty in locating my family and bf. When I finally saw them, it was really very sweet to get a large bouquet of flowers. And before I knew it, I had spent another few hours taking photos with my friends under the hot sun! After lunch, I continued taking pics at certain hot spots within uni, accompanied by bf while my family goes home earlier after a tiring day.

About 5pm, I went back to Dewan TSO and returned the robe to get my official certificates. Within a few minutes' time, we were already out of the university's compound, on the way heading home. I would say it was truly a memorable day but time passed very fast when I was still with my group of friends. I will surely miss all of them...

P/s: Bro is still editting the photos. So, I will only share the photos with you in my next post, hopefully asap. :) Damn, it's 12.30am already! I gotta sleep now. Ciao!

Decision is final

It's almost a month since I last blogged. That tells you one thing. I have been very busy!...but not for long.

After spending so much time to think, I've finally decided to start my journey on a new road. It's been too tiring, mentally and physically torturing to be where I am today. But, there's something else to worry from now onwards. When will I get phone calls to go for interviews? :P Hehe. "What? Are you leaving even before finding any new place?" I know you have that question in your mind. Well, honestly, I myself am surprised with this decision also...but I really feel so much lighter and happier after my boss accepts the letter (that's after 2-3 weeks of persuasion!).

I know I should start worrying about how to pay my bills (erm, not really that much lah...I think) but looking at things on a brighter side, the end of a road is the beginning of yet another road. Perhaps I should feel excited that I will be traveling down another different road that could possibly leave me happy and contented. Who knows?

Oh yeah, there are a few other things that are worth sharing because I am happy about them! I have received a wonderful present on V-day which left lots of people jealous! :P Hehehe... Another thing is, my convo is coming! It's next weekend and my name is even listed on my uni's website! Ohh....finally! I really can't wait for that day to come... :D

**Damn, this is my first time blogging in the office. Let's just hope that the IT dept is not tracking on what I'm doing...

Ribbons for V-day?

Today is the fourth day of CNY already??? Damn it! Why does it feel like the time has had a bullet train ride? Grrr....and the next moment, I bet you know what I'm about to rant. Tomorrow is the first day at work after CNY! :(

The other day, when I saw the bloody director punya muka tebal in the newspaper, really very potong stim....really got my mood spoiled! Of all things, I saw his face on the first day of CNY, and I did feel like a pile of suey-ness falling onto myself. That tells you why I was busy printing application letters and resume yesterday! Hahaha...

Oh anyway, speaking of CNY, there's another significant day in February. Erm, honestly speaking, I don't normally celebrate V-day but I've really got a problem here. I just can't think of anything to buy at all. I am seriously struggling while thinking of any physical things to buy. Damn, if he sees this, he'll be laughing his ass out! >.<

And when you're having such a big headache thinking of gifts to buy for him, you get funny ideas from friends. E.g. Tie a ribbon around your neck and make yourself his present. -.- I might consider this idea only if I've gone crazy. Erm, it's not really a bad idea actually but it just doesn't sound practical....hmmm.

I better go out and scout for something now....or maybe to get the ribbons. :P

Wedding bells?

I was busy with some work when a friend/colleague came over to my department. I was surprised to see him but it was even more shocking when he passed a red/pink colored envelope to me. I just smiled, said thank you and proceeded with whatever I was doing as I thought it was just a CNY card. But, when he continued standing there right beside my desk, I felt weird.

I turned, looked at him and decided to open the so-called CNY card. Ohh...it was a Wedding Invitation...and I saw the two surnames! As I screen through that card, gosh! Why is it so fast???? I quickly said congrats...and continued with my work, pretending as though it wasn't a big issue at all.

It was really weird, you know. Both of them got together somewhere around the time when me and the other half just got started. So, our relationships with each other's partner were actually about the same age....but out of the blue, they decided to get married??? I was like....what the hell? What's the rush? And before I knew it, there were rumours spreading around. Everyone was gossiping about the girl (I know her too), particularly about her stomach which is obviously getting bigger each day.

I'm guilty for talking about this topic among my group too but my concern is, will marriage like this one lasts? Well, it's obviously none of my problem as I am not the bride but nonetheless, I know the couple and the guy is my friend! Is he going to regret?

The story was something like this. They fell in love and half way through, there were arguments and they broke up. Unfortunately, she found out she was pregnant and they decided to get married. The problem is, they were together for just 3-4 months and now, they're going to be together for the rest of their lives? I know love is above all (for some people only!) but isn't it crazy? When you break up with someone, it obviously shows that both of you are not getting along well. So, why still proceed with the wedding just because of the baby? It sounds stupid. Put the responsibility issue aside first...

Sorry lah....I know it sounds cruel to the baby but think of this. Would you rather provide the child true happiness or just make sure the child has a father but cannot guarantee whether he/she is going to be happy? It's just 3-4 months only!!! How much do you know that person? Will you regret? Damn...I guess I have way too many friends who have gone through such situation before and I can tell you that....this guy will regret one day...and maybe the girl too.

Erm, when a couple has broken up but they still get married just because of the baby she carries, it just doesn't make any sense. Truly unacceptable, but nothing can be done anymore. Here's wishing the newly weds happiness and a smooth journey in building their family.

1 decision vs 3 options = big headache

I'm back...

The other day, while waiting for the ultrasound and endoscopy, it really felt like waiting for death. Hehe. Sorry, but it really felt that way! I spent 2 days in the hospital and the result was ok.... Erm, just erosion found on the wall of my stomach, but the pain was way too much to bear, which is why I ended up in the hospital having a thin instrument called the endoscope traveling all the way from my mouth into the stomach! Eewwww... And the only reaction I got from the doctor was, "Ohhh...it's nothing serious!" and he just kept smiling! -.-

Anyway, I'm back at home now....with lots of medicine to take. :( For the time being, no spicy and sour food. Hidup sudah jadi tak bermakna! :( :(

You know, while in the hospital, I really can't help thinking about my options. Well, I had lots of time and there was nothing much that can be done...other than reading my book. While chatting with the aunty beside me at the ward, she was talking about her niece who works in XX. We chatted on a lot of topics and I even gave her my contacts when she said her niece's company wants to hire people.

See? Seems like yours truly is getting more and more desperate! I hate being desperate but the problem is, I am still so bloody confused. Should I proceed? When? Now, next week or next month? Where? Option A, B or C?

I know I've been ranting about the same damn thing for the past one month or so, but the decision still lies in my own hands. What to do now? ...and when I found that I have a total of 194 unread emails during my two days' absence, I become even more desperate and can't stop forcing myself to make the decision! I guess this is one of the drawbacks of being an adult coz I can't remember being stuck in such a situation before. *Ouch*

Blue?

Ahhh...I've finally changed to the new widget template! What do you think? Looks clean and neat huh?...I hope.

The past 3 weeks were pretty bad. Other than being busy at work (as usual... *yawn*), I've been going in and out of the clinic for a few times. Tomorrow, I'll be going for a thorough checkup on my gastric and intestinal problems at the hospital. Let's just hope that it's nothing serious. Hmm...

Oh yeah, another thing. I did mention that I've made up my mind right? Well, yes...but the question now is...when? *Thinks*

The big event is coming soon!

Some time ago, I blogged about the excitement and joy of other people's convocation ceremonies. Below is another similar excerpt I copied from one of my old blog entries.

"Nothing can make me happier than seeing cheerful faces around at the big hall yesterday. It was that grand event again. My Uni holds two convocation ceremonies in a year and this is the second one. As expected, thousands of happy faces could be seen. Hundreds of Masters and Degree holders (students from certain faculties including mine) received their scroll of honour and I was there to share my seniors’ happiness and pride."

Previously, I did complain about having to wait for such a long period of time before my turn comes...but now, you know what? It's my turn to wear that big "coat" to get the scroll of honour, right in front of my parents, lecturers and professors...in front of about 5000 people in that big hall! Hehehhe....watch this space. I will definitely share my joy here when the real day comes - which is some time in March.

:)

The difference between today and yesterday

I can't believe that 2007 has ended! It still feels like December but last night, within just minutes, we had to say goodbye to the previous year and greet the new year with *hopefully* a much stronger faith, with the hope that everything would turn out good. Last year was a mix of good and bad for me. And since 2008 has arrived, I have more than enough reasons to move forward, where I would push myself to progress into the next phase of my life. Well, of course it is easier said than done....but I guess I've had enough.

I was probably thinking too much today. I was physically with the other half, but mentally...I didn't know where my brain went to. It was blank at a moment, and full of deep thoughts the next minute. Of course I was still listening to the things he said but a certain percentage of me was rather too occupied with some issues. (Sorry Dear, I know you got a bit annoyed with that...)

I don't know what's wrong with me but it's been this way for the past few weeks...and the effects have since gone deeper and deeper. It seems like it is getting more and more serious. Perhaps, I already know the answer. I knew what to do already...but when will the actual actions be taken? It ain't an easy task! ...but I guess, it's been dragging for too long already. In fact, I've gotten sick of the whole situation coz I just can't seem to move from where I am and all you see is just the rants I leave here. Gahhhh!!

Oops! I forgot to wish you "Happy New Year" before I start grumbling here. Hehe! Hope this year will shower us with the best things in life.