The cycle is going to end...soon

Aloha! I am back from the week-long holiday. Well, I had a great time at those places except having to endure the irritating unattended calls from idiots...gahhh, and I am back to work tomorrow. Sad case!

You know, one of the many reasons I went for the short vacation was to get answers to some of the questions I had in mind previously. I was busy exploring almost every corner of the places I went to, and at the same time, I was thinking....and thinking....and thinking.

In these 2-3 months, I knew I was actually going in circles and there was no end to the cycle. In fact, I wasn't happy at all as yours truly was not even moving anywhere from where I started. It obviously doesn't feel good when one is stagnant at a place, without any progress or improvement at all. Some people call it a comfort zone but I wouldn't even want to use that term because I am 100% sure I am not even feeling comfortable.

So, I was actually going in circles and I kept wondering when will the cycle end. After so much of deep thoughts, I guess I have a much clearer answer now. The cycle is going to end soon and the next phase shall begin thereafter. This will be what I am looking forward to this coming new year. I hope it won't take too long...

Anyway, I hope it's not too late to wish you "Merry Christmas!" :)

Pirate's attack!

It was a bright day, when you woke up with full of hope. Out of nowhere, you suddenly realized what you feared most (and in fact, you've expected it to happen!) has finally occurred. And the war is about to begin....amongst the same squad of soldiers.

Initially, everything was ok and there was teamwork but somehow, there's a pirate within that squad but nobody notices it. And when that pirate becomes itchy and starts to play politics, funny questions come to mind.

1) How can you say that somebody is not helping in battlefield when he/she has actually killed so many enemies?

2) How can you say that somebody is not helping in battlefield when he/she actually shouldn't even appear there?

3) What's the point of notifying/complaining to the captain or chief about other soldier's tasks when you yourself are actually the problem one who is not doing a single thing?

There are a few more questions but what's the point of collecting all these questions? It is obvious that when the enemies are attacking and at the same time, you have idiotic soldier in the squad, your team has high possibility of losing the battle and this will definitely lower down the squad's morale. But somehow, I guess some people might be too childish and could not even think of simple things like that. Poor thing. Perhaps he/she should go and eat shit (do reverse things...) so that he/she could think back normally like all of us?

Gahhh...enough of politics! 1 more day! Countdown to a week's holiday! Yay...I just can't wait to get my ass out of this place, at least for a while to take a breather. See you in a week's time.

Early x'mas mood

It's only the second week of December and I'm already in a Christmas mood. Haha. Just like a small kid, I just can't wait anymore. I have even applied for leave and should be going on a short vacation to de-stress! Ahhh...this couldn't have been better! Damn, speaking of x'mas, I still haven't bought the presents! Any idea of what to buy?

Hmmm...

Anyway, just to share with you, there will be a career expo at PISA next weekend. If you're unhappy with your current job, or looking for career advancement, or would like to change to a new job or just want to join the crowd, you should be at PISA next weekend. See you there!

A few hours to Monday....

It's Sunday today, and as usual, the mood goes down the drain as time draws nearer to Monday. You know what? This is really a shitty feeling...

Well, I guess I'll just stop here today. No point grumbling about the same thing over and over again. I'll just do something, which is much more practical at this moment - Update my resume!

Take care. Ciao...

Yet another cycle....

It's been 2 weeks since the last time I blogged. Damn! See how fast time flies!

Ever since handling this current project, life hasn't been that good. Each day, it feels like going into a battlefield all by myself (or maybe with just one or two backup members), where I'm trying my very best to put out fire in front and you get idiots starting the fire from the back. So, when can this action of putting out the fire end??? I really don't know. What I know is, I'm really, really very tired, mentally and physically.

I wish I could stop complaining, but what can be done? How long can I continue this sucky work condition? How long do I need to tolerate the trend of having to work till 8~9 or 10 pm almost everyday? *Sigh* I still can't find answers to these questions. It is definitely not as easy as I've thought. I don't know why but I've been feeling a bit weird too lately. I get scared when Sunday arrives, coz I know the cycle will start again as Monday comes. I'm also afraid of phone calls now! No matter what I do or say, it still comes back to the same question, "I'm going in circles, when will the cycle end?"

Having to endure such political situations in the office is already bad enough, but knowing that the other half is also going through similar situations (or worse) hurts me even more. We were relaxing at the beach last night, enjoying the sea breeze under the moon when we suddenly touched on this topic. I was thinking, perhaps we should consider giving ourselves another chance to continue with the current on-going projects, try to be more patient and tolerate the whole situation for the time being. If the whole situation worsens, maybe it's really time to change to a new direction, a new destination....

Trapped!

Today has been a little more difficult even though it was quite "peaceful" in the first half. There were no calls from the noisy customers in the morning, no unnecessary meetings to attend too...but I don't know why I felt like there was no motivation at all, not long after lunch.

What was the cause of low morale at work? I hate to feel this way. I just can't stop myself from thinking of:

"When is my next holiday?" "What time can I go home?" "How long do I need to wait?" "Have I chosen the wrong path?" "When will I be able to 'breathe properly' without any worries about my projects?"

You know what? The more I ask myself these questions each day, the more I hate myself. I know I'm a hopeless over-responsible (erm, I am not bragging here) workaholic, BUT I seriously need a long break. I've been working non-stop since a long time ago...erm, last year (when my final year at Uni starts) and I haven't gotten enough rest since. I am just so damn bloody tired, both physically and mentally.

I am not really complaining about my work. It's just that when I plan to do other things, as in to balance up my lifestyle but I don't have the time to do it, I really get very pissed off! Some time ago or a few posts back, I did mention that I really wanted to do something, to focus on it....to enrich my life but look at me now! I haven't moved far since that day! Grrr....

I am so pissed off with myself now. I hate waking up to a routine life where I have to constantly ask myself, "Can I go back at 6.30pm today?"

I'm really wondering as to how long I can continue with this kinda lifestyle. I'm afraid I have to tell you that...I actually still love to deal with people (coz I am a people-oriented person!) BUT I don't want to work in this industry anymore. It is so tiring to get chased by so many parties each day, especially when you can't get the answer/support from your "weak" team. Each day, you're all alone to defend for everybody. Even if I were to borrow money from the Ah Longs, they won't even chase me until like that! Damn, idiots!

I was thinking, IF I were to consider somebody's offer some time ago, where I get to enjoy each day, driving a nice car and living in a condo without any worries, how would life be like? But then again, if I had taken up that offer, I wouldn't be Tiramisu anymore. Just like you, I will also look down on myself for being so cheap! Bleh....

So I've got no choice, I need to continue working....and I love to be independent. Well, maybe....I really need to look for other jobs that is more suitable?? Hmmm....

Going in circles

Wow, it's been so long already since I last blogged?

Damn...life has been so routine lately, all because of work. Ever since my boss loaded me with a big important project, I barely have any personal time at all. Gahhh....I know I am complaining!!

I've been so busy each day...haih....but here I am today, just blogging a few words just to tell you something. This blog is not dead yet, and so is the owner of this blog! Haha...

Anyway, looks like I can't blog much today. It's time to sleep (this is so sad!). Take care. Ciao.

The opposite side speaks

You know, each time after "exploding" negative thoughts in here, I actually do feel guilty and bad. I mean, who on earth would do/say/type such things about her loved ones?

Well yes, I still love that person who hurt me but I can't deny that I was really very angry yesterday. Anyway, maybe this is one of the many reasons why I am still blogging here. This is the only place where I could let go off all the anger.....

And the good thing is, I have managed to practice leaving all my frustrations and anger here before logging out. So, who said I need to attend anger management class?

Clueless shit that sticks to you

The first thing you feel or think when you reach home should be... "AhHh....home sweet home, I am finally back!"

...but when you really reach home, and all you hear is blah, blah and blah....where somebody is nagging non-stop, and specifically spewing questions similar to that of a trash, you will think of the opposite. "I shouldn't have come back so early!"

I mean, what's the point of going home early when all one has to face is pointless arguments? And, it all comes back to the same conclusion. You can do anything you want all the time, but from your point of view, I can't. (I sometimes feel like a prisoner, seriously!) You can work till forever and come home late, but I must listen to everything you say, even bullshits and I must be back early no matter how. Your work is work, your career is your life, your everything, the main priority in your life, but you always think that my work is made of a pile of shit and I should have dumped everything behind! The worse is, your hard earned money is real money, possibly made of gold! ...but mine is made of rocks! ...it has no value to you at all even though I do pay for my own bills!

You know, it's been really tiring! Until today, I still don't understand a lot of things. I've tried to let all these stupid thoughts go but each time you start to make hurtful comments or whatsoever, it hurts so much that I've become numb to it. When you neglect your actual priorities just for the sake of your so-called important job, outside activities and bitchy friends, I have never complained of anything. And now you're making a big fuss just because I have my own life, lots of work and I am much happier outside? Hahahaa....you're such a self-centered person!

There's another thing that bothers me all this while. You would rather glue your eyes to the idiot box or the bloody newspaper, than to look at me and listen to the things I say....but I keep you informed about my things too anyway. But, you were never interested and have never taken any initiative to keep any records of the things I told you. Oh I forgot! You're always and forever interested in the other person's things only!

You know, I really can't help thinking this way and this thought has been around for a long time .... If I'm much happier outside, shouldn't I be independent enough to feed myself outside, somewhere out there, anywhere??

Lost and found...and back on track again

Some time ago, I got lost in the middle of nowhere...and after taking a break and strolling around for a while, I'm glad to announce that I have found back the trails and I am finally back on track again. :)

Having worked for almost half a year now, I realized how much time I've spent in the office and that I've lost most of my passion...or maybe I should say, everything just went rusty. I was still unaware that I was already stuck in the rat race or typically the vicious cycle of a workaholic, until the time when Dear shared about his interests. Well, much to my surprise, we share lots of things in common, which is one of the few reasons why he appeared different from the rest (Hehehe...I just had to mention this! Anyway, thanks Dear, really appreciate it!).

So, from the long conversations on our interests, I guess I have indirectly ignited what I've always wanted to do again. The passion is back.... Will keep you updated should there be any progress on the things I plan to do.

Anyway, here I come again with my famous quote of "What is life without dreams?" Honestly speaking, think of these questions.... Is it really worth it to rely on your day job alone? How can you survive if something bad happens to you? Are you going to slog at work, at this current job for the rest of your life? What do you really like? Do you love what you're currently doing now? How much are you willing to lose or compensate just to spend so much time in the office to get a decent pay each month?

Erm, I might have asked too many questions but you get the drift. I wouldn't tell you my answers but I hope I could sustain the current enthusiasm to go after what I really want to do....

:)

Invest in yourself

I've been busy lately, but that can't stop me from starting my passion on books again. Anyway, just thought of sharing something I read in the book with you today.

"Change is scary. It takes courage, and often arouses conflicts with the ones we love. That's probably why so many folks stay in the ruts they've dug, unhappily spending a good portion of their days wishing they could get out, but not being able to do anything constructive to make it happen."

"Getting from where you are today to where you'd like to be is rarely a goal that can be achieved instantly."

"To get what you want in life, you first have to make room. And that means letting go of the things you don't want, even though you may have invested a lot of time and money in them along the way. While this is often difficult, the benefits will make it well worth the effort."

When the wind blows...

It's been a while since I last blogged. Well, I have lots of things to bitch about here but the problem is, I've been too busy lately. Anyway, just a short update on what I'm up to and everything around me.

1) I've officially completed my industrial training. Yay. No more report to write.
2) My boss loaded me with big projects recently and I've to handle two important customers. That tells you why I work till so late each day.
3) My company's executive chairman /founder/MD notices my existence after I started handling those two customers. This sounds a bit dangerous. He knows my name! I might be getting more work, or worse...be in a hot soup easily if shit happens to my projects.
4) I had a surprise last week. There's a hand to hold from now on. :)

5) I'm starting my reading habit again....lots of books to read actually.
6) My hp "died". So I bought a new one and it burned a hole in my pocket! *Ouch*
7) Hmmm...what else? *Yawn* Tired already. Maybe it's time to sleep. Will blog on other days.

Ciao.

Through trials and errors....

I was out with Joyce when I recalled about an article I read some time ago. We were talking about the latest updates in our lives when we touched on certain issues regarding the silly things we once did.

The article was long but I shall summarize the whole thing into a simplified question. It asked...

"If you had to choose, which do you prefer? Someone who is years older, who already has an established and successful career, lots of money and obviously has lots of experience in life in many different aspects OR someone who is around your age range, who is ever ready to grow and improve himself/herself together with you no matter what happens, the both of you go through trials and tribulations together..."

I told Joyce about this article and we just laughed. Thinking back, I guess both of us have sort of gone through a lot of shitty experiences to be where we are today. Many years ago, we both confidently declared that one should be realistic enough and the right answer should be the former. However, as we were enjoying our dinner, we were truly surprised that our answer to the question in the article has changed.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, shit happens! And through shitty, dirty and ugly experiences, we have grown to accept everything in the past. And we're glad that we managed to learn, to change, and to slowly pick up the small and tiny pieces of broken trusts and confidence. Previously, we did choose the former answer but now, we both prefer the latter answer. Maybe I should say, we have outgrown the so-called over-realistic mindset and we actually preferred some space for ourselves to breathe too? (Tip: You might understand this line if you had dated guys from that former category!) Haha...

A night to remember

In the blink of an eye, I'm a year older again. Last year's birthday was kind of a nightmare for me but this year, I am truly happy and also surprised that you celebrated with me last night. All the while, I would be contented with just a simple birthday wish from people I know. But, it was really very sweet of you to organize a special meaningful celebration for me.

Thinking back, it was really funny for the both of us to apply half day's leave to spend time together. And the even funnier part was the guys thought we're an item! Hehe. Well, I wouldn't want to talk so much on that yet. *Blushes* You know, this date we had last night has sort of left me embarrassed and shy when I had a short conversation with Mum the day before.

Mum: We cut cake tomorrow (18th) ok? You make sure you come back early from office.
Me: Erm, I can't. I have a dinner date tomorrow.
Mum: Dinner? With your whole gang of friends?
Me: Erm, no...
Mum: One on one dinner?
Me: Hehe....yes.
Mum: Wahhh....we have to cut the cake on the eve because you're dating your bf on the real day?? *Giggles*
Me: .............Mum, he's not my bf.
Mum: Well, he's a guy right? So he's your bf!
Me: ......... *speechless*

Hehehe...

Oops. I guess I've just gone a bit out of topic. Anyway, I hope you had a great time too last night. Thanks for accompanying me, the jokes, the romantic dinner, the cake, the surprising present (I love it! :P), the long chats, the shared dreams and plans, and everything else. I truly appreciate the extra effort you put in just to make this day a special one. Thank you! :)

Things you shouldn't do during a blind date

It was a blind date set up by a friend of mine. Well, she thought I've been date-less f0r ages and she was obviously too free, so she made me meet up with a guy I've never met before. We only chatted a few times previously.

Initially, I was reluctant to go but when some idiots made me pissed off at work, I was so eager to leave office early to go somewhere. So I agreed to meet him up when he called....erm, in a way entertaining my friend's "good deeds".

We met over dinner for a while only...one or one and a half hours. Haha. The first impression was...."Why does he look so much older than his actual age?" Oh well, I told myself, "Never mind. It's just a dinner with a guy. Nothing big deal. It won't kill." But, when his funny and annoying character surfaced, I was so tempted to call ANY of my male friends to come over and 'rescue' me.

Anyway, forget about that. We shall focus on what this post is all about. When you're on a blind date, you shouldn't do certain things.

1) Do not mention about your old flames. Nobody is interested with stories about your ex.
2) Do not brag about things you did. Nobody would praise you for that 7.2 Million worth of sales you raked in.
3) Do not ask about the girl or guy's background too much. Things like "What's your parent's occupation?" You're interested in that person and is dating him/her, not the parents. So don't ask stupid questions.
4) Do not laugh like a gay. It's a great turn off.
5) Do not show your anticipation in getting the relationship started. That only shows one thing. You're sooooo desperate and unfortunately, you won't see that guy/girl anymore after this.
6) Do not tell "jokes" that are only funny to yourself.
7) Do not be the forceful type. When he or she says no, accept it.
8) Do not wear the type of outfit that makes you look YEARS older.
9) Do not talk when there's food in your mouth.
10) Do not order a big amount of food, as though you've never eaten before.

So there you go. That guy was really like that. Such a great turn off. Even though I only had the intention of adding another friend into my existing circle and was only pleasing my friend, I really can't tolerate that guy's character. I guess I won't be seeing him anymore after this. Bleh!

Fly me to the moon

I recently realized something weird in me. I seem to like aeroplanes, very much. As my workplace is quite near to the airport, I see huge airplanes each day. The sight of an aeroplane taking off seems to develop some kinda feeling in me. It feels as though it brings hopes....but I still didn't understand why I felt that way, until about three hours ago.

I was at the airport a few hours ago together with a few colleagues to send a friend/colleague off. Separation has always been a sad moment, especially when you're surrounded by your teary-eyed loved ones. However, there was something behind the reluctance of leaving this beautiful island. It was that familiar word again. Hope.

I don't know why but that word really jammed my brain, for a moment. Just imagine this, you're there about to leave this place to fulfill your dreams...to reach your stars...to do what you ought to do for a brighter future, and you will definitely miss everything here. But, when you turn and look at your folks, your friends and relatives who come all the way to support you....you can only feel one thing. There's hope...and that is what your loved ones see in you.

Damn. I guess I lost what I wanted to say. Too tired I guess. Anyways, just want to wish that friend of mine the best in his future endeavors. 2 years sound so long...hmm...his gf must be crying badly now. *Sigh* Separation moments hurt the most.

Lost within the shadows

As I stared at myself in the mirror, my image spoke to me...

~~~

You could be flying here and there, everywhere
...but which direction are you heading to?

The wind blows
...but where is it bringing you to?

As you blindly follow the flow
...but can't you feel that you're similar to a headless chicken?

The game has already started,
...but what are you still waiting for?

If it's not now,
...then when will the right time come?

You feel bad,
...and thought it was everyone's fault.

The truth is, who else can you blame
...but none other than the one you look in the mirror?

Time flies,
...and you have actually forsaken what you once promised.

To be back on track,
...the Light will definitely shine to guide you through, yet again...

As He never breaks His promises, never.

~~~

What is life without dreams?

I was clearing my messages on Friendster when I noticed a friend's personal message. Another friend of mine has finally found his "home" or the final destination, which is some sort of a dream come true for him. Many-many years ago when we first acquainted, he told me before that he wanted to build his home in some nice places in other country. I was merely a teenager and I thought he was only joking. But now, he has really gone to where his dreams belong and built his home at Guernsey (Channel Islands) with a beautiful wife and young daughter. At the age of 28, he has moved from Ipoh to such a beautiful place, it is indeed a dream come true...

Other than this friend, there's another one who will be leaving soon (erm, he might have left this place!). This is yet another dream come true as he will be working in UK, something he has planned for ages. When he told me about the job offer, I was sad that another friend is leaving, but at the same time, I was happy coz my friend lives up to his dreams.

How many of you actually fight and give all you can or have, just to achieve your dreams? I might be the very ambitious type and would do anything I can just to reach my dreams but the problem is, have I done anything? I'm truly ashamed of myself! What have I done thus far? Will I be able to do what I've always dreamed of when I'm 28?

Some people may have a much simpler mindset, where they would be satisfied with everything they currently have or minor things they plan to have and take things easily...but what is life without dreams? What is the meaning of life without trying to upgrade ourselves? It isn't about materialism. It is about what you want to achieve and how you can achieve it. Well, I do agree that simplicity is good (at times!) but why should we follow the crowd? Can't we set our own dreams and be different from our peers?

That Donkey...again!

It's been 10 months, or almost a year since I broke up with that Donkey...but all these while, I'm aware that I still enjoy getting his attention (erm...until some time ago only). Being in self-denial, the "care" he showered me made me feel like he's still there.

I don't know when but when I started to set a gap between him n me, it has been that way ever since. Well, he still calls every now and then, occasionally about once in every two to three weeks. However, the calls left no effect. I made it clear, we broke up and we can only be friends. Nothing more than that. And, I even declined to meet up with him. What's the use of going out with an old flame to reignite ugly feelings again?

But, I really don't understand one thing. After 10 months or so, you're finally calling me on a daily basis again, checking on me, asking about my whereabouts, who I mix with and all that? What the hell is wrong with you? Where were you when I needed you most? Where were you when I was crying buckets on my birthday? What did you do when I had arguments with Mum? What did you do when I was in a bad mood?

You did nothing! You were no where to be found! I seriously hate myself very much coz you're really one shit ass in a phase of my life. If I could turn back time, I really wish I've never known/seen/dated you! I've had enough and I'm glad I'm over you already....in fact, it's been months! Wake up, idiot! It's over....you're just too late!

Paused....and resumed

Phew~! Time flies! I didn't even realize that I haven't updated my blog for more than a week. Hmmm...

Anyway, just an update on what has happened or what is currently going on....well, just in case you're wondering. Obviously, I'm not dead yet...and so does this blog.

1) I've been going out a lot lately. That tells you why this space is so quiet now.

2) I saw a few smart and good looking guys when I went to the airport to fetch a friend. Have I mentioned before that guys in uniform or formal wear always look hot? Whoo...HAha.

3) I was a bit pissed off with my boss the other day. I don't know why I keep getting irritated with her lately but I have a feeling that I won't be long at this company. Well, still under consideration. Hmm...Long story.

4) I bumped into this guy again when I went Torch with friends last night. I didn't know Penang is really so small that I keep meeting him by chance over and over again. Honestly, I don't like to bump into people like him. He probably thought I was still crazily into him, which is obviously not. He doesn't even meet any of my requirements, and this tells you one thing. I was blind last time...and I had no taste in choosing guys when I was much younger! Bleh!

5) I've been having too much of alcohol consumption lately. *Feels guilty*

6) I've only completed 18 pages of my industrial training report and I haven't touched it for a week already! Die!!

7) I've been doing a lot of soul searching and it is currently still going on. The questions related to my soul searching activity left me with a big headache! Grrr....

*Yawn* Damn sleepy here. Could be due to last night's outing. Going off to get some sleep now. Ciao.

Roundabout...

Am I dreaming or I just accidentally found myself walking in this place called dreamland? It's a surprising discovery though. Kinda unexpected....but how true can this be?? Will the rays of light last?

Bitch Beach lover

When one is under the hot sun or in humid places, there's only one thing that comes to mind... "I need air-con!" ...but when you're stuck in air-conditioned places for nearly 90% of the time in a day, you would be screaming for fresh air!

Of late, I've been inhaling too much of processed air which made yours truly feeling tired and weak. And the haze in Penang makes it even worse. I was really desperately seeking fresh air!

But, I'm now very satisfied and I'm still grinning from ear to ear as I've had adequate fresh air on Friday night! Hehehe. It's been ages since the last time I went to the beach. So, I was really dying to go to the seaside to get enough supply of sea breeze. Well...guess what? I really dragged myself to the beach on Friday night! I left office early and I made my way to Seawind around nine something, together with a beach lover friend/colleague.

It was truly satisfying when you get to enjoy the sea breeze at such a wonderful place with relaxing lightings, enjoying your glass of chilled drink on a starry night with a great companion to chat with and not forgetting the soothing songs played as well as the sound of waves hitting the shore.... Ahhh! It was truly the best way to unwind, especially after a tiring and stressful week.

As more and more patrons came crowding the place, we made our way to the beach instead. The beach area at Seawind was quite narrow and since the high tide brought sea water onto the beach, we left the place and went to another beach instead. Hah! A much better place indeed! We were enjoying the sea breeze when some foreigners saw us there. They probably thought my friend and I were stupid fools. I mean, how often can you find two fellas eating ice-cream at the beach at 1.30am? Haha.

I had enough supply of fresh air...or even better, sea breeze!! :)

A slap in the face

......well, thanks to reality.

It was a pretty bad day at work today and I was really very pissed off with some idiots. But, when I think it over, is it really worth it to be so angry? I don't think my salary is enough to cover my anger! So why bother about the idiots when I have already done what I'm supposed to?

Reality hits me hard when I started pondering and comparing my salary (Mind you, I am underpaid!) with the things I have to do, the things I have to sacrifice due to excessive workload and the idiots I have to deal with each day. If the pay is adequate or at least on par with the market rate for degree holders, I might just shut up and swallow in all my anger and also complaints.

I was stuck in a massive traffic jam just now when the question suddenly popped up, "Why do I need to do donkey jobs since I am not getting the wage of a similar qualified personnel?" Well, I know it's not wholly about the salary issue but I was really thinking. Am I really moulded for this kind of job or particularly this department? I suddenly feel so lost and confused.

Perhaps, I'm not suitable for a job like this. Or maybe, I need to focus on my other alternatives and forcefully drag myself back on track to pursue my dreams. Or was it just an excuse to get my ass out of this place?

"Happiness decides where you should be" A friend told me this previously but do you really agree with what she said? Well, I am in fact quite happy with my surroundings and the people around me (except those idiots I mentioned, of course!) but can this judge what I should do next?

Every minute counts

When you're happy and enjoying yourself, time passes too quickly until you hardly notice it. Every day, you force yourself to wake up early in the morning and drag yourself to work (hopefully, before the clock-in time!).

On every Monday morning, you will wish for the same thing over and over again. "How I wish today's Friday!" ...And when Friday comes, you could be seen grinning from ear to ear, always excited about Friday night. From Monday till Friday, you've been thinking a lot and have even planned all sorts of things for the weekend.

When Friday night finally arrives, you'll get all excited and energetic for any kinds of activities you have planned. On Saturday, once again, you enjoy yourself to the fullest. And when Sunday finally comes (especially around this time - 10 something at night), you feel so down and disturbed.

You would possibly ask yourself a silly question. "What have I done over the last two days? Why did time pass by so quickly when I was enjoying myself?"

What I typed above best describes my current mood. I have lots of plans lately, particularly during the weekends and I just realized that my Saturdays and Sundays end too fast until I could hardly remember what I did. You know, this reminds me that my motivation to go to work has become lesser now, and it's only my third month at this company! Damn...This is a bad sign!

It's not even Monday yet and I'm already whining now! Bleh!

Poisonous dream

Last night, I dreamt of that cute one again. It appears funny to me coz I know I'm not what I used to be. Only desperados would go crazy over a guy until like that! ...but how do you explain this one? Hmm...it still feels funny though.

Well, it's true that the cute guy's smile could melt any girl's heart easily, but then again, damn.... I'm out of this! *Keeps reminding myself that he's JUST a friend*

There's something that is actually bugging me. One of his friends knows about this dream of mine, but I hope he won't spill the beans. This is super embarrassing! I probably have to feed him with lots of good food to stuff his big mouth! ...but how long can this so-called secret be safe? Bleh.

Missing the jungle life

It's been a few days since I last updated this space and it's mainly due to the lack of desire to blog.

Anyways, I was enjoying my hot drink during tea time when I suddenly realized something. I've been out of Uni for two months plus now. I can't believe that I was thinking of the jungle this afternoon. I miss the jungle very much. I spent three years there and everything has changed ever since.

I don't know how to put the feelings into words but I really miss those times when I enjoyed listening to my favourite songs on Ipod while walking from one place to another within the campus. I miss my course mates and Uni friends. I miss the library! (I know this sounds a bit stupid but yours truly loves to be surrounded by lots of books coz it makes one feel like a smart ass! Heh!) I miss the afternoon naps I've always had. *Sigh* I miss everything there!

Blooming

I had a chat with a somewhat superstitious friend recently and our conversation made me realized something. As both of us were born under the same zodiac sign, she excitedly told me...

"Hey! Guess what? This time of the year is damn cool. It is predicted that we should be attracting a lot of guys! It is believed that we will fall in and out of love easily. Are you dating anyone lately?"

Her statement made me ponder for a moment. Well, I can't deny I do enjoy getting lots of attention lately. Hehe...but then again, maybe what she said was right. I think I had a crush on a guy about a month ago, and two weeks ago, it was a different one and then now, I'm thinking of another one. Bleh. Is this a bad thing or what?

Anyways, I guess this is the nicest part of being single. You have lots of dates and get to enjoy the much needed attention without getting bored. Hehehe. Damn. I'm a goner! I went clubbing with the whole gang of engineers last night and that guy was really cute!!! Gahhh...

Buried under a mountain of dollar notes

Out of the blue, the topic was brought up. I was aware of this issue and I knew I had to face this problem...but I didn't know this person would bring this issue up so soon. And this topic suddenly makes me feel very, very small...as though I've been buried alive, under a mountain of dollar notes.

How many times do you hear this, "Money is not everything"? I agree that this could be true but without money, you lose everything. Think about it. I've also heard of this..."Even with lots of money, you won't be happy". I'm not sure how true is that but I personally feel like I'm dying...slowly, not physically but emotionally. I'm not complaining about being underpaid or having to juggle my personal financial issues, but I seriously cannot tolerate certain things that person says.

Why must those questions be repeated umpteen times? It is really VERY suffocating to think of this matter each time when it is brought up. I know I obviously can't avoid it, but can't you give me some space to take a breather? I hate it very much when you ask questions that I myself don't even have the answers yet. All I need is some time to think over this matter, and to carefully plan the path. Can it be really that bad? I've only started work not long ago and here you are, attacking me with difficult questions without even considering my feelings.

I'm afraid all the things you said and did have actually turned me into a real bitch, as in someone who sees money as everything! A money-eyed bitch....and I obviously hate myself for changing into a person like that. Whatever you said made me recalled back about that self-made millionaire I once dated. Was it really a wrong choice that I ended the relationship? I was really thinking...maybe, just maybe...I wouldn't be facing this sort of problems IF I hadn't ended the whole thing. But then again, being who I really am, I would rather die than to depend on a rich man. I guess I just have to push myself forward and suffer this phase of life before I could prove myself to someone and shut the mouth.

It seems that nothing can be done. I could only survive on two words for the time being. I have to force myself to tolerate and be independent, no matter how. All I need is time...

Study loan equals debts??

It's surprising that I managed to wake up early today since I slept at 4am last night. Anyway, maybe....maybe there's this thing that is really bugging me.

I was chatting with a younger colleague last night when he told me about his study plans. He's leaving for UK in August to get a Degree and his passion has in a way reminded me of what I've always wanted.

"Wow. You're going to UK? ...it's expensive there. You must be damn rich huh?" I asked.

"Nahh...I'm not rich lah. I applied for a loan of 8% for 5 years. You could do that too." He explained.

And his line of "you could do that too" has been repeating itself non-stop since last night. Is it really worth it to get a loan just to fulfill my dreams? In case you didn't know, 97% of all personal financing and investment books (like those written by Robert Kiyosaki and Warren Buffet) tells you that getting a loan is the stupidest thing one could get for himself. The theory is similar to this, before earning from your investments, you already made yourself fall into the debts category? That sounds a bit stupid.

Bleh...I was really thinking about this. To fulfill my childhood dreams and passion (before I become an old, ugly auntie), I might need to work my ass out to pay back the loan later on. Can I make it?

Well, of course there are other alternatives.
1) Get the MBA elsewhere. *thinks of the ever-prestigious Uni in the neighbouring country*
2) Work my ass out, become a slave and work OT everyday, work part-time, sell lots of bullshits and do ANYTHING to earn enough money in 2-3 years time.
3) Business and investments.
4) Find a super rich guy (most likely a bald, old and butt ugly man) and get sponsored (OOPS, this option is totally out! Yours truly is not that cheap. I don't think I could stick to someone like that and I obviously hate to be controlled. So this is out!)
5) Forget about this dream. (Oh no!) ....and regret your choice of not furthering studies when you were still young.

Gahhh.... I doubt getting a loan is a good option....but have I got any other choices?

Working alongside idiots

The title of this post tells you clearly that yours truly would love to grill a few idiots alive, if she could really do it.

Working at the front line of a company isn't really that easy actually. Come to think of it, is this still the so-called blessing in disguise experience? I've never really thought of working at a department like this, but somehow, I guess I need to really blend in well while I get along and work with/for idiots....but I can't deny that I was thinking of something else. "Should I stay after completing my four months internship? Should I leave before the confirmation date?" "Should I treasure the first few months as a full-time permanent employee whilst my course mates struggle like hell to kill time?"

Anyway, a few idiots stole my mood away today.

The bloody irritating and busybody US counterpart
There's this guy (with a girl's name) from our US subsidiary who doesn't know how to respect people. Each time he sends an email over, he will only talk to a higher authority. Even when his email was addressed to yours truly, he will never mention my name. And the most annoying part was he loves to use font size 15 for all his emails. Everything we do, he will escalate. He knows nuts, yet he supports whatever our customers say. I only have one sentence to describe this guy. He's one fcuking idiot who doesn't know manners and could possibly be a faggot since he loves to kaypo about other people's things.

The "I don't know" idiots
Everything I ask them, they will only say "I don't know" even though it's their job. If they don't know anything, who else is supposed to know? Angels? God? These idiots are better off at home, sucking their thumbs than being a zombie at work!

The forgetful old man
This guy holds a high post but he's almost going brain dead. Anything important you tell him today, he will forget it by tomorrow...or maybe the next minute. And the problem is, other people always believe in the things he says. So, telling him something equals to nothing. I might as well swallow in everything I need to tell him.

The "I'm waiting for your instructions" pig heads
Talking to or asking this type of people on certain things makes me vomit blood. They are forever waiting for someone to instruct them. So next time, when there's no one to remind them on when to pangsai (shit) or eat, they won't do it at all.

The breathing-behind-my-neck customer
This customer loves to hunt for yours truly. Each time I see him/her (there are two of them from the same company), I will have to attend to their impossible requests ASAP. One would always call me non-stop and place stupid orders, where the parts/items must be sent the following day or on the same particular day (which is obviously impossible and stupid). The other is a domineering bitch who never listens but I bet she was a graduate from the Super-Fake Acting School.

There are a few other idiots but these idiots I mentioned above are enough to make my day. Bloody hell! I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, dragged myself to work, had so many stupid things to do and these numb nuts spoiled the rest of my day. Grrr...

Bad day

Do you remember what day is today? Gosh! It's Friday the 13th!! I've never been the very superstitious type, or maybe...just a little. But, since today coincides with the so-called bad luck day, I really had a bad day at work today.

Hmmm...long story.

Anyways, since I just got back from work and I'm quite pissed off with a few peeps, I shall end this post here before I explode this place.

Oh by the way, I'm going to Cameron tomorrow!

*Off to pack bags*

Time to get busy

It was about 3pm but there was no phone calls, no emails, nothing. I was quite happy as I could do anything I wanted and I could chat with anyone on MSN and Skype without worrying about the on-going projects.

My senior has always reminded me on something that I could hardly believe it. He will always say this, "We will always get busy when it's around 4 to 4.30pm. People will call non-stop. Our mailbox will explode. Trust me on this..."

This time it happened, and I believe his words now. After receiving a call at about 4.15pm, I was so busy that I couldn't even find the time to go to the washroom! Other than calls, I received lots of emails demanding follow ups as well. Without realizing how fast time flies, it was already 8pm when my stomach made noise. Aihhh....really no life!!

Today is my first day handling all the projects by myself without my senior. He has gone on a holiday, starting from today. So he left a big pile of work and also the influenza virus to me! Ohhh....bless me for his big gift...the bloody virus! Grrr...

So I'm expected to be super-busy for the next one week. Heh! He better get me something from where he has gone to! Hehe.

Blind date #1

2 girls, 12 guys, 1 blind date.

Yesterday night, my colleague and I went crazy. We (only 2 of us as the other one was sick) finally agreed to join/meet up with the bunch of crazy mechanical engineers from plant 1 (of the same company) after chatting in the same chatroom for over a month.

Like I said, it was truly a crazy gathering as we have never met any of those guys before. It took them a month's time to find out our identity, where lots of spies were sent to check on almost everything about us, e.g. how we look like, our hp numbers, our real/full names, what/which car we drive, where we stay, etc.

Initially, it felt weird but after a while, the so-called blind date was considered a success. We blended in easily into their ever-crazy topics. The only funny part was, we (the 2 girls) had a difficult time identifying and matching the guys with the nicknames used in the chatroom. Looks like it's our turn to send some spies over to check on their backgrounds. HAha.

Working in a male dominated industry....

....can be cool and also scary at the same time!

The other day, one of the big structures (for a machine) was found with non-conforming dimensions (or in layman's term, measurements). As it was already 85% completed and each structure costs about RM70k, everyone rushed to the production floor to check on it. I was there with my senior, and also many other engineers.

Within split seconds, all the guys climbed up a 5 meter machine to check on that structure. Luckily, I wore pants on that day. So I joined what the others did and I realized something at that time.

"Gosh! Am I the only lady involved in this project?"

I could sense a strong smell of gender discrimination when the other older engineers showed some kind of facial expression that made yours truly uncomfortable. They probably need more time to accept a lady in their team.

Other than that, working in a male dominated industry can be quite cool. Wanna know why? Haha. I'm obviously enjoying and getting a much deserved attention from the younger engineers. I only deal with some of them (as we're in the same team, handling similar projects) but I got to know many other engineers from another plant through some of my colleagues. That helps a lot as it makes my journey at work much smoother.

So, here are some of the obvious pros and cons of working in a male dominated industry.

Pros:
- You get to see and know LOTS of guys.
- You get to learn things from the guys, especially the more experienced ones.
- You get LOTS of attention from your male counterparts. Hehehe.

Cons:
- You need more time to convince the older or experienced ones that you're capable of doing something.
- You feel very "small" at times, as you're often surrounded by guys, big machines, and lots of heavy structures, jigs and fixtures!
- You have to fight against people's general perception that girls are "soft" and "useless"...especially in a working environment like mine.

Please think before you speak!

All the while, every single word that comes out from your mouth seems to hurt a lot. I don't know whether I'm being too sensitive or maybe it was you who always speak without thinking. It's always the usual trivial issues that trigger your unsatisfactory remarks on me but those are just minor things, why must you make such a big fuss about it?

Have you ever considered my feelings? Can you please put yourself in my shoes before jumping to conclusion? Oh please! I'm old enough to think of what I'm doing. I'm not even committing a crime now. So what's the problem all about? Previously, you always complained on almost everything I did. You were never pleased with me but because of respect, I still listen and comply to the things you said...and until today, I still respect you.

...but each time, when you talk without enough facts or without thinking, when you don't trust me, when you accuse me of doing certain things....I tell you...it really hurts! You could speak all the hurtful things out, act dumb a moment later and sleep soundly after a while but I can't. I really can't. All these are still slowly accumulating in me, even though I've grown numb to this kind of situation and have eventually become someone with a "don't-care attitude".

As I grow older, I thought all these would vanish someday but I doubt they will. I don't wish to be revengeful. I don't want to disrespect you also...but I guess, my earlier decision, the one I made a few months ago is a right choice. One of the many reasons I want to leave this place and move to the neighbouring country (or anywhere else except this island) to work is because I want to be far away from you. Too bad this is all I could do to prevent unwanted arguments and all the unnecessary fuss about trivial issues.

Happy 2nd Anniversary

Can you believe it? I started blogging in 2005 and it's been 2 years!!

I didn't know I have so many things to bitch about.

I've never expected this blog to last so long.

Anyway, is it time to move to Wordpress? Hmmm....

Gahh!! I'll think about that some other time. Time to sleep. It's been a tiring and busy week! =/

See ya!

First day at Uni....a few years ago

It's barely a week to the first day at Uni for many new undergrads. This period of time reminds me of my own experience about three to four years ago.

It was a Tuesday when I checked on the Internet and found out that I was "thrown" into a university I never applied for and was offered a course I've never even heard of. It was truly a scary feeling as it felt like a dead end. As I didn't want to burden my family financially (and I also prefer to be independent), I swallowed in all the fear and volunteered to study in the jungle (Yes, my Uni is located exactly in the middle of a jungle and I'm not kidding!) even though I didn't like it...

Back then, we were only given a few days to a week's time to get ready for the grand entry into a tertiary level of education. I bought LOTS of things and I thought it was adequate....but it wasn't enough. I bought more things when I reached there! The night before my first day at Uni was terrible. I couldn't sleep at all. It wasn't about excitement but it was more of mixed feelings. "Can I survive staying far away from my family?" That question rings in the ear over and over again till I dozed off.

Before I knew it, it was time to depart. We left home as early as 5am. Along the way, it was a shocking sight to my parents because they only saw trees, paddy fields, mountains, other cars, more trees, more paddy fields and nothing else. As it was my second time travelling down that road (I had earlier visited this Uni and was also the first one to say "NO, I don't want to study in a jungle" but ironically, I got a place there!), it wasn't that shocking anymore.

When I registered myself at the hostel's office, I had a big culture shock. I thought the Chinese communities at the northern region should be speaking Hokkien and not other languages or dialects, but I was wrong. Having attended a national school (English-Bahasa medium), I was a sucker in Mandarin. I could hardly speak a single word even though I could comprehend simple words. (Currently, I could at least speak a bit...but I still have lots to learn though. Hehe) My first day...in fact, the first week felt like the worst time of my life. I made friends easily with Malay girls but not those from the same race. I didn't know what went wrong but it felt like a place full of racists. You will only see people of the same race together. So, I was obviously an isolated "special" alien when the other Chinese girls saw me with Malay girls. (Disclaimer: Oops, this paragraph is not intended to induce racism among blog readers or belittle any race. This is truly a personal experience and opinion.)

Anyway to cut a long story short, everything eventually went on smoothly. I found a group of close friends comprising both Malays and Chinese. I have friends from other races as well. Initially, I never liked my days at Uni and had always looked forward to going back home but when I was finally in my sixth (final) semester, I secretly hoped that time would stop, at least for a while so that I could enjoy and spend more time at Uni. Unfortunately, when you love something very much, time flies and it was time to say goodbye to Uni.

I have lots of other stories to share about Uni but I'll just stop here for today. Just a piece of advice. Whatever you do, make sure you're doing your best, you enjoy it and most importantly you're happy about it.

The idiot in front of you

When it's raining heavily...

and certain areas are flooded...

When you're late for work...

and you're worried about the clock-in time...

You will always meet a very "good friend" in front of you...

He normally drives at a speed of 40kmph only....

blocking you from speeding or overtaking him...

while he enjoys a satisfying dig of his own gold mine....

And nothing can be done...until you finally overtake his bloody car and show him this!

NAHHH!! Buzz off, idiot!

When you bump into your high school crush

How often do you bump into the same person a few times in a week?

It was Tuesday night when I joined a colleague's farewell dinner/gathering with the other colleagues at a restaurant in a famous fishing village. I was enjoying my meal (Fyi, eight types of seafood!!) when I noticed there was a pair of eyes looking my way. I looked up and saw a familiar face.

Damn. It was K, one of my high school crushes. Erm, have I told you before that I sometimes suspect I have a serious disease - I fall for people easily, particularly those who meets my requirements. (But, I didn't have any specific requirements yet back then) *shy* Anyways, he still looked very much the same but I doubt he could recognize me. After all, yours truly is no longer the ugly-looking, naive girl with inflamed and pimply skin, and thick glasses. Hehe. But, I acted dumb as though I didn't know who he was. Well, it's obviously humiliating to meet back an old crush by chance, especially when he knew every bit about the infatuation. It was a quite hot gossip back at high school. So paiseh.

I thought I wouldn't meet K anymore after Tuesday night but guess what? I bumped into him again when I went out for lunch on Wednesday. It was a large hawker food center with more than 50 stalls but I saw him there. Our eyes met but again, I acted dumb and just walked pass him. I believed I won't meet him by chance anymore, but the third time happened within a week. I bumped into him again this afternoon when I went out for lunch. Aihhh....I have nothing else to say now. This is so weird.

Anyways, apart from feeling weird, how did I feel and what was in my mind when I saw K?

Possible Answers:
A) Gosh! He still looks good!
B) Damn, was I blind? How could I fall for this guy for 2-3 years' long when he is soooo short, skinny and small built?
C) *look-look, see-see* ...no feeling at all...Puppy love is stupid.
D) None of the above.
E) ___________ (Please specify)

So which is the right answer?

Updates

:(

I just got back from office about an hour ago...

I have lots of things to blog about but it seems that I have to leave it till tomorrow. Damn I'm so busy!

Long story lah. I bumped into a high school crush. Hehe. Other than that, I have other things to bitch about also.

Will tell you more on that tomorrow, that's only if I could leave office early. =/

Time to sleep. Nites!

P/s: This blog is not dead yet. TQ. HEhe...

Between money and women

People always say there's a linkage between money and women. Most men believe in something stupid like this saying, "No money, no honey". Do you actually believe in that statement? Being a feminist, I'm definitely against it. We girls are worth much more than you guys can ever afford....

...but today is an exceptional day and therefore I shall blog about the importance of money-making. For guys, the usual thing that comes to mind when you have lots of money is...sexy babes (Shame on you! Is that all you can think about?? Oops. Out of topic!).

For girls, when we have lots of money, we get to do lots of things. Shopping, travelling, spa, hair treatments, facials, cars, dogs, do anything to look like Jessica Alba, whatever... (Disclaimer: Not every girl fancy those things I mentioned)

As for yours truly, if I could earn enough money in three years' time, I will definitely pack my bags and get my ass to UK to fulfill my childhood dreams. Erm, other than that, I would love to drive a Mitsubishi Lancer, a Honda Civic or a Syang Yong Rexton, own a luxury condo before age 30, etc...and the list goes on.

So, as I was surfing the net, I stumbled upon a website that managed to catch my attention. Initially, I doubt its feasibility but what the heck? I gave it a try anyway. Let's see whether it works or not.

You should try it out too. Who knows, you could earn LOTS of money just like the owner himself? HAha...

Cheers to money-making. Click HERE and not on the pic below, you perverts!

Damn. This chick looks so damn gatal! Eeeuwww...

How a number makes you happy

I just got out from the meeting room when one of my Uni course mates messaged me on MSN.

"Result is out. Check it now!"

I knew I didn't do quite well in one of the papers during my final exam. So I was hesitating whether to check it in the office or not. I was afraid that my CGPA would go down. I was afraid that my result would affect my mood at work. Even though I've already gotten a job, I'm still hoping that I could at least maintain my pointer so that I don't need to pay back for the National Higher Education Fund's (better known as PTPTN) loan.

For hours and hours, I made myself busy at work and I totally forgot about the issue. When I reached home, the first thing I did was to log in to my Uni's portal to check on it.

I took a deep breath. It felt like a "do-or-die" situation. I clicked on it and what I saw was truly surprising. I thought I saw the wrong thing. I pinched myself but I saw the same thing. I couldn't believe my own eyes. So I dragged Dad and Bro to see it. They saw the same thing.

It is confirmed that I don't need to pay back for my PTPTN loan anymore. It has been converted to a scholarship automatically. Not only that, I will be wearing a gold medal during my convocation ceremony! (Look! I'm not bragging but I'm just too....erm, happy and surprised! Hehe)

*beaming from ear to ear*

The other road users...

When you're late for work, you tend to meet all sorts of irritating drivers on the road. Among those who get on your nerves are:

1) The super careful babes - they usually drive at a speed of 40 kmph even when they're driving on a highway. Driving behind these cars make you feel like you're following a real tortoise!

2) The carefree uncles and aunties - this group of drivers have always been very annoying. Of all times, they choose to go to the market, to a famous tai chi park or to a coffee shop to gossip about people's second wife (or anywhere else) when other people are on their way to work. Can't they go to those places a bit earlier or later? Gahh!!

3) The careless drivers - this group of drivers usually drive as though they own the road. Needless to say, they're usually the culprits / victims of accident cases...which would cause so much of inconvenience to other road users - traffic jam!!

4) The nose goldmine diggers - you will see this group of drivers frequently on the road, especially in Penang. As "gold" digging could be addictive, they probably feel too much of satisfaction until they can't concentrate on the road.

5) The big bullies - Needless to say, bulldozers have always been the main contributor to massive traffic jams...but I really can't understand why I always meet the same bulldozer (driver) everyday when I drive to work! Grrr...

6) The talkative bitches - Would you talk on the phone early in the morning, and of all times when you're driving? Gahh...you have so many things to bitch about huh? If you have good driving skills, you can obviously talk on the phone all the time even when you're driving, but when you suck at it, don't do it!

7) The gesticulative idiots - This type of drivers are usually seen to be actively gesticulating in the car, even when he's driving on a highway. Erm, by the way, I used to think that women are more of the gesticulative type when they talk (Not all lah!) but so far, the gesticulative idiots I saw on the road were men. Aww...shameful!

Aihh....this post tells you one thing. I reached my office a few minutes later than the actual work-in time. So, it's obviously time to sleep already. =/

Falling into the rat race....real soon! Grr...

When I was still studying, I had ample time to read Robert Kiyosaki's books or any other similar books (particularly on personal financing) but now that I spend more of my time at office, I can't quite remember what Robert or Kim (his wife) said anymore.

Before I started working, I was so anxious about personal financing. I was so eager to do this and that (In fact I had a list of things to do...) just to prevent myself from falling into the rat race but ever since I started working about three to four weeks ago, reality just pinched me in the ass and I'm so damn fcuking blur now. All I want is to get enough sleep.

Just imagine how fast each day passes and how I spend most of my time at work. In fact, I just got back from the office about an hour ago. Gahh. Call me a workaholic, whatever...but I guess I really need to find some other ways to prevent myself from falling into the rat race. Well, OT claims are obviously good and very attractive but I don't want to work my ass out for the next 30 over years just to pay tax!

Idiot. It's almost time to sleep and in a few hour's time, it's time to work again. Gahh...I know...I'm whining today. Forgive me for that. It's Monday! Aihhh...

*headache*

After three weeks...

The best thing that could happen to a student after leaving Uni is to meet back with some (or most) of her closer friends / course mates for a simple gathering.

It was a much anticipated day when all the eight of us, four guys and four girls (Another six couldn't make it as they are currently based in Alor Star, Taiping, Pahang and Malacca) met up at Bukit Mertajam yesterday (Don't ask me why they chose this place). We toured around the whole place from about 3pm till 12 midnight and during that period of time, we went to five different locations to eat! Other than hawker food, we went to Tambun for seafood. After that, the next stop was Auto-City. We went to SOHO for a drink, explored the area where a car carnival was held and moved on to Old Town to bitch about our stories.

The different types of food we had were just "so-so", but the gathering was not so much about the food. The greatest part about the get-together was we managed to gather eight people from different places together. We reminisced a bit on what we did previously at Uni, followed by lots of complaints regarding our workplaces. Each of us had our own story to share. There was a question frequently heard throughout our simple gathering. "How did you spend your time during your first week of work?"

"I wish I could find a guy now and get married tomorrow so that I don't need to work at this stupid place anymore" LF complained. She was obviously facing a lot of stress and difficulties at work.

Our group has always been the sarcastic, loud and noisy type back at Uni, not to mention the free flow of vulgar words. But after started working, we have to get used to a lower voice tone and must talk politely at office. So after keeping everything in ourselves for three weeks, we exploded SOHO and Old Town with loud voices and laughter. The other patrons thought we were uneducated grown ups with attitude problems. Hehe.

"Wahh...it's so nice to be able to talk loudly and laugh as much as I want again" said J who currently works at a super huge MNC.

"You mean you can't talk or even laugh in the office?" I asked.

"No. Nobody talks there. My office is so fcuked. If I want to talk to the person next to my cubicle, I have to message him by using messenger" J complained.

The rest of them complained about other funny office cultures at their workplaces. I had my own story to share too, but not so much of a complaint. I thought to myself that I should consider myself lucky to be able to "breathe" and do other things comfortably at work without feeling the pressure from weird office cultures.

As we laughed and talked, time flies and it was time to say our goodbyes. When we were still studying, we didn't appreciate those moments spent together but now that we're outside working, the feeling is really different. We discussed on a few future gathering plans before we left to go home. I'm definitely looking forward to the next meet up.

"Handsome" girls

When I was fourteen, there was a time when I (and a few friends) had some kind of confusion in terms of sexuality. We thought we were abnormal! It happened when I joined a gang of female friends together with many other girls from another school for a camping activity at the Girl Guides headquarters. During the four days three nights activity, my friends and I realised something unusual about ourselves. We didn't talk much about any cute boys but we spent lots of time ogling at and gossiping about a "handsome" girl.

She was indeed "handsome" and "strong"...erm, I don't know how to describe further but she really appeared that way. Nothing much happened but at the end of the camping activity, one of my friends gathered enough guts to do something silly. She gave the "handsome" girl a lovely handicraft and said, "I like you" sort of thing. Back then, it was really a little too confusing to understand why a girl would do such a thing to another girl. I was a bit confused too because that girl was really...erm, "handsome".

That was many-many years ago. I've never told anyone about that kind of confusion I experienced when I was younger but when I met a female friend recently (she's around my age and she's my mum's colleague), I noticed that I'm perfectly normal. Hehe.

How would you feel when another girl tells you, "Hey, you're so cute lah. I like you. If only my girlfriend can be as sporting as you..."? Eeuwww....I didn't know she was a lesbian when we first acquainted. There's obviously nothing wrong to befriend a lesbian but when she goes overboard with explicit acts as though she wants to "eat" or own you, then you really need to watch out. That lesbian friend's scary stares and funny words were enough to make my knees weak! ...thank God, she has decided to go elsewhere to further studies.

I don't know why but I seem to always attract "handsome" girls. Well, they do look good but since I'm 100% straight, I feel weird being surrounded by girls like them. There are two "handsome" girls at my workplace. I dealt with both of them before and....they're really that type of girls! Usually, they would look at girls from top to bottom and you can even see them drooling. Eeuuwww...

I'm not discriminating lesbians or "handsome" girls but how do I avoid them without making harsh remarks? Damn. It's just so hard! I appreciate all the attentions I get but oh pleeassseee! I don't need any kind of attention from those of the same sex! Yerrr....

Anti-kids cineplexes

Kids under the age of 12 (or maybe 10) should be banned from entering a cinema, unless they don't behave like monkeys!

I know this sounds discriminating and I might be complaining against this irrelevant regulation when I have my own kids next time, but hey, who would like catching a movie at the cinema together with annoying monkeys? Erm, I actually like kids (The well-behaved ones, of course!) but when some parents who lack proper parenting skills (and obviously have no cow sense!) decided to bring along their chimpanzees, the cinema would eventually turn into a zoo!

These are the things I experienced previously at a few cineplexes. I was so engrossed with a scene in the movies when...

* A monkey decided to scream, "Mummmmyyyy!! I want milk-milk!"

* An inquisitive monkey used up all the vocabulary in his little brain to ask annoying questions like, "Where is Spiderman?", "Where is Mr.Bean?", "Where is Mummy?", "Where is orang gila?", etc. (Those were just the "where" questions. The little monster continued with the "who" and "why" questions after that.)

* A cute monkey decided to comb my hair....of all things, with her sticky hands! Eeeuuww...(She had some popcorn in her other hand!)

* A monkey decided to steal the limelight as he started singing irritating songs he learned from Barney and friends.

* The wails of a baby monkey (This is obviously the inconsiderate mother's fault!)

* An irresponsible father gave the little monkey his handphone to play with. (The mobile was not even on silent mode!)

* The running commentary mother. She told her kids what happened to the hero in the movie with intervals of every few minutes.


Those were just a few examples of monkeys in the cinema. So, monkeys should be banned from entering cinemas. Only well-behaved kids deserve to enter.

Is pink the wrong colour?

My office is located exactly above the production area. This means that I need to walk pass the production floor each day just to get to my cubicle. Apart from that, I usually need to go to certain areas within the production floor, either to check on faulty/rejected parts or to get quotation from/discuss with engineers.

As required by the top management, all employees must wear new shoes or slippers within the premises. So, I bought myself one but since mine is not the "super-boring and traditional black coloured boots", it seems that I've attracted unwanted stares and attention. Don't believe me? Have a look at it here. Mine looks just about the same, albeit pink in colour. (I don't really like pink but I bought it anyway coz it's cute and comfy.)

Initially, I was uncomfortable with so much of attention on my pink-coloured shoes (Or was it me who attracted so much of attention and not my shoes? HEhehe!). But now, I guess I've gotten used to it. Perhaps, I'm just as normal as any other women. We're attention seekers! (Disclaimer: Not all lah) Hehehe.

By the way, what's so wrong with wearing a pink coloured "boots" or shoes at the production floor?

What makes a day's work complete

...Check emails or pretend to check office emails. (a.k.a "snake around")

...Work (Staring at several excel sheets on my office's Dell flat screen, super-slim monitor until my eyes go blind! Worse still, I'm not reading or typing words but I look and organize uncountable part numbers like 0102158-005, 0280101-003, etc....Damn, I don't mean to complain actually. I still love numbers, I think!)

...Daydreaming (E.g. "Wahhh...look at his eyes!!", "OMG! Kissable lips! LOL!", "Hmm...where would I be if I'm not here at this hour...?", etc.)

...Toilet breaks (You see, I drink a lot of water these days because adequate supply of H20 is said to be helpful in promoting a clear and healthy skin. I hope this is true coz I drink a lot of water lately....not to mention the frequent toilet visits when I'm at work! Hee...)

...Keeping track on each minute and hour. ("When is lunch break?", "How many minutes more to go back home?", "When is this and that?", etc....Ok, ok, I'm only joking about this coz when I get busy, I don't even have the time to look at my watch and it's obviously not true if you say that I'm not motivated to work...hehe...but, don't you do the same thing when it's a few minutes to lunch break or leave office?)

...Attending meetings (Erm, the accurate word is tagging along. My boss assigned a senior colleague to teach me things. She said, "You will learn a lot from him. From now on, do as he says and follow him to meetings and anywhere else..." So, I've been tagging along for more than a week now...erm, except to toilets and other funny places. Hehe. What were you thinking about? Hah! Your brain is possibly 80% corrupted!! Shame on you... *shakes head*)


Haa...there you go. Those are some of the things I do everyday at work since last week. Hehe. More updates soon. Anyway, time to sleep. Nites!

Another chapter starts...

It's been a week since I joined Company A. So, what can I say?

Overall, everything seems ok. I'm quite surprised that I'm actually utilising some of my technical knowledge and certain things that I studied in Uni at work now. So, it is not really that bad even though I've never imagined myself in a department like this. Anyway, on the whole, everything seems ok...

Every weekday morning starts with a slow bumper-to-bumper crawl all the way up to Bayan Lepas. Gahh... That's how I start my day! And after work, I've to go through the same thing again! Damn. It would be so much better if my house is located just right beside Company A...which is obviously impossible! Heh! Oh well...the traffic jam is nothing actually. It's expected and I'm not complaining either.

Anyway, there's another thing I forgot to tell or ask. How can you concentrate on work without being distracted by your "quite good looking" colleague who happens to be the one ordered by the boss to teach you things? HEhe. I bet my eyes are darn happy to go to work everyday. Well, I said my eyes...and not myself. Who would love waking up as early as 6.15am each day just to drag her ass to get stuck in a massive traffic jam? Anyway, this is just the beginning to years of working and living a routine life.

Now I understand why most of my friends prefer studying over working....but it's still too early to hear me complaining about that...

*Oh yea, another thing! My beloved notebook really "died", to be exact, the HDD died. I replaced it with a new one, but the problem is....I lost everything, ALL my documents, except those that I managed to back up before it decided to....erm, die. *sobs*

Not dead yet...

"Your blog is dead...or in coma lah!"

That's what a friend told me. So, here I am...typing a few words just to tell you that I'm not dead yet. The blog is obviously very much alive, just a little inactive. Hehe.

I've been very busy since I got back to Penang. So, there won't be much updates for the time being...even though I have lots of things to talk about. Hee...

Anyway, time to sleep! See you in Dreamland!

/End

It was a funny feeling. A few hours before my last exam paper yesterday, I felt a bit different. It wasn't about being nervous prior to an exam. I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I wasn't my true self, not to mention the irregular heartbeats.

For almost three hours, I was busy with the exam paper...and when it was time to pass up, I realized something. The feeling was still there. It was 3pm and I knew that I would be leaving the jungle in an hour's time.

I went back to my hostel room, packed and brought back everything (I threw away a lot of things also. Heh!). So, it's officially the end of that chapter of life.

No more exams or textbooks for the time being. The next chapter starts this Monday. But, before that I've already started thinking of another chapter in two to three year's time. To continue studies or to focus on career advancement?

See? I always think too far ahead. I guess that's a big problem! Hee...

Exploded...

People say I'm a very bad tempered person and I believe that I am what people say, only sometimes. They suggested anger management but I took it lightly.

...but yesterday, I was so angry over some matters that I nearly killed two idiots!

I seldom speak vulgar words in real life but if you were around yesterday, I bet you would be shocked with my fluency in vulgarities.

All the while, when I feel like shit, I would type things out in a Words document using my notebook. The things I typed or blogged need not necessarily be published in my blog (Yes, I have a lot of unpublished posts!) ...but since my notebook is temporarily dead, I can't even type a single word. I wanted to come here (computer lab) to release everything in my blog but I was too weak. Yesterday was really a bad day as I was also down with diarrhea and four times of toilet rush were enough to keep me tired.

I had no choice but to search around for other methods to control my anger. I didn't know I would be so angry until I lost appetite to eat. I can't even sleep. I can't do anything at all. Didn't even feel like talking to anyone.

Now, I feel so much better. What I did was simple. Watch a few of my favourite dramas (to get myself distracted) and get my ass to settle some of the problems.

Anger will never help if one doesn't get started on managing problems.

So who says I have problems with anger management?

Surviving the notebook-less period

It has been five days since my beloved notebook decided to take a long break. It has been performing well, and non-stop without taking a rest since 2004. It knows that I'm completing my final semester soon. So, it went into "sleep" mode without even saying goodbye or giving any signs. *Sigh* I didn't even manage to back up some of my very important documents. I hope it's just the system's faulty and not the whole damn thing! If not, I'll probably become gila again because all the very important documents are damn....important!

I can't remember how I survived the first 8 weeks of stay at Uni when I was in my first semester. I didn't have my notebook with me yet back then and I obviously still hated books at that time. Now, I really can't imagine how I'm going to survive the remaining 11 days here without my notebook! Oh yea, luckily I still have a book to read here...and I mean, a book I would love to read at anytime and not my text books!

Life is so damn boring without my notebook, especially when I'm stuck here in the jungle for my final two weeks. Well, I know I should be spending hours preparing for my exams but.... hmm, alright! I'm going back to my room now to study for tomorrow's paper. Gtg. Ciao.

Grand Finale

I'm going back to the jungle tomorrow for the final battle! I'm a bit excited and also sad because it will be my final two weeks stay at Uni. I'm feeling a bit nervous at the same time as I still can't believe that I'm going to work at Company A starting from 21st May. (By the way, as anticipated, Company B called me the other day but it was too late. I've already signed the employment contract with Company A).

Anyway, I need to tell you something. I'm bloody annoyed with Mum lately. She has been asking too much about that irritating course mate, Choc Stalker. Well, she knows who's who in my circle of friends but she never asked so much about him before! After learning about her daughter going back to Uni with this fella (I'm forced to get someone to accompany me ok? Mum has always been over-protective of me and she's super scared that kidnap, rape, murder, etc. cases might occur! 'Nuff said!), she gets all so excited that she can't stop asking things about this guy! Damn. Mum being Mum, I know her style. When she thinks I'm "close" to a certain male friend, she will ask a lot...about that guy. That's what she did when I dated my ex. Gahh...

*Irritated*

Maybe I need to remind Mum that Choc Stalker is a no-no. Even if the sun decides to rise on the West side, he is still out of the list. To add into what I've just said, that course mate can't even qualify himself into the top 10 ranking of potentials. Haha. Oops. Damn. He's JUST a friend ok? Don't think so much! Hee...

Alright, enough of craps! Remember to wish me luck and pray for my exam ok? :)

Ciao. Take care.

Strawberry flavoured toothpaste?

When I was a kid, I used to fancy the super-cute Kodomo Lion toothbrush and toothpaste. (I bet almost every kid my age was like that back then!)

Today, specifically this afternoon at about 1 something, I can't believe I actually did something funny at Tesco. I bought a Kodomo Lion toothbrush with a free strawberry flavoured toothpaste at RM2.70 only (Very cheap eh?) and damn, I used it out of desperation!

Can you imagine it? How would you react if you were to see a twenty-something years old woman using Kodomo Lion oral care products in the toilet? Gahh.... the other women in the restroom thought I was a retard! Hee...

I was late for my dental checkup after going to Company A to sign and get the offer letter. So I had to resort to using kid's oral care products after lunch. (It's much cheaper than my special ortho care toothbrush ok!) If I hadn't brushed my teeth before meeting my orthodontist, she's going to kill me! Haa...

Now, it seems funny to me. Why did I like the Kodomo Lion toothpaste so much when I was a kid? Damn. I still can't get rid of the yucky strawberry flavour even after brushing my teeth for five times! Aiihhh...

Booze...

I was enjoying some Swiss and Belgian Dark and White chocs when I found something. It's Absolut Raspberri!

Gosh! I didn't know I have that at home! Wahhaha...

Isn't it a perfect combination? A blend of my fav chocs and fav drink together....

Mmmmm....

Damn. I'm so addicted. I'm goin to get my fourth glass now...Ciao.

...being stepped...but still not dead yet...

All these years, I've gotten lots of feedbacks from family members, friends and acquaintances. They said yours truly is a very secretive person. Well, I can't deny that fact and all I could say in reply to wat they said was, I emphasize a lot on privacy. So, nobody actually knows what I really want, or what I'm really thinking about...

Thus, I conclude that I'm really quite secretive. I heard you asking why. Well, it's simple actually.

When you're excited about something and told someone about it, he or she gave this response. "Are you kidding? You cannot do it lah"

When you have some problems and would really feel better if you could confide in someone, that person thinks you're stupid for having thought of such things. He or she will just say, "Aiya. Why think about all that?", and walks away like you just spoke to a wall.

When you want to share your big dreams or plans with anyone close to you, you get these responses. "Don't waste your time lah", "You are only building castles in the air", "Live within your means", "That friend of mine can't even get it. Don't tell me you can do it", etc. (Damn it! I hate naysayers!)

You know, I'm getting real bored with all those bullshits. I get blamed for being too secretive, too sensitive, not friendly, weird, etc. just because I don't want to open up and tell you things. And when I do tell you my things, it feels like I'm either talking to a wall, or worse, you slap me with all the negative things without any support. Are you telling me that I have to consider every single pig's feelings when nobody even cares how I feel? Aww...you gotta be out of your mind! Oh yeah, being the real me, I've always cared for other people's feelings, and what do I get in return? Haa...guess you people have never asked yourselves that when you say certain things!

Be it friends or family, oh please...you know I'm damn fcuking stubborn. So each time you say "no" or "you won't get it" , I will make it a "yes" and I will get it. Whatever it is, just shut up! If you support me, thank you....if not, just go shit somewhere else! I've had enough of bullshits around.